Ember grinds her vibrator in with her right hand, the heavy, rounded head of the gss shaft firm inside her sex; with her left, she jills her clit in short, sharp strokes. Sparks fizzle in her head; she sees half-images of Ishaza, bent-over with her tail hiking up the back of her skirt, pressing in, pressing her cock to her entrance —

  She gasps and shudders and refocuses, shifting the fantasy to be more in line with her new body. Ishaza, on her knees before her, one horn firm in her hand as she presses her face in against her pussy and lets her tongue roll over her clit —

  God, yes, fuck yes, she's coming —

  Her whole body shudders in a full-body tremor, an intense fsh of heat and satiation rolling from her cunt to her face as she climaxes. Her fluids gush out around the gss vibrator, sticky and cloyingly sweet. As the scent of strawberries rises around her, she blushes hard and giggles. That little present Liv left her has always been real fun in bed.

  For a moment the need is less intense, and her fingers on her clit fall still. The vibe still buzzes away inside her, though without her hand crushing it against the roots of her clit it's far less intense. She takes a long breath.

  Another round? It's been... like... a half-dozen...? Something like that.

  Yeah, another round. She can stop anytime she wants.

  Ember turns down the vibe and angles it against the roots of her clit again, her tired hand bracing the vibe in its familiar position. Her arm aches and so does her pussy, but it's all good. She's got the stamina for another few goes around, she's pretty sure.

  Slowly, she builds her arousal again, again, again, feeling the aphrodisac's response in how fast her climax builds, every touch more intense, building the craving inside her...

  God, she needs another orgasm.

  She presses her left hand to her clit again and strokes, slow and smooth, her breath coming hotter, faster as the tension builds in her thighs again. If only she could kneel properly — but her aching legs won't let her. So she lets her toes curl and her body fre with need and heat as the vibrator buzzes patiently in, firm and strong and oh so perfect against the roots of her clit.

  Her pleasure builds quickly in fres of heat — between her previous orgasms and the aphrodisiac she's way oversensitive — and quickly comes close again, her body rocking into the vibe as she jills her clit, the intensity of the vibe not quite enough to get her there. She kicks it up a setting, and the vibrations swallow her clit again, driving in hard against that weak point she loves so much.

  Her thighs tense, and her fingers want to curl and shudder; she clutches the vibe hard and presses it in hard, firm, right there, sweet electricity burning through her brain —

  Her hand slips. Goddamn thing —

  She swaps hands, pressing the vibe in more awkwardly with her left. Her right arm aches, so she lets it lie down next to her side and rest for a moment. It's alright. The vibe will get her there...

  The vibe dies.

  Fucking — she jams the start formation again, but nothing happens. Out of mana now?

  If the vibe doesn't work she'll do it the old-fashioned way. Touching her fingers to her slick again to wet them, she settles her left hand over her clit and strokes, strokes, strokes —

  It aches deliciously. It hurts, but she likes how it hurts.

  But the more she strokes, the more the pain redoubles, her chafed clit not appreciating her touch.

  ... Okay, maybe it hurts a little too much to keep on. Ow. Ow. Ow.

  She goes for the vibrator again, and thumbs the button. It thrums to life again — just needed to draw more mana — and presses it directly to her clit.

  Her world goes white with pleasure-pain, and she lets out a sharp, high whimper that rolls through her whole body. Fuck, fuck that hurts so good —

  And then the vibrator dies again.

  She groans, and presses it in, using its smooth gss length as a dildo instead. She takes a shudder of breath, and forces her fingers to her clit again — but her jerky touches produce more pain than pleasure. She tries, tries, tries — and fails completely to produce the release she seeks.

  She curls up, hand still between her legs, presses her other fist to her face, and takes heavy, bored breaths. The hollowness between her legs needs an answer. Her heart runs fit to burst, pounding in her chest.

  She's not going to get another orgasm.

  It's not right, it's not fair, she needs this —

  She rocks her body against the vibe, but her sex is so overstimuted it brings no satisfaction. After five attempted strokes, it falls out of her completely to lie on the bedspread, its pink-tinted gss somehow accusing.

  Hot tears spring to her cheeks, and she sobs, her body wracked with heavy breaths. Minute by minute of no satisfaction ticks by. Eventually, the tears run out, and she's left naked and unfulfilled.

  A little of her crity returns, with orgasm nowhere nearby. She tries the vibrator a third time; the pulse it gives this time is even briefer.

  A sudden surge of anger rushes through her. Fuck this shitty broken useless —

  She flings it away from her, and the spelled gss hits the far wall of the room, where it breaks and falls apart.

  "— wait —" Ember's eyes shoot open wide as a hammer of fear shatters her heart. "No, no, nonononononono —"

  She flops out of bed and crawls over to where the vibrator lies on the floor in three rge pieces. That was Liv's gift to her, and more importantly, the only way she got her fourth, fifth and sixth orgasms —

  She's so stupid, so dumb, she broke Liv's wand —

  She clutches the rgest piece, and forces herself to take slow breaths. With breath after breath, she forces the need away from herself inch by inch. One step. Two steps. Three steps.

  She's broken something she can't repce. If she's not careful, the next thing she'll break is herself.

  Deadly calm washes over her. Her emotions are gathered up, wrapped in a tight sack, and shoved into a box in the closet of her mind, and the door is smmed shut.

  She breathes slowly. Need and hurt and fear rage somewhere far away.

  What’s she doing with this gss in her hands…? If she isn’t careful she’s going to cut herself.

  She gathers up the pieces, wraps them in one of her spare uniforms, and packs them away carefully into the bottom of her rucksack.

  Just six more days.

  Six more days of this.

  ~*~

  The maple trees sigh in the wind, and the scent of fallen leaves lies heavy on the garden when Ember comes to see Ishaza.

  Ishaza looks up from her seat on her embroidered pillow, the low table before her already set with the silver tea service. Her gaze goes to the knapsack that Ember is carrying, and then to the slight hitch in her step.

  Ember kneels and bows her head before her mentor, a deep flush coming to her cheeks. Fuck this is humiliating. She can’t believe she was masturbating to her just an hour ago…

  "I see you've had an eventful day." Ishaza observes.

  Ember unslings her pack, and carefully pulls out the fragments of her vibrator, still wrapped in her skirt. She ys the bundle on the table and carefully unwraps it.

  "I..." Her flush deepens. "This was a gift from Liv," she says. "On my eighteenth birthday. And now it's ruined. Is there any hope you could restore it...?"

  Ishaza's gaze runs over the gss rod, still cracked in three pieces by the force of Ember's untrained hands. "Such enchanted items are banned during control training," she says. "They are considered to fulfill the pce of a partner. So, I am afraid that, broken or not, I am required to confiscate it." She picks up the bundle, and sets it beside her on her side of the table.

  "I —" Ember's gaze flicks up to Ishaza's face as she forces down a stab of anger.

  Ishaza's gaze drills into Ember's. "Yes?"

  Ember lowers her gaze again according to protocol. "Nothing, Courtesan."

  "You may recim it after your aphrodisiac training is complete." Ishaza says. She slips another small packet of pink powder out of the sleeve of her dress. "Pour the tea."

  Ember bows her head, a small current of relief running through her. "Yes, Courtesan."

  ~*~

  Ember lies nude in her double bed, staring up at the ceiling of her dorm room as her breath comes in long, hard pants. Her hand's cramped up again; she tried rubbing against the pillow, but that wasn't enough to get her off. She misses her vibrator. The need inside her coils and boils like a pit of snakes, but there's no use in trying to satisfy it. She wants to, oh how she wants to, but it's useless.

  Petunt anger fights its way to the surface of her mind. It's not right, it's not fair —

  She exhales and rubs her sweat-slick brow with the back of her hand. She has an essay on how to properly serve a four-course dinner to do, but it's impossible to focus with this need in her. All her control exercises can't force it down when it's this strong, only exhaustion and a ck of options. And it's just going to get worse.

  She can't do this.

  She needs help. She could go to Ishaza and beg for more lessons, but the thought of seeing her grey eyes judging her...

  A chill runs through her, followed by a flush of humiliation. No, she can't do that, not after she confiscated her vibrator. It's too much. She — she's supposed to be good at this.

  Ember sits up slowly and pulls the pillow she was grinding against into her p. She hugs it hard, pressing it in against her skin.

  Who could she go to...

  Not Maeve. Not Fianna.

  Camellia?

  She runs her hands through her hair, remembering the argument she had with Camellia st night. That she should be allowed to tease Maeve. That there was no point to the training if the trainee didn't encounter some real temptation.

  She still believes that. She has to be able to function after she's kindled, and that means functioning in bad conditions while all her emotions are set to ten times the intensity. It wasn't wrong for her to tease Maeve.

  ... But Camellia was probably right that it was unkind of her.

  Ember hugs the pillow closer. She's going to have to eat some crow if she goes to Camellia. Admit she was wrong, or at least unkind.

  She could try and do it alone. Deal with it herself. Or go to Ishaza. Ask for more lessons.

  Ember takes a long breath, and squares her shoulders.

  No. She knows what she has to do.