I bit down on my lower lip, staring at Wei’s sorry state before letting out a sigh. I straightened my back, sitting up all the way now. I had my moment of sulking but now that my entire party was awake and struggling, I needed to be their symbol of grit.

  “There are two main things I want to cover. First, Karma. Second, what happened back in Wei’s room, which was tied to the Major Arcana.”

  I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible. I had kept a lot from my party, and honestly, I was worried about how they might react to the upcoming reveal.

  It wasn’t like they were stupid—they had obviously picked up on my lies of omission—but they weren’t aware of the extent.

  “Remember when I was locked with the… ghost-version of my dad during my dungeon room? At some point, it changed into an entity known as ‘Karma.’”

  “But, karma is part of the system,” Yue interrupted. “Like karmic restraints, right?”

  “That’s what I originally thought until my dungeon room. Karma is also an entity. It’s capable of shape shifting. In my room, it looked like me. But in Wei’s room, it possessed Daji’s deceased form.”

  [Many gods are stunned by Disciple Peijin’s reveal!]

  [Divinity One Who Fights in Front says she did not know Karma interfered in Disciple Peijin’s dungeon room.]

  [Divinity Great Sage Equaling Heaven asks if Karma shut the dungeon room’s broadcast.]

  [Divinity Supreme Commander of the Heavenly Hosts turns to Broadcaster Cheng.]

  [Thousands of gods turn to Broadcaster Cheng for answers.]

  Yue gasped, sitting up and slamming her fists on the ground, finally looking wide awake. “So that’s why Wei’s room was so fucking difficult! If Meihua didn’t step in, all of us would’ve died—”

  “Can you let me finish?” I exclaimed, glaring at Yue.

  She immediately slumped back down, crossing her arms and grumbling obscenities toward me under her breath.

  I cleared my throat and continued. “For some reason, Karma also exists as an entity. It’s beyond powerful, to the point where I think it cuold defeat almost all the gods we know. Which makes sense, at least to me, since even gods aren’t immune to karmic restraints unless they possess the appropriate amount of spiritual energy to offset the karmic restraint.”

  I patted Zhige, who was on the ground just to my side. “Karma recognized Zhige and knew that Zhige was originally named Haimo before it came into my possession. I’ll talk about my theory with this later, since it’s tied to the Major Arcana.”

  Yang was staring intently at me, words on the tip of his tongue. I intentionally ignored him, anxious about what he might ask me, since it sometimes seemed like he could read my mind. Finally, I left a long enough pause for him to speak up.

  “And why would Karma introduce herself to you first?” Yang asked. “You weren’t the most righteous person before the apocalypse, but none of us were. If Karma was going to confront one of us for committing evil, I figured it would be Yue.”

  Yue’s jaw dropped, and she immediately shoved Yang. “Are we kidding?! If you’re gonna blame someone, blame the person Karma is clinging onto.”

  Yang shook his head. “It’s not Peijin’s fault that we have to fight Karma. Karmic restraints target everyone.”

  “If it targeted everyone equally then why would we need an entire god to save us from Karma’s attacks? If it wasn’t for Meihua’s intervention, none of us would be here, not even Peijin.”

  “But we’re alive aren’t we?” Yang insisted. “How many parties do you think will return with all of their members?”

  I coughed loudly again, looking straight at Yue. She rolled her eyes and slammed her back against the wall of the kiosk like an impetulent child. I shot her a condescending grin for properly reading the room.

  “I don’t fully know why Karma targeted me. In all honesty, I think it’s unfair, but it’s not like I can sue her,” I shrugged. “But, there is one thing I can’t get out of my mind.

  “Karma told me that out of every single being in this universe, I have the worst karma, and I’ll never be able to pay it off. In fact, it’s so bad that it affects the people around me,” I paused, staring at the ground before I looked up at the rest of my party. “And that means it hurts all of you, too. Yue is right.”

  Wei’s face twisted into an unreadable expression, his hands trembling. I avoided his questioning gaze. I knew what he wanted to ask. I knew he wanted to ask if it was my fault things went so far south for him. Although his fate was sealed from the start, my honest answer was still “yes.” No matter how I put it, it was my fault Wei had to suffer in the first place.

  “That means just by being around me, you’re all being hurt. You’ll suffer more than you would in any other party.” I said softly. “So, if any of you don’t want to bear that burden, then now is your chance to leave.”

  My voice was shaking wildly, and so were my hands. I clasped my hands together and hid them behind Amelia, not wanting to sway the opinion’s of my party members. The last thing I wanted them to do was stay with me out of a sense of pity or obligation.

  Amelia was still pressed against me, but I gently shifted my bodyweight away from her, not looking at a single one of my party members. I wasn’t a good enough person to order them to leave, nor was I a good enough person to leave on my own.

  I was more afraid of being alone again than I was worried for my party’s safety. It was wicked to come to that conclusion, but I still believed they could be safe with me. I wanted to believe that. I desperately wanted to believe that my future wasn’t so bleak.

  Regardless, it was only right for them to make this decision on their own. I couldn’t keep Amelia beside me without telling her that every moment she spends with me will only bring her more agony.

  Wei’s room was a testament to that fact. Even if I could change his fate in the room, Karma would do anything to hurt me and my party. It was too obvious to ignore.

  But for some reason, this felt like my most difficult sacrifice yet. I’d rather slice through my entire body again in Yang’s dungeon room or fall into Karma’s trap in mine.

  The silence in the dark kiosk was heavy. I waited for the moment it would finally break with the sound of rustling fabric and the clicking of shoes as my party members left one by one.

  “Why are you acting like that again?” Yue asked, her face scrunched in a disapproving expression.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  “Like what?”

  “If we cared that much about avoiding a death sentence, we wouldn’t have partnered with you in the first place. Look at all the stupid shit you do half the time. I’d say we already have it worse than all the other parties out there,” she said, crossing her arms.

  I could almost burst out laughing with relief. Despite Yue’s biting and critical words, she was still seated in front of me. That was the only thing that mattered.

  “Thank you.”

  Yue groaned. “Shouldn’t a sane person feel insulted by what I just said? You’re not normal. Maybe you’re a masochist or something.”

  My expression dramatically soured. “First, Yang’s a pervert, and now, I’m a masochist. If anything, you’re the one who seems to be weirdly obsessed with this sort of thing.”

  Yang looked exhausted. “Can we leave me out of this, please…”

  Wei and Amelia hadn’t said a word. I wasn’t expecting Amelia to, but Wei’s silence… I’d be lying if I said it didn’t terrify me.

  Despite our earlier banter, the kiosk went silent once more. It was clear everyone was just as uncomfortable, if not more than I was.

  Finally, Wei spoke up, his voice light.

  “Why are you looking at me like that? I told you I’m a man of my word, didn’t I? Have some faith in me, then.” Wei flashed me a sincere smile, nudging my arm.

  I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. An embarassed flush crept up my face. I was ready to throw my arms around all of them, but I held myself back.

  [Observers Chat]

  Socrates: SO CUTEEE!

  Socrates: Jia Li made her first true friends. Should I sponsor a cake and set up a celebration? Or would no one else show up to Jia Li’s celebration party…

  Socrates: I’ll still be rooting for you! A smaller cake is cheaper anyway.

  Socrates was such an asshole sometimes. I quickly swiped the messages away. I could feel my neck and ears heating up now.

  “You guys are really embarrassing…” I grumbled, rubbing the back of my neck and lowering my head.

  “Huh?” Yue said, looking at me stupidly. “So you’re even embarrassed when we’re nice to you? I should be mean all the time then.”

  “You already are.”

  Yue scrunched her nose. “You’re not very grateful for all the effort I put in to keep this party running.”

  I rolled my eyes dramatically. “Whatever you say. Well, still. I’m very… appreciative of all of you. I mean it.”

  “Y-You really mean it?” Yue said, dabbing away her fake tears before I punched her arm firmly.

  “In that case,” I began, “I’ll continue with my theory. If it’s totally wrong though, don’t blame me. My guess is as good as yours.”

  Amelia looked up at me with a teasing look in her eyes, finally speaking up. “That’s not true. You’re the god of fate and fortune.”

  “Well, this god isn’t omniscient,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I can only give an outline, and even that might not make any sense.”

  Yue let out a frustrated groan. “Can you just get to it already?”

  I shot her a glare. “The Meihua we saw was a different Meihua from the one that Wei theoretically knew. So, we’re playing around with a ton of different timelines, and this might get confusing. Meihua represented ‘The World’ tarot. I’m ‘The Tower.’ I still don’t exactly know what any of these cards mean, but they’re given to people across all the different timelines.”

  “Do you realize how batshit crazy you sound?” Yue asked.

  “We’re literally in an apocalypse,” I retorted. “Like, with monsters and ghosts and demons. Why is this suddenly far-fetched?”

  Yang interjected before Yue and I could spiral. “Then do we exist in those other timelines, and how many timelines do you think there are? Also what triggers a new timeline, since The World comes from a previous one?”

  I figured this must be how quantum physicisits felt. I didn’t know how to answer any of these questions with certainty, and there was nothing more I hated than this exact dilemna.

  Furthermore, I didn’t know how to answer Yang’s first question. I was inclined to believe that there was only one version of ‘real’ people who existed outside the world of Surviving My First Run. Afterall, it seemed like The World had been meeting me for the very first time, and I was certainly real.

  That being said, if I gave an answer alongside those words, half my party would realize they didn’t truly exist. And that I was also the super secret in disguise author of this world.

  “I think there might only be multiple versions of some of us,” I answered. “Half the reason I’m saying that is because I don’t like the idea of thousands of versions of myself existing.”

  Wei pointed at himself. “What about me, though? If there are multiple versions of Meihua, shouldn’t there be multiple versions of me?”

  I hesitated, my brow furrowing with the effort of answering. I knew it was easier to be honest with them, and I was doing my best to make those efforts, but this wasn’t something I could reveal given the timing of the situation.

  “Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it,” I said. “If there are multiple versions of you, I’m sure all of them more or less have a similar character, so we don’t need to worry. You’re a good man, Wei. And if there are multiple versions of Daji, we’ll just have to kill every single one.”

  “At least from my understanding,” Yang added on, “This is something that should be restricted by karma, right? For example, a thousand versions of Daji can’t just teleport across timelines to slaughter us.”

  “Gross,” I said, sticking my tongue out at the mere mention of karma.

  “Sorry. You know what I mean.”

  “I agree with you. And other than Karma’s personal vendetta against me, the system does seem pretty impartial. So I don’t see why a bunch of ancient demons trying to kill us wouldn’t be limited by the system.”

  “It didn’t seem very limited a few hours ago,” Wei said, his voice bordering on cold.

  “I’d rather hope than despair,” I answered.

  Wei gave me a gentle smile before lowering his head. “I suppose you’re right.”

  “As always.”

  Yang’s eyes drifted down to the tattoo on my arm and Zhige. “Any clue what that means?”

  “The World acknowledged Zhige earlier. So did Karma. I’m guessing then that Zhige is a ghost weapon belonging to someone from an earlier timeline. Probably a member of the Major Arcana at that.”

  Zhige trembled beside me, as if shaking its head nervously, and I gave it a gentle slap on the hilt. “Don’t lie.”

  Zhige shook even more furiously.

  Yue huffed, leaning back and crossing her arms. “You must feel really special to have a weapon like that, huh?”

  I shot back a bright grin. “I think it’s well-deserved.”

  “Was the previous owner also The Tower, then?” Yue asked. “The tattoo only appeared after you came in contact with Zhige.”

  Zhige flew up in the air and shook back and forth, this time insisting that Yue’s theory wasn’t true.

  “I agree with Zhige on this. There should only be one being for each card. Maybe I’m super magical and immortal now,” I joked, laughing dryly. This whole situation was so bizarre to me, and I could only try to find humor in the situation.

  “Should we test out your hypothesis?” Yue asked, her grin reaching both her eyes.

  I glared at her and sighed, turning away. “Are you all feeling good enough for the next arc? Any elixirs needed?”

  “Could be feeling a lot worse,” Yang answered, his hand gently reaching up to rub my shoulder in a friendly manner.

  I relaxed into his touch, a great weight being lifted off my chest at such a simple, warm gesture. Amelia looked up to look at Yang’s hand before nuzzling against me once more, her hands gripping my hoodie even tighter now.

  “What about you, Amelia?” I whispered.

  “Sleepy,” she answered.

  I laughed. My hand came up to gently ruffle the back of her hair before I rubbed her back to soothe her.

  I didn’t realize how much my silence was weighing on me, and that I could be so delighted to simply share a few words with my party. But maybe, all I was doing was burdening all of them infinitely more with a truth I could have continued to carry on my own.

  I looked up to catch Yang’s eyes. They were clear but firm, as if analyzing my every move to see if I was ready to sabotage everything again with my own thoughts. I wanted to burst out laughing the moment I realized what he was doing—I guess I already built myself a bit of a reputation in my party.

  “What’s with that look?”

  “What look?”

  I stuck out my tongue. “Liar. You’re just like me.”

  Yang looked briefly taken aback. The jingling sound at the train platform sounded out, and we all whipped our heads in its direction. More parties had finally made it back from the second arc.

  I got up first and practically rushed out and headed toward the platform, catching a glimpse of Feiyu standing at the top of the stairs lazily.

  The first person stumbled out from the train car.