A small zombie.

  Yes people would call me names. Not always the ones you might think. Yes there were the highly unimaginative names like midget. Short arse. Things like that. Names that come with being a little person. Yes I have heard all the comments about one of snow whites fellas has escaped. Or oh look mini me is over there. The people who knew me called ne a twisted little perv. They said I had a problem with the amount of sex I needed not wanted but needed. The amount of porn I watched was obscene. You might think turning into a zombie would change that a bit at least. Nope. I still want sex twenty four seven and if it wasn’t hard to get it before it’s impossible now. Not only is it impossible to get a woman to sleep with me but I can’t even watch porn.

  You know why people were so mean to me? It’s because I’m fucking awesome. Before all this shit kicked off I could get any information you wanted on anyone and be in any computer system I wanted. Ok not everything I did was legal fucking sue me. Like your squeaky clean and have never put a toe out of line. Fuck off. I guarantee there isn’t a person on this planet who hasn’t got a skeleton in there closet and I was the man people paid to find it. Some people do t like the word blackmail. I don’t care and most people who are in this business don’t.

  I miss naked women. It didn’t matter what they looked like. Thin, fat, black, white, Asian, tall or short. I could see the sexiness in them all. To be fair I still can in the ones that are alive or not now. There are just many problems I have. One is they have clothes on and so do I. When your hands are only good for gripping and grabbing clothes become a huge problem. It goes from a nice romantic scene to looking like an assault in seconds. I always make sure I have got consent before starting to make moves. Maybe my grunts aren’t cohesive enough. When you are in a situation where people think you are indecently attacking a woman. In such a situation you may be able to talk your way out of it. But if there has been an event such as an apocalypse and the dead are walking about and you are one of them. In that scenario just fucking run. You might be what people call undead but you have a second death coming. Especially when zombie hating humans see you as a rapist zombie. Not that I’m speaking from experience of course.

  There was this time back when it all kicked off and I had a little cold. So at the time I had just pulled an all nighter fir a client. It was my own fault. I got distracted by a video playing on one of my monitors and instead of working I pleasures myself. So feeling a bit sick and tired I went to the chemist to get some medication. As I approach I saw a woman staring into the shop window. From behind she looked stunning. Bare in mind zombies were new to me. Well to everyone at this point. So don’t think I wanted to have sex with a dead person necrophilia was never on my list of kinks. That and bestiality were off the table. Anyway back to this woman looking in the window. I check myself out first in a car wing mirror breath into my hand find myself to be acceptable and go in for the kill.

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  “No matter how hard you look you won’t find me in there.”

  Then she looked at me. Her skin was grey and waxy. She had cuts and scratches on the skin I could see. My body didn’t respond how I wanted it to. I wanted it to turn and run, but what it did was walk backwards slowly with its mouth open. This woman wasn’t moving much faster but she looked like she was getting the idea. An engine revved loudly and then a screech of tyres. This woman was reaching for me dead hands with painted nails clawing at me. She grabbed me. She was so strong and smelly. Her teeth coming gnashing at me when bang. A car smashed into her and the shop wall. The guy driving the car seemed to be dead. I was distracted by the car but yet again I had managed to keep this woman captivated. And she bit me. That’s how I got turned and not on to men. Well I guess men as well since I will eat anything with a pulse now.

  So being short comes with a range of difficulties before zombification. You know having to find ways to either reach higher to get things up or down. Or say getting over obstacles like some walls or styles in the countryside. You know the basic ideas you would think of as a full size person. Now think about being three feet eight inches tall and a zombie. One of the main things of being a zombie is to run and catch food. Being smaller than average means my meals are a little bit harder to catch. Sometimes it’s luck that I just so happen to be in the right place at the right time. Someone one or thing unsuspecting will run close to me not even thinking I’m a threat. Other times I find zombies already eating the kill and I join in. Do you know what I hate about that. It makes me feel inferior. Either lucky or late.

  Like I say being small of stature has it’s down sides. Then again I guess it has its up sides as well. When someone is shooting they tend to do for the bigger targets and that’s what appeared to be happening. Some zombies heads were exploding as we all ran for this woman. It was like a Christmas meal in an African country. Zombies swarmed that girl like fly’s on shit and I worked my way in amongst all the gun shots. There were so many zombies on top of me it was like a massive orgy. Kind of made me feel good. My face being rammed reputedly into this woman’s breasts as I tried to eat.

  Hummm orgy’s how I miss them.