Chapter 5: Melancholy

  It would be nice to join them. Nail said.

  I’m not one for social gatherings. Piccolo replied. My presence would just upset them.

  What are you talking about? Nail asked. Yamcha, Tien, Krillin…they really like you. Sure, you could act a little less grumpy, but they’d think it’d be a nice change of pace to see you there. You’ve hung out with them plenty of times since being resurrected and now you think it’d be rude to just join them for a barbecue.

  Bulma doesn’t trust me. He replied. I can see it in her eyes. Feel it in her qi. A nervousness. A suspicion. It makes sense for trying to kill her friends all those years ago. Besides, how would I explain to Krillin’s girlfriend that I’m green?

  You have a rare disease? Nail laughed. I’m sure you could think of something.

  The answer is no, Nail. Piccolo replied. It is people like me who are strangers on this planet and impose on its good graces. Yamcha and the others I bonded with on King Kai’s planet as well as Krillin have accepted me but they are warriors, like me. Normal civilians, non-fighter like Bulma and her family…they are naturally more afraid. I am…I am wary of upsetting them.

  So you’re afraid? Nail said. Afraid of being slighted for being different. Piccolo…you’re acting cowardly.

  He winced at that comment, his words stinging the Namekian’s heart. Piccolo knew he was right. He was acting cowardly by not accepting Yamcha’s invitation to his child’s third birthday party.

  Yamcha had found him in one of his favorite places to train and asked him to come over. A lonely mountain range filled to the brim with lush grass and trees. He stood atop one of the cliffs with grass, overlooking the simple, straight trees in the dead of night. The wind blew across him, rippling his white cape and disturbing the surface of the lake in the valley. He had always been drawn to the place for no reason he could think of but it somehow felt nostalgic, familiar and calming.

  At least it had been until the last five years. The sense of peace he normally had just being in this area was thrown into flux ever since being resurrected. Piccolo’s past experiences had given him a deep sense of conflict over the past five years.

  The first was that ever since visiting Planet Namek he knew the only reason he enjoyed this place so much was because it was similar to Namek. He was naturally drawn to the landscape because somewhere in him, deep in the memories that Kami had passed down to him, he recognized it. And that brought him peace. But now that he had seen the real thing, Piccolo realized what a pale imitation this valley was.

  And the other was that he couldn’t stand being alone anymore. Gohan was the first to make him feel this way. At first the half-Saiyan was little more than an annoyance to him after kidnapping the tyke. However, by the time the Saiyans arrived, Piccolo wished that Gohan would stay with him forever.

  Many a night he wondered what would happen once the Saiyans were defeated. Would the child leave to go back to his family? To leave Piccolo to his lonesome again, after he had grown so attached to the half-Saiyan?

  One of the reasons he threw himself in front of Nappa’s blast was because he couldn’t imagine living without Gohan. Even if the Saiyans were defeated, he would have a much larger, much darker crisis to face: what to do after his only friend, his only light in this world returned to his family. With no new threat to face Piccolo would never have an excuse to be around Goku’s son. So by killing himself at the sake of Gohan’s life, he would never have to face that crisis of dread while also protecting his only source of light.

  But then he found himself in the same situation again. King Kai invited them to his planet via a message from King Yenma. Once arriving at it after a trek down Snake Way, he found himself surrounded by new training partners. And a friendship between them blossomed.

  And the cycle of fear rejection rose up again. Piccolo’s pride would never allow him to say it outright but he wished he could train with the three humans and King Kai for the rest of his life. It was so fun, so joyful to interact with them. Yamcha, Tien and Chiatzou were all unique and had interesting lives he was happy to learn about, though he was careful not to show it.

  A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  Piccolo was secretly glad he died just so he could make friends from the humans and the Kai. Learning about them as people made Piccolo realize how foolish it was for his father to wish to bring about a reign of Chiaotzus and evil on the Earth. It was horrible to wipe out or oppress sentient beings who had such blossoming, unique lives. Again, he was terrified of the day they would return to Earth and they might drift apart.

  However, the fear of drifting away never came to fruition. After being resurrected, he visited them all regularly on Kami’s island or in different locations around the world to train many times a month. Sparring became less a reason to get stronger and more so to get together to have fun over the years. Sometimes, with Piccolo in disguise, they would go into town and play pranks on passerbys with their qi.

  And he saw Gohan almost as often. Gohan sometimes sparred with them but Chi-Chi put pressure on the boy to study so much it was difficult to let her agree for him to have down time. Of the few times a month Gohan was allowed outside the house, he often rushed to Piccolo for company, even though Chi-Chi disallowed it.

  However, this wasn’t the only reason he was hesitant to accept invitations from people. Piccolo, no matter how briefly, had been around another Namek. In that one moment, he felt a kinship with him he had never quite felt with anyone else. It was more a recognition than a bond, like he had seen himself in the mirror and rather than being confused why he didn’t look like everyone else, felt his appearance was normal. It frustrated him that no matter how attached he grew to Gohan and the other earthlings that they never made the Namek feel like one of their own.

  Normal. Piccolo thought. That’s how you made me feel when I saw you, Nail. Like my appearance wasn’t that of a foreigner to this world.

  It was a weird place he was stuck in. The fighters he associated with were more than good company but the non-qi user humans that were with them were distrustful of Piccolo. It put an odd pressure on him to both stay away and yet closely bond with the humans he’s known over the years.

  But another reason was the lingering evil in his heart. Piccolo could feel it. It was a remnant of his old nature. As the reincarnation of King Piccolo, his baseline state was malice and greed, the part of Kami that the Nameless Namekian had expelled from himself. When Piccolo closed his eyes, and focused, he could remember the words his progenitor left him with.

  “Conquer this world. Kill Son Goku. Leave nothing in your wake of destruction, save the slaves to do your bidding.”

  Piccolo was ashamed that he had so much darkness left in his heart and wondered if the others still sensed it in him. He buried this malice, this selfish ambition, as far in his mind as possible lest the other humans sense it and stay away from him. Piccolo had tried beating back these thoughts of conquering the world with meditation and mental fortitude but they never died. They merely hid themselves before arising at a most inopportune time.

  Piccolo hated these thoughts, despised them, wished for them to die. But they tempted him so much. Many a time these desires dangled themselves in front of the Namekian as a sweet fruit he wished to pluck and satiate his hunger on. To throw away the typical restraint that came with goodness and love the earthlings and King Kai taught him felt wondrous at times and he almost gave in.

  Many times this desire rose in him so strongly he had to cut off contact with others. More than once, Yamcha, Tien or Gohan invited him to hang out and he was going to, only for the voices of his father to shoot through his being. It was an urge, a compulsion, to destroy and take over. In those moments when he would wish to be around others, Piccolo hid himself from the world, not giving himself rest until these thoughts were conquered in that moment of anger.

  I am a threat to this world. Piccolo said. An evil man pretending to be good. I am nothing more than a snake in the grass, a timebomb waiting to go off.

  A snake in the grass does not fight his baser nature. Nail replied. But utilizes it to catch prey. You have not done that since training Gohan. You are far from the bloodthirsty monster you were after Kami’s other half birthed you.

  I may be far from it. Piccolo thought. But that’s still not a high bar. I fear one day these urges for world domination will sneak up on me and I shall give into them. And if I do…then the friends I have accumulated will be forced to kill me to save this world. And I cannot…I cannot allow Gohan to see me in such a state. I would rather be killed than him see me like that.

  That wish is more reason to attend the party. Nail said. The reason you reformed to begin with is because you befriended others in the first place. In other words, to grow more attached to these earthlings does half the fighting for you. And since they care so much about you, it is unlikely you will ever erupt with darkness in their presence. So you can still go if you want.

  I’m sorry, Nail. Piccolo replied. But I still feel my presence would be unwanted by their families.

  Cowardice. Nail said. If you do not accept more of the human race than those you practice martial arts with you will never be accepted by this planet. It will never be your home if you don’t allow it to be.

  Piccolo rolled his eyes before sensing a familiar presence near him. The Namekian realized he had been so wrapped up in talking with Nail that the qi signature had been approaching for a while. He turned to see it was Gohan.

  “Piccolo!” the child said.