It turns out my suspicions were correct. This is just a tree… And it’s very tight and damp here… Sigh.

  “So, Hildi, can we get this Dutch oven prank over with?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about Sammy but this is not a prank. I already told you! Just wait for a little.”

  She then pulls on one of the mushrooms growing inside the tree and says into it. “Ugri, it’s me. I brought a visitor,” and suddenly Hildi hugs me tight to her body.

  “Ehm, why are you hugging me Hild-IIIIIIIIIIIIII,” I scream as I feel the ground under my feet leave and we fall down before landing on what looks like a wooden slide.

  “All right, hold on tight, Sammy!”

  “Wait! I’m not readyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,” I scream as she pushes us forward down the slide. There are colors everywhere. As we slide further, we’re suddenly sliding through what looks like an arctic wasteland, there are different sorts of blue ghost-like men and women floating around and a penguin person looking like a mix of an emperor penguin and a handsome butler playing the violin. The sky seems to have northern lights dancing in the sky. Then, as I stare upwards to look at it, we’re suddenly sliding through a beautiful autumn forest during the afternoon sun. What I see there is a kangaroo woman with her child, conversing with a rabbit man. Further down the slide, the scenery changes again, this time we seem to ride through endless summer plains. The sun is shining on me warmly without burning my skin.

  We also pass a lake where women with lily pads on their heads swim around lazily while a giant bald man with a big nose and stone-like skin, only half-submerged in the lake, plays with a kid the size of his thumb that looks like a mix of the lily pad woman and him. Then suddenly, the scenery changes once more, this time to green hills with flowers blooming everywhere. The sun seems to have just risen, so it’s most likely morning. On top of one of the hills is a somewhat effeminate man, wearing what looks like a silk toga playing the harp, while fairies fly around him humming. He also seems to have an audience of little people in colorful outfits that are painting him. Unfortunately, I only see their backs so it’s hard to tell what they are but some wear similar hats to garden gnomes. Then again, the scenery changes as we go through what looks like a dark swamp, with different eyes glowing throughout the darkness before we start to slow down as we approach a light. Sliding through it, we stop in a clearing where a person dressed in what I can only describe as a beekeeper’s suit is waiting for us. Their face completely veiled, the only features visible are a humanoid frame completely covered in cloth.

  “That. Was. FUCKING AWESOME!!!” I scream out of excitement. “We, like, slid through different places and the sun didn’t burn me either!!! What was all this???”

  “Oh, that was just us going through different courts, it’s nothing special to me but seeing your youthful outlook really makes you appreciate the little things in life again! I’m glad you had fun Sammy,” Hildi chuckles.

  It is then that a beekeeper person speaks up in a deep, but gentle voice, with a bit of an accent that’s hard to pinpoint, “Welcome back. Do you need anything?”

  “Nope, you can go back to your hobbies,” Hildi answers him. And he walks off.

  “Who was that, Hildi?”

  “That’s Ugri, he works for my family.”

  I wonder if it would be inappropriate to ask if he is a slave or not, because of the whole servant contract thing… I hope he isn’t, because I doubt I could be friends with a slaver. The question is though, do I want to have that answer? I guess I would, it’s always best to know the truth.

  “So…Hildi?”

  “What’s up?”

  “You said he works for you right? Does he like work because he wants to or is he a slave?”

  “Oh, no he works here because he wants to. He raised me. My parents are busy people so Ugri took care of me most of the time. He is like my personal butler and uncle in one. Even though we aren’t related.”

  “Huh, so what’s he like?”

  “He has a…unique personality. He’s not very talkative but very reliable.”

  “Huh, ok. So, what about the suit?”

  “Oh, he made that for his hobby. He loves everything related to beekeeping. He even takes care of some Beekin. Beekin royalty tend to visit him for vacation quite often.”

  “Oh, wow. Really? He must be super rich then!”

  “Eh, I think so? I don’t know though. He doesn’t speak much about it, or you know, in general.”

  “Huh, ok. Wait. So how does Fey currency work?”

  “Hmm…it depends. There is a currency for each court and some races or communities also have their local currency that you can exchange for court money.”

  “Sounds complicated.”

  “It can be if you’re not informed of where you’re going or what the exchange rates are but you get used to it quickly.”

  “Can I ask one more thing about Ugor?”

  “Ugri?”

  “Yeah, him. So, what is he?”

  “I already told you he is my butler.”

  “No, I mean like what race is he? What does he look like under the suit?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know? But I thought you said he raised you?”

  Shrugging it off, she answers, “Yeah, he did. Never saw him without the suit though.”

  “So he always wears the suit? What if he needs to sleep or take a shower?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “Nope. I was super curious about it as a kid, but I never managed to find out. It seems he is uncomfortable being seen outside of the suit, so I stopped trying to find out. When the time comes, he’ll show me. Until then he is still my Ugri.”

  “That’s…kind of beautiful. I still want to find out though.”

  “Well, feel free to try. I gave up after 200 years. Anyways, let me show you my house!”

  She then takes my hand and leads me through the clearing to a beautiful flower tunnel with purple wisteria flowers hanging from the top and different colorful flowers, some I have never seen before, growing on the sides.

  “This is beautiful!” I say looking around sniffing different flowers. They smell so good!

  “They’re also useful! Wisteria keeps demons away after all.”

  “Wait what? There are demons too?”

  “I’ve been told there are. Never met one though. But come on, I haven’t even shown you around at all yet! You just keep being amazed at the smallest things, wait when you see the actual house!”

  She takes me by the hand again, leading me through the flower tunnel. When we come out of the other end, we’re standing in a huge garden, filled with colorful flowers and trees that are alien to me. There are butterflies and little birds everywhere.

  I wonder how she can afford all this. Is it because she is a pureblood? Can anyone afford something like this in the fey world? It seems like a place you’d want to live at…If it…if it weren’t for my family back home, I might even get used to this. Girly body and all. But I need to find a way back.

  After strolling through the garden for at least fifteen minutes, we come upon what she was talking about. A mansion by a small lake. Colored like a rainbow and the size of what must be around half a football field in width, and 6 stories in height, with statues of different tick people in front. Those must be her relatives. One of them has a mustache so long it goes beyond his head, formed like a W. He is wearing some sort of leaf full body armor and a mallet whose head looks like a blueberry strapped on a stick. On the other side of this man is a woman. Her face is just like the tick face that Hildi threatened me with in her hybrid form the first time we met, hiding behind a fan of sorts. Her clothing looks like a fancy ballroom dress but when you take a closer look there is a strap of knives hidden on her ankle and she also seems to hold a knife behind her back.

  She must have been a quite dangerous woman to be around.

  There is also a statue of two women back-to-back to each other. One of them brandished two daggers in her hybrid, the other in her human form holding a bow aiming at the house entrance. There is also what looks like a ribbon or sash that’s connecting them. Taking a closer look, they also seem to match their clothing styles and jewelry. I wonder if they were siblings? There is another pair of two statues next to each other, again with that sash thing tying them together. This time a man and a woman. The man playing the harp while wearing what looks like silky clothing, the woman wearing leaf armor and holding her sword in the air. Then there is also an empty pedestal where a statue would go on.

  “That’s where my statue will be in the future” Hildi proudly proclaims.

  “Oooh, nice! So, are these your ancestors then?”

  “Yup, the guy with the wild mustache is the first Tickian man. I can’t tell you his real name, but he went by Lord Manta. The woman with the fan is the first female Tickian, she went by Lady Uluhu. They’re the progenitors of our entire race. The women over here with the bow and dagger are my aunties, Pina and Eldreth. Pina, the one with the dagger is the sister of my dad, Eldreth is not a Tickian though, she is an Elf. Originally Pina was going to inherit the household since we’re a matriarchal race but since she married a non Tickian she’s not keeping the bloodline pure, so my dad instead became the head of the household as the oldest living member of the head branch family, while Pina's kids, my cousins, became the heads of a new branch family.”

  “Wow, so you’re like a big deal huh?”

  “Eh, not really. I’m just the oldest member of the long, long line of incest that is our family.”

  “Wow…that’s one way of putting it. One question though, did your aunt adopt, or did she have kids before meeting Eldrith?”

  “What? No, they had kids together”

  “But they’re both women, right?”

  She cogs her head, “Yeah, so?”

  “How can two women have a baby together?”

  “Oooh yeah, you’re a little young for that conversation but I can assure you whether man or woman as long as two fey love each other very much they can make babies together. But you’re WAY too young to go into the details so we’ll leave it at that.”

  “Hmm…what if I wanna know though?”

  “Then you’ll have to wait, now come on let’s go in!” Taking me by the arm, she drags me inside, revealing an enormous entrance hall full of moving paintings, depicting different sorts of relatives and events. Going upstairs, she shows me a dining hall, a painting room, a music room, a gardening room with a tree growing inside of it, and then we end up at her, 'Flagging room'.

  “Ok here, I got to show you something, Sammy. This is my pride and joy. It’s where I do my hobby of flagging.”

  “What’s flagging?”

  “Here, let me show you!” She then picks up a giant black flag with stars on it, claps her hands, and music fills the room as multiple instruments seem to float into the room playing an upbeat song. She smiles, does a pose, and then twirls around her flag with one hand while marching. Afterward, she throws it in the air, does a backflip, and catches the flag with her feet while spinning in the air before kicking the flag back into the air, landing on her feet and catching it behind her back while bowing like a performer.

  Seeing this incredible performance, I can't help but clap.

  “Let’s go Hildi!!! Wooooh that was sick!”

  Giving me a smug look, she answers, ”I know! Just a little thing I’m working on in my free time. I call it flagging. I plan to make this a big thing. With way longer performances!”

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  “Sounds like a great idea. You’re talented! You could pair it with cheerleaders for sports events.”

  “What’s a cheerleader?”

  “Oh, ehm it’s like beautiful girls and sometimes guys that do acrobatics and cheer for their sports teams and fans.”

  “Oooh that sounds fun, what kind of acrobatics do they do?”

  “Well, usually they have like these furry colorful balls in their hands, they’re called pompons, and then they hold them out like this, and do choreography with it. And one of the classics is making a human pyramid.”

  “That seems super fun! Show me!”

  “I…uhm, I never tried that I doubt I’d be able to do it.”

  “Try it! Try it! Try it!”

  “Ok, ok I’ll try it!”

  “Let’s goooooo.”

  Ok Sam, think. What was Maggie doing during her training? I think she...yeah she like tried shaking like this and then she did that…yeah! That’s right. Ok, now it’s only about recreating all that…

  ”One, two, seven, three we are where we want to be! Three, four, seven, eight we will not capitulate. Goooooooooooooo Hildi!”

  Ok Sam you’re doing great with the hip-shaking and pompoms now to try the jumping and posing…

  ”Oh Hildi you’re so fine you blow my mind, hey Hildi, hey Hildi! Oh, Hildi, what a pity, you don't understand, you take me by the heart when you take me by the hand, oh Hildi, you're so pretty, can't you understand. It's gals like you, Hildi! Oh, what you do Hildi, do Hildi, don't break my heart, Hildi!”

  Oh man, pant, this is a LOT harder than I thought it would be. But it's also going WAY better than I thought it would so far, this body is a lot more flexible, and the moves come to me naturally. In my old body, I couldn’t even walk straight without swaying all over the place, but this is insane. It’s not like I rehearsed this, I'm going solely by memory here…

  “Now when you take me by the hooves, who's ever gonna know, and every time you move, I let a little more show. There's something you can use, so don't say no Hildi. So come on and give it to me any way you can any way you want to do it, I'll take it like a man. But please baby, please don't leave me in the damp Hildi.”

  Man, this song is a lot more suggestive than I thought it was pant, pant. But it’s also a lot of fun to do this dance! Should I try the dreaded split for the finale though??? I mean I managed to do all this so far so maybe I can do this too! Yeah, I can do this!

  Preparing for the finale I jump into the air with both hands raised and do a split in the air.

  YES! I did it! You fucking did it Samuel! YES! YES!

  “OUCH!”

  Fuuuuck I didn’t break my fall. My fucking pelvis! OUCH! Calm down…think positively Sam…it would have hurt worse if you still had your nuts…

  “Woooh, nice Sammy! Bit of a hurtful ending, but I loved your performance! Did you come up with that on your own?”

  “No, it’s something I copied from my sister, who learned it from other Humans. I did change it a little though.”

  “Well, it looked great anyways! Now come on get up, I'll show you your room!”

  “I…I can’t”

  “What do you mean you can’t?”

  “I think I pulled something…can you help me get up?”

  “Sure!” she says gleefully, lifting me off the ground as if I was only the weight of a feather.

  “Thanks, Hildi,” I say as my stomach grumbles.

  “Oh, are you hungry?”

  “Yeah…Haven’t eaten or even slept much lately.”

  “Well, that’s not good…say what do you wanna eat? I’ll get you something.”

  “Ehm…from what I know, I need to eat blood.”

  She gives me a smile, “Oh? Then you are at the right place. Also, now that I think about it, we still have to find out what race you are or at least your tribe so I know how to take care of you better but food comes first! So, follow me,” she then leads me down the house towards the cellar. We pass what looks like a wine room and then enter a prison-like structure.

  Damn, I didn't think the first dungeon I’d enter would be in these circumstances. It seems that there are a lot of different skeletons in here. Mostly deer and the like…but also some human ones… In the last five cells, there are a lot of live animals covered in ticks. With one exception, a boar whimpering, lying on the ground. Its legs seem to be broken. “There ya go, fresh boar. Do you need me to cut it up for you?”

  “Eh, no. I’m good.”

  “Suit yourself”.

  Walking into the cell makes me feel somewhat nauseous. I feel both bad for the boar, but also…I can hear its heart pumping. The closer I get to it the more its heartbeat quickens. I can feel my teeth pushing forward as I kneel down to the beast. It’s not even fighting back anymore, it seems to have accepted death as mercy at this point. I bite into it, warm blood flowing down my throat as the boar lets out a last whimper before its eyes gloss over. FINALLY, I GET TO EAT! Drink it, drink it. Let the blood never end! Then suddenly, the boar runs dry. No more food. Or is there? I turn around, looking at Hildi…she smells tasty…

  “You done Sammy? Looking at your teeth it seems like you might have some bat in you. You might be part Faunite then, like me!”

  I can feel her pulse from here…it is a lot slower than the boar and less regular…but it’s there. Just one bite couldn’t hurt, could it?

  “How about a hug…Hildi?”

  “Sure! Why not” She says, holding out her arms. I come closer and get ready to pounce. She smells much different than the humans or the boars…a lot tastier. Time for dessert… Using all my force I bite into her neck. Only for my teeth to hurt and get stuck.

  “Yup, loss of control huh? Interesting, I heard of that before. Never seen it that bad though.” Hildi says unimpressed.

  I try thrashing around to get my teeth unstuck, but Hildi got me in a six-armed deadlock, hugged to her body and I can’t move my teeth or my head.

  “Insect carapaces are quite tough as you can see. You see, it’s like your bones but on the outside…”

  Let me go. Let me go. LET ME GO!!! Suddenly a dark mist forms around us. And the animals that are still alive start screaming. At the same time, I can see my breath. The room is getting colder.

  “Huh, interesting,” Hildi says before I feel a blunt force on my neck as things go dark.

  I awake sometime later in a bed behind bars.

  “Hey, you’re finally awake. How’re you doing Sammy?”

  “Oh ehm…good, I think. Hey, I’m so-“

  “No apologizing!”

  “Oh right. I’m sad about what happened before. I couldn’t control myself.”

  “I know you can't control yourself, you dunce, so it’s not your fault. You’re a baby and you grew up with humans. It’s a miracle you even came this far to be honest and it's not like you could have hurt me. I have millennia of experience over you.”

  “I…guess that’s true. How long do I have to stay in this cage?”

  Seemingly confused, she asks, "What cage?”

  “The one I’m in right now? With the bars.”

  “Oooh that’s not a cage silly it’s your crib!”

  “My crib?”

  “Yeah, since you’re gonna be living here I had Ugri get a crib for you, so you don’t fall out at night.”

  “I…I guess that’s very thoughtful of you?”

  “Right? I knew you’d like it. I also went out shopping and got you some new clothes. Can’t let you go out with those bloody rags of yours. AND I also brought a testing kit to see what tribes are in you. If we’re lucky we can even find out your race!”

  “Yooo, that’s amazing! I’m glad I met you Hildi!”

  ”Yeah, yeah, I know I’m great. Now let’s go, it's time to get you dressed!”

  “Nice! But…I still need to get out of this crib first.”

  “Oh yeah sorry, here I’ll open the door for you.”

  “There’s a door?”

  “Yeah, but only openable from the outside.” Hildi then opens the door and lets me leave. It’s really weird from the outside. There really is a normal wooden door there but from the inside, it just looked like bars. Unless what I saw was an illusion the structure doesn't make sense.

  “Ok Sammy. I took your measurements while you were asleep and bought a few different clothes. This is also the first test for your tribe. A Fey instinctively chooses a form of attire that suits their tribe or tribes. So, go ahead and pick and choose to your liking,” she says gleefully while opening a huge walk-in closet with 12 different mannequins wearing different outfits and a bunch of different accessories.

  “Just go through them, one by one, and take whatever parts of the outfits you feel drawn to, feel free to mix and match as you please! You’ll know when something calls to you! I think I have a pretty good idea of what might be in you, but we’ll have to see!”

  “Ehm…ok,” I wonder what that “call” is supposed to feel like though…

  Going to the first mannequin, it looks very human, with pointy ears. It’s wearing a white, silky dress with gaudy-looking jewelry on the wrists, ankles, neck, and ears. There are also things inscribed into it that I can’t read.

  “It looks nice, Hildi, but I don’t have anything special coming from it. Should I take it?”

  “Nope, you only take something when it calls to you”

  “Hmm ok. I didn’t get anything here then.” Going to the next mannequin, it has a big nose and round head. It’s wearing a gray ash-colored dress with a brown vest as well as a big leather belt.

  “Not my style either. I liked the first one better.”

  “Just keep looking, Sammy.”

  Going to the third mannequin, it looks a lot like the small lady I saw at the farmhouse. A huge pink pointed cap covering most of the face up to the nose, a purple skirt, a red vest over a green shirt, and huge brown leather boots going up to the knee.

  “This looks a lot more stylish, a bit punk rock even but it’s not for me,” I say to Hildi while she snickers.

  “Didn’t think you’d fancy them much either Sammy”.

  The next mannequin looks a lot more girly. Flower crown, red dress with flowery frills in different colors, and butterfly wings. I don’t think that one’s it either. The one next to it seems to use the same mannequin but different clothes. This one is wearing green pants, a blue shirt, and leather armor. It’s also wearing a sword, bow, and quiver. It’s quite masculine in the way it’s represented…but somehow, I don’t feel any connection to it either. The next one has a pair of bunny ears. It’s wearing a green dress with a red sash around the belly as well as bone-like shoulder pads and a big brown summer hat. Hmm, not my style either…

  “Are you sure this is working Hildi? So far, I’m not getting anything.”

  “Really? Damn, I thought for sure you had some Faunite in you… Anyways, keep going, the test works, trust me.”

  “Hmm, if you say so.” Going to the next mannequin I see that it’s made of wood, unlike the other ones. And…it’s, it’s just wearing a leaf bikini with a flower crown.

  “Ehm, Hildi did you forget to dress this one?”

  “Nope, some even opt to go full naked so this is the best I could find in terms of non-revealing clothing”

  “Uhu…well it’s a no from me.”

  She chuckles, “I thought so, judging from your reaction to me taking my clothes off before. Carry on,” she says with a hand-waving motion.

  All right, five more left… The next one is wearing red thick wool pants and winter shoes with a yellow down jacket with red winter gloves and a blue hat with a pelt lining covering the ears. “Damn, it must be really cold wherever they live. Let me guess, frost elementals?”

  “Nope, fire elementals.”

  “But why would fire elementals need warm clothing like this?”

  “Isn’t it obvious? They like it hot.”

  “Huh, I guess that does make sense,” definitely not my style though. I’m the sort of person to go out in the snow with short pants and a t-shirt, not dress super warm, especially not on purpose. The next one is just…naked with a lot of jewelry on it.

  “Ok Hildi, what’s that for?”

  “Earth elementals”

  “They don’t wear clothes?”

  “Nope, they are REALLY into jewelry though.”

  “Huh. Bunch of exhibitionists along the Fey aren't there?”

  “Well, everyone can live their life how they want to. Now keep going!”

  “All right, all right. Three more left.” The next one I look at is just a bathing suit. Nothing fancy about it, just a marine blue bathing suit. Guessing that must be the water elementals. All right second to last a beautiful, fluffy white sheep wool bikini and hat shaped like clouds. Nice looking, not what I’d like to wear though… and lastly hmm…silk clothing. A blue crop top with a giant pink ribbon on it…and puffy blue short pants also made of silk with green shoes that have a white bow on them…hmm. Looks a little slutty…feels pretty comfortable though…I do kinda feel like wearing this…

  ”Can I try this one on Hildi?”

  “Of course! Go ahead!”

  Trying it on, it does fit like a glove. Hildi did take my measurements while I was knocked out afterall which... is kinda creepy not gonna lie. Ooooh, it feels very fluffy and bouncy, and when I twirl it flaps in the wind a little. Oh, and there are also these little arm sashes that I didn’t notice at first. They flow in the wind like a small kite whenever I move my arms. I like it! I could get used to this!

  “Just as I thought Sammy, Ice elemental. But there is something else in you too! So please take a look through the accessories I got you”.

  Looking through the accessories box there is a lot of different jewelry, bows, ribbons, capes, hats that sorta thing. Hmm doesn’t look like anything I’d like…hey…that looks cool! I pull out a black but sparkly cloak. It looks like the night sky. I love it! Oh, and this is also really cool! A black tiara embedded with white gems. I wanna wear that too!

  “Ok, Hildi I think I’m done. What do you think of my extra selection? What does it say about me?”

  “Hmm…to be honest, I’m not sure. I bought those more as a control group than anything specific, that could mean that you have some mythic blood in you…”

  “Woah? That sounds cool!”

  “It can be. But I also have no idea how to test for that…here I have one last test,” she then puts a winged velvet colored frog with bright yellow horns on a table.

  “All right, hold out your hand Sammy”

  “Ehm, ok…OUCH!”

  She pinched me with a needle!

  Brushing through my hair, Hildi gives me a smile, “Didn’t mean to hurt you there Sammy, just had to draw a bit of blood. Now, when I feed your blood to the frog it’s gonna take in a lot of air and expand. If you’re a pureblood it will explode, ready?”

  “Eh, I guess, but…”

  “Alrighty, here goes nothing,” Hildi says as she feeds a bit of my blood to the frog who starts taking in a lot of air, to the point that he looks close to bursting but then it stops.

  “Hmm, looks like you’re a half-blood.”

  “A half-blood?”

  “Yeah, like my cousins, so both your parents were purebloods but not of the same race. That would also explain why you ended up with humans. They probably abandoned you because their parents didn’t approve. Happens all the time to half-blood bastards.”

  Seeing my disappointed face she then quickly adds, “Or maybe they just lost you somewhere and really loved you and are still out there looking!”

  “Hmm, all right… soooo can you train me now that we know I’m half-ice elemental?”

  “Eeeeh… I can try but the Elemental tribe is a lot different from the Faunites so I’m unsure how much of what I know translates to Elementals like you…but I can most certainly try! I need to prepare some stuff first though, so how about we start in five days? Until then you can wander around as you like and eat as much as you need. Maybe we can get that feeding frenzy a little under control.”

  “That would be great Hildi!”