Entry Thirteen

  Starter Quest

  Totally stoked now, I jogged back down the street, holding my breath as I passed by Brennar’s stable. I took a right then a left and found a southward-facing gate to exfil through.

  “Florian? I got my first quest! Can you hear me yet? Hello? Thomas?” As before, there was no reply. Also as before, the situation gave me a case of the heebie-jeebies. I paused outside of the town wall, resting my hands on my hips as I waited, hoping that their reply was lagged out or something. There still was no HUD, no button I could push to exit or even pause the game.

  Then it dawned on me; with such an immersive game, the interface might have been completely voice activated. Several farmers were steering ox-driven carts toward the gate, so I stepped off the side of the cobblestone road before I looked up at the sky.

  “Pause!” I commanded commandingly. I looked around to see if it worked. The carts were still rolling, and one of the farmers was staring at me. He goaded his oxen to pick up the pace. I looked upward again. “Main menu,” I enunciated, thrusting my hands into the air for good measure. “Quit! Pause! Menu! Exit!” I growled in frustration. “Control alt delete, dang it! Escape? Alt-tab? Abort?” Now all the farmers, and several of their oxen, were staring at me.

  “Florian! Dang it. This isn’t cool, dude!” I berated the sky. There was, shockingly, no reply.

  Shaking my head and ignoring the looks I was getting, I started walking toward the gorgeously rendered forest. What else could I do? Pretty soon, I thought, hoped, Florian would yank the plug. Thomas and I had to be home soon, so I knew my brother wouldn’t let me take too long in the game. That was especially true since he was being left out of all the fun. He hated that.

  Intent on enjoying Ileria while it lasted, I left the town behind me and headed for a narrow break in the tree line. As I walked, I was again feeling overwhelmed by the total realism of the game. I could feel the ground beneath my feet as I took each step. The morning breeze, carrying a wood-smokey type of smell, was tugging on my hair. My leather pants were, um, chaffing a little in a particularly uncomfortable location on my avatar. Which, in and of itself, was incredibly realistic, wasn’t it?

  Video gaming would never, ever be the same again. Actually, I really couldn’t even call it a video game. There was no video, no pane of glass separating me from this world. There was also no constrictive user interface, nothing to impede, in the slightest, my level of immersion in the Ilerian game world. I was in—really in—this world. At least, my neurons thought so, and Nate Daniels’ neurons define Nate Daniels’ reality, don’t they?

  Even Ancient Tomes Online, my all-time fav RPG, with all its plot twists, groundbreaking somatic spellcasting system, awe-inspiring animations, and deep character development, paled in comparison. ATO only came out two years prior, cost over $200 million to make, and was now, officially, an archaic hunk of junk. To say that ATO was an RPG like Ileria would be like saying a light bulb was like the sun. Given a choice, I would happily hang out in quaint, colorful Westvael, even if there was nothing specific to do.

  And better yet, there was something to do. There was a princess, Her Royal Princess Aliana, out there to rescue. Since this was evidently a single-player game rather than an MMO, it was up to me to find her. “And find her, I shall!” I declared, pointing theatrically at the forest and breaking into a jog.

  If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  I charged into the deep, dark forest and… and whew, that did not last long. Less than half a mile later, my lungs were burning, and my legs felt wobbly. I stopped, bent over, and took deep breaths until the fire in my chest extinguished itself. “Gotta… level up… stamina. Ridiculous!”

  Pushing myself upright again, I surveyed my surroundings. I had stuck to another meandering forest path until it petered out. Luckily, I hadn’t run into any quasi-bunnies or their huge lupine predators. I opted for a more “slow and steady wins the race” kind of approach to this quest and started walking at a more reasonable pace. After what I figured was about half an hour, I started to grow concerned that I wouldn’t find the princess at all. After all, “south of town” was pretty damn vague, and there was no quest marker to follow because—No. Damn. HUD.

  Then, incredibly, as I approached the edge of another large clearing, it hit me.

  I had to pee.

  No kidding, I needed to take a piss. I know game devs always shot for maximum innovation with each new title. After all, the all-consuming, ever-insatiable player community wanted to experience new things. New, new, new! Well, this was new, alright—a world’s first. I could already hear the advertising slogan, “Experience Ileria! The world’s first game with in-game urination! Level up your bladder control as you delve into ancient, bathroom-less dungeons!”

  I looked down and started fumbling with my leather belt strap thing. Turned out leather armor gave you easy access to…the goods. Thank the gods I wasn’t wearing full-plate armor! As I pissed on a nearby tree, I wondered if, in addition to a character level requirement, plate armor also had a bladder control skill pre-requisite.

  Then, a creeping sense of horror crept creepily up my spine as I wondered if, while pissing in Ileria, I was also pissing in RL. Oh. My. God. I’d be pissing my pants right there in Florian’s Realm, right in front of my elementary school music teacher. Worse, so, so much worse, I’d be wetting myself in front of Thomas, who would absolutely start recording it all on his cell.

  “Guys?” I asked tentatively. “Are you there? I needed to… you know. Nature called.” I looked up at the sky and then checked my six, feeling sheepish. I glanced across the grassy clearing… There was a huge white cat staring fixedly at me from the far tree line.

  “Holy!” I yelled. Hopping to my right, I put the wet tree between me and the massive cat as I hurriedly finished my business and tied my belt on again. There was no way that thing, which was at least as big as a freakin’ panther, had failed to see me. Practically hyperventilating, I peeked around the tree, convinced that I would see the massive predator bearing down on me.

  Gone. It was gone. I backed away from the tree, using it for cover as I scanned the area. I didn’t see it, and I thought I would be able to see it if the cat was moving through the forest. The trees were thin here, and the cat’s white fur wouldn’t exactly blend in.

  Letting out a relieved breath, I started moving to my right, working my way around the clearing while I crouched, trying to stay low. If Princess Aliana was near here, yeah, she was most def in danger. Hell, I was most def in danger. I was pretty sure that cat wasn’t a Level 1 monster. I didn’t think the dire wolf was a Level 1 monster, and this cat could eat three or four wolves for breakfast.

  Okay, the parameters of the quest were crystallizing. I needed to find the DiD (Damsel in Distress) before Catzilla found her and ate her, which would definitely be frowned upon. I also needed to complete the quest before the cat found me and ate me, which was also frowned upon. Fine. Game on, Catzilla.

  I snuck around the edge of the clearing, but it soon became obvious that I was alone again. Hurrying over to where I guesstimated that the voyeur cat had been, I examined the ground. I loved playing ranger-type characters, so I was hoping that by checking for tracks, I would unlock a skill point in Tracker/Hunter or something. Well, if I did, I couldn’t tell, but I did see some large indentations in the ground that could have been made by huge paws. I looked around some more, checked around some nearby bushes, and found more tracks leading off to the southwest. Either that or they came from the southwest. I wasn’t exactly sure since I had absolutely no idea about how to actually be a tracker.

  Regardless, I couldn’t find any other tracks, so I didn’t have much choice. I headed off to the southwest.