The knocking on my door sounded like a battering ram. *Whoa, when did ghosts learn to knock?*

  "KAWAKI, OPEN THE DOOR!"

  That voice... but higher. Way higher. I opened up to find Eil—my womanizer best friend—clutching his chest like a Victorian maiden. His shirt stretched *all wrong* across his torso.

  "Eil... you good?"

  "Do I LOOK good?!" he hissed, storming inside.

  ---

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  Black coffee didn't help. He spat it across my floor.

  "Who the hell drinks this bitter swill without sugar?"

  "Cutting carbs," I said, eyeing his... situation. "So. About your—"

  "Call them boobs and I break your fingers."

  I took a deep breath. "You've somehow become a Futa subclass. Rare Thief variant."

  Eil's eye twitched. "Special skills?"

  He grabbed my leg like a vice grip and closed his eyes.

  "Hmm... basic pickpocket... basic lockpick..." His grip tightened. "Wait. One gold-tier skill... CharrRm?"

  "You said that with a hard R." My blood ran cold. "Eil. You've got *Charm*."

  His fingers dug into my flesh. "R-rank?"

  "AAAAHHH—S-RANK! IT'S S-RANK!"

  I gasped as he finally let go. "That's a vampire-exclusive skill. Haven't seen it since the Demon Wars."

  Eil's hands shook. "I'd rather die."