Despite my best wishes, I woke up.

  It wasn’t the worst wake-up I’d ever had. I was warm, felt...safe. I slowly realized Joy had her arms wrapped tightly around me, a leg tangled through mine, keeping me in place. It was nice. I took a deep breath and winced, my throat hurt. Right, the mirror… Fuck, if I hadn’t wasted all my ammo on Stormtiger maybe I could have fucking had a chance.

  As it was, I already knew I wouldn’t be trying again. Knowing my luck, I’d wake up right back here, freak out, and then I’d have to deal with Joy. Well, was going to have to deal with her anyway if I ever wanted to get out of bed. I wasn’t sure about that quite yet…

  No, I had to keep going. I walked out on the only person who stood a chance of loving me because I knew how important this was. I knew I wouldn’t be back. She would find someone else, someone better. It wouldn’t even be hard. Fuck, maybe she’d hook up with Trixie… The thought made me shiver, and I felt Joy stir, arms briefly tightening around me before relaxing their grip.

  “Morning,” Joy croaked. “How are you feeling?” I considered it carefully.

  “I’m not about to try and slit my throat again,” I said, wincing as she went rigid. “Sorry. I...sorry.” The heavy pause after seemed to drag on for an hour.

  “What’d you mean last night, about fixing it?” she asked, sending a chill down my spine. “Did you just mean...ending things?” I sighed.

  “Not exactly,” I murmured. “When I die, I come back. Anywhere from days to minutes. Was hoping I could go back before...you know.” I felt a lump grow in my throat as she squeezed me.

  “I’m sorry about that Lia,” Joy said gently. “You...I remember you told me you had precognition. That what you meant?”

  “Kind of,” I said. “Rest of it doesn’t matter, not really.” Not yet. “Happened the night you triggered and got powers, I walked into your circle and...reset. No hard feelings, not your fault and it never happened anyway.” I was rambling, but I couldn’t really stop. “So I was trying to go back and—”

  “I know,” she cut me off, voice tight.

  “I’ve done it a few times,” I continued. “Not to myself. Well...kind of to myself, but mostly not. I’ve...god I’ve lost months Joy and—”

  “Lia.” A pair of fingers pressed to my lips, silencing me. “I...I do want to hear this, promise. First can I get up and use the bathroom?”

  I apologized repeatedly as she let me go and rose from the bed. She stumbled out of the room as I got up, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at the floor. I glanced and grimaced at the sight of my hands, torn up from where I’d clutched the glass shard.

  Everything hurt, not just my neck. The fight with Stormtiger had been short but brutal. I thought it would be a fairly easy battle, that my projection would keep me safe. In a way it had, because none of the debris he’d pelted me with actually got through. The problem was when he charged up a blast that somehow swept my feet from under me and threw me across the road.

  I pushed myself up from the mattress and tottered out of the room on shaky legs. There was the sound of flushing, and Joy stepped out of a room just up the hall. She gestured for me to go ahead, and with a sigh I did; I had a body too, unfortunately. I walked in and winced at the sight of the half-broken mirror, and my fractured reflection within.

  Ruddy bandages circled my neck, and with a queasy feeling in my stomach I slowly undid them. A jagged, interrupted gash stretched from just above my collar bone and up towards my jaw on the opposite side of my throat. Fuck me, if my projection hadn’t been seizing out, or if Joy hadn’t been there, I’d be dead dead dead.

  Unfortunately for me, I wasn’t and now had to deal with that. I did my best to ignore the ugly, barely closed wound and instead sat on the toilet to get my day started. The scent of cooking bacon drifted through the house, making me feel a little sick. By the time I was done, my stomach had settled enough that I wasn’t about to throw up at least, so I slowly made my way out to the kitchen.

  “Hey, morning Lia,” Zeke greeted me, smiling. Joy was sitting next to him at the table, gaze locked on me. Papa was working by the stove, filling up plates with food.

  “Morning,” I said, voice rough. I sat beside Joy, picking at one of the scabs on my hand until she lightly smacked it. I shot her a look, then sighed and stopped.

  “Breakfast,” Papa said, putting a trio of plates filled with bacon, eggs, and toast in front of us. He grabbed his own from the counter, then sat at the table, eyeing me. “Eat up, questions will wait til after.”

  I nodded slowly and poked at my food. It was hot and greasy, enough that I felt like having a heart attack just staring at it. Still, wouldn’t do to leave it just sitting on the table. I bit into a piece of bacon and gagged at the taste, swallowing the one bite dutifully before trying the toast. That went a little easier, at least not making me want to throw up. With every bite, I caught someone looking at me out of the corner of their eye.

  God I was a fuck up, just ruining everything I was part of. Didn’t matter if it was just breakfast with friends or my relationship, if I was there then it was bound for failure. Only thing I was able to do was hurt people, like I’d proven last night.

  “Done,” I muttered, pushing my half-finished plate away.

  “You sure?” Papa asked, arching a brow.

  “Yeah,” I said, nodding. I couldn’t stomach any more of it.

  “Then let’s chat,” he said, pushing his own plate aside and folding his hands in front of him. “So which cape are you?” Both me and Joy shot Zeke a glare, and his eyes widened. “No, that boy ain’t said a word to me, I’ve got a TV. Big fight last night, you three show up on my doorstep beat to shit around the time they said it was. So, which one are you? One of them Undersiders?”

  “Fuck no,” I spat, teeth creaking as I grinded them. “I’m...oh fucking whatever, yeah I’m a cape, what about it?”

  “I like to know who’s under my roof,” he said simply, glancing at Joy. “What about you?”

  “I...yeah,” Joy said, looking down at the table.

  The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  “Shiiit,” Papa sighed, scratching his chin. “Boy I told you to stay outta that business, no money in it.”

  “I ain’t in it for the money, Papa,” Zeke countered, then perked up. “Actually, one sec.” He ran off and I heard the door slam behind him. Papa arched a brow, glancing at us, but all I could offer was a shrug. Zeke was back a few seconds later and dropped two black bags on the floor. He unzipped one and pulled out a wad of hundreds wrapped in an elastic band. “See? There’s money in it.”

  “Boy…” Papa sighed and shook his head. “Since you ain’t the Undersiders, I guess you were the ones what killed Stormtiger?” Joy inhaled sharply and I slowly nodded my head. Couldn’t hide it anymore, but I could deal with Papa if I had to. “God damn.”

  “We’re not going to hurt you,” Joy said quickly. “We’re heroes.”

  “Hero is a point of view,” he countered. “But...well shit, can’t say taking out trash like that’s a bad thing. How much you bag?”

  “Didn’t count,” I muttered. “Just grabbed everything we could and went.”

  “And the drug lab,” Joy added.

  “Right, smashed up a bunch of glass and equipment and shit,” I said, running my fingers through my growing hair and wincing at the pain from the cuts on them. “Amaranth, that’s my code name by the way. Sorry for the trouble I’ll...I’ll go after this, find somewhere else.”

  “Can’t go home?” Zeke asked, cocking his head. I opened my mouth to answer, but all that came out was a squeak.

  “She needs a place,” Joy answered for me, meeting Papa’s gaze. “I’m sorry about the trouble, but can she stay here? I’ll pay you out of my share.” The older man sighed and shook his head.

  “You can have the couch,” Papa said flatly. “Don’t cause no more trouble here or I’ll toss you out on the curb, dig?”

  “Are...are you sure?” I couldn’t help asking, swallowing at the lump in my throat.

  “Much as I can be, letting capes stay in my home,” he sighed. “How old are you, kid?”

  “Seventeen.”

  “No kidding?” He huffed. “Older than I thought, for once. Ain’t the worst time to be jumping off the porch I guess. Go count your bands, settle down a little.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I ain’t playing, go ahead. Zeke, why don’t you roll up a spliff?”

  “Sure Papa,” Zeke replied, nodding and rising from his seat.

  “A what?” I asked.

  “Some weed,” Joy explained. “I could use some too, honestly.”

  “I don’t smoke that shit,” I snapped, getting a look.

  “Your loss,” Papa said, shrugging. “Got regular smokes too, if you prefer.”

  “I…” I sighed. “Fuck it, why not?”

  “So what’s it like, being a hero?” Papa asked as we lounged on his back porch. The pungent, skunky scent of marijuana filled the air, warring against the smoke from my own cigarette.

  “It’s fine,” I said shortly, taking a puff and trying not to cough.

  “Hard work,” Joy added, taking a drag off the marijuana cigarette that Zeke and her were sharing while counting the money. “Dangerous too, but it’s important stuff. We’re out there protecting people.”

  “And kicking ass,” Zeke said, grabbing the smoke from her. “Can’t forget that one.”

  “Killing villains?” Papa asked, locking his gaze with mine.

  “Sometimes,” I said with a nod, taking another drag off my cigarette to suppress the urge to throw up. “That a problem?”

  “Look kid,” he sighed. “I grew up around here, ugly ol’ West Side. Killa Block, Blackout Street, it’s all rough. Usually hear of one person a day getting shot here. You wanna pop heads, then I don’t give a fuck unless you’re going after my people. But that shit’s a dirty pool.”

  “Uh huh.” I took another puff, a little surprised at how nonchalant Papa was being about this; pleasantly so at least. Then again, I didn’t even feel that much about Stormtiger, I had plenty more to be miserable about. “Dirtier than the shit they pull?”

  “Nah,” Papa shook his head. “They were never an issue in our ‘hood, but I heard enough from my cousins that I know they deserve it.” I gave him a look. Who the fuck was Papa? He snorted and arched a brow. “I know how you’re eyeing me. ‘Damn this old guy don’t give a fuck about bodies’, well you ain’t wrong. Seen plenty of my share, even made a few. Zeke can tell you stories, if he wants.”

  “Shit Papa, you ain’t gonna say?” Zeke asked, getting another shake of Papa’s head. “Yeah alright. Papa here was a big shooter for the GDs back in the day. I even took him around a couple times, never seen him miss a mark.”

  “Can’t miss in this game,” Papa said.

  “So you killed people?” I asked, making him narrow his eyes.

  “You know that ain’t the question to ask,” he said coldly and I winced.

  “Sorry,” I said, lowering my gaze.

  “Give you a pass today,” he replied. “Yeah, I have. That’s how things are in the streets, you know that.” I inhaled another puff and coughed hard, throat throbbing with pain.

  “But he’s cool now,” Zeke reassured me anxiously. “He ain’t gonna slide outta nowhere, right?”

  “No, don’t tote the pipe without reason anymore,” Papa said with a nod. “‘course living around here’s a pretty good reason.”

  “We try not to kill people,” Joy said. “It’s...yeah, not something we’re trying for.”

  “Wonder if that’s the right choice,” I muttered as I smoked, mostly talking to myself.

  “What?” She sounded shocked.

  “Nothing,” I said. “Forget it, intrusive thought.”

  “Oh, um, okay.” She licked her lips and took a drag off the weed cigarette.

  We continued smoking and chatting as that question of the right choice turned over and over in my head.

  “You’re cool with me staying the night?” Joy asked as she shook out a blanket.

  “Same rules as Lia, don’t cause no more trouble,” Papa said with a shrug. “And no lezzing out on the couch til I put more scotchguard on it, unless I get to watch.”

  “Fuck off,” I snapped, temper flaring.

  “Lia, relax,” Joy said gently, then shot a glare at Papa. “Unless you want to stay up on suicide watch old man, zip it.” He chuckle dryly and raised his hands.

  “Night then,” he said, turning around and heading down the hall. I didn’t relax until I heard his door shut, and even then I could feel my heart beating faster than normal.

  “Hey, you okay?” Joy asked, putting a hand on my leg. I sighed and shook my head.

  “Don’t think I’ll be sleeping,” I muttered.

  “Want me to hold you again?” she said, cocking her head.

  “I don’t…Papa said not to,” I murmured, blushing as I hung my head.

  “Lia, come on, we aren’t going to fuck,” Joy said flatly.

  “I...but you don’t even—”

  “This is a yes or no Lia.” She sat on the couch beside me and wrapped an arm around my back. I leaned against her, my throat tightening. “I’m okay with it. We’re friends and you need this, doesn’t have to be more complicated than that.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, laying on my side.

  Joy grabbed the blanket and pulled it up, then laid behind me and drew it over us. I sighed, finally relaxing more than a fraction as her arm wrapped over my chest. The couch was small and forced us to huddle together, but I wasn’t about to complain. This was just a couple friends huddling up because life was a rancid bitch and had me in a stranglehold.

  “So...how many times have you died?” Joy whispered, making me stiffen. “We don’t have talk now if—”

  “It’s fine,” I hissed. “Just...sorry, it’s okay.” I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm my self down and think. “I...more than ten, that’s about all I can tell you. Only did it a couple times myself, not exactly...pleasant, you know?”

  “I...yeah.” There was a beat of silence. “I tried too, a couple times. Never um, never made it. Can I ask what— No, sorry, that’s messed up.”

  “What’s it like, right?” I guessed and felt her nod. “It’s...I don’t know, it’s just like waking up except...I actually died, I remember everything up until it all goes black then...foosh.” She flinched and I reached back, patting her leg. “It’s fine, none of it ever happened after all.” I took a deep breath and forced my shoulders to relax again.

  “It did to you,” Joy replied quietly.

  “Sure, but not for real, because I’m here,” I countered. “Anyway...look I’ll bring Zeke in on it, but please don’t tell anyone else. It’s...it could be dangerous.”

  “I can see how, yeah,” she said, yawning. “‘kay, sleep, you need it.”

  “Yeah,” I whispered, shutting my eyes.

  I’d be lucky if I got a wink.