“What the fuck were you thinking?!” Amy demanded as the door slammed behind us. “A fucking car chase?”

  “Keep your voice down,” I snapped, kicking my shoes off. “We have neighbours.”

  “You’re not getting away from explaining this,” she growled.

  “Wasn’t planning to,” I retorted, walking into the apartment and sitting down on the couch with a sigh. Now I knew the Wards only had the second-most uncomfortable beds in the PRT building. “You okay? They didn’t mess with you did they?”

  “They called me at two in the morning to handle your victims,” Amy spat, sitting across the couch from me. Her arms were crossed, knee drawn up, and she looked furious. More than that she looked hurt.

  “Gang members,” I corrected her, only making her look more angry. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes. “Okay, so remember I told you we were staking out drop points the last couple weeks? It was all leading up to this: capturing all of them in one night. It worked it was just...messy.”

  “‘Messy’ is when you have a nightmare about the Siberian, or Leviathan,” she countered, making my cheeks burn. “This was fucking criminal, from what Miss Militia said.”

  “Well no, I didn’t get charged,” I said, though frankly I wasn’t sure why. Maybe the PRT saw reason for once.

  “Lia.”

  “Oh my god, can you just tell me why you’re so angry?!” I yelled, throwing my hands up. “Amy I have told you everything about what I’m doing out there, everything. Every fucking injury or hit I take or god damn Nazi rat fuck who gets a free fix-up because poor little guy got beat up after burning down a church!” My vision blurred and I swiped at my eyes. “I’m doing good so why—” I let out an inarticulate scream and grabbed a cushion, burying my face.

  Couldn’t fucking do anything right. I beat up the bad guys the wrong way. I used a tool I shouldn’t have. I told my girlfriend every move I made, but it was never enough. The only common factor here was me, the sole point of failure.

  I couldn’t be a fucking hero. Tattletale had said it, I was a waste of a Ward but I’d be a perfect villain. How ironic that Amy was right about me, that I was a monster just like my mom. But if that’s what it took to wipe out the Nazis I’d—

  “Lia, talk to me,” Amy spoke up, sounding scared. I felt a hand brush my knee and jerked back. “I’m sorry I’m...we don’t have to do this right now, you’re probably tired.”

  “Yeah,” I croaked, sniffling. “I’m sorry I’m such a piece of shit, I’m...sorry I tricked you.”

  “You’re not, Lia,” she said plaintively. “I...you messed up, but you just have to do better.”

  “Everyone keeps saying that,” I groaned. “Whatever it means, I obviously can’t do it.”

  “But...I did,” she said.

  “What do you want to hear, that you’re better than me?” I said, peering over the top of the cushion clutched to my chest. “Well you are, congratulations Amy, I mean it. I’m just...I’m sorry I can’t be.” My vision blurred again and I blinked, sniffling. I flinched hard as Amy wrapped her arms around me.

  “I’m not mad I’m...I’m scared,” Amy whispered. “It’s like you’re turning into a villain right in front of me and— and I can’t do anything about it because I’m just as bad. I want to help you but I don’t know what to do, I’ve never known what to do Lia…” I felt her take a shuddering breath as her arms tightened around me. “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too,” I said glumly, twisting my head to the side and pressing an ear to her chest. Her heart was beating like a jackhammer. “I...I don’t know what to do either, but I know there are worse people than me out there and they have to be stopped. It’s just…” Could I do what it took to stop them?

  “You still have to do things ri—”

  “Do things right, fucking crap,” I spat, pulling away from her and shaking my head. “I’m going to bed, I can’t deal with this right now.”

  “Okay,” Amy mumbled as I rose unsteadily from the couch. Her gaze was fixed on the ground. “I’m sorry.”

  “I...I love you Amy,” I said, then turned on my heel and headed to our bedroom.

  I curled up in bed and shut my eyes, hoping sleep would solve at least some of my problems.

  “So what are you going to do different next time?” Lafayette asked as we watched Joy and Zeke hammering their heavy bags.

  “Cut my losses,” I replied flatly, focused on Zeke. “Hey Zeke! Use your hips more!”

  “What?” he asked, dropping his arms and staring at me with a blank look. I sighed and walked up.

  “Like this,” I said, demonstrating the motion I meant. “Twist down there and you’ll get all the power from everything above it, not just your arms.”

  “So...like this?” He turned back to the bag and mimicked what I did in slow motion.

  “Good,” I said with a nod, walking back over to Lafayette. “Anyway, cut my losses because the PRT—” I cut myself off and took a deep breath before I could start ranting again. “That’s it.”

  “Mmm,” Lafayette mused, looking me over. “And are you actually going to do that?”

  “I said I would,” I snapped. “And talk is cheap, yeah, but…” I didn’t want to get arrested, bullshit as it was. “No more car chases or whatever, okay?”

  “I’ll hold you to that,” she said firmly, then clapped her hands together. “Alright, sparring time before we finish up!”

  “Zeke,” I said, gesturing to him as I grabbed my gloves and headgear. “Come on.”

  “Man, shit,” he groaned.

  I couldn’t deny I was a little pissed by him bringing a gun to our patrol still, but this would give us a chance to work out our differences. For all my hangups about him, all the stupid shit he did, Zeke definitely had some skills. It was weird, but I didn’t want to lose him, despite his stupid stupidity.

  He squared up across from me, cautiously touching his gloves to mine before springing back. Zeke was taller than Joy or Lafayette, but was scrawny like me. I gave chase, probing his guard with rapid-fire jabs aimed to keep his gloves up and in his face as much as possible. He was quicker than Joy, better on his feet, but my training let me keep pace easily.

  A fist flew at me, forcing me to halt and guard against it. Two more, hooks from either side of my head, came on its heels. Like that, Zeke had managed to turn the tables. At least, he would have if I needed to worry about stuff like a regular boxer. I took a jab on the chin, twisting my body and using the momentum to slam a brutal body blow into his stomach. Two more strikes landed before he managed to stumble away and get his guard back up. I didn’t give him an inch, racing in with fists up before Lafayette interrupted us with a call for the bell.

  “Good aggression Zeke,” Lafayette said as we walked over to the ropes. “You stopped that attack and turned the tables.”

  “Yeah, Lia’s just a real heavyweight,” Zeke said dryly, giving me a wink. “Took that hit I landed like it was nothing.”

  “I turned,” I replied simply. “Helped disperse some of the energy. Plus you know, I’m just used to it.”

  “It was a good counter,” Lafayette agreed. “But would have been better if you never got hit at all.”

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  “Not really realistic,” I said, shrugging. “I’m just gonna, you know? Better I learn how to get hit than to try and not at all.”

  “You don’t have the build that can take it,” she countered. “We’re focusing on your guarding next week, since clearly you need more work.”

  “Fine,” I sighed, shaking my head. “But my technique is good besides?”

  “Your footwork is solid,” Lafayette agreed. “A bit sloppy with some of your strikes though, not targeted enough.”

  “Okay,” I said, making a mental note. “Thanks Lafayette.”

  “No prob,” she said, offering a grin as I hopped out of the ring. “Sorry we’ve got to cut things short today. Stay out of trouble.”

  “See you at home Laffy,” Joy said, smiling at her.

  “Yeah hopefully sometime before ten,” Lafayette muttered, shaking her head. “God damn overtime.”

  She left us alone in the gym, heading off to work. I led Joy and Zeke in a few cooldown laps of the gym before we changed and headed out ourselves. They chatted as we headed down the street while I stayed quiet. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to join in but...well, I was a little nervous with what I was planning to do today.

  Zeke had proven himself. Sure he might be something of an idiot, with the gun stunt, but he’d handed it over with only mild complaints. Then he’d shown off his apparently insane driving skills and willingness to do what it took to take out the bad guys. If he kept it up, he’d make a good part of our team. But that meant I had to give him a little trust.

  “Let’s sit down here,” I said, jerking my chin to a bench in the middle of a small, empty green space. “Want to talk for a minute.”

  “Sure Lia,” Joy said easily.

  “Alright,” Zeke agreed.

  “So Zeke,” I said after we took our seats, licking my lips nervously. “Where uh, where’d you learn to drive like that?” He stared at me blankly for a second, then a wide grin split his lips.

  “Shit I’m straight out the West Side girl,” he said, like that explained everything. “Two-hundred block got you on lock, know what I’m saying?”

  “Not at all,” I said flatly.

  “I was cliqued up with the Two-Hunna GDs,” Zeke said, holding up his hands in what had to be a gang sign. “Been driving and jacking since I was like, fourteen.” My eyes widened and I shot a look at Joy.

  “So you’re a gangster?” I said sharply.

  “A real gangster,” he said proudly. “But that shit fell apart with, you know, everything. Figured now...I don’t know, can use all that shit for good. That make sense?”

  “Does to me,” Joy chimed in, offering a grin.

  “Hm,” I grunted, frowning.

  “And you’re a real hero, ain’t you?” he said, voice low. “Like, I’m not crazy, you’re Amaranth right?”

  “Yeah,” I said hesitantly.

  “Knew it!” Zeke crowed, pumping his fist, making me glower.

  “Keep your mouth shut,” I snapped. “Don’t need the world hearing it.”

  “I ain’t a snitch,” he said, miming zipping his mouth shut. “Secret’s safe with me, boss-girl. And don’t worry about the banging and shit, GDs are long gone now, I’m a new man.”

  “We’ll see,” I replied.

  “Where’d you learn to handle a gat like you did?” he asked eagerly. “Seen guys blast through a hundred-round clip and ain’t hit anything, you nailed those bitches with like, three shots.”

  “Training,” I said simply. “Back um, from when I was a Ward. Miss Militia taught me.”

  “Wait, as in the one who wears an American flag?” Joy asked.

  “Yeah, that’s her.”

  “Shit, what’s she like?”

  “Fine?” I said, glancing at Joy and cocking my head. “I mean, kind of a hardass, and she doesn’t really get how things have to be done to take out the bad guys around here. But she taught me basically everything I know about how to shoot, so…” I trailed off, my throat tightening. “Anyway, now you know me Zeke.”

  “And you know me,” he replied, sticking out his hand to shake. “Keep it tight, alright?” I nodded and grasped his hand. He pulled it away, slapped mine twice on either side, then grabbed my fingers and pumped my hand up and down.

  “Sure,” I said, retrieving my hand when he was done. “Okay, I’m going home, got to figure out what we’re doing next.”

  “See you Lia,” Joy said, rising when I did and giving me a brief hug.

  I stuck my hands in my pockets and headed off, worrying why the people I worked best with were criminals.

  “Going to the PRT building,” Amy said as she put on her shoes. “Should be back in a couple hours, okay?”

  “Cool,” I replied, smiling at her. “Want me to like, make dinner for us?”

  “Can you make anything?”

  “I can,” I protested. “Like...mac and cheese, or toast.”

  “You could stand to pay attention when you help,” she said sarcastically, kissing my cheek. “Instead of staring at my ass the whole time.”

  “It’s a good ass,” I said, getting a chuckle.

  “See you.”

  “Love you Amy.”

  The door shut behind her and I sighed, heading back to the living room and plopping down on the couch. I grabbed my laptop and opened it, humming quietly as it loaded up. Despite our recent fight, things had cooled off to be a little more comfortable with Amy. I really wanted to make it up to her for the trouble I caused, but I didn’t really have anything that—

  Oh fuck her birthday was coming up. Of all the things to forget… What the hell was I supposed to get her? I had money, sure, but was bone dry on ideas. A drawing? I didn’t have time, and was out of practice besides; hero work and school had basically taken up every waking moment the past few months. So...what?

  My phone interrupted me before I could think of anything. I pulled it out and frowned, confused. No one was calling me so… Wait, that was my work phone. My frown deepened as I rose from the couch and retrieved it from my backpack. I flipped it open and pressed the answer key.

  “Yeah?” I said shortly.

  “T, emerald,” a familiar voice said smugly.

  “R, lettuce,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “You know I’m not working with you, right?”

  “I know,” Tattletale replied simply. “But I’ve got some information you can’t afford not to have. You free?”

  “Not really,” I said tersely, glancing at the door.

  “Girlfriend back soon? That’s fine,” she said flippantly. “This won’t take twenty minutes. Come to the end of Eighth Street, we’ll talk there.”

  “Tattletale—” I began, but the dial tone cut me off.

  I growled and snapped my phone shut, then pulled on my boots and jackets. If Tattletale wasn’t serious, I was punting her into the Crater Lake.

  “Why the fuck did you want to meet here,” I said, eyes flicking to the end of the road. The street was still torn up, the buildings mostly abandoned because of the instability of the ground around the lake.

  “It’s quiet, isn’t it?” Lisa replied like it was no big deal. Her green eyes sparkled as she leaned against the fence blocking access to the water. “What’s the matter, afraid of getting wet?” I shot her a look and her smug grin shrank. “You—”

  “Why. Are. We. Here,” I bit out slowly, clenching my fists. Her smile vanished and she rolled her eyes.

  “I’m not your enemy, you know,” she said, gazing out at the lake. “There are way worse people in the city than me, and I’m here to try and point you in the right direction so you stay on the heroes’ good side.”

  “Yeah, right, because you’re so kind,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Don’t feed me bullshit.”

  “Well, you’re right, I don’t care about how the heroes feel about you,” Lisa said, shrugging. “But I do have a vested interest in telling you your little car chase worked. The Varangians are no more.” I blinked.

  “No shit?” I asked, not quite believing it.

  “You nailed four high-rankers,” she said. “The rest of them...well, they didn’t quite scatter. No points for guessing where most wound up.”

  “Werwolf,” I growled.

  “The one and only,” she nodded. “Hey, chin up Lia. You’re such a terror to these guys that they’re pissing themselves and banding together to try and stay alive.”

  “Pretty sure that’s a bad thing,” I retorted. “Divide and conquer, right?”

  “That’s why I invited you, actually,” Lisa said. “And before you start, no, I’m not asking you to work with us. I am asking you to keep targeting the Nazis, even though they’ve run to the South End.”

  “Dangerous,” I said flatly. “Unless you’re planning to feed us information we—”

  “I am,” she cut me off. “At a discount even, if you agree to do your stuff on certain nights.”

  “Certain nights?” I cocked my head.

  “You said it yourself, divide and conquer,” Lisa said, spreading her arms wide. “Imagine four big raids happening the same night. They’d be forced to split their forces, make things easier for everyone involved.” I narrowed my eyes.

  “So you want me to work with you,” I said, fighting to keep my tone even.

  “No, I want you working on the same night as us,” she countered. “Beyond that, what you do is up to you. I’ll give you a list, pick whatever and go from there.” I eyed her warily.

  “What’s your game, Lisa?” I asked, crossing my arms. “I know you want to own the city, and getting me to take out the trash is useful. But you’re a lot of things and generous isn’t one of them, so?”

  “My game?” Lisa scoffed. “Stop pretending you’re a big deal to me, beyond whatever you know about the future and won’t tell anyone. I’m here because I have something to offer you, and you have something to exchange. Both of us get what we want in the end, and even though I don’t care what you get out of it I’d rather have you on our side.”

  “Your si—”

  “Against the Nazis,” she interrupted, holding up a finger. “No, I’m not expecting you to fight the Protectorate, dumbass.” I pursed my lips. Wait, was I seriously considering this? I’d just wound up in a ton of trouble with the heroes, and Amy was still a little intense when I talked about my work. “We both know you can keep a secret, Lia.”

  “I’m…” I swallowed. “I don’t know if I should.” I at least had to tell Amy. There was...yeah, if I was going to work this closely, then she unfortunately needed to know.

  “I’d seriously reconsider that,” Lisa said flatly. “No offense, but she really won’t take that well.”

  “No shit,” I spat. “But...I have to.”

  “Your funeral,” she said with a shrug, holding out an envelope. “Tell me which one you’re hitting when you decide. We’re attacking Friday.”

  “In four days?” I said incredulously as I took it. “Fucking rush job, you should be paying me.”

  “I’m generously giving you some free information,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Now shoo, you don’t want your girlfriend catching you meeting other women, right?” I glared at her, then turned on my heel and left, sticking the envelope in my pocket.

  I wasn’t going to ally myself with the Undersiders but...well, Lisa at least seemed to be on the level when it came to this. I couldn’t trust them of course, that would be stupid. The enemy of my enemy was just an asshole, but I’d worked with plenty of them in my time.

  I only hoped Amy would understand.