“You know you’re a real fucking asshole,” I said, staring out at the dark water from the edge of the Crater Lake. “How is it that I know so fucking much about this stuff and can’t do one god damn thing right? You know I have to wonder, was any of it ever real? Am I just a schizo, making it all up as I go?” The lake didn’t answer, neither did the parasite in my head.

  “Thanks for nothing you rotten bitch!” I yelled, grabbing a piece of concrete and throwing it into the water. “Fucking take me back in time but you can’t answer a question? Should have fucking died in that shelter but no, had to drag me into hell huh?”

  I started walking around the crumbling rim of the lake, staring into the imperceptible depths. How many of my problems would going for a swim solve? None, obviously, since that just wasn’t allowed. Besides, if I wanted to go I had better ways. Mm, if I put a bullet straight through my coronas would that solve it? No, Amy had told me that shit was all through my head. Even getting pulped by Joy hadn’t done anything, so destroying my whole brain was out too.

  If I could just figure out what was going on, maybe I could put a stop to it...or at least find some kind of peace. The idea made me snort. I had a literal alien entity in my brain egging me on and the most deserving target in the world; peace was never an option.

  And on top of all that, I had Jack Slash’s plan to unleash his clone army in just over a year; a fucking insane piece of knowledge that unfortunately we couldn’t do anything about because we had no clue where the fuck they were. That wasn’t even getting into him causing the end of the world which I still didn’t know the particulars of. He talked to Scion, that was about as much detail as I knew. I had a vague idea it was in a fucked up cityscape, but not which one of the many across the planet.

  But I couldn’t afford to worry about that between the ongoing fight against the worst kind of gang, the issues the Protectorate was causing, and trying to balance a life on top of that some crazy how. I was on the verge of dropping out of school. I could go back anytime later, or just get a GED so it wasn’t like it was that crazy. Of course Amy would have something to say about it, but I might be able to make her understand the necessity of it.

  I fiddled with the knife concealed in my pocket, antsy and tense. Was this maybe some bad stuff I was doing? Yeah, I knew working with villains was bad news all along but I’d tried it from the start. My conversation with Amy after my mother’s identity had been revealed echoed in my head. I had been set out for this, god dammit.

  Whatever, if my misdeeds could bring about some kind of good, so be it. If I got thrown in prison after, I could deal. They’d drag me out when the apocalypse came knocking, or maybe a little earlier to go die to Jack a few times just for a laugh. I’d be able to do about as much good in there as I was out here anyway.

  Twenty fucking percent, almost literally unbelievable. But of course, why would the cops actually prosecute anyone I arrested? After all clearly I was the fucking problem here, definitely not the poor little gangsters who were just minding their own business when the mean old hero came along and ruined their fun.

  A loud crack echoed across the lake, and I looked up in time to see a piece of a building, jutting out of the center of the water, fall and crash into the inky pool below. It hadn’t been that long ago I’d taken the plunge, had it? Just months, but it felt like so much longer. Too bad it hadn’t worked…

  The remains of a storm pipe jutted out into the water like a makeshift pier. I stepped out onto it, heart fluttering as the metal groaned in protest at my weight. I walked out to the end of it, staring into the water. I saw swirling in the depths, like Leviathan was down there, hunting for more victims. Hunting for me.

  It was where I belonged. No one would say it outright, but I knew things would be better without me. Even Amy...at least she wouldn’t have to put up with my bullshit all the time. I wouldn’t be dragging friends around the city to get shot and killed, I wouldn’t be putting bullets in people, wouldn’t be ruining the reputations of decent people. But here I was, intact despite mine and the world’s best efforts. No one deserved it less.

  I sat on the pipe and dangled my feet into the frigid water below, a shiver wracking my body. If only I wasn’t stupid, if only I wasn’t violent, if only I wasn’t evil. That wasn’t the case though, and thinking that way would only pull my thoughts into those formless depths to be drowned. I had to make do with who, or what, I was.

  And I was no good.

  “Someone had a good night.”

  “Fuck off Lisa,” I snapped, rubbing my sandy-feeling eyes.

  “So hostile, and after I gave you a hand the other night,” Lisa said with mock offense. “Kids these days, no respect.”

  “Lisa…” My teeth creaked.

  “Oh calm down,” she said dryly, rolling her eyes. “Take a joke, won’t you?”

  “Not exactly in the mood.”

  “Fine, fine,” she sighed. “Been having a rough time, huh? Not the reception you expected?”

  “I really don’t want to talk about it,” I growled.

  “Business then,” Lisa said, shrugging. “Thought about our little deal?”

  “Unfortunately I have,” I said, staring at the table. “Ten percent?”

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  “Bingo,” she said, sing-song. “No affiliation, no direct cooperation, just info. Even throw in a couple guns, just for you.” She winked.

  “Uh huh,” I said flatly.

  “Okay seriously you little whiner, what’s wrong with you?” I flinched as she flicked my forehead. “Don’t care to spend my valuable brainpower figuring out your bullshit.”

  “I…” I sighed. “Got an offer to join New Wave.”

  “Guess Amy can’t escape fucking family, hm?” She put her hands up, grinning as I glared. “Chill, I know you aren’t taking it.”

  “I just, I can’t,” I mumbled, shoulders slumping. “I won’t be able to actually go out and help people if I’m sitting there worried about who’s going to whine about what. They won’t even take my whole team, I’d have to abandon people. I just…”

  “A real shit sandwich,” Lisa commented. “Especially since Werwolf isn’t slowing down.”

  “I know,” I groaned. “And I’m spending time worrying about this politicking bullshit because it’s the only way anyone wants to fucking work with me.”

  “Well, not the only way,” she replied.

  “Okay, the only way heroes want to work with me,” I spat.

  “Not sure why you’re so hell-bent on that when they’ve been working against you from the beginning,” she said.

  “Oh I don’t know, because they’re the good guys?” I said sarcastically.

  “How much good have they done lately?” I chewed my lip, refusing to meet her eyes. “I warned you you’d have to make a choice Lia, guess the time has come.”

  “It’s so fucking stupid,” I barked, punching the table as my temper flared. “Why the fuck can’t people just prioritize in this shithole of a city? God, it’s like they think I’m just going to let you do whatever the fuck when this is all over.”

  “Appreciate you being open,” Lisa said dryly. “Personally I’m hoping for a bit more productive of an arrangement after, but that’s stuff for another day, you know?”

  “Wish everyone else agreed,” I sighed. “Whatever, you got anything?”

  “Give me a couple days,” she replied. “Again, you’re a bit of a shit-disturber. Makes people nervous.”

  “So what, they go to ground every time we raid them?”

  “Pretty much, or start looking more closely at the people I have on lookout,” Lisa said. “That’s expected, for the record. No more annoyed about that than I am about your idiotic arrangement with Amy.”

  “So you’ll call me then?” I asked, pointedly ignoring the barb.

  She smiled and gave me the answer I was looking for.

  “So that’s it huh?” Joy said, bouncing her foot against the grass. “Just waiting around til we have something to do?”

  “I don’t like it either,” I said, scratching the back of my neck. “But I don’t have a better solution.”

  “Wish I did,” she sighed. “From what you’ve told me, we can’t trust Tattletale.”

  “We can for now,” I countered. “But I do mean ‘for now’. I know she’s using us as much as we’re using her, but currently that’s working out in everyone’s favour, right?”

  “Except yours.”

  “That’s…” I grimaced. “Cost of doing business. Can’t be worried about some intangible rep when we’ve got Nazis lurking the streets.”

  “I guess that makes sense,” Joy said, putting an arm around my shoulders. “Hope you know I’m asking because I’m worried about you.”

  “It’s fine,” I reassured her, relaxing a little. “Really. It’s like...being a hero is about sacrifice right? I know what’s on the line, but it’s a worthwhile trade.”

  “You’re pretty cool, Lia.” I smiled at her, then tensed as a sleek, black car revved its engine in front of us, pulling up beside the curb. I reached in my pocket for my gun as Joy pulled her hands back to get ready for—

  “Yo, what’s good ladies?” a familiar voice called as the window rolled down. Zeke poked his head out, a toothy grin spread across his face. “Need a lift?”

  “Zeke?” Joy exclaimed, bolting up from the bench. “The hell?”

  I sighed and rose, patting her arm as I walked past her and went to the passenger side door. The lock clicked and I got in, shooting Zeke a glare as Joy clambered into the backseat. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, resisting the urge to smack him.

  “Zeke,” I said shortly. “Explain.”

  “Uhh, you sound pissed.” He looked into the back seat. “Does she sound pissed?”

  “Zeke,” I snapped.

  “Shit, be cool, be cool,” he said quickly, checking over his shoulder before pulling out onto the road and starting to drive. “I just picked up some wheels, that’s all.”

  “This is a BMW,” Joy observed. “Not a cheap car. How much did it cost?”

  “About ten Gs,” he said sheepishly.

  “And where— No, bad question,” I said, shaking my head. “Zeke, this is going to draw attention; legal attention.”

  “Nah, don’t sweat, I thought about that,” Zeke replied, tapping his forehead. “See this baby’s used, bought her off an old homie, cash money. Title says it was only three.”

  “That’s fraud,” I said flatly. “Fucking whatever. Please tell me you haven’t been splurging on shit and drawing attention.”

  “Nah I keep it lowkey,” he reassured me. “Ain’t one of them gangsters that flashes bands, y’know?”

  “Better not be,” I said. “I really don’t want to get a call that you’ve been arrested for something.”

  “Leave that privilege to you, boss,” he said, giving me a wink.

  “Why not get like, an apartment?” Joy asked.

  “Oh I’m crashing with Papa,” Zeke replied. “Only gotta buy him weed and groceries, it’s cool.”

  “Huh, okay,” she said with a shrug as I rubbed my temple. “Something wrong Lia?”

  “No more flashy shit,” I bit out. “And stop fucking telling me when you’re committing crimes god dammit.”

  “What crimes?” Zeke asked stupidly.

  “Fraud, buying drugs, all this shit.” I let out a frustrated groan. “We’re supposed to be the good guys.”

  “Didn’t you just tell me you didn’t care about rep?” Joy said traitorously.

  “It’s different when we’re taking down Nazis,” I retorted. “How’s this going to help us?” They both looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “What?”

  “How is a car going to help us?” Zeke said. “That what you asking?” I felt my cheeks burn and turned to stare out the window.

  “Shut up,” I muttered.

  “Girl you must be on that good shit,” he chuckled. “Man you been carrying a piece on the bus this whole time?”

  “It’s not hard if you don’t flash it around,” I snapped. “And transit is less obvious.”

  “Less efficient, we always have to hoof it the last mile,” Joy countered.

  “Well you could have picked something less high end,” I complained, crossing my arms.

  “Lia come on, don’t be shitty,” she said, reaching out and squeezing my shoulder. “All the same team, right? And we’re gonna use this thing for work, right Zeke?”

  “Hell yeah,” he agreed easily. “Told you boss, I’m a driver, you seen me behind the wheel.”

  “No more car chases,” I said tersely, even as I felt a small smile growing on my face. “Sorry, freaking out over nothing like usual…”

  “Nah, you’re the boss, it’s your job to worry about stuff like that,” Joy replied, rubbing my hair. “Our job is to piss you off.” I snorted and shook my head.

  “Try and keep the bullshit to a minimum, would you?” I said, offering them a sarcastic grin. “At least don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  “Yes ma’am!” they replied as a chorus.