How many times was I going to have to die so I could live?

  It was the first thing on my mind when my eyes opened. I’d become so used to waking up here, back in the Birdcage, in Paroxysm’s arms, that I barely reacted to my arrival. Just as well, I didn’t want to disturb my girlfriend more than absolutely necessary. At least it was better than waking up alone…

  But I didn’t want to come back here anymore. Each time I came back, it felt like I was losing more and more of myself to the fight with Jack. Every fight before this played out in my mind as I lay there, trying to figure out any fucking way to win. Because just getting through was no longer enough.

  Maybe it never had been, maybe I was wrong this whole time and I could have avoided all this by aiming for victory instead of mere survival. It was far, far to late to try again though. I was stuck with the consequences of every choice I’d made, every change I’d wrought, and every life I’d taken.

  I hoped it wouldn’t be much longer, because I wasn’t sure how long it would be before I cracked.

  “Hey,” I muttered, making Paroxysm stir. “Morning Kennedy.”

  “Mmm, morning chérie,” Paroxysm murmured sleepily, briefly tightening her grip and making me sigh. “Sleep okay?”

  “Just fine,” I said evenly. “I um, I need to get up though. Get up and go.”

  “Go where?” she asked, sounding confused.

  “Where else?” I said, a frown tugging at the corners of my mouth. “Remember what I told you months ago, about the end of the world?”

  “Merde,” she swore.

  “Indeed.”

  “So this is it?” Paroxysm asked shakily. “You’re...you’re leaving.”

  “I’ll be back,” I said, gently extricating myself from her arms. “Doesn’t matter how much I help, I’m still a villain to them. When this is over...they’re probably going to throw me back in here.”

  “Is it shitty to say I hope they don’t?” I rose and looked down at her, frowning. “Not...not like that. I like you Lia, probably more than any other psycho down here. I think...I think it would be better if they let you go. I mean, as long as you win.”

  “I won’t hold my breath,” I said dryly, leaning down and kissing her lips for a long, lingering second. “But hey, who knows, maybe I’ll do so good they’ll let you out too.” She snorted and smiled, rolling her eyes.

  “And maybe you’ll see some flying pugs up there too.”

  “You mean pigs?” She just grinned at me. A moment later, a small smile touched my lips. “Nerd.”

  “Nutty,” she replied, fingers brushing against my cheek. “Good luck Lia.”

  “Thanks,” I said, turning and heading from my cell.

  I knew how badly I needed it.

  “Your precognitive aspect seems to have changed,” Doctor Mother said, folding her hands together.

  It was all I could do to not sigh. Every single time she said the same thing after my explanation. I’d replied neutrally, acerbically, even viciously, but at this point all I could offer her was a little shrug and cock of my head.

  “I need transport to Brockton Bay to gather my team,” I said, ignoring the observation. “Once that’s done, I’ll go with Weaver to New York City. We’ll work together to exterminate the Nine’s clones.”

  “Weaver?” Doctor Mother asked, looking at Taylor, who hadn’t taken her eyes off me the whole time.

  “How soon will he attack?” Weaver said.

  “Hours,” I replied. “Not long until it starts, but this is going to be a lengthy fight.” I pursed my lips, wondering if I could ask for anything else… No, better to avoid owing these guys that much.

  “Then we need to hurry,” Weaver said, looking to Doctor Mother. “I’ll get in contact with the Protectorate as planned and bring Amaranth with me afterward.”

  “Very well,” Doctor Mother said with a nod. “Amaranth, where do you need to go?”

  “My second base.” I looked to Taylor and offered a nod. “See you soon.”

  Contessa opened the portal and I stepped through, hoping I wouldn’t see Weaver here again.

  Like usual, I was greeted with anger and death threats when I arrived at the PRT building. It was a shame, because frankly I had preferred working with Miss Militia the few times I had. She was a lot easier to deal with, and importantly she didn’t have a hidden agenda to fulfill for her shadowy masters.

  But that wasn’t viable, not with the way she looked at me. The heroes weren’t going to be on my side, not now, not ever. Even if I went along with them, I’d just be walking the road to failure. Not that I’d found much success working with Weaver, but at least I’d found Jack.

  How to deal with him was yet another question I had no answers to. On several loops, we had made it to a confrontation with him, but it always ended poorly for us. Why? Why couldn’t we beat him when we’d managed to put down every other threat we came across?

  A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  Obviously Jack was stronger than any other member of his team, he’d never have made it so far if he wasn’t. It still felt like an important piece was missing, refusing to slot into place. It made my brain itch, trying to puzzle out what it was, and I could imagine steam rising from my ears as I tried to figure it out.

  Why did I need my team? Because I wanted people I could absolutely trust to watch my back, because they were experienced, blooded warriors who could take down parahumans with brutal efficiency. Because they weren’t parahumans.

  That had to be it. I felt like they were important, so maybe despite everything they were the key. It was more than a little far-fetched, but I couldn’t think of a better reason to want them by my side, especially since I knew they might not all make it back. I desperately wanted them to return, but for all my powers, I’d never made it to the end of my life with more than one of them alive.

  So what? Just keep throwing my friends into the meatgrinder and hope it worked? No, there had to be a better way. As the briefing came to an end, I opened my eyes and looked around the room, wondering if anyone would actually be willing to hear out a call for help. Well...maybe one person.

  “Go wait outside,” I told Joy. “Be there in a second, I need to check on something.”

  “You sure?” Joy asked, glancing to the head of the room where Miss Militia and the director were speaking quietly, sending surreptitious glances our way. “Not exactly a friendly place.”

  “No, it’s not,” I agreed. “But I still have to try, might be the key.”

  “Alright,” she said hesitantly, turning to the others. “Come on, you heard the boss.”

  They headed out, and I approached the head of the table quietly. The director and Miss Militia fell silent when I came near, turning and offering me cold, hard looks.

  “I have a request,” I said.

  “You’re on thin ice as it is,” Director Higgins reminded me for the umpteenth time. “You’re in no position to make demands.”

  “First, I said request,” I continued, resisting the urge to growl. “Second, we’re all on thin ice, so can you cut the threats and hear me out?”

  “I certainly hope this is reasonable, Amaranth,” Miss Militia said icily.

  “Well I’ll let you be the judge,” I said with a shrug. “I want a grenade launcher, plus explosive and confoam shells. We—”

  “No.”

  “—need the firepower,” I continued, ignoring her. “Assuming it and me survive, I’ll bring it right back. Not too likely, but still, I’ll try.”

  “Why the hell would we give you ordinance like that?” Higgins said, his face turning scarlet.

  “Because you want Jack Slash dead, and my team is going to kill him.”

  They seemed taken aback by my declaration, or maybe my confidence. It was false, mostly, but a plan was slowly formulating in my mind. I’d been so focused on simple rifles and explosives, I’d forgotten about how we’d used the launchers we’d captured from the cops against Werwolf. Joy had said they discarded the launchers after they ran out of ammo to keep the PRT off their backs. A dumb choice maybe, but she couldn’t see the future.

  “If you have a plan, you ought to share it,” Miss Militia said with iron in her voice. “You can’t afford to keep secrets any longer.”

  “I have the concept of a plan,” I replied with a small frown. “But I don’t think there’s anything you can do, beyond what you’re already going to. It’s one weapon and, I don’t know, forty rounds? I’m not asking for the sun and moon.”

  “We’re not turning over weapons to criminals,” Higgins said firmly. “I don’t care how desperate the situation is.”

  “Miss Militia?” I asked, glancing at her as Higgins’ skin darkened a shade further; he was pissed.

  “I agree with the director,” she said, glaring at me. “And you ought to know better than to ask.”

  “Whatever,” I sighed and turned on my heel. Worth a shot. “Don’t die, would you?”

  The door shut behind me before I could hear her response, and I headed downstairs to join my team. Troopers in the hallway bristled as I passed, probably because I was more heavily armed than an entire PRT squad. Still, they didn’t stop me, and I made it out of the building without incident.

  Of course only out of the building, because trouble would always find me.

  “Amaranth,” Tattletale said, intercepting me with Grue at her side as I opened the front door and stepped out. “Or do you prefer Lia now?” I sighed.

  “I’d prefer if you left me alone, honestly,” I replied. “What do you want?” She studied me for a moment, then frowned.

  “Done this a lot huh?” she said, lowering her voice. “What’s the problem?”

  “Jack, obviously,” I said, practically spitting venom. “And the PRT isn’t any help. Doesn’t matter, I’ll figure it out eventually.”

  “You’re going with Taylor, aren’t you?”

  “Talked to her already, did you?” I shrugged and nodded. “Yeah. She’s the only one willing to listen.”

  “How about giving me a chance?” she said with a smile that was far, far too sweet for her. “After all, I don’t need to make you wait to verify whatever you tell me.” I studied her carefully for a moment, eyes occasionally flicking to Grue.

  It wasn’t something I’d tried yet, but I sure wasn’t eager to work with Tattletale again. Every time I had it led to some kind of disaster in my life. Then again, I was in the middle of the biggest disaster the world had ever seen. Even if working with her came back to bite me in the ass, did it matter if it helped us win?

  That, at least, was an easy answer.

  “Alright,” I said at last. “I’m not sure how, but I know regular humans are going to be damned important. I’m bringing my team along, but we’re a little limited on ordinance. I want confoam, ideally grenade-launched, and I’d prefer more people than fewer but…” I sighed. “Look, I’ve only got four people with me, everyone else already left. If you’ve got some real killers, guys who won’t balk fighting monsters like the Nine, we need them.”

  “You think?” Tattletale said, her expression turning curious. “Interesting, not sure why that’d work, but at the same time…” She shrugged and her smile turned smug. “No one’s ever tried it before, besides you. How’s that working out?”

  “Shut up.”

  “Well, being fair, that’s not all you,” she continued, waving her hand flippantly. “Even I can’t do shit to Hatchet Face when he’s on top of me. You know when and where Jack’s going to show up?”

  “Roughly,” I confirmed. “Longest it’s ever been is...three hours before Taylor spotted him. We’re always in the southern part of Yonkers, but the exact place is variable. It’s...there are a lot of details.” And with how many times I’d done it, pulling them all apart was hard.

  “We’ll be there,” Tattletale said, looking to Grue. “How’s our armoury looking?” Grue stared at Tattletale for a moment, and I could practically feel the tension dripping. Finally he sighed and lowered his head.

  “A few confoam sprayers,” Grue replied, sounding none too happy to talk about this in front of me. “We have one grenade launcher, no confoam for it though, just smoke and explosive.”

  “Don’t suppose you’d be willing to loan it?” I asked, getting a silent glower. “Figures. If I come across any tactical guys, I’ll see if I can poach their supply.” It wasn’t common to find PRT troopers among the dead, but there had been a couple cases yet.

  “You do that.” Tattletale glanced over her shoulder and frowned. “Better get going, you’ve got some explaining to do.” I followed her gaze and saw Weaver staring at us, surrounded by my team.

  “Fabulous,” I muttered, rolling my shoulders and hefting my bags. “See you in the shit, Tattletale.”

  “See you there,” she said with a nod.

  I headed over and joined the rest of my team. Weaver didn’t ask, and I didn’t offer an explanation. This wasn’t the place to talk about it anyway, in earshot of the PRT and off the battlefield. Once I made sure my team was ready to go, Weaver opened a portal and we headed back into Cauldron’s base.

  I hoped talking to Tattletale wasn’t a mistake, because if it was, we were really on our own.