Chapter 7: The Goblin Fortresses Of Forbidden Things(Part 3)

  Darkness crept through the damp air like a curse. The cave walls dripped with moisture, echoing distant groans and goblin war cries. Darryl’s wrists ached. His body was still tied to a long horizontal stick like some sort of protein-rich kebab. Beside him, Ly hung at an awkward angle, hair in her face, barely awake.

  “Ummm... Darryl There's somthing hard pressing against my belly button,” she mumbled.

  Darryl ignored her and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the gloom.

  Then he saw it.

  A figure. Slouched in the corner of the cavern. Breathing softly. Watching them.

  Darryl froze.

  “Ly,” he whispered. “Someone’s here.”

  “Huh, Did you just ignore me??”

  “I said—shh! Just don’t move!”

  “What do you mean don’t move? We’re tied up to a stick like sausages!”

  The figure stirred.

  A quiet shuffle of bare feet on stone. Then a creaking sound, like old joints moving after years of stillness. The figure stepped into the sliver of torchlight filtering through the far end of the cave.

  It was a goblin. Old. Thin. His skin sagged like overcooked spinach. His ears drooped. His eyes—milky, but aware.

  Darryl flinched. “Agh! Please don’t eat us! We’re skinny! I barely have muscle tone! She’s useless in a fight!”

  “Hey!” Ly barked. “Speak for yourself—okay no, he’s right, but still!”

  The goblin didn’t speak. He looked at them. Then took another slow step forward, leaning on a makeshift walking stick.

  “You're not with the Red Shivs,” he finally said. His voice was gravel and dust.

  “What’s a Red Shiv?” Darryl asked.

  “You don’t know?” The goblin tilted his head. “Then maybe… you’re just lost.”

  “Lost? Buddy, I was neck-deep in goblin lipstick five minutes ago and now I’m naked and tied up like jungle rotisserie. I am the definition of lost.”

  The goblin came closer. Ly shrieked and tried to squirm away—unsuccessfully, as she was also tied up like a limp mop.

  “Please don’t cast weird goblin curses!” she shouted.

  “Silence,” the old goblin said, though not unkindly. “If I wanted you dead, you wouldn’t have woken up.”

  That shut them both up.

  He walked around them, inspecting them like a farmer checking odd crops. Then, with a sigh, he lowered himself onto a ft rock and sat.

  “I haven’t seen humans in years,” he murmured. “Not since… they took everything from me.”

  There was a long silence. Darryl and Ly exchanged a gnce.

  Darryl swallowed. “Who’s ‘they’?”

  The old goblin closed his eyes. “The Red Shivs. My own kin. I was once chief of this fortress. I kept it peaceful. We traded with vilges. Maintained order. Then… a new generation rose. Bloodthirsty. Cruel. They wanted war. I refused. They branded me a coward.”

  Ly muttered, “Finally, someone who gets it.”

  Darryl elbowed her with his tied-up shoulder.

  “They killed my family,” the goblin continued. “Burned our crops. Took my daughter—made her their puppet. Now she pretends to rule while those savages run wild.”

  Darryl stared. “Wait. Princess Hips is your daughter?!”

  Ly spped her forehead. “Of course you kissed the tyrant’s daughter…”

  “Don’t judge me! She was pretty and threatening!”

  The goblin chuckled. It was a dry, bitter sound. “So… are you fools here to rescue someone? Rob us? Spy?”

  “No,” Darryl said honestly. “I was trying to have an adventure to distract me from the fact that my wife’s boyfriend kicks me out every Tuesday.”

  The old goblin blinked. “...Huh.”

  Ly added, “And I’m here because I made bad life choices.”

  There was a beat.

  Then, the old goblin ughed again. This time, it almost sounded real.

  “You two are idiots,” he said. “But maybe idiot luck is what we need.”

  Darryl and Ly slowly rexed.

  “Can you untie us, or at least untie me first?” Darryl asked. “She fell on me three times already and keeps accusing me of stuff.”

  “Because something hard keeps poking me and it's not the stick,” Ly snapped.

  “It’s my dignity! And it’s dying!”

  The old goblin snorted. “Fine. But I’m not untying both of you at once. I don’t trust humans. Not yet.”

  He creaked to his feet and shuffled over. With a rusty knife, he began sawing at Darryl’s rope.

  “You said you want an adventure,” the goblin muttered. “Then how about revenge instead?”

  “Revenge sounds expensive,” Darryl said. “And sweaty.”

  The goblin's eyes gleamed. “What if I told you there’s a room—deep in this fortress—full of votile mushroom fuel. One spark, and it’ll reduce this entire cave system to rubble. With the Red Shivs still inside.”

  Darryl sat up as the ropes fell loose. “...Go on.”

  Ly blinked. “Wait, we’re blowing stuff up now?”

  “I vote yes,” Darryl said immediately.

  The goblin extended a gnarled hand. “Then let’s destroy what’s left of my past—and maybe buy you a better Tuesday.”

  Darryl shook it. “You had me at ‘explode.’”