“Are you okay?” Zoey poked her head in and looked at the mess I made besides my bed.

  “Y-yes I’m fine-“ I sputtered and swiftly looked around my room. What the hell? She was nowhere to be found! It’s almost as if she just disappeared somehow.

  Zoey giggled. “Did disastrous undry happen or something?” She motioned to the knocked over basket on the floor beside me.

  “Maybe. Or maybe not.”

  That moment of humor almost made me forget what had transpired during the st time I spoke with Zoey.

  As the previous nights’ events creeped back into thought, I started fidgeting nervously, interlocking my fingers back and forth.

  Zoey stepped in and gently closed the door behind her. We both stood there for a few seconds, motionless. I assumed she’d want to yell at me about what occurred the past evening, but Zoey broke the ice gave me a warm, gentle smile instead.

  “Look, about st night, I’m not mad, both of us are just really worried about you.”

  “I know.” I stood in silence, not knowing what exactly to say. Words just weren’t wording!

  “Is there anything perhaps… bothering you? Or like is there anything you've been going through recently? It’s perfectly okay if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it.”

  “Ummmm…..” I thought about it really really hard for a few seconds. Well more like trying to avoid the one obvious thing that I really don’t wanna think about right now.

  Well why not just say it?

  Yeah. Fuck it.

  “Well um there is. one.. thing…” My speech slowed as I felt my entire body tense up and the world around me slowed down.

  I couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact with Zoey.

  Then she gently touched my arm, pulled me into a gentle hug and broke the silence. “Like I said, It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable telling me. Just know I’ll be supportive and here to help no matter what it is.”

  My anxiety disappeared the moment she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in. I froze with this unexpected gesture yet I enjoyed it and managed a weak smile. The pure bliss of having your sadness thrown away for a couple seconds

  and then it ended.

  I tried to hide my disappointment as Zoey reminded me about lunch soon as she walked out of my room and closed the door behind her.

  I turned around, wanting to py my emotions away with some video games but bumped into Ellie instead.

  Wait what!? Ellie???

  “Where did you go? How did you get back here so fast?” I asked vocally and curiously.

  Ellie giggled. “A simple invisibility spell. I can teach you it plus some others sometime, if you’re interested.”

  Wait a second. “Ellie were you here the whole time?”

  “Yeah… sorry to intrude on your personal life-“

  “Nono it’s okay.” I interrupted. “I have so many more questions! Like for example isn’t magical girls a girl thing? How’s that supposed to work for me?”

  “Well, you can be a magical boy.”

  I winced. “Uh ew no?”

  “Well you can be a magical girl as well.”

  “I- well uhm...” I blushed as I know very well what Ellie means by that statement, with imaginative possibilities coming to mind.

  I did all my research years ago yet I knew it wasn’t safe for me to act. I knew for years now that I’m a trans girl, yet even now in college I can’t bring myself to transition. Every time I pick up the secret girl clothes I bought on Amazon I think of how it will never work with my body. Sure I have a more androgynous (maybe even a bit feminine?) build but I just don’t see it every time I look in the mirror and don’t even get me started on my face: Can’t even bring myself to go to a local gender clinic so I took the online option instead. Why the fuck am I so pathetic? The most I’ve ever gotten was to the parking lot, then second guessing the heading in part and social anxiety and I just couldn’t. Even just now I almost told Zoey and I just couldn’t. Couldn’t.

  And there goes another 30 seconds of me spacing out and Ellie is looking at me with a concerned face.

  “Is that what’s been bothering you? Gender identity issues?”

  I tried saying something and nod but only choked sobs came out.

  Ellie immediately reached forward and pulled me into a hug, and I cried into her shoulder.

  “I can and will help you. Things will get better, okay?”

  “It’s really not easy it’s literally fucking impossible, just look at me!” I choked out.

  “It’s not. Hell you already look the part and I can help with the rest. Clothing, your body, hair, skincare, makeup, you name it.”

  I didn’t say anything. I had no refuting arguments to what she said.

  Ellie gently rubbed my back as I cried into her shoulder. I could feel her heartbeat through my body. We stayed like that for a while until my sobs became sniffles instead.

  “The only reason I look the part is cause I’ve secretly been on hormones for almost 3 months now. I feel so fucking scared, they’re gonna notice eventually that my face looks different and that I have curves and a chest, what if they disapprove? Or make fun of me? Either way I’m only going to get more fucking hurt just like st time.”

  “Last time?” Ellie questioned. “Has someone hurt you in the past?”

  I nodded slowly. “I… really don’t wanna think about it.”

  “Okay.” Ellie held my hands. “I will help you. I’m not like those who hurt you in the past, I genuinely care about you, ok? I know you’re a great person at heart, and you freed me from that prison of a book.”

  I stood still, looking down, avoiding eye contact. I hated feeling vulnerable. Especially the complications that came along with it. If anyone tried to take advantage of my insecurity right now it would fucking hurt the most.

  “Is there a name that I can call you, if you have one that you prefer?”

  “Yeah.” I took a deep breath and mustered up the courage to say it. “Maddie. Short for Madeline.”

  Ellie smiled gently, “Okay.” Her expression seemed to stare through my soul then looked sideways, as if to avoid eye contact with me. ”Maddie… do you trust me?”

  I really wanted to say Yes. But every arm bell in my brain rang out No. “I… I don’t know.”

  Ellie looked hurt as she asked. “Why?”

  “I just can’t. It’s nothing that you did wrong but I just don’t have good experiences in trusting others. I’m… sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I really hope you can find trust in me. Maddie, you deserve love, people who care and listen, and a lot of hugs. Whoever they were that you trusted in the past can go to hell and rot for eternity. Fuck them.”

  “I… I wish it were that easy to forget.”

  Ellie held me in silence for a minute or two while I calmed down before I informed her that I needed to eat some food, then headed past the hallway towards the kitchen table. Zoey and Joanna were already digging into their delicious bowls of beef ramen noodles, and I sat down across from them and started on my own.

  I began my usual social media scroll routine while Zoey and Joanna reflected on their pns. It was a normal lunch and they had no idea what I was hiding in my room nor the suspect of the previous night’s events.

  So I’m in the clear. God I hope I don’t jinx myself now.

  I noticed a tap on the table and looked up, meeting the source’s gaze. “Hey, how are you doing?” Joanna asked gently.

  “I’m fine.” I ftly replied. I could guess where this was going and-

  “We want to tell you something. Something that you might not know about us.”

  Huh. I guess I have no idea which direction they were headed this time.

  “We know where you were st night. To tell you the truth-“

  “We tracked your gps position on the location tracking app when you ran away from the apartment.” Zoey jumped in, interrupting Joanna.

  Joanna gave Zoey a side eye before she continued. “Well yeah, sorry about the breach of privacy thing but we just want to make sure you’re safe.” She gave Zoey the look and got up to do the dishes.

  Damn, I was really really hoping they would fill me in on whoever their friends were or what the situation was and not leave me with this cliffhanger.

  After finishing my food, I returned to my room where Ellie was fidgeting with my command centre of a gaming setup.

  “Since when did you learn to use the internet?” I gawked as she browsed an online clothing website.

  “Since about 30 minutes ago. I’m a quick learner.” She flexed her already quick typing skills and giggled. “By the way, would you be okay with me referring to you as Maddie?”

  I blushed and felt a warmth in my heart. “Yes.”

  “Okay Maddie. Would you want to do something ter tonight?”

  “like what?” I asked.

  “We could, like, go shopping!”

  “Wait shopping? As like in person in real life?”

  “Yuhh! Well only if you’re comfortable to go. I can help with outfits and we can even get you some makeup and skincare products!”

  I thought about it. “Can I be Maddie while we’re there?”

  “Of course! We’ll have a girls night out. Do u have any pces in mind?”

  “Brightstar Mall.” The rge shopping arena reminded me of all the interesting pces with feminine products that I had no idea what they were or did, and all the mannequins with cute girl clothes in the storefronts.

  Ellie touched my arm lightly. “Then let’s start getting ready. I have a spell in mind.”

  Announcementauthors note: hey guys it’s been a while (almost 8 months) but I’m back for now. Life fucking sucks and I’ve been on and off this chapter since April whenever I felt like writing at 1 am instead of sleeping. Please let me know if there are any issues to grammar, syntax, plot, repeats, and etc. anyways I hope yall enjoy this chapter.