Chapter 14 – Dilchak’s Emporium
“Welcome to the glorious Emporium of Dilchak the Unfathomable,” a loud voice boomed out.
Billy looked to see a corpulent being in a sky-blue dress shirt standing behind a counter.
Billy ignored the notification for now as he had a real-life alien in front of him.
The alien looked bizarrely comfortable in what Billy could only describe as retro disco chic meets 90s rap. The blue shirt, which contrasted magnificently with the alien’s purple skin, was unbuttoned to his navel and he had a huge medallion that covered most of his chest. The tuft of green hair on top of his head was combed into a quiff and a gold-rimmed monocle covered one eye.
Billy tried using [analyse creature].
[no creature detected].
“Well that was fewking rude,” the demon declared loudly while glaring at Billy. “You think I am some sort of monster is it?”
“Sorry,” Billy said somewhat sheepishly.
The demon continued to glare at him. “How many speaking monsters have you met you idiot? Fewks sake! Well don’t just stand there you beautiful little shits. Come in! This is my emporium of delights. Fewk me, you are all humans. I did’nae know your kind was coming here. Took you long enough mind. I’m surprised that creatures as weak as you made it this far. Some nasty fewking creatures in those woods especially for puny humans like you.”
“Just so you know it is considered fewkin rude it is to be anaysing a fellow sentient. And even ruder to try using a low-ass skills like [analyse creature]. By my fewkin hairy butt-crack if you do that again I will stick my boot up your arse. So fewking uncivilised! If you want to know, try asking, you muppet. Now are you here to buy or not?”
“You have a butt-crack?” Su Li asked while peering over the counter.
Billy too looked to see that the bottom half of the demon was a mass of tentacles.
“Figure of speech, luv. Translation can be a bit glitchy like everything else around here.”
“So, what are you?” Su Li asked. “Are you a fae creature?”
“Fewking fae? Do I look like a whiny fat-ass fae? Is my skin all sparkly or my hair flowing like a silken stream of gold. Fewking fae, indeed!”
“Well?”
“I am Dilchak the Demure, son of Dilrak the Deceiver, destroyer of Mun’quen.”
“The Demure?”
The demon coughed. “Probably a translation glitch. Anyways…”
“But what are you?”
“I am a demon, luv – a farquestrious demon from the fifth plane of Menquatarsius Prime.”
“Farquestrious?”
“Enough of the questions are you here to buy?”
“You are a demon?” Yuki asked in a small voice.
“Aye girl! Of course, I am.”
“But you can speak English.”
“Your accent is all over the place,” Trevor added.
Billy noticed that Lorna had kept quiet during this exchange. He could see her fingers clutching her spear quietly. There was a rage building inside her.
This time the demon laughed. “What do you think we are lower realm humans? Of course I don’t speak English. We have translators. Although I think this one is fewked. It makes my throat feel like a badger’s arse after it has been buggered by a hundred other badgers.”
“Dude, not appropriate,” Trevor said. “We have minors here.”
“Ah sorry! My bad! I have been waiting here so long since my f…. bloody uncle persuaded me to buy this franchise. Heaps of gold, he said. Fewkin wanker!”
“Dude!”
“Ah sorry. Yes, ok! Anyway, let’s say you here what you are used to hearing. If you think a demon speaks in a particular way then hey presto! This whole place is adaptive – well the tutorial part anyway.”
“You fucking brought us here,” Lorna said in a quiet voice. “You fucking demons brought us to this nightmare.”
“Hey, lass. That was not us. Rightly speaking you should not be here at all – no one should. This place was not due to open for months…” Dilchak paused for a moment. “And it was designed for demons to use.”
“We shouldn’t be here? Then why the need for the translators?”
“You think all demons speak the same or look the same. No, we are a diverse bunch. You shouldn’t be here! But you are! Right, let’s get to business. We gotta keep you wimps alive after all. Now, what do you need? By the looks of you, some clothing would be good and maybe some weapons, yes? You look like you’ve been fewked over by a bunch of fewking squirrels.”
Billy looked around. Most of the shelves looked nearly empty. On a shelf behind the counter there were three small glass vials of a red liquid.
“Ah, I see you are looking at my healing potions. Important for weak arse creatures like yourselves. Don’t worry about the empty shelving. Some fewking idiot started the beta ahead of schedule. Dumb asses! I am still waiting on delivery of the rest of my stock. Only basic items available at the moment. But soon enough this place will be even more glorious.”
“We fewked those squirrels!” Su Li said proudly.
“Did you? Well, good for you, miss! Now, how can I help you all?”
“Perhaps you can explain what the hell is happening here?” Billy asked.
“You wouldn’t survive five seconds in hell you soft meat-sack,” Dilchak said. “A lower realm loser like you thinks he can get into hell… don’t make me fewkin’ laugh. This is Infernus Worlds – a lower realm training world – for lower realm demons.”
“Look Mr. Dildog,” Yuki said. “What can you tell us?”
“Dilchak!” Dilchak looked at them for a moment. “Fewk, I have a soft spot already for your meat-sacks and if you die it’s no good to me. This world is designed for training our soldiers. Rumor has it there is some big battle about to happen. So, a number of these training camps have been set up. Normally, getting stronger, even for demons, is a slow business. This place is designed to help speed up the process – at least for the early stages. Get strong and survive, fail and die.”
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“And this is a beta,” Billy said. “So were are guinea pigs?”
“Fewk, you can barely handle the squirrels mind guinea pigs. Leave those devils alone – they will rip out your guts in a second. Nasty little blighters! You’re not supposed to be here… but as you are...“ He broke out into a wide smile, showing three rows of sharp teeth. “Come on! Let’s do business! How much money you got?”
Billy looked warily at the demon. He was not good at bartering.
Luckily Yuki stepped forward. She fluttered her eyelashes at the demon and said, “My apologies, respectable demon. We have limited means. Pray, tell us the range of merchandise you have and the price. We seem to be especially in the need of fine clothing.”
The demon smiled even wider, his face almost splitting in two. “Oh, I like you!”
Lorna slapped her hand on the counter leaving the five bronze coins there. “We have five of these.”
The demon looked. “Well, this is not going to get you very far. Even the most basic tunic costs eight bronze coins.” The demon’s eyes fluttered for a moment. “Oh, I see you also have credit. One silver piece each. One silver piece is worth twenty bronze. Twenty silver would be worth one gold. Not that you are likely to see gold coins in this area.”
“Alright,” Lorna said. “So, what can we get?”
Yuki looked displeased about being pushed aside like that. From the way her eyes were narrowing, Billy could tell she was going to explode soon.
He leaned forward and whispered to Lorna, “Let Yuki handle this. She needs it.”
Lorna looked at him and then nodded. “Sorry, Yuki. I got impatient.” She then walked over to one of the shelves and pretended to browse.
Yuki smiled at the demon again. “Do you have many customers, sir?”
“No, girl, not many, but business will soon pick up. Wait until you see my marketing campaign.”
“Then maybe we can help each other. There must be things you need. Things that we can help you with.”
“Perhaps, perhaps!” The demon looked thoughtful. “I always be needing herbs and other alchemy materials. There are other items that I can take in trade.”
“That is interesting!” Yuki said. “Perhaps you can provide a list of things you need. Trevor here is a more than adequate purveyor of plants.”
“I can do that, little miss.”
“The name is Yuki.” Her eyes twinkled. “You help us and we help you.”
Dilchak looked at them all more carefully. “Hmm… Ok, Yuki. Here is some advice. The rest of you should fewkin’ listen too. This is not a place for low level grunts like yourselves. A level one demon could kick all of your asses in a second.” He looked at Trevor, “Level zero? You gotta do better than that.”
“Thought it was rude to analyse other sentients?” Trevor asked, his face flushed.
“Rude for you and you humans are barely sentient.” The demon paused, his eyes flickering again. “It looks like you’ve been doubly shafted as the support programs are not in place for the tutorial. So, I have been given permission to help you somewhat. Look, you need to level up and fast. You have five more days until the tutorial ends and you need to make sure you reach level five before that happens. Things only get more difficult after the tutorial.”
“What happens when we reach level five?” Su Li asked.
“You get your classes – basic to start with.”
“Basic?” Yuki said.
“What did you expect, epic? You’ve killed some vermin and you want the VIP treatment? Kill a dragon or even a guinea-pig and then you might be talking. Basic is what I expect you will get. Common if you are lucky. Classes and techniques make the difference.”
Billy was glad to get the demon talking. “What does level up mean, Dilchak, sir?”
“Ooh, Sir Dilchak. I like that.” The demon leaned forward on the counter. “You can all call me that from now on. Sir Dilchak the Delectable.”
“More like Sir Dilchak the Deluded,” Lorna muttered.
Dilchak ignored her and carried on. “Levelling up is like… Well, this should have been covered in your induction. And if you were demons, you would understand better but as it is… Levelling up is when you have absorbed enough ambient energy to improve the power of your body, mind and soul. Levelling up is the process where the system aids you to use that energy to improve. Simple really even for meat-sacks like yourselves.”
“How are we absorbing energy?”
“Wow! You really don’t know? That is the genius of Infernus. Normally, demons would gain energy by devouring things – food, people stuff… you know. However, other races do it differently. The fae use some sort of cultivation style – directly absorbing energy from the environment. The wood elves have a spiritual system that helps them through trees and shit. And then there are the celestial gnomes who created an intelligent system that would directly integrate external energy into their bodies and minds. Oh that was funny when they were testing. Half of them blew up. Blood and guts everywhere.
“Which leads us to this, Infernus. We stole..err I mean incorporated idea from a lot of different places. You can gain energy by eating…very slow process unless the food is highly enriched like a phoenix sandwich. You can gain energy by killing, you can gain energy by completing quests, or finally by cultivating. Cultivating is kind of essential unless you want to go full murderhobo on us all. Us demons used to have that problem. We slaughtered and devoured everything we came across. Not sustainable though! So we stole..err, I mean discovered other ways of gaining power. Hence the system. The system will help guide your body in absorbing that energy and directing it where you want it to go.”
“We found it difficult to use unassigned stats.”
“Each to their own. That is what growth is all about. You have to find your own path. The system will help you but eventually you have to take off the training wheels. System skills are only baby skills. To get true power means you have to learn techniques and adapt them for yourself.”
That was a lot to take in, Billy thought. The system sounded like a crazy mishmash of ideas.
“Anyway, still in development,” Dilchak said. “Hence the beta testing. So kill, learn and grow is essentially it. Also, don’t squander your resources. At this stage you have limited resources and you will have plenty of time when healing up. Better to get a tailoring skill and make your own clothes. If they’re good enough I might buy them off you.” He reached back and brought forth a bolt of material. “See this! This is good tough fabric. Not as tough as leather, but better than what your wearing. Two silver pieces and you can make enough clothing for all of you. Crafting skills and techniques are fewkin’ gold mines if you have the head for it.”
“Interesting,” Yuki said.
“But don’t think anyone can craft. You have to have the aptitude.”
“What about cultivation styles?”
“Hey! Those are the most important for your survival. Again, the style needs to suit the person. Most of all it must give you balance. Demons have only been cultivating for a short time. A friend of mine decided to cultivate only his strength. Fewkin’ idiot used to tear himself apart every time he punched someone. Then, he would have headaches for days after. To reach the heights of power everything should be in balance.”
The demon looked them over. “So you each have a silver and you get to choose your cultivation manuals – beginner level. That means basic.”
He blinked a few times. “There I have processed your claim. The system will give you a choice of five manuals each according to your current progress and aptitude. Don’t worry you can upgrade later as you advance – if you fewking advance. You can select the manual from your menu system. After, with your silver you can buy skills, weapons or supplies. As I said - limited choice right now so I will give you the best price I can.”
Billy looked at the others. “Let’s go outside to do this.”
They went outside. Trevor in particular looked edgy and Billy did not blame him. Every moment, he expected more squirrels to come flying out of the trees.
“I think we should do the skill books first from the previous quest,” Billy said. “Personally, I think we need to choose the tailoring skill and the identify item skill.”
To his surprise they all immediately agreed. Having a store within reach meant they did not need the improvisation skill so much.
“Ok, so who wants to be a tailor?”
They all looked at each other before Yuki said. “I love making clothes. If no one else wants it.”
“Done!” Billy said. Some of the others looked relieved at that. Billy was very relieved. “As for the identify item skill I think that would work well with Trevor’s current skill set.”
Again, everyone agreed.
Billy selected the skill books from the quest options. Light flashed in front of his eyes and then two small A5 sized books appeared in his hands. One had a blue cover and said “Identify item: upgradeable.” The other had a green cover and said, “Basic tailoring: upgradeable.”
He passed the skill books Trevor and Yuki. Yuki was the first to open hers. The book shone with a blinding green light and then motes of light seeped into her body.
“Ooh,” she said. “That tingles.”
“Did it work?”
“Yep. I know have [basic tailoring] level 1.”
Trevor nodded and then opened his. Again, the book shone, with a blue light this time, and his body absorbed the motes of light. He smiled and said, “Job done!”
“Ok,” said Billy. “Now let’s look at this cultivation reward. Has anyone looked yet?”
“Not yet,” Lorna said.
Billy looked at his menu. The cultivation style stat was flashing and he mentally selected it. A menu showed five options.
He mentally clicked on each one hoping for more information.
Nature’s blossom[nature’s healing].
Scholar’s spirit:[basic insight]
Berserker’s scream:[berserker’s shout].
Aetheric defiance [heaven’s body].
Death’s embrace:[ghostblade]
