Chapter 72: Total Recall

  My mind was a mess.

  I was alone in some endless void, surrounded by nothing, reliving everything – all at once.

  “I love you! I love you! I love you!” I watched a past version of myself shout, carrying Yana over his shoulder.

  She sobbed and her voice trembled. “I love you too! Ever since you climbed that tall oak tree on Old Jacob’s farm when we were kids! I’ve loved you all this time!”

  Her words filled my heart with warmth. All this time – our feelings were mutual.

  We even kissed.

  But then, she died, sacrificing herself, trying to save me from…Erebus.

  She had stayed by my side, even when the guild masters abandoned us.

  She had stayed by my side, even when Stephan Lorren was about to blast me into orbit for badmouthing him.

  Those were good memories. Even though we had died there eventually, I felt fulfilled finally remembering them.

  But then, the tone shifted sharply – too sharply.

  A Grave Mole’s claw pierced my chest.

  Back then, I died instantly. But now? The pain followed through. And not just this one. Every death – every wound, came rushing back.

  Gaelith’s Darkness’ – its appendages ripping through me.

  Arachnid Mother - her fangs piercing my skull.

  Pack Leader - ripping me to shreds.

  Void Centipedes. Void Spiders. Ripped apart. Torn limb from limb. Again. Again. Again.

  But worst of all – I had killed myself. Twice.

  Everything crashed on me at once. The phantom pain threatened to kill me outright, or at the very least drive me insane.

  My mind – instinctively, desperately – searched for Yana. My only light in this dark, dark place.

  I recalled how we kissed again after I defeated Kaelstrife. But then, the rest of the memory turned deadly as well - Gaelith obliterating us with his Sword of Radiance.

  No! No! No!

  The pain was returning. I needed something else - a better memory.

  I saw her smile – so happy to see me again when she had found me with her friends. But then I remembered how I had to use a Spark Bomb to stun her because she just wouldn’t let me kill myself to reset the loop.

  I tried to run from the pain, to find something else, but all I came across was more heartbreak. More agony.

  Then, a memory stood out – one I was too familiar with.

  I was holding her in my arms as she slowly died from the deep wound inflicted by a Dark Hunter.

  I could blame Chronos for all eternity for setting this up, but at the end of the day, the fault was mine alone. I had gotten her marked. And I had to push her away because of it.

  Everything was closing in on me again.

  Until a voice cut through it all.

  “Spellsword…”

  A shiver ran down my spine, followed by a burst of anger.

  I could recall all the eight times Goren had killed me. And they weren’t just simple stabs to the heart. Each one was unique, and he enjoyed them all.

  I would’ve let it go. I already did when I decided to accept his apology. When I chose to team up with him - to look past his murderous tendencies so we could imprison Erebus together. Having no memories of how he killed me made the decision easier. In hindsight, if I knew what I know now, I might’ve disagreed.

  But if there was something I really couldn’t let go of, it’s what he did to Yana.

  Three times. Three different runs. He had killed her in front of me. Just to make me suffer before he killed me.

  He had already said that the time loop had made him discard the value of human life, and that was why he acted the way he did. But that changed nothing in my eyes.

  No way I was letting that slide.

  The anger surged, crashing against the accumulated pain, redirecting and replacing it. But it didn’t make things better.

  Because being consumed by rage instead of pain wasn’t better.

  I knew one thing. I would never be able to see Goren the same way again. But I still needed him. His assistance was necessary to end it all.

  I couldn’t afford to let my personal hatred get in the way – not when the fate of the universe was at stake.

  And despite everything, I didn’t want to erase him from existence.

  I tried to release the anger. Tried to let it go. But it remained. And once again I felt like I was losing myself.

  “Yo, Aidan.” A familiar voice called out to me.

  My own voice. But not the one I had now – it was mine around ten years ago.

  I turned, and a child version of myself walked up – then punched me on the ribs.

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  “Hey, what the hell?” I snapped.

  “What, did it hurt?” he asked, completely unbothered.

  “Of course it didn’t.” I scowled, rubbing the area.

  “Then don’t act like it did.” He crossed his arms. “And don’t act like all these memories are crushing you. You’re stronger than this. Just snap out of it and get back to reality. We still have a world to save.”

  “It’s not that simple…” I muttered.

  “It is.” He disagreed immediately.

  I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Both of my current comrades have killed me before. One of them multiple times – he even killed Yana right in front of me.”

  “So?” my child self asked. “Is trust your issue here?”

  I shook my head. “It's not exactly – “

  “Then it doesn’t matter.” He cut me off. “You don’t have to become best friends with them. As long as you share the same goal, that’s enough.”

  I shook my head slowly, slightly amused at how simple the younger me made it sound. “Yeah, but – “

  He interrupted again. “If you don’t put personal feelings aside, Yana will die again – this time for good.”

  I swallowed hard.

  “None of them are inherently bad people, Aidan.” He continued. “You know this. You’ve always had a good sense for people.”

  I listened silently, absorbing the wisdom.

  “There are people like Gaelith – who let fear control them. If he had been braver, none of this would have happened today. But his heart was always in the right place. And he was willing to give everything to stop this. Our world would’ve been consumed a thousand years ago if he hadn’t done the right thing back then.

  “There are people like Goren – who let hardships and loneliness twist their morals. If he had been stronger, he wouldn’t have done what he did – to you, or to Yana. He would have endured. But now, his heart is in the right place. He wants to change. He has people he cares about. He wants to save those dear to him, just like we do.

  “And…there are people like Chronos – who forget that the road taken is more important than the destination. But that doesn’t mean he’s not out there, every thousand years, trying to save a different world. He’s not a bad person either. And you should apologize to him when you get the chance.”

  I sighed, my gaze dropping to the floor. I can’t believe I needed my child self to lecture me about this.

  “I know.” I said simply.

  “Don’t forget,” he added. “People can always change and do the right thing.”

  I raised my head, locking eyes with myself.

  “I know.” I repeated, this time with more conviction.

  He smiled, then pointed behind him. “Look. This memory will make you feel better.”

  I looked past him, watching a memory from our childhood form in front of my eyes.

  A younger Yana was there. She was sitting on the ground next to the river that ran just outside our village.

  The afternoon was sunny, the air was crisp, and the water was as blue as the sky - in short, the perfect scenery.

  My child self left my side and walked over, sitting next to her on the riverbank. He held a makeshift fishing rod in his one good hand – the left one. The right one was broken after I fell down from a tree a week earlier. It was wrapped by hardened resin-soaked linen to keep the bone in place.

  Yana groaned and flopped onto her back in the grass. “Fishing is so boring.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Yes, it is.” She rolled her eyes theatrically. “We’ve been sitting here forever.”

  “You mean I’ve been sitting here forever.”

  She scoffed. “No, I’ve been suffering too. I just do it louder.”

  A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips – one he desperately tried to hide.

  I had forgotten that part. I had forgotten how many times I pretended to be annoyed by her, while actually being entertained.

  “You don’t get it.” My younger self muttered, adjusting his grip on the rod using his cheek. “Dad said fishing takes patience.”

  Yana chuckled. “Mr. Dar only said that so you’d stop running around climbing trees and...falling from them.”

  The child me didn't respond, but she was always restless. I watched her kick her foot through the air, then tossing a small rock into the water to grab his attention.

  “Hey, you’re scaring the fish!” he yelled.

  She changed the subject immediately, always worrying about me. “Your arm still hurts?”

  He shrugged his good shoulder, lying his ass off and trying to impress her. He had a reputation to uphold as the leader of their group of friends.

  “Not really.”

  Yana sat up, resting her chin on her knees. “You’re lucky it wasn’t your leg. Then you would’ve lost your title as the fastest.”

  “No, I wouldn’t!” I opened my lips, recalling exactly what he was about to say. “I could take all of you slowpokes with both my legs tied!”

  She smirked. “I’m gonna take you up on that offer and beat your ass.”

  “No, you’re – “ Before he could retort, the line in his hand jerked.

  He reacted instantly, pulling back. I saw the way his grip tensed too hard, the lack of technique he had, the way his balance was off from only having one working arm. It was so hard to pull off – I remembered the struggle even now.

  Before he could adjust – she moved.

  She grabbed the fishing rod with him, her fingers wrapping around the stick, adding her strength to his.

  The boy in the memory didn’t realize it. He was too focused, too caught up in reeling in the fish. He barely even noticed her hands were gripping the rod as tightly as his.

  But I noticed. Because I was no longer the boy in the memory. I was the man watching it. The one who knew how she felt today...and back then.

  The fish broke through the water – a simple trout, trashing in the air before finally going still. My younger self lifted it up, triumphant.

  “Behold! Your leader had conquered the river as well!”

  I laughed at myself, shaking my head at how embarrassing that sounded.

  “Told you this wasn’t boring.” He added.

  Yana stared at the fish. Then at him. Then back at the fish.

  “…Kinda small.”

  He scowled. “Not small.”

  “Pretty small.”

  He rolled his eyes, unhooking the fish and tossing it into the empty bucket. “Let’s see you do better, then.”

  “Sure!” she responded, taking the fishing rod from his hand.

  I had forgotten how she always did that – never letting me have an easy win, never letting me gloat. Always pushing me to be better.

  I had forgotten how she was always there by my side no matter what I was going through.

  Somewhere along the way I had forgotten what she really meant to me.

  I had let my level cap destroy my self-confidence. I had let it make me lose what we had.

  But not anymore.

  I won’t take anything for granted anymore.

  I won’t take her for granted anymore.

  I will save this world.

  I will make sure we have more time in it together.

  The child me turned around, grinning as he waved me a goodbye.

  Then, everything around me slowly dissolved into nothing, and finally, I returned to my senses.

  ***

  “Spellsword! Answer me! What’s wrong?” Goren’s voice was right in my ear. I felt his hand on my back.

  Slowly, I regained my composure, shaking his hand off.

  I stood up.

  The Darknessbound Core was hovering between Gaelith’s hands, until it stilled suddenly. He grasped it firmly, his dark eyes thoughtful.

  “I sensed something on the upper floors.” He said. “A chamber locked with a door that has a golden hand engraving.” Then, his gaze flickered to me, concerned. “Are you alright?”

  “Yes.” I nodded, keeping a calm expression. “I know where the place you mentioned is.”

  I took the Darknessbound Core from his hands.

  “I know as well. Couldn’t open it before, though.” Goren’s voice came from behind me. “More importantly, what even happened to you just now, Spellsword? You had me worried.”

  I took a slow, deep breath. It was hard to look at him after I recalled everything.

  “I remember everything now.” I said, keeping it simple.

  “Everything?” Goren echoed, his expression turning serious.

  “Everything.”

  For a moment, he just stared at me.

  “Finally, my friend!” His aloof grin returned as he clapped me on the back. “Welcome to the club of the eternal suffering!”

  There was a moment of silence during which Gaelith eyed the two of us in turn, likely not sure what to make of it. It seemed like he sensed the tension – the one Goren was ignorant to or just avoiding.

  Gaelith gestured to the portal. “We should leave.”

  I nodded, letting him lead the way.

  The moment Gaelith stepped through, I turned to face Goren.

  My expression made sure he understood what was going on before I even spoke, as his grin faded.

  “Listen here.” I said, my voice sharp. “We’re not friends, and we’ll never be friends.”

  He froze, looking shocked.

  I continued. “What you did to me – “ I clenched my fists, the anger from before threatening to return and consume me. “More importantly, to her – unforgivable.” I shook my head. “But right now, there’s a greater evil than you. So I’m willing to look past it. For now."

  Goren swallowed, saying nothing.

  I locked eyes with him. “Once this is all over – once Erebus is gone – I don’t ever want to see you again.”

  Then, without waiting for a response – I stepped through the portal, leaving him behind.