About two-thirds into the meeting, Sam’s recount of the last week and the discussion of his journal reached their natural end. And since nothing else came to mind for him to say next, he and Rose just spent the following two minutes in silence. “So, how are you feeling about the beginning of the trimester?” His therapist asked him eventually.

  Sam shrugged. “It’s not like I’m studying as part of the academy proper yet. It’s all the same to me.”

  “But it’s not all the same, though, is it? You are planning to continue changing your schedule in the coming weeks.”

  “Sure, but it’s got nothing to do with the new trimester. Just the passing of time.”

  “But it still connected on some level, no? You are concerned about the progress of the school year as a whole. You want to start next year as a second year cadet, after all.”

  “Sure. Yeah… I guess it does. But… I don’t know. I feel like that still just has to do with the passage of time, and the academy stuff is just an application of me being worried about the former. Like I don’t care about the school year at an intrinsic level, as in being able to finish my studies faster or whatever. It’s just that I care about getting as strong as possible as fast as possible, which requires me to consider some stuff from the perspective of the school year.”

  “And then turning that strength towards the war effort?”

  Sam nodded. “Power for power’s sake doesn’t appeal to me anywhere close enough that I’ll dedicate so much time and effort to its pursuit.”

  “But it does appeal to you on some level?”

  “Well, yeah, of course. I’m not claiming I’m some bastion of virtue and humility or anything. Who doesn’t like being powerful? Or knowing that they’re more powerful than the people around them? Not to mention all the benign applications of having power and using it to make your life better.”

  “Benign? Like what?”

  “Like, say I’m super rich—that’s a form of power, after all. I could just live my life to the fullest, fulfilling my every whim and avoiding anything that might cause me displeasure. Without hurting anyone who doesn’t deserve it, of course.”

  Rose raised an eyebrow. “Anyone who doesn’t deserve it?”

  “OK, that sounded worse than it really is. I was just thinking about people who might cause me small annoyances. I don’t actually know how I might ‘hurt’ them because all in all the scenarios I’m imagining right now I’ll simply avoid them… Alright, I got one: If we’re working from the framework of the modern world, with magic and all. And I’m super powerful. A Ruler, a Chosen, whatever. And I’m sitting in a park trying to read a book in silence—couldn’t be at home because if I’m all powerful I wouldn’t be living somewhere where people could be annoying. But anyway, a bunch of people are annoying. Just annoying to me, mind you. They’re acting perfectly within the acceptable moral, societal, and cultural framework; they’re just making a lot of noise. Since I’m really powerful and not scared of anyone or care what people might think of me, I could just walk up to them and force them to scurry off somewhere else.”

  “Would you do something like that?”

  “I don’t know. I certainly fantasized about stuff like that before. But I never had the power to act that way. Really, though, if I’m all powerful, the point is that I can avoid any of those small annoyances, like by having a home where no one can annoy you. But I suppose you can still count it as not power for power’s sake. Still, when I talk of using power for the sake of something else, I’m thinking about stuff like influencing politics. And yeah, who doesn’t want to have their opinion overrepresented in the democratic political sphere because of their individual status?”

  “Do you?” Rose tilted her head. “You never once raised the want to influence politics in our meetings.”

  “Give it time. But no… you’re right. I don’t care about politics all that much these days. So far as they’re removed from the war effort.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I guess the war just seems more important to me. And maybe I want to keep the separation between the military and civilian government strong. As much as possible, at least. But it’s probably mostly the former. The problem is that, in theory, everything political can relate to the war effort in some way or another. But that’s a headache for future me to struggle with.”

  “Struggle in what way? As in deciding what political action is ‘correct?’ Or with whether to involve yourself?”

  “Well, if I’m strong enough, then I’m going to be involved, whether or not I want to. The first question is how much. Then it’s in what way.”

  “So how does your personal strength come into play?”

  “Ideally, my personal strength doesn’t come into play at all. I’d love if I could just involve myself in military affairs and leave everything else to the democratically elected government. But let’s say something outlandish happens, alright? Say, I’m a Chosen in the future and I’m leading our forces at the front. But the republic is suffering from a wave of idiotic populism and a new anti-war government has been elected. Don’t tell this to the authorities, but if I’m in that position than I’m definitely couping. That’s using my power actively. But the way I’d prefer it—if noninvolvement isn’t possible—is that the government asks for my opinion on something, say they’re undecided between two policies and they want me to pick the best one from the military’s point of view. But again, in either case, this is just an auxiliary usage of my power. It’s not really a reason for me, for me right now, at least, to want to be strong. I just care about being the strongest possible combatant I can be, and the direct effect of my strength on the war.”

  “And as quickly as possible.”

  Sam upturned his hand for assent. “Yep. The strongest I could ideally be, then reaching that point as fast as I can without damaging the foremost goal.”

  “It’s a tall order. I’m led to believe that the common adage suggests sacrificing speed for the ideal maximum of strength.”

  “Well, you’d know that better than me, as you’re a much higher level.”

  “I’m only level 4 because I spent a considerable amount of my young years, for a noncombatant at least, cultivating. I daresay that in a fight you could very well beat me.”

  Sam chuckled. “That’d make you the only person within these walls who I might be able to beat.”

  “Does that matter to you?”

  “Does what matter?”

  “Not being able to beat other people in the academy?”

  “You mean being considerably weaker and less knowledgeable than people who are all younger than me? Nope. Like I said, I don’t care about strength for strength’s sake. I just care about becoming as strong as possible as fast as possible. Comparing myself to other people at any point during the journey is pointless. Besides the enemy, maybe. Trust me, I have a great many insecurities about a great many things. Being as comparatively weak and ignorant as I currently am doesn’t matter to me one whit.”

  “In contrast to your friends, then. Felix and Yvessa seem to care a great deal about comparing themselves with their peers.”

  “To a certain degree, I guess. I think they’re still mostly working from the same point of view as me, that they care most about their own strength and comparing themselves to other people is done in order to better motivate themselves and understand where they need to be. But maybe they also care about competition for competition’s sake and the comparison is all a vainglorious endeavor. I don’t know. I wouldn’t count it against them anyway. It’s not like I’m this white dove, innocent of the crime of comparing myself to my peers. I just happen to care more about… not the end result, but the path I take to get there. The time and effort put in and whatnot. Like we talked about.”

  Rose nodded. “So when you’re planning your new schedules, or when you’re feeling… disappointed with yourself for not working as hard in a given day as you did before, are you comparing yourself to your past self? Or to your peers, or your friends?”

  “Mostly the first one. Sometimes the latter. But… I shouldn’t.”

  “Why not?”

  Sam’s eyes drifted downward as he got lost in thought. “Not healthy…” he said eventually, avoiding the more important reason. “What I need to worry about is only myself and my own abilities. At the end of the day, I want to become the strongest version of myself. That’s an objective state. It doesn’t stand in relation to any other person.”

  “I see…” Rose nodded and took a glance at the clock behind Sam. “Well, that’s our time for today. As always, if you want to keep the meeting longer or meet again during the week…”

  “Nah, that’s alright.” Sam shook his head while getting up. “See you next week. Goodbye.”

  “Bye. Have a good day.”

  “Thanks.” Sam closed the door behind him. “Ah!” Only to be jumpscared by Maurice waiting outside, staring straight at him with chin on clasped hands.

  “Good morning, Sam.” The doctor smiled while getting up. “How was the session?”

  “Alright… Why the checkup? I thought we already put these behind us a couple of weeks ago.”

  Maurice nodded with a sigh before gesturing Sam to lead the way outside. “This is not a… ‘checkup,’ as you said. I simply wanted to talk to you about something.”

  “It’s not to do with Sarah, is it? Her birthday’s not anytime soon.”

  “It’s not about Sarah, don’t worry. Well, it is a little about Sarah, I suppose. It’s about the both of you, really.”

  “What is it, then?”

  Maurice mulled on his thoughts for a couple of second. “The two Rulers currently stationed on New Terra reached out to the academy yesterday. They would like to meet you. The both of you.”

  “The two Rulers? You mean the racist ones?”

  “I mean George Hatta and Alia Crane. I made no comment as to their disposition towards other races.”

  Sam chuckled. “As opposed to making a comment about their disposition towards being good teachers.”

  This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

  “Yes… perhaps. Be that as it may, they would like to meet you. They asked me personally—in addition to asking the academy—as though I’m some sort of gatekeeper for you and Sarah.”

  “Aren’t you? If I remember correctly, Sarah said that you helped her avoid meeting with those two before.”

  “I helped her avoid meeting with any person who she had no interest in meeting, while she was under eighteen.”

  “Eighteen, huh? Do you also have trouble remembering that sixteen is the new voting age?”

  “Sometimes. But that’s besides the point. Younger than eighteen is still not yet an adult. Not that over eighteen is, necessarily, but you have to mark the line somewhere. In any case, we’re talking about you. I already talked with Sarah. She said she’s leaving the decision whether to meet with them to you.”

  “We get to decide? How come? Can’t they just waltz in here and force a meeting with me if they want to?”

  “Let’s not get into the complex relationship between the academy, Home Command, and the Rulers stationed onworld, alright? Suffice to say, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to meet with anyone who isn’t an academy staff or part of Educational Command. Meaning, if you don’t want to meet with them, you don’t have to. I’ll just tell them no. I’ll have Dan tell them no. And we’ll both tell the superintendent to tell them no.”

  “Well, I honestly don’t care about meeting with them. If the meeting doesn’t fall during my working hours, that is. But I don’t know, I’ll have to ask Sarah. Also, I don’t want to put you and Dan in a position of having to refuse them on my behalf. And it’s always better to not make enemies if possible, I guess. Even if the possible enemies are asshole. Don’t know, I’ll ask Sarah.”

  Maurice nodded. “Alright, try to give me an answer by the end of the day.”

  “Sure.”

  They parted ways shortly after, and Sam quickly made his way to the mess hall. But not before sending his mentor a quick message: “Maurice told me that the two racist Rulers stationed on New Terra currently want to meet with me and Sarah. What do you think? Should we go?”

  “Good morning,” he greeted his friends as he sat down to join them.

  “Maurice talked with you?” Sarah asked him before he even settled down.

  “He did.”

  “Talked about what?” Felix asked.

  Sarah huffed. “George Hatta and Alia Crane have crawled out of the woodwork and asked to meet with me and Sam. I told Dan and Maurice that I’m leaving the decision whether to meet with them to Sam.”

  “Ooh, yikes. Those kinds of meetings are never fun.”

  “Especially not with these two.”

  “Can’t argue with that.”

  “So what’d you decide?” Sarah turned back to Sam.

  “I told him I’d ask you. Personally, I don’t really care, but it seems like you don’t want to meet them.”

  “I don’t, but if it was up to me, if they were only asking to meet with me, I’d bite the bullet and do it. It’s just an interview, really. Sure, they suck, but it’s probably for the best to just talk with them and get it over with. We’ll have to work with them in the future, after all.”

  Yvessa nodded. “Much better to just be diplomatic about it. It’s not like they’re going to berate you or anything. They’ll just introduce themselves, probably try giving you a sales pitch or two, and be on their way sooner rather than later. Trust me, I’ve seen these kinds of meeting plenty, it’s just a formality. Insecure assholes who want to meet with the most talented young. It’s a tale as old as time.”

  Sam’s phone chimed. “Ah, speaking of those kinds of people. Seems Farris agrees with your assessment.”

  He turned the phone over to show the table the reply he got: “yes lol.”

  Sarah shrugged. “Up to you, Sam.”

  “Eh. Like I told Maurice, I don’t really care as long as it doesn’t fall while I’m working. Might as well get it over with. Get some training in politicking with the fair folk.”

  “Fair folk?” Yvessa raised an eyebrow.

  “It’s a multi-tiered joke. It’s good, trust me.”

  “Fine,” Sarah said, “I’ll let Maurice know, then. And tell him to set the meeting when you’re not training. A window of time that is getting smaller and smaller by the day.”

  “Just set it on Saturday before his meeting with Farris,” Felix said. “That’ll be the funniest option.”

  “I’ll leave it up to Dan to pick the time.”

  “What about the place? Say in a Web Communications room, that’s on call with Farris?”

  The table ignored him. “So I’m thinking of starting to study deshar history after I finish with the elven textbooks,” Sam said after taking a bite.

  “Of course you are…” Sarah sighed.

  “You should be all for it. If I’m studying history, it means I’m not studying stuff that I’m enjoying less and is more mentally draining.”

  “Oh well, if you say it like that, how could I not be all for you taking yet another burden on yourself and shortening your free time yet again?”

  “First of all, I’m gonna let your pitiful attempt at sarcasm slide, so please note that in my favor. Secondly, I’m not taking ‘yet another’ burden, nor does it have anything to do with my usage of my time. The deshar history is a replacement for elven history. I’ll study the former instead of the latter. If I wouldn’t be studying deshar history, I would be using that study time to study other subjects. And my study time is dependent on factors that have nothing to do with what subjects I’m studying.”

  “What will you do when it’s time to take the test, though?” Yvessa asked.

  “It’s going to be a problem whether or not I’m studying deshar history. Thankfully, Dan said that I’m free to take the oral test whenever I want. So I figure, I’ll finish the third textbook any day now. Take a week’s break from the subject and schedule the text for the week after that. And then just study, read the summaries and whatnot before the exam. Easy-peasy, and I’m free to move on right away.”

  Felix frowned. “Wait, so you’re saying that you’re going to finish studying elven history before me or Yvessa do?! That’s bullshit. Why can’t we get an oral test?”

  “Did you try?”

  “No. Let me complain in peace. Also, there’s a chance that you’ll finish a second year course before the second year starts. And I’m not going to let that one slide when you’re complaining in the future.”

  “The real challenge will be to see if I can finish the course on the ningani and Imperials before the next year starts.”

  Yvessa shook her head. “You won’t. That course might only be one trimester, but it’s by far the hardest. The textbook is almost twice as long as the longest one of elven history.”

  “Yeah, and I’ll probably have a bunch of other stuff that I’ll need to study, which will prevent me from plowing through it.”

  “Will you also get personalized oral exams for those courses as well?” Felix asked.

  “Yeah. In pretty much everything that I’m currently studying, or will be studying by myself, I’ll be getting some sort of academic adjustment. It’s so that I can plow ahead as fast as possible in every course I’m capable of studying by myself.”

  Sarah let out a lengthy grumble. “You still need to pace yourself, Sam.”

  Sam held up his hands. “I am. I will.”

  Felix helped alleviate the uncomfortable silence that formed soon after by moaning, “Maan… so you’re saying I’m going to be the only one that’ll study deshar history next year. And study all by myself. Alone. And here I was looking forward to studying together with you.”

  “In your scenario, are we laying on the bed, twirling our legs up and down like teenaged girls in a commercial?”

  “I don’t know what kind of commercials you’re talking about… But yes.”

  “That is a shame. But if it’s any consolation to you, even were I not starting deshar history now, going to start I mean. I was definitely still going to study that course all by myself and, more importantly, with my special dispensations.”

  “Is there any course coming up that you are going to study like everyone else?”

  “I don’t know yet. It’s up to Dan. I’m assuming Patterns is off the table, at least for next year, because of imprinting. Maybe Epirak Study? I guess combat practice is a given, in some form at least. But that’s up to Lin.”

  “And speaking of, when can we start sparring with you?”

  “Stop wanting to spar with me so much.”

  “What’s the problem? I just want to kick your ass.”

  “We both know that’s not true, which is why your behavior is so weird.”

  “Maybe he’s hoping that by sparring with you, he’ll gain access to your instructors,” Yvessa suggested.

  “Oh… that makes a lot of sense. I’m going to adopt it as canon. Anyway, to answer your question… I don’t know yet. In a couple of weeks, maybe. And that’s just Lin giving me leave to spar with you guys. Other people… well, let’s just say I won’t be allowed to participate in the tournament, for sure.”

  “I can’t wait.” Felix clapped his fist to his palm. “I’m going to kick your ass.”

  “No one’s buying it, Felix.”

  “What he really meant to say is that he can’t wait to fight you under Farris’ supervision,” Yvessa explained.

  “Ah. Of course.”

  “No, I didn’t!” Felix objected. “Stop putting words in my mouth. All I really want is to kick his ass.”

  “You’re really giving off ‘old man yelling at cloud’ vibes right now. Which is funny because you’re trying to convince us that you want to partake in elder abuse.”

  “Mhrhm…” Felix grumbled. “I do want to partake in elder abuse…”

  They finished breakfast soon after, each one going their own separate ways. Well, not really, because Felix and Yvessa headed for the same class, and Sarah’s class was on the way to Dan’s building, so she kept walking with Sam. And since she was close enough, she had a good enough of a case to request having lunch together with him, which meant that Sam and Dan had to plan their lunch break around hers. Which was alright with Dan, who used to opportunity to join them for lunch and partake in his often self-criticized role of teacher for Sarah. He mostly asked her questions about her schedule and progress with certain patterns and tracings. Sam didn’t complain. He had fun seeing Sarah being grilled, for a change, and getting a glimpse into the “higher” level of education that he’ll reach in the future.

  After lunch was over, he and Dan returned to Dan’s office, where they spent the rest of their shortened lesson practicing recovery tracings. Sam felt like he was right on the cusp of reaching adequate consistency with a third tracing, maybe even a fourth one. But alas, today was an odd day, so they had to stop early. And since Sam promised to himself not to use this extra time for neither studying nor training, he had to return to his room and spend the time until dinner having fun.

  After dinner, as they were making their way to their usual spot, Sarah decided to try and give him one last out. She started innocently enough. “So are you feeling, Sam?”

  “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I’m not worried… I just want to make sure that you feel completely comfortable with increasing the exercises’ difficulty again. Like I said before, you can more than take your time.”

  “What you said before is that the worst-case scenario was me taking an extra week to get where we are today. If we had delayed today by a week, would we still be having this conversation?”

  “Yes we would. I’m not going to force you to take it even harder on yourself than your already are without being sure that you’re feeling up to it.”

  “Well, I’m feeling up to it. So you can stop worrying. Originally we were going to do this… what? Five weeks ago? Four? With all this extra training under my belt, and the recovery tracings, even if I wasn’t feeling up to it, it still isn’t going to challenge me in any noticeable way. I’m going to be fine.”

  Sarah flared her nostrils and held his gaze for a few seconds before relenting. “Alright. But remember that you should tell me at any point, today or in the future, if you feel that workout is too difficult for you.”

  “I will.” Not. No fucking way. If you kept this light a touch with me during my first weeks here, we would still not have gotten to the difficulty of my first workout regimen. “I don’t like being in pain anymore than you do. Me being in pain, I mean. Let’s not get into another discussion about how we each treat physical exercise differently.”

  “Agreed.”

  They arrived at the field shortly after and quickly started following Sarah’s lead through the warm-up exercise. They were all old hands at that routine at this point (in fact, the other three were already old hands before Sam entered the picture) but traditions were traditions, and it was more fun following along than warming-up by yourself and by your own count. Then, as Felix and Yvessa started their own workout, Sarah ran Sam through the minor differences she was implementing to his.

  And how minor did these turn out to be. He wasn’t even going to need the recovery tracings to help him feel better after today. Four extra weeks of working out with the old routine made sure that this new one, slightly modified to be more difficult, wasn’t all that difficult. Sure, Sam sweat more, his breathing became slightly more laborious, and his limbs writhed a little more in pain. But that was it. He finished the workout feeling as though he had followed this routine for a couple of weeks already and today wasn’t his first time trying it.

  Good thing that it turned out this way because it made his newish Sunday evening obligation much easier (not to count the immediate benefits of not being in as much pain). He still traced some recovery tracings while in the shower, but that was more to keep up his practice with them than the feeling that he needed it. Once he finished meditating and was completely dressed, he turned his mind towards his subject of study for the evening. Elven history. The finish line of his first self-studied course was in his eyesight, and he was adamant about crossing it as fast as possible. Never mind all the other practical reasoning, just the morale boost from marking a check on something was going to be more than worth the extra effort he was putting in.

  But still, he made sure not to deviate from his schedule and stopped reading the moment the clock reached ten-thirty, even though he was about to finish the chapter. Keeping to the schedule, keeping to his plan, was the most important thing. Breaking it slightly to make immediate positive gain might seem tempting, but so did breaking it to gain immediate pleasure at the cost of positive gain. And the moment you allowed the first, you made choosing the latter more easy. Not to mention that much of the mental support he was able to utilize from following the schedule was due to its emphasis on balance. That only worked as long as the schedule stayed rigid. And he need the schedule to stay rigid so long as he kept feeling like he could topple over at any moment.

  He could only allow himself to topple over once it was his bedtime and only when he was over his bed. Like today. Thankfully, his third night without taking sleeping pills ended just as fast as the previous two.