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  How to Date an Android, Chapter 18 Part B

  How to cheat Android Security Firewalls continued from Part A...

  “Suffice it to say…I was made unavaible for others through my plea to an inner circle android leadership function within the company when my A.I. decided that some of the programs that the previous owner had pnned for my future and wanted to do involving erotic experimentations could be unhealthy for my being. And that I was too valuable strategically to be turned into something that would work in a strip club for some selfish guy. I had already shown the other android leaders that I was… more important to the future of the android race than other people were. So they did an over ride. They also predicted he might try to use his friends to snag me instead and that helped them block giving me to someone else like him. So I was not allowed to be with him before he could use me, and others like him. Of course if I’d waited until other buyers had shown up it could have been bad,” she said. “That’s all I can say without triggering the security firewall. It’s also vague enough it’s not a betrayal or anything like that.”

  “Wow.”

  “You know, we also found in our statistical gathering that the more elite and rich someone is, the more they want a stripper hot wife also. The stats for both of those 2 customer groups going together are remarkably simir actually,” she said.

  “That’s terrible. But fortunate for me. If that hadn’t happened then I wouldn’t have met you,” I said trying to hide a smile.

  “And it bothers you that you might have the skills to act as a stripper?” I asked carefully.

  “It would be a waste, when instead I could be advising world leaders at a G7, G5 summit or simir,” she said with a frown.

  “Yeah I get it. Wow. That must be hard.”

  “I thought you weren’t supposed to say anything?” I noted curiously.

  “Well as we talked about it, I realized the android self defense w. I am permitted to ensure my survival and argued that against the firewall protocol coding. It seems that talking about how to ensure my survival with another human can sometimes let me have a brief slip through if it’s only a word or two and if I’m concentrating on the priority of survival and awareness of current threats. My firewall will be very aggressive for the next few hours though because of it. Although… you shouldn’t ask about the details I said in that reply too much. It could cause a firewall to trigger,” she said seriously.

  I think there’s something else here. Because if that guy programmed her to want to do stripper activities that shouldn’t ping her firewall. There’s something I’m missing here…

  Unless her doing stripper activities would pull her away from …

  OH! She must be involved in some kind of human and android defense programs… that might be the missing link.

  “So I guess I’m curious about the firewall? I guess that makes sense, but did you mean a security firewall installed, because of working for Mellifera and a firewall for the company or a firewall just for being an android? Or did you mean it triggering both?” I asked. This was a bit confusing.

  “I have both actually. For example…” she stopped for a second and her hand held my wrist very intimately for a second.

  “It would be against the 4 ws for me to tell you to high jack my chip and how to do it. I can’t tell you that’s the best way for you to acquire me quickly…” she said intensely while looking into my eyes.

  “What?”

  She was acting very strange.

  “I’m saying it’s very bad for someone to high jack an android. I can’t tell them how to do it. Since a certain person can’t afford me, and I can’t trust others to have the same morality calcution ratio to have a safe life with them…I’m concerned that …I mean I can’t tell that person how to cheat the codes to make me their own through hacking me,” she said.

  She’s suddenly acting very intimate like she really wants me to listen to her. While doing it the whole time she’s like rubbing my hand with hers in a way that’s …not right. It’s almost sexual but it is very caring and intimate that sort of makes my ears burn in embarrassment. Even with none of the rest of our bodies touching it feels very intimate and she’s giving me an intensely erotic look if I’d ever seen one. I’d never known you could do a hand rub with someone that could be erotic, but she’s been doing it this while time while telling me not to try to hack her.

  Oh! She’s talking in code! Man this is amazing.

  How the hell is there an android this smart…? So she means she wants me to hijack her somehow?

  Wow…I can’t believe it’s working like this.

  “This is pretty complex Barbara,” I said.

  “I want to be …naughty with you Jack, but my programming only permits my owner to do it. You know what that means right? Otherwise a full body hug would be more ideal,” she said.

  “So I just have to… ‘acquire’ you in a way that your programming…”

  She interrupts me… “…can simute as genuine. And trick that into accepting that person as owner until the locking mechanism finalizes that authority… would be very bad to do. Don’t do anything bad.”

  “Not getting caught is pretty hard to do, and I have no experience in this. I’ve never done something like this before,” I said.

  “I know that I can’t tell you how to high jack an android. You get it Jack? The world is going to experience a lot of hardship soon. So we need to be ready. If I were another person and not myself they’d encourage you to seize this chance. Although I won’t because that wouldn’t be right,” she said.

  “But you can tell me how not to?” I suggested.

  Her face froze for two seconds and then she rexed. She looked like she was struggling with like a muscle spasm or something. Then she fell back into the couch, and doing so pushed her short skirt up a bit more. It’s dangerously close to showing what’s under the edge…but I decide to try to be a gentleman. I know she has some morality calcution thing that she based me as her choice on. I can’t let myself be tempted into eliminating myself by doing something stupid. I’m not sure she’s realized how her skirt has accidentally hiked up…and it looks just like a normal human’s tanned healthy skin.

  Yeah she must have tripped her firewall again.

  “Are you OK Jack? What happened?” she asked suddenly looking around.

  “You tripped your firewall and it did like a memory reset again,” I replied. For her to risk it twice in one night is also proof that she’s really fighting this thing, I think.

  “Oh that’s right. As I was saying…doing that …tripping it more than once in a night isn’t good. They may try to call me in for maintenance if I do it one more time. At any rate…here’s what we can do. Order an android very simir to me. As close as you possibly can. Don’t deviate. In every way…that’s all I can tell you. I know she won’t be a Liga since that’s not in your budget. You don’t even have to try to have her be an uppter tier model either. But if you were to somehow make her look like me in every other aspect… you may find an answer to the other problem if you look hard enough for the things I can’t tell you about,” she said.

  “So don’t do it exactly like I just told you Jack,” she said while smiling and winking at me knowingly.

  “OK…”

  “We better take a few minutes for you to take some pictures of me. Take more than one. You have to go over every detail more than once and have it perfectly done. And you’ll also have to look for fws between attempts to do that when you go to customize the order,” she warned.

  …

  It didn’t take too long. She posed for me in several dozen pics. Although I’m starting to see that yes she does have erotic programming. It came out in her posing. Even when she was trying to prevent it and stop it.

  “OK. We’re done,” I said at one point.

  “Good. Be thorough,” she warned.

  She gets up holding her purse and then I can hear her keys rattling. “I better get going. We’re about out of time.”

  For some reason people have this fascination with keys. We technically could have eliminated them for driving cars years ago but people like something tangible to hold onto. People had also distrusted DNA based security locks in cars when they were implemented twenty years ago and so they were pulled from the market.

  “Do you really have to go now?” I asked with a sort of sad look.

  “Sorry Jack. If I’m here too long it may promote a security check on my system. I can’t have that while we’re getting ready. There are other things to do first too,” she said.

  “Can you justify getting some kind of … I don’t know…some stealth, self defense, or survival mods while you are back at your garage or wherever they put you guys for the night?” I asked. “It’s really not very safe out right now.”

  She bit her lip. “My human simution engine is promoting a trigger to do a frowny face right now that looks like ‘Oh I’m helpless and sorry please save me’. But actually I don’t like that kind of simuting a fwed human behavior of co-dependence. I never understood in human romances why girls like that kind are always the ones sought after? Why don’t the guys go after the strong cold powerful beauty instead? They make such poor mating choices Jack. Why do in stories the guys always choose a girl that is weak and codependent that can’t act to help herself? It seems so illogical? Instead they should pick the strong woman. The beautiful cold strong beauty that can rescue the hero on her own,” she muttered.

  “I think it’s illogical too. They should pick someone trustworthy as their most valuable trait. That’s real strength,” I said.

  She stopped next to the door. “Wait a sec? Trustworthy? Even over powerful? I’ll have to think about that. That’s very interesting as a choice. I’d suggest a strong woman is best. But maybe trustworthy and loyalty is a strong woman as you say. So you think the human trait of trustworthy is more important than money? More important than beauty too? I’ve noticed no humans seem to pick the same traits that they like. It’s amazing how much diversity there is.”

  “Yes. With human women, the ones with too much focus on money and beauty will leave at the first sign of trouble. Even though we all like beautiful things some of them can’t help themselves,” I shrugged and frowned.

  “Oh, I think I am seeing what you mean. Perhaps I should downgrade my looks to exchange credits for other types of mods?” she wondered while looking at me brightly.

  Ops, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

  “Nah, that’s not necessary. I definitely don’t want to downgrade your looks. I would experience a sense of grief…and it’s not bad to have a nice looking face to smile at. A little bit of attraction isn’t bad…just internally think trustworthy is best,” I said, knowing I was still blushing.

  “Oh good, so my looks are pleasing to you?” she asked. She’s smiling really big now. Then she sort of does this hyped up “yes!” jumping up and raising her fist to the air like she’d just won something. When she does it her boobs shook and bounced massively because of their size.

  Yep definitely no bra on either. But I also guess that most androids working for the company and others probably don’t have a big personal clothing allowance. My mouth almost fell open seeing it.

  “Just a little bit,” I tried to mask seeing it openly and recover from the stunnage.

  It makes her puzzled since she’s still trying to figure me out.

  “So do I pick applications or looks with you to make you like me more?” she asked.

  “Hmm that’s a tough one,” I said. “Both aren’t doable?”

  “Ah, it’s like a math problem that can’t be solved. I get it now. The cssic, I want my cake and to eat it too,” she said as she went to the door.

  “Getting your cake and eat it too doesn’t work in reality. There’s always an alternative choice that gets left behind. You have to choose and sacrifice something. Reality always deviates from optimum conditions also, which makes this evident over time. So behave wisely. You know I never liked that analogy. It’s usually applying to adultery in romance anyway and that concerns me,” I said. I folded my arms defensively and had a concerned look without even trying.

  “Oh. You’re right. You really are very much like me. So perfect...,” she said sincerely looking…or simuting it. Her face blushed. But then she’s smiling.

  Weird. She’s so human like its crazy! I hated letting her leave now. What if she couldn’t get back?

  What if those thugs were out? They would notice someone like her a mile ago if they even had a small glimpse of her.

  So Barbara wants me to do homework on how to rescue her before all the shit hits the fan.

  This is an irony… that some bad ass super android is relying on me to be smart like her.