“[Spooky Maze]”, Jingle Jack grinned as he uttered the spell behind stage.

  Soon we found ourself in a strange new world. The sky was blocked out under one giant tent, and the whole ground was a stage. Funhouse mirrors were scattered around like trees and strange clocks pointing to all different times hung from the ceiling. It was a picture of chaos.

  Hex stared at me. “…You aren’t going to insult them for ripping off ‘your’ spell?”.

  “What? No, of course not. He gave me proper credit, so by definition it isn’t plagiarism”, I stated the obvious. “Though it is likely a copyright violation”.

  “Are you kidding me?!”.

  “Count Boogula!”, Jingle Jack interrupted us. “I must admit, I’m a little peeved you didn’t bring along any other ghostly spectators. But I’m still overjoyed you came! What’d you think of my performance?”.

  “You monster”, Hex answered for me. “Are we nothing but tools to you? This is precisely why ghosts and humans can never coexist”.

  Jack blinked. “…Who’s the talking slime?”. Hex fumed, somehow melting into a corrosive goo from sheer rage. I suppose eating your enemy would be a pretty rational response for a slime.

  “How could you do something like this?”, Phoebe asked. “Have you no soul? Ghosts are living… well not living, but they are beings just like we are! To cage and exploit them for profit is simply beyond the pale!”.

  “My dear guest, all that we are is up here”, Jingle Jack pointed to his head. “There is no such thing as a ‘soul’. Ghosts are just fabrications, they have no sentience”, he smiled. “They do, however, make for great works of art”.

  Silence swept across the stage. Clearly, there was no more discussion to be had, no way we could reason against that. I was sentient of course, but come to think of it, even I couldn’t be completely sure if my memories as a human were real.

  Hex turned to Phoebe. “Release me from my seal. If I had even a fraction of my power, I would smite this madman”. She shook her head.

  I sighed. Were we really doing this? Going from a virtual god to a literal clown was such an embarrassing de-escalation of stakes. I could not even muster the strength to make fun of him because there was nothing to be snarky about. No grand plan, no vision. Just a few more coins in his wallet. Even his powers were copied. Truly a minor villain.

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  “Phoebe, just use your ‘Sunrise Break’ thingy. This guy barely qualifies as a minion. I’m sure some F-rank adventurer will be grateful for the easy quest”.

  “…I… I can’t…”, Phoebe wouldn’t meet my gaze.

  Oh. I had been awful naive, hadn’t I? To think that the death of her sister wouldn’t affect her in the slightest. She hadn’t mourned for her at all, hadn’t healed since then. Instead, she had just been distracting herself with adventuring, while I’d been…

  “Phoebe, I’m sorry”, I said. “I should’ve been there for you. I haven’t been a very good friend, have I?”. She was quiet.

  Background clown clapped. “Oooh, a tragedy! And what excellent acting! Don’t leave me in the dark here, what’s the story? Grief, mayhaps? The crowd would love to know!”.

  Phoebe stepped forward, raising her sword. Holy magic or not, it didn’t really matter. Even with his illusion magic, he could only stall for so long.

  “White Bee! Keep her busy!”, Jingle Jack shamelessly called for backup right away. The ghost burst forth, engaging Phoebe in an even fight: sword versus stinger. Skill versus speed.

  Impressive, but here’s where I would come in! With my [Spooky Illusion] technique, I could ensure a swift end to this proxy battle…

  “Count Boogula, there’s an intriguing rumor I’ve heard”, Jingle Jack grinned. “Could it be… you’re afraid of slimes? Let’s find out! Dabble!”. The paintbrush quickly conjured up a whole swarm of the green demons, and they surged towards me with a vengeance.

  I bolted at first, but they quickly surrounded me, their vacant eyes freezing me in place like I was trapped in a nightmare. Dabble was still drawing more up in the sky, causing it to rain slimes. That confirmed I was awake, at least. If my imagination was powerful enough to conjure that kind of horror, I’d have snapped long ago.

  Jingle Jack leapt towards me with a twisted smirk, jar in hand. Surely this had to be cheating! Where were the referees? Who on Earth was letting this sad farce continue?!

  At least Hex was mostly fair! I couldn’t believe I was looking back on his standards of villainy with nostalgia of all things, but this was such an unfair, hideous mockery of a fight…

  “[Sunshine Break]!”, Phoebe shouted in panic. Yes! There was no way we could ever lose to a bottom-tier scumbag like this! A retreat was the best he could ever begin to hope for…

  “Tooo laaate”, Jingle Jack sang as I was sucked into the jar. With a cackle he and I disappeared.

  Phoebe found herself back in the stands, now dark and empty. She looked around, unable to process what had happened. It couldn’t be possible. Surely this was all a nightmare. Had she really just gotten her best friend… captured… and enslaved… to that man?

  Phoebe’s sword clattered to the ground. “If Lucina were here…”, her shoulders shook. “I don’t understand… she was so much stronger than I could ever be… so why her?”.

  Hex sighed. “You aren’t lacking in strength. You beat me after all, remember?”. Phoebe looked up at him, uncertain. “We’ve both done things we can’t ever take back. But this one is simple. Let’s get your friend back”.