“8/10! 8/10, they said! Who’s the new King of Scares? BOO GUH LA! BOO GUH LA!” I chanted.

  “You think he’d lose enthusiasm after the 214th time in a row…”, Greg moaned.

  “Cheer up, Greg! At least you got second again!”, our bronze medalist Josh said. “Still, even I wasn’t expecting that he’d break his old record, too”.

  The overall loser Mark simply sat in the corner, stunned into silence. Yes, we may be undead, but fire burns through our hearts whenever we chill someone’s blood, especially if it’s during a high stakes competition.

  “Boo guh lah… Boo guh la…”, I softly finished my chant early out of respect for Mark. He was justifiably sore about his new record when a guest gave him -100/10.

  Half of me expected that I would somehow ‘miss’ adventuring, and that I would ‘yearn’ to return to the days of fighting villains with terrible taste. Instead, I quite enjoyed having easier prey than the battle-hardened Darkbane sisters, the defective war machines from Mechadream, and worst of all, the slimes.

  Plus I got to chat with Phoebe regularly, who kept me up to date on her spectacular exploits. She also often implored me to become an adventurer again. To be honest, travelling with her was the thing I missed the most. I had quickly gotten my fill of seeing the world, but the people I met along the way were a different matter.

  For now, though? I had a story to tell. My three coworkers gathered around as I recounted our incredible tales through honey, robots, sugar, and an unworldly terrible vacation spot.

  “Then I was like ‘that coffee’s gotta be evil magic, guys’, and they were all like ‘no way’! But then we went to Coffee Corp, and Hex was like ‘mwahaha, all according to plan’!”.

  “Woah!”, Mark gasped. My coworkers edged forward in their seats, desperate to hear the rest of the epic saga. I smiled with glee. Little did they know this wasn’t even the craziest part.

  “And then, then he said”, I quickly adopted a mock serious face, “‘we’re being evil in spaaaace’”. The room burst into laughter at the punchline, Greg barely holding himself together. I always knew Hex had a talent for comedy!

  “Man, this guy sounds like such a joke”, Josh said in between tears. I could only concur.

  “Well, it’s my turn! Gather round, everyone!”, Greg said. Mark and Josh left while I eagerly pondered which of his seventeen tales he would recite this time.

  BANG! BANG!

  We all quickly turned around. To call it ‘knocking’ would be a gross understatement; someone was trying to batter down the door.

  I sighed. Ghostly etiquette was quite clear on the matter: if the doors did not mysteriously open by themselves, you were not invited in. Still, we got the odd confused guest every now and then.

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

  BANG! CRASH!

  For someone to actually kick in the door, however, was new. They were pretty big doors, so it’d take someone of both unmatched strength and bad taste to do that.

  Either it was a horrible guest or the world’s least subtle ghosthunter. We should’ve been much more cautious, but curiosity got the better of us.

  A clown shoe had broken through our doorway of no return, and it was soon followed by a man wearing a three-colored jester hat. His suit was a garish assault on the senses composed of harsh reds, electric blues, and yellow stars. If looking into the Sun was bad, this was worse.

  Our unfashionable intruder wore a wide grin, although it dimmed a bit upon seeing our four shocked faces. His eyes fixed on me, and he gave an exaggerated but rapid bow that seemed more apt for mockery than flattery.

  “Greetings, honorable undead! My name is Jingle Jack, and I am the ringmaster of the prestigious travelling circus, the Marvellous Managerie of Mourning and Mirth!”.

  “You’ve got the wrong building”, I dispensed with all pleasantries. Anything to get this eyesore out of here.

  He chuckled amiably. “Not at all, my friend. For I am searching for ghostly talents, and it seems I have struck gold with you! Your name, if I may inquire?”.

  “Count Boogula”, I hesitated as I replied. Flattery may buy my name, but little more. My mind was an unshakeable fortress that had only grown more wise over my adventures.

  Jingle Jack’s eyes widened. “Count Boogula, you say?! Could it be, that you are the legend who invented the masterpiece of our age, [Spooky Maze]? I’m a huge fan of your work, and I must say I am simply honored to be standing in your presence right now!”.

  “Well, that was just my college thesis”, I floated a bit higher in the air. “Yeah, believe it or not, but I’ve actually improved on it since. Just a little old secret between you and me”.

  After all, even I was humble enough to admit when I had misjudged someone. Despite his questionable dress sense, this was clearly a man of culture.

  “I expected nothing less from their finest prodigy”, he bowed deeply. “Yes, you could be the star of my show! No, it would be our show! We could demonstrate your genius to the world!”.

  “Uhhh… I’m most grateful for the offer, but inventing new fields of ghostly magic does keep me rather busy I’m afraid…”. I felt a twinge of guilt, but there’s no way I was being dragged around the world again so soon after getting back home.

  “I understand completely!”, he bowed again. “And I must apologize for troubling you so much. However, perhaps you could spare just a few moments to come visit our humble circus show? On the house, of course. Oh, and you could even bring along a few ghostly friends!”.

  I magnanimously accepted the free tickets. It was the least I could do after all, and with such a discerning scholar at the helm, it was sure to be a hit. And I knew exactly who to appreciate the spectacle with.

  “…So you’re telling me, this rando jester breaks into your house and gives you free tickets?”, Phoebe confirmed. “Yep”.

  “Count Boogula, either this guy’s desperate for publicity, or there’s something fishy at work”. “…Is that a no?”.

  “Quite the opposite, it sounds great. I’m just warning you, as your friend, this sounds like a really forced adventure hook to me”. Nah, couldn’t be.