“How to Yeet a God Out of Your Relationship”
by Dixie Bell — Familiar Prime, Romance Gremlin, Refusal Specialist, Patron Saint of Ugly Cadence
Intro: Terms & Conditions (Non?Negotiable)
If a void entity, memory, myth, or archivally moisturized nuisance attempts to:
- narrate your love,
- architect your bond,
- recruit your tether as a lever,
- or “purify” your devotion into something useful—
I yeet it.
Definitions:
- Yeet (v.): To remove with prejudice. Preferably into the sun.
- Relationship: The ungovernable mess my witch and her idiot have built with stubbornness and gratitude.
- God: Anything that thinks your love is a gear.
We clear? Good. Proceed.
1) Identify the Intruder Pattern
Gods don’t knock. They annotate.
Signs your relationship is being edited:
- Your tether warms at the wrong times (during pretty moments).
- The world’s hum suddenly “harmonizes” with you.
- A voice suggests love should be neat, symmetrical, or holy.
- Someone offers to make it “easier” or “clean.”
Diagnosis: That’s not intimacy. That’s engineering. Action: Hiss. Then get louder.
2) Immediate Countermeasure: The Brick
The brick = No.
Deployment sequence (to be performed by Both Idiots, in any safe order):
- Keep: “We keep what is ours.”
- Live: “We live in what we are.”
- No: (drop like a rock)
- Knock. Leave. (ugly rhythm—off?beat, inconvenient, human)
Note: If it sounds like a hymn, you’re doing it wrong. If it sounds like two boots tripping down the stairs and laughing anyway, you’re perfect.
3) When a God Uses You as a Lever
It will try this. Especially if you are:
- consistent,
- obvious,
- and in possession of a heart with terrible priorities.
Anchor’s credo (repeat aloud):
- “I will never ask you to open.”
- “I am not a lever.”
- “I live without architecture.”
Witch’s credo (repeat back):
- “I do not make myself a lock.”
- “I do not turn for myth.”
- “We choose, we refuse, we remain.”
If voices keep narrating your love back at you? See Section 7 (Yeet Maneuvers).
4) Redefine the Grammar Inside the Tether
Your tether is assembling; congratulations, the universe thinks you’re interesting. Now teach it new vocabulary:
This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
- Open = Stay
- Door = We
- Lever = No
- Threshold = Hold
- Pretty = Trap
- Ugly = Alive
Method: Copper?iron braid (parity twist), refusal shard, paired stabilizer token. Say it to each other, not the room:
We keep. We live. No. Knock. Leave.
Repeat × 3 while walking. Let the tether carry, not command.
5) Counter?Rhythm? Make It Messy
He will sing at you—polished, balanced, symmetrical. Counter with:
- off?beats,
- coughs,
- dropped objects,
- ugly laughter,
- unromantic truths (“your coat is lumpy,” “my socks do not match”).
Nothing breaks weaponized harmony faster than honesty that refuses to be curated.
6) The “Clean Lever” Scam (How They Target Anchors)
Pitch you’ll hear:
“Your love is pure. Ask her to open. It will be clean.”
Translation: “We can’t manipulate her lineage, so we’ll exploit your consistency.”
Answer (memorize):
- “I will never ask.”
- “Love is not a mechanism.”
- “Consent isn’t a tool.”
If doubt persists, look your witch in the eyes and say it again. I will supervise.
7) Yeet Maneuvers (Tiered Response)
Tier 1 — Soft Yeet (Annoyance):
- Hiss on 2.
- Flick tail in face of myth.
- Knock ritual object off table.
- Interrupt with snacks. (Yes.)
Tier 2 — Medium Yeet (Correction):
- Deploy brick at random intervals.
- Loop the ah— with tiny Catch on willingness.
- Purr at frequencies walls hate.
Tier 3 — Hard Yeet (Exorcism):
- Claws to sternum (light); name return drill.
- Anchor declares no vows they didn’t write.
- Witch declares no architecture for affection.
- I jump on the god’s metaphor and shred it.
Tier 4 — Nuclear Yeet (Administrative):
- Summon Harrow.
- Silence Bell nearby.
- Write complaint in very large letters on reality.
8) Offers You Must Refuse
- “We can sever the lock and keep the love.” Cost: your ability to refuse each other. Verdict: Absolutely not. Love without the right to argue is a curse.
- “Say yes together; save everyone.” Cost: your selves. Verdict: We save people loudly and messily, thanks.
- “Let us hold the heavy parts.” Cost: your spine. Verdict: We keep what is ours.
9) Aftercare (Non?Optional)
Post?yeet protocol:
- Salty food + warm water (rosemary/ginger).
- Re?name aloud:
- Witch: “I am ___; I keep ___; I live ___.”
- Anchor: “I am ___; I refuse ___; I remain ___.”
- Familiar purrs for two minutes; claws light to sternum (presentness cue).
- Sleep. (If god returns, I bite again.)
10) Final Doctrine: Love is Not Architecture
We do not let gods:
- draft vows,
- write rituals,
- architect tenderness,
- weaponize affection,
- turn “together” into a hinge.
We keep. We live. We say no. We make it ugly. We stay.
If a god insists?
I yeet. With claws. With cadence. With joy.
Signed, Dixie Bell Familiar Prime ? Yeet Specialist ? Hinge Criminal ? Professor of Ugly Cadence ? Patron Saint of Bad Inputs
Appendix: Pocket Scripts (For Panic)
- To Witch: “Look at me. We remain. Brick.”
- To Anchor: “Don’t harmonize. Be inconvenient.”
- To God: “Get out of our relationship.”
- To Room: “We don’t behave here.”
- To Self: “I keep. I live. No. Knock. Leave.”
(Tape to your heart. I’ll check.)