My imaginary girlfriend is unreasonably optimistic.

  There is just no reason to believe today will be any different from yesterday, yet her faith in me doesn’t waver for a moment. I’d like to say it inspires me to meet her expectations, but I would still rather avoid today’s torture and just go home already. Quality couple time at home is just so much better than anxiety and nausea time in front of a grocery store.

  “I have a really good feeling about today. This is the day we will finally manage to get into that store.”

  I wish she wouldn’t get her hopes up like that, I don’t want her to be even more disappointed in me than usual. I don’t get what makes her think that today will be the day. I have been trying to go in there after school for the past few days and didn’t make any progress. Why is she so confident all of a sudden?

  “W-why d-do you think t-that?”

  “Because I came up with the perfect plan. It has to work this time.”

  “W-what plan?”

  “I wrote you a motivational mantra and I’ve been whispering it to you while you were sleeping the last few days. Now all I have to do is say it again to you when we get to the store and you will be able to go in and buy stuff like it’s nothing special.”

  So she is trying to brainwash me… Well, I guess it’s where she lives so I can’t really complain about her wanting to clean it. I’m already doing pretty much everything she says so I really don’t mind that much, but why are all her plans based on anime plotlines? If I say it isn’t real she will just get mad at me again, since it’s apparently a very offensive phrase for imaginary people, but I don’t see it working either even if I try to play along.

  “Okay, we are finally here. Now just close your eyes and repeat after me. I love Ami.”

  Whispering in my ear like that makes me want to run home and hide under a blanket rather than motivate me to go inside the store. I should focus though or she will punish me.

  “I-i-i-i-i…”

  “I think it will be better if you just repeat it in your head at first.”

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  “O-okay.”

  “I love Ami. Ami is the perfect girlfriend. I want to make Ami happy. I want to buy Ami gifts. Just repeat this over and over in your head.”

  How exactly is this a motivational mantra? Not that I’m questioning the perfect girlfriend. I’ll just do as I’m told…

  I love Ami. Ami is the perfect girlfriend. I want to make Ami happy. I want to buy Ami gifts. I love Ami. Ami is the perfect girlfriend. I want to make Ami happy. I want to buy Ami gifts.I love Ami. Ami is the perfect girlfriend. I want to make Ami happy. I want to buy Ami gifts.

  “You can open your eyes now. Go ahead Mai, you can do it.”

  I can’t do it, I feel sick. I want to go home.

  “Don’t stop reciting your mantra, let it help you.”

  I love Ami. Ami is the perfect girlfriend. I want to make Ami happy. I want to buy Ami gifts.

  All of that is true but none of it is helping me to walk into that store and deal with people.

  “I-i c-can’t.”

  “I can’t believe it isn’t working, your subconscious is surprisingly strong.”

  I think it’s just too busy rendering her into reality to deal with whatever that was. I can’t believe she actually tried doing that. We might be watching too much TV, but I can never quite tell whether she is impressionable or just insane. Either way it’s cute how she’s acting like that, so I’m not going to say anything. Wouldn’t want to risk getting dumped by the perfect girlfriend.

  “C-can we g-go h-home now?”

  “Yeah. I was so sure that it would work, that I didn’t plan anything new for tomorrow. Maybe we are taking the wrong approach to this.”

  How about we try admitting that I’m a lost cause and just go straight home after school? It doesn’t matter how long we try this, I won’t be able to do this. Even the simplest and most obvious things are beyond me, I really hate this.

  “Why are you looking so sad all of a sudden?”

  Some bad thoughts managed to sneak in somehow. lemme just wash those away real quick. I love Ami. Ami is the perfect girlfriend. I want to make Ami happy. I want to buy Ami gifts. This mantra sure is useful. It’s all clean now, sorry for messing up your place honey.

  “I-it’s nothing.”

  “Come on Mai, I thought you’ve gotten better at sharing how you feel.”

  I did, it’s just that nothing good can come from dwelling on it. Those types of thoughts are like the doggie landmines that are all over this road, I just let my mind wander for a second and forgot to avoid one so I had to clean it up fast before it stinks everything up. Not that she will understand that example, since I walk with my head down all the time, she never got to experience that situation.

  “I-it’s really nothing.”

  “I really wish you would start opening up more.”

  I wish it was that easy.