I saw the words in front of me, but I didn’t know what they meant. I gathered that DCC, BRR, and FUCKA were initials of some sort because of the keys. But poll initiated didn’t make sense. Like a vote? Perhaps I was able to choose, like in a video game. That made sense and I loved video games.
So, I tried.
Like in any LitRPG book, I thought with my mind’s eye what choice I wanted to make.
DCC.
Nothing happened and my hand still didn’t let me touch the door.
Dungeon Car Carnage.
Still, nothing.
I scratched my head and then crossed my arms. Another notification appeared in the same manner, but this time, it was accompanied by an intense female voice that sounded as if she was hosting a boxing match.
[The Poll results are in, and congratulations Gallagher, you aren’t a total loser.]
[You have 6 Viewers, 0 Sponsors, 0 Showrunners, and no Chief Content Officer.]
Additionally, you have 0 writers, 0 trainers, 0 content creators, and no storylines completed.]
[Poll results]
[DCC: 1]
[FUCKA: 3]
[BRR: 2]
[FUCKA is the winner]
[Poll closed]
[May the outcome favor your strategy]
I stood in front of the door and the red key started glowing. I stared at it, dumbfounded, like an idiot. I was trying to process every bit of information and blankly looked around at the store. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all, this store, however, was larger than most, but the layout was still the same. Then, suddenly the red key exploded and the door opened at the same time. It was followed by the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
[Loading…]
When I finally came to, I had no idea where I was or how much time had passed. There was only one thing that stuck in my mind. Six viewers; does that mean I have six people watching me? That’s creepy. I glanced around the room, still gaining my bearings, and my eyes started to adjust to the brightness of the light. The place appeared to be a waiting room of sorts. Everything was bright, white, and it hurt my eyes.
Was I dead?
Was this heaven? Was it hell? My ex-girlfriend probably would have thought so. Hell didn’t make sense because it would be darker. At least, one would think. Nobody else was here with me, and I had a sinking pit in my stomach. I wished I were back at my old, stupid GameStop job. I saw a small door that was not large enough for me to fit through. It opened. A bright blue orb-like object entered the room and I stood up. I didn’t like that it was headed towards me. It was floating and matched my height.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
“Hiya, I’m Atlas! I’m here to guide you as we are loading,” the orb said. The voice was sweet and innocent.
“Where the hell am I?” I asked.
“Welcome to the Federation of Unionized Champions Kicking Ass, or FUCKA for short. It’s one of the many programs the galaxy has to offer and you’re lucky enough to be a part of the action.”
“But I don’t want to be here, I am happy with my life.”
“I highly doubt that. Earth is one of the more depressing planets in our Federation, and Silas is an excellent recruiter. He wouldn’t have enlisted you otherwise.”
“Well, that asshole is wrong!” I stepped towards the orb.
“Once we are loaded in and you gain more viewers, you can always send an appeal to the Federation.”
“How many do I need? I already have six.”
“You’ll need fifty. Six is an excellent start.”
“Well, fuck this. I’m getting out of here.” I ran around the room and threw my body against every corner of the walls. Atlas just watched and didn’t say anything. I realized that I didn’t feel any pain, nor did I get out of the room. “What are you, and you said loading room, is it like a video game?”
“I’ll never understand Earth’s love for video games. No, Gallagher, not everything is a video game. Currently, I’m an Orb and we are waiting for our audience members to lock in some choices that will determine how we start FUCKA.”
“Wait, so I don’t get to make any choices?”
“Of course not, the Federation believes that audience engagement is important for sustainability.”
“What is the Federation?”
“I said too much already, I wouldn’t be surprised if they already censored me. It’s best practice to just shut up.”
“I demand that you—”
I was interrupted by a notification.
[Congratulations on obtaining 6 Viewers]
[Unlocked Legendary Viking Class (Earth only) once you load in, Gallagher will be Viking class]
[Unlocked additional vote. Viewers will get to vote twice before loading is completed.]
[Poll 2 initiated]
[Atlas class & appearance]
[Writer, red Kobold]
[Trainer, fat Satyr]
[Content Creator, small Gremlin]
“That’s bullshit. I can’t even pick my own freaking class!” I yelled.
“Hiya, buddy, at least you’re gonna be a legendary class. That’s nothing to sneeze at. You should be grateful. If I know anything about Earth and the Galaxy, they are going to turn me into a fat Satyr this season.” Atlas didn’t sound happy.
“And why is that a bad thing? Trainer wouldn’t be a bad class.” I pretended to know what I was talking about.
“Not really at the start. You don’t know what FUCKA is and the only thing I can tell you is that storylines matter. Full stop!”
“So, you’re telling me an optimally built class isn’t going to do me any good?” What kind of video game is that?”
“It’s not a video game and you’re not the main character of this story. You’re only a participant that has a few viewers—”
“Six to be exact!”
“That doesn’t mean anything and they’ll probably drop off once they discover how boring and arrogant you are.”
“I thought you were supposed to help me.” I wanted to punt this orb across the room.
“If you don’t listen to me, none of it will matter and we’ll both be dead.”
I took a deep breath after understanding how dire the situation was. I sat back down in the white, lazy-boy-like chair and considered my options. “Okay, Atlas, what’s the game plan?” We were interrupted by another notification.
[Poll 3 initiated]
[Arena Match]
[Trial by Combat]
[Royal Rumble]
[The Super Smash Platformer]
[Viewers have five days (human time) to cast their votes]
[Good luck, and may the outcome favor your strategy.]
“It’s simple, Gallagher, we wait for the votes and load into FUCKA.”
“It sounds like I’m FUCKA’ed,” I said with a smile on my face, and looked at where I thought the viewers could see my face. If this was a show, I’d give these fuckers one hell of a ride.
Which Class & Appearance will Atlas be?
