Chapter 54: Damn, dirty animals!

  “Samurais are, tactically, a complete unknown. Oh sure, we have tiers, but those are essentially meaningless in terms of samurais and their talents. How do you classify the effectiveness of a nuke flinger vs someone who freezes enemies or teleports chickens in them or some other nonsense!?

  The moment you push them against the wall, they become more dangerous than almost anything else on this planet. Even if we have intel it becomes invalid in second!

  Please, for the love of god, remember that the tiers are just an attempt to classify something we have no control over whatsoever. We have no way to actually tell what they’re capable of or to tell them what to do, and attacking them is the stupidest thing you could possibly do!”

  –NUSA army researcher, attempting to cancel mission BribeorDeath, one hour before all combatants were declared KIA, 2043.

  “Hey, Altany, I’m going to need some intel, can you find me an information broker or… a fixer would do.” I asked my brain buddy while eating something which… resembled a sandwich. Did it use a tortilla for bread? Never had a crunchy tortilla like that. Seriously, the ‘take-out roulette’ idea got a real trial on the first night. It tasted… spicy? It had cheese-like stuff and plant meat too.

  Lila gave me a raised eyebrow over Alice’s head. She was teaching my little bundle of overactive joy how to play cards while I sat on the couch. Better skill to kill time than you’d think! Even with augs, well, I’ve been hit by an emp grenade before, plus viruses and… yeah, good to have a backup. Also, hey, group fun! Hope she wasn’t teaching her poker…

  My sister –brrrrr, still creepy to think with what we did last night, none of us had that weird ass kink– had been feeling a lot better since that day in court! From what I could understand, simply sharing the burden had done a lot!

  On top of that, the fact that she’d have her son back in a month –one way or another– also did wonders! Still, the whole thing made her nervous and… lots of complicated emotions that I supported and stuff!

  I was glad we ended up curing the judge’s wife of Alzheimer as a bribe. Could have ended up expensive or morally grey, but that conclusion really satisfied me. The nanite suite would even regenerate the damage to her brain! Fucking beautiful.

  I can find someone rather easily. I am confused as to why you wish for information from a source other than me.

  Lila smirked slightly. “While you’re damn near perfect, sometimes intel isn’t shared over networks.”

  Alice glared up at her aunt. “Hey! Eyes on the game!”

  “Sorry sweety.” She replied with a small smile.

  I nodded. “Exactly. Some gangs go low tech and some homeless people just don’t have access. So, can you find me somebody? Good reputation for discretion would help.”

  ***

  “I will fucking murder you…” I grumbled, teeth grinding. Synthia tried not to burst out laughing next to me. We sat at the bar of a nice little establishment…

  While amusing, this is a good choice for information gathering.

  “Suuuuuure…” I noticed she didn’t say the ‘best’ choice, that swine cunt…

  “Honestly, boss, you shouldn’t blame poor Altany for your choices, it’s fine if…”

  “Shut the fuck up, Synthia.” She did, a massive smile and restrained laughter all over her fucking face.

  Honestly, I didn’t want to take any chances. That’s why I’d barely called ahead before going in my personal APC with all stealth systems active. Hell, my awesome vehicle even had the militia’s two best gunners along with a loader.

  Vincent stayed outside with the other four further away, but I could fucking guess Synthia, the fucking bitch, was sending them a live feed!

  “Hey, nice…”

  “Don’t.” I replied testily to the proprietor, one Millenium Animal. I should’ve fucking guessed!

  “Hum… Alright. I am pleased that a samurai chose me for…”

  “My AI chose you.”

  “I… Ok. What can I do for you, mister Panda?” He said, clearly apprehensive now.

  Was I being an asshole? Yeah, I was. Fuck. A few deep breaths and a mouthful of scotch later, my manners came back. “Sorry, mister Animal, tough day. My AI made it a fuckload worse, I shouldn’t take it out on you.” I apologized to the information broker with regret.

  “I understand, you are forgiven mister Panda. Now, what brings such an illustrious guest to my humble establishment?” He asked, the fox mask now much more sly, eager and curious.

  I downed my glass, good stuff, probably for high value clients. If the barman was stupid enough to poison me, my nanites would handle it before Synthia killed him. She’d upgraded those cyber-arms of hers! The old pair went to a newbie enforcer after some adjustments, a nice girl with dreams of being a gunslinger like Johnny and Roger! They had quite a few deadly options now, like swiss army knives of death!

  The booze helped me calm down some. Nice, woodsy and smoky. I’d had enough spirits in my day to not flinch at the two shots straight down my throat. “I need intel. The kind of intel that doesn’t get recorded, you feel?”

  The man’s ‘face’ (I wouldn’t even try to analyze the complexities of a furry’s physical self-identification) made a silent ‘ah!’ before he spoke. “That kind of intel. I understand, your AI can probably hack their way into whatever network you need. However, yes, plenty is left outside the digital world for exactly this reason. What kind of information?”

  “Everything you can get on specific locations. Hidden caches, passages, who’s there, is any corp hiding something in that spot, that kind of shit. Before we go further, I’d like to buy your silence on the matter. You have a reputation for discretion, and I’m not doubting it, but I’d feel better putting your pocketbook on the line.”

  “What do you have in mind?” He asked, not offended but clearly interested. The guy’d been around for a while and I probably wasn’t the first one to offer.

  “I have things to do in those locations. I’d like your word that you won’t share the list or the fact of my involvement with anybody. I’d really fucking hate being ambushed there and it could cause very, very dangerous issues. Not dangerous for me, mind you, but dangerous for others.”

  The fox’s eyes narrowed in thought, wheels spinning. He probably had an idea on what the problem was, but some stuff shouldn’t be spoken aloud in public. “A bonus if you don’t get ambushed? I can work with that.”

  I shook my hand in front of me in the universal ‘sorta’ gesture. “Not just that, but yeah. I’ll give you 10 points of whatever you want from my catalogues and another 10 points if I make it all the way through to the last location without any ambushes. I find threatening only goes so far, I think you understand.”

  His eyes went comically wide and I saw them dart to my cybernetic ears. “Hum… You mean, 10 points right now, no matter the intel I get?”

  “Yup. The pay for intel will be different, I don’t want to spend points willy-nilly, I hope you understand, but I want you to have extra-incentive to stay discreet.”

  “I-I think that will do just fine, I accept.” Aligning incentives, the best way to make people act the way you need. “For the information?”

  “I did research on your usual rate. I’ll pay double. I trust that won’t be a problem? With the extra I’m paying, I hope you’ll price said information fairly.” Altany would check, but still, better not waste credit. The bonus’d keep him honest, on top of everything else. A guy like that knew how to overprice rich clients.

  “Of course, of course! Do hum… do I have to use those points right now or can I wait until completion of the contract?” I smiled at him. If he wanted to spend the full thing, that meant low chances of fucking me over. Truthfully? I’d pay him the first part even if I got ambushed. Reputation drove the underworld and I always kept mine pristine.

  “No problem. Depending on the intel you get, I might even consider an extra bonus.” I said, a small smile on my face. Some intel got hard to find! Extremely hard. Corps hiding shit could get damn crafty. I liked rewarding good work. Tipping ensured good service, an important life lesson in the bowels. “I should probably mention, you might not want people investigating in person too hard. It could end up with… consequences. Are you in?”

  “Yes!” The answer came fast and eager. “I mean, I’m grateful you came to me with this work. I won’t let you down, mister Panda.” I nodded back at him, satisfied.

  Before I could conclude our business together however, he dropped this little bombshell. “In the interest of good relations, I feel a need to inform you that there is a fairly massive recent bounty on your head from a few different parties.” My eyebrows rose. Interesting.

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. It seems many have issued a ‘proof of death’ bounty. They are all willing to pay, pooling their resources to entice bigger players. Said bigger players issued bounties for information on your location. I would not be surprised if you are ambushed on your way out.” Well, shit.

  “I have not detected any incoming threats and have not informed anyone of your visit, but my clients may not have my restraint. Also, your entry was not particularly subtle.” He looked genuinely eager to please. Generosity for the win!

  The elimination bounties didn’t surprise me much, but the intel ones? That might be a problem. “Well, guess I’ll have to conclude our business quickly.” I took out a datastick from my leather coat’s shielded pocket and handed it over. “This includes a mesh address to communicate information discreetly. In all honesty, my AI will probably check your shit for spying software and shit like that, sorry.”

  That didn’t seem to bother him much, odd. “I understand, it won’t be the first. You should probably go, I’d prefer my bar remain unscathed.”

  A few pleasantries later, Synthia and I went outside.

  ***

  We couldn’t park right next to the Barber Shop, meaning our vehicle didn’t have LOS on the entrance. Didn’t matter much in the end. I could take care of the little army that came for me without it.

  It took a bit for my ears to pick them up. The fuckers either waited for me to exit or just got here. They’d chosen an isolated location in the middle of my route. “Altany, warn any civilian to stay the fuck away. Bella, we got incoming, You lost overwatch a while back, any luck finding an angle? Ripley, might need you to come charging in at some point. Vincent, Synthia, look for some good cover, and I mean damn good. If they’re coming for me, they’ll be packing AP.”

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  It took until we reached a megabuilding street with shuttered storefronts before they manifested. Maybe they didn’t want to pay for damages? Forty of them from what I could tell. They’d kept their distance and we had plenty of good cover all around.

  “Hey! You’re surrounded! We got you! Surrender and…”

  ***

  Luis would kill his CO! The whole FUBAR mission could go fuck itself…

  As a sniper, Luis had the unenviable job of killing most of the bounties that resisted, although it ended in a firing squad most of the time. Shit job, but someone’s gotta do it. It paid well at least and, for a merc, Luis was pretty safe. They didn’t find counter-snipers that often and they always came ready for bear, with a shit-ton of guys against smaller groups.

  This time though…

  When the fuck would mercs learn to not fuck with samurai!? Seriously!? He didn’t care how new that guy was! Even before becoming a samurai, he’d heard other bounty hunters talk about his price and ways to get him, but usually less idiotic people would remind them the guy was surrounded by a fucking army!

  Creds were useless if you were dead! Bounty hunting was a balance of risk to reward. Even if you could kill him, getting out of there with the money? No fucking way. It was one of those ‘don’t do it, kid’ contracts. They had tons of ‘em, but this guy stood out a bit. Suddenly though, the bounty got absolutely insane and the boss thought they could take him! Not at home, no fucking way in hell, but with nothing but a couple guys? Made sense to go after him.

  If he’d not been a mother fucking samurai! Everyone should know how stupid that was! Luis didn’t want to fucking do it but, well, he liked eating and wanted to lower the amount of buddies he’d lose.

  Wait, no, no, they could do it! That asshole had one micro-incursion to his name, that was it! Or at least that was what their shitty intel told ‘em…

  His little cult of whatever didn’t spill and their networks were ridiculously secure. Probably spent all his points on the building or whatever. No way his armor could take his baby…

  His gun get the fucker, for sure! High-velocity AP .30-06 with a DLC coating and uranium staballoy core! Not only that, but the powder’d been overloaded for that extra velocity his lengthened barrel could truly take advantage of.

  He got there just in time, setting up between conduits that would hide his IR sig. The main force covered them on three sides, dude was fucked. The moment he surrendered they could end it easily. If he didn’t surrender… Well, that’s what his baby was here for! Hadn’t met anyone’s armor that could handle her and it sure wouldn’t happen today.

  Dude had to be a tier 1 samurai, no more than that! It’d be fine, they could take him. Forty guys vs three, all packing AP rounds, which was traditional against samurais, of course. Twenty more on backup and escape cutoff would be in place in seconds…

  “Hey! You’re surrounded! We got you! Surrender and…”

  “Oh please!” The sound startled him, high volume and derisive. That… Either bluster or he had no clue what kind of shit he was in! For sure!

  “I know the bounty’s for my head. I’ll give you a chance. Here are the rules: Innocent people get hurt, you die. My friends get hurt, you die. My friends die? I will hunt down your entire organization and burn it to the fucking ground. If you want to survive this encounter, especially without losing all four limbs, I highly suggest you put your guns down.” That… What? Demands? T-They were…

  “Also, come on, your sniper has a shot, just ta…”

  *BANG*

  Shit! Luis panicked when that fucker looked straight at him! Still, he got the headshot, that nightm…

  “What was that? A .30-06? That’s just fucking insulting...”

  Oooooh fuck…

  ***

  In panic, that sniper had opened fire. The high-velocity armor-penetrating round just bounced off my helmet. Barely transferred anything past the entropic gel.

  “What was that? A .30-06? That’s just fucking insulting...” Seriously? 30-06!? They couldn’t dig up an anti-material rifle for me? An old Barrett maybe? Whatever…

  There was a beat of silence after that. I turned to Synthia and Vincent, both of them ready and weapons pointing at the ground, like real pros. “You guys go for cover, I’ll be fine.”

  Vincent, of all people, turned his helmeted head to me. After the Badgers’ hive, he ended up buying some pretty good armor! Made to resist his own shrapnel and flashbangs, it could take most of the calibers Altany analyzed. “Respectfully boss, fuck off. I trained for a reason.”

  “H-Hey! I… I said you’re, hum… captured! Put down your weapons or…” He didn’t get to finish.

  Vincent shot a burst of three flashbangs at the ground, each meant to ‘pop’ nine times while emitting flashes of light at a preprogrammed frequency that allies could adjust their augs to handle, which we did.

  In the confusion, Synthia started to move! Her form blurred from the insane speed her limbs afforded. She’d also modified her internal organs and skull just like I did, meaning bullets wouldn’t do anywhere near as much if she got hit. Her armor only focused on her head and torso, allowing her points to be concentrated on keeping her vitals safe.

  Vincent immediately jumped hard, ducked and rolled, staying unpredictable, exactly like I taught him. He found cover behind a metal dumpster in seconds. Good choice, two layers of metal with plenty of trash in the way. Taking cover behind walls was only acceptable when you had no options. I felt proud of my enforceling!

  Bella, who thankfully found a position, started taking out as many as she could. The woman didn’t feel anywhere near as much remorse as I did from killing. Didn’t bother me.

  Ripley, who’d stayed on the APC to be less conspicuous, had already made her way to around the bend. The ground shook with her exo-suit’s heavy steps, meaning the idiots got to see their death coming in a two and a half meters tall yellow exoskeleton! The cockpit was made of this thick shell of some clear alloy that shrugged off rounds like nobody’s business! Even with options for a flame-thrower and attached assault-rifle, she decided to just break a lot of bones.

  Me? I moved away from my enforcers and made sure to keep the bullets aimed at me. My shotgun started a limb-removal business! “Altany, take over the railgun! Keep my friends safe!”

  Of course. Coilgun firing.

  The beautiful weapon assembled and became a lot more lethal than me. I didn’t want to kill these idiots, but wouldn’t begrudge any of my enforcers (or Altany) for going with a permanent solution. These fucks wanted to kill me, to collect on my bounty. My mercy might be considered a bit weird, but it was just… me.

  Had to say, business was good! I usually went with their dominant arm first, which did wonders for making them stop shooting. After number eight, the morons started trying to get at sidearms.

  No matter how fucked up it was, I just thought it looked fucking hilarious! With their holster on the opposite side and made to not have someone else take it? Boy, they sure did try… And fail miserably. Those who tried to run lost a lower leg. I wasn’t done with these morons.

  Ripley bowled through their ranks with extremely scary ease! Bones broke, skulls were smashed and bodies thrown at walls with bone shattering force!

  Synthia’s SMGs clipped into her prosthetic’s lower arms on the inside at the same time as she unholstered her pistols. That was followed by the internally mounted helical-coilguns. The beautiful things spat slugs –like the best weapon type ever– that burst a meter away from the barrel and became a deadly spray of tungsten. Came straight out of our printers!

  The two pistols were Roger’s old ones, aug-linked for precision. She’d even gotten him to give her gun-fu lessons! Except that in her case, she had three weapons firing at the same mother fucking time, on each fucking arm! Let’s say she didn’t miss.

  Vincent followed my lead, firing grenades meant to wound and stagger rather than kill before getting into the limb removal business with me! All the while, Bella calmly eliminated every target she had an angle on.

  Headshots had become more prevalent in recent years with the invention of better body armor and cybernetics. They turned out to be pretty much the only way to guarantee a kill. She sure proved their effectiveness now. Scary bitch. My scary bitch.

  A team is surrounding the APC. The gunners are asking permission to open fire.

  I blinked. Going after me? That was one thing. If those dead chlamydia ridden goat sodomizers put a fucking scratch on my awesome fucking APC!? “Fuck yes, add every fucking weapon, auto-cannons and PDCs, even the fucking tail!! Give me a fucking feed.” I said, my eyes narrowed.

  The view was rather impressive! Cheap or not, those auto-cannons were lethal! Created a lot of pink mist. I also got to see what happened when the tail YEETED a person. Ended up similarly to the fridge, lots of pieces. Had to respect Altany’s love of tails.

  The gunners did great! The moment after activation, holes were opened in perfect sync with them being pushed out. A mechanical arm inside held them up, repositioning and angling them so they’d have three times the field of fire. Apparently it took some getting used to along with some talent. Thankfully, the militia was filled with volunteers eager to use super samurai tech!

  I could get why, those guns were powerful as fuck!

  After taking care of the last idiot too stupid to stop shooting, I jumped and made a handhole in the conduit cover before pulling with every ounce of strength I had! A moment later, the sniper I’d been walking towards so he wouldn’t shoot my friends fell to the ground. “Stay down, dumbass.”

  “Altany, mind highlighting the leader?” A corpse came into focus. “Second in command?” Another corpse. I sighed. “The highest ranking survivor?” Welp, sniper asshole it was! At least dude had all his limbs and could think clearly.

  He is sixth in command of this squad. I believe he will cooperate rather quickly. His vitals are very concerning. You should act quickly before he has a cardio-vascular incident.

  “Hey buddy!” I said while approaching the jackass. Everyone of them was either dead or neutralized. Time to talk!

  “No no no! Please! I-I can pay you! M-My boss has the means please fuck fuck I’m so fucking sorry don’t…!” He screamed while scrambling back ineffectually due to his panic.

  “Calm down, you’re fine. You guys were too weak and incompetent to actually hurt my friends. You’re also lucky that not a single innocent person was around to get harmed.” I said, trying to calm him down. Doubt it worked given how much the idiot trembled.

  “I… Uh, thank you?” He replied, absolute confusion on his face.

  “No problem! Now, we just need to have a little talk and I’ll let you go. Deal buddy?” Could you get injured from nodding too violently? Hope not.

  “W-What uh… What do you want to talk about hum… sir?”

  “This little ambush. Was it worth it?”

  “Hell no!” That got the obvious response I expected.

  “If you knew how fucking dangerous not only me, but my friends are, would you try again?”

  “Fuck no!” Lots of enthusiasm behind that! Good.

  “Would you do everything in your power to stop your superiors from killing your friends by forcing them to commit suicide by samurai?”

  “Yes, yes! I absolutely would I’d quit I’d- I’m so sorry please my buddies they don’t de…”

  “Good. Now, I want you to know, I barely tried in this fight. Not only that, you didn’t even scratch the paint with that armament of yours. I’ve been shot by a crew served anti-armor railgun, your piddly little ARs are just cute, catch?”

  “Yes! Yes, you’re very scary sir absolutely! I’m sorry we…” I cut him off.

  “So, I want you to tell your buddies online. Do you think the price of my head is worth the risk? Or, hell, do you think it’s even worth all the equipment, personnel and whatever you’d have to get to take me out? Yeah, thought not. This was really annoying, but also, you might have seriously pissed me off if a bystander got hurt. You might have made me fucking furious if you hurt one of my friends. I’ll let your imagination fill in the blanks. Can you tell everyone you know that I’m not worth the fucking price?”

  “Yes! Yes! I’ll tell uh… fucking everybody! I’ll buy fucking ads! I’d be happy to! Hell, the fucking expense of all the limbs and shit is going to be fucking massive…”

  I nodded. “Good, I’m glad to hear you understand just how fucking dangerous this was for you. Believe it or not, this is the best possible outcome… Well, for you. Actually, if you just surrendered that would’ve been fuckloads better, but meh. Also, tell everyone that I accept surrenders, might make this situation a lot less annoying next time. I don’t kill people who surrender, like I didn’t kill you. Well… I’ll murder any pedo I find though, but that’s just good parenting, right?”

  “I-I-I guess?”

  “Coolsies! I’m gonna go loot your buddies, waste not want not! Altany, could you get them… I don’t know, cheap samurai tourniquets?”

  Of course. I should mention, they’ll be extremely painful.

  “Sounds perfect.” I sure as fuck wouldn’t waste points on painkillers for the idiots. A box appeared and I kicked it over. Dude launched back like I threw him a cobra! Some people were so ungrateful…

  The dead had nice gear, customized and sporterized, equipment made for experienced PMCs and optimized as fuck!

  Would make some militia guys very happy.