Okay, Elena. You can do this.

  I grab the magazine I bought yesterday and turn to a page where there are makeup tips for making yourself look more mature.

  I’m 27 years old, but I still look 17. And I need to look more mature. I do my makeup and put my long blond hair into a tight bun. I always use a ponytail, but a bun is definitely more mature.

  Okay. Next, the dress. I ordered a new uniform dress from Annie. My usual uniform is vender, but that's not a very mature color to wear. So I ordered a dark red one. Definitely more mature. The cleavage is more revealing too. The only problem is that my breasts are pathetic.

  When I was a child, I was constantly sick. No one knew why. I basically spent my childhood in bed rest. When I turned twelve, I got better, and I haven't been sick ever since. I guess I already dealt with a lifetime of sickness while being a child. I’m not sure if it’s because I was constantly so sick that my body stayed so small. I honestly feel like I’m stuck in a child’s body sometimes.

  But I don’t let it affect me. I take a couple of socks and tuck them inside my bra. I watch myself in the mirror.

  Yep. Much better. I look so much more mature like this.

  I smile widely as I exit my room and head to the potion department. My heart is already pounding with excitement. I can't wait to hear what he will say about my new look.

  I actually don't mind my small size and young-looking face. I’m used to them. But the problem is, I think Myrin would prefer someone who looks more mature.

  I open the door and immediately spot Myrin already preparing some potions. The butterflies in my stomach start to fly rampant.

  My history with Myrin is long. I first met him when I was fourteen. My brother Ender started studying here at the Tower, at the School of Magic. He met Myrin here, and they became best friends. I still remember the first day I saw Myrin. It was love at first sight.

  I know it’s stupid. I didn't know anything about him. But for some reason, I just couldn't take my eyes off him. His posture and whole atmosphere were so stern and serious. His gaze is always so cold. The whole person is practically just ice, which suits him since he wields ice magic.

  So, since that day, I have been hopelessly in love with my brother’s best friend. The problem is that he just sees me as that annoying little sister who always tags along with them.

  I’m 27 already. I’m not a kid anymore. And I've decided to prove that to him too. I have always just admired him in silence. Waiting to grow up. Waiting for me to look more mature. Waiting to get some womanly curves that I could use to charm him.

  But it seems that’s not happening. So I have finally decided to stop waiting. Only with baby steps though, let's just feel the field first.

  Myrin doesn't notice me when I come in, but that's a given. He is always so focused on work. So I just nonchantly continue doing the potions that I started yesterday. He is bound to notice me at some point.

  Except he doesn't. Oh my god, I can’t wait anymore. Okay, it’s been like ten minutes, but I can't stop myself. So I walk up next to him with a bright smile.

  “Good morning, Rin!”

  “Morning, Elena.”

  He doesn't even look at me. If I keep talking, maybe he will at some point.

  “What are you working on?”

  “Mana potions.”

  Okay… Well, that topic died fast. I was kind of hoping he would ask what I’m working on in return.

  “Do you need any help?”

  “No.”

  I let out a heavy exhale. Okay. I admit my defeat. I’ll just wait for lunch; then he can't miss seeing me.

  “Woah, Elena! What's with the new look?”

  Ayas approaches us with a smile. At least someone noticed.

  “I just wanted some change. What do you think?”

  “It looks like you’re searching for a boyfriend or something.”

  Stupid Ayas, spitting out the truth like that.

  “Of course not. I just wanted to try something new for myself.”

  “Okay, but I thought you loved your purple clothes.”

  “Well, people can change as they age.”

  Myrin’s dark voice startles me from behind.

  “I would appreciate it if you could chit-chat somewhere else. I’m trying to work here.”

  I turn to look at him, and our eyes meet, and for a moment, my heart stops beating as I wait for his reaction to my new look. But his expression doesn't change at all, and he turns back to working with the potions.

  I let out a heavy sigh.

  “Sorry for bothering you. I’ll go back to work too.”

  He really is a tough nut to crack. Myrin is older than me, 34 to be exact. So I understand that he probably desires someone more mature-looking than me. But I thought I could draw out even something from him with my new look. Like a slight lift of the brow or something.

  But I won't let this defeat me. I’ll figure out something.

  Ayas keeps teasing me about my new look. Unfortunately, Ayas is my best friend here. Even if we bicker all the time, I like his company. There is a downside to being one of the few girls in the Tower. Most of the men treat us differently. They either try to woo us or decry us, thinking we are somehow weaker. Ayas has always treated me as an equal. And we both have equally empty love lives, so we share that destiny together.

  When it’s lunchtime, I'm already eating with Ayas andMyrin when Annie and Angie approach us.

  “Oh my, Elena! You look so different! The new dress looks stunning!” Annie yells embarrassingly loudly. The whole dining hall probably heard.

  “Thanks, Annie. It’s good to hear that someone likes it. I was starting to doubt that this whole new-look thing was a bad idea.”

  “What? Why? You would look pretty in everything! Don’t tell me Ayas said something stupid again?”

  “Woah! I didn't! I just pointed out that she looked like she was trying to get a boyfriend or something.”

  “So what if she is? She could definitely use one. There are dozens of men here ready to date you. Why not just pick one?”

  Because I don't want any of them. And I’m not so naive as to think they want to date me because they actually like me. I mean, there are only four women here. Angie is married, Akira has a girlfriend, and Annie has probably fucked over half of the men here. So I’m the only option if someone desires a normal retionship, not just sex like what Annie provides. So I know they would fawn over me only because I’m a woman and single.

  “They would probably dump her right after they realize how loud she is,” Ayas says.

  I sp his shoulder.

  “You shut your mouth. Like you're one to talk. In addition to being loud, you are also clumsy. So keep worrying about your own love life.”

  “Well, I also think you look lovely, Elena,” Angie joins in.

  “I appreciate the compliments, but maybe it’s just too much.”

  “Oh, come on, Elena. Don't sound so defeated. I’m sure every man here agrees with us. What about you, Myrin? What do you think about Elena’s new look?”

  I freeze. I’m scared and excited to know what he thinks. His opinion is the only one that matters to me.

  His eyes flick to me briefly before he answers.

  “I think it’s ridiculous to try to pretend to be something you are not.”

  We all fall silent after that.

  Okay, Elena. Calm down. No need to feel like dying over his words. It’s just his opinion. Who cares what he thinks? This is no reason to tear up. Just count to ten and rex. You are just fine.

  “Myrin! You really are cold as ice. You can’t say something like that!” Annie bursts out.

  “No. He is right,” I cut in. “This is stupid. I’m finished eating, so I'm going back to work.”

  I leave the dining hall and head back upstairs.

  Why did my stupid heart choose to fall in love with someone like him?

  I know it’s stupid to dream about him. I know he only sees me as a little kid. And he is mean and cold. But something about him just draws me in. Some people say that opposites attract, and in my case, that’s true.

  When I turned eighteen, I decided to come study here too, because I wanted to be closer to Myrin. Now we both work here, in the same department. Well, he worked here first, and I applied to his department.

  Stupid. I know.

  I’m not passionate about potions. I think making them is rather boring and dull. But it gives me the opportunity to see Myrin more.

  Pathetic. I know.

  But in my defense, there are those little moments that give me hope. Something he says or does makes me think he might like me.

  I finish the workday as usual and head to my room. Time to get this awful dress off. I wipe off the makeup and change into my usual purple attire.

  Much better. I feel more like myself.

  I head outside toward the capital. The Mage Tower is located outside the city, with a rge forest separating it. My mana feels a little drained, so I take a carriage this time. Then I’ll have enough mana to teleport myself back here. Just as I’m about to hop in, my heart once again skips a beat when I hear Myrin’s voice behind me.

  “Heading to the city?”

  I turn around and try my best to act cool, ignoring my loud heart pounding in my chest.

  “Yes. If you are going back to your apartment, feel free to use the same carriage.”

  He nods and hops in with me.

  Myrin is one of the few who has an apartment outside the Tower. He also has a room in the Tower, but he rarely uses it. I guess he just likes solitude and prefers to live alone, while I crave company and noise. So opposites, like I said.

  I know Myrin is not one for engaging in casual conversation, so I try my best to just look out the window and keep silent, doing my best to please him. I have a bad habit of starting to bbber when I shouldn't. So I want to prove that I can also act like a mature dy.

  “Did my words offend you?”

  I move my gaze to meet his.

  Oh. My. God. Is he worried that he hurt my feelings?

  Okay, Elena, just rex and breathe. Being worried about my feelings isn’t a love confession. Don’t get too excited.

  “No, of course not. You were right. It was stupid to try something new.”

  “I just meant that what you usually wear suits you better.”

  Suits me better? So does that mean he likes what I usually wear?

  This is definitely the best day ever! This is exactly what I meant when I said there are those tiny things that make me feel hope. Of course, you could interpret his words differently. That he means mature clothes don’t suit me since I’m just a kid.

  Okay, now that I said that, he probably meant just that. Maybe. I hope not. I don’t know. He is impossible to read. Let’s just ask directly.

  “So do you think I’m still just a kid who is unable to wear more womanly clothes?”

  I keep my voice light and teasing, hiding my fear of what he will answer.

  “You will always be just a little butterfly, fluttering everywhere. It doesn’t matter how much you grow up.”

  Ugh. I hate that nickname, and he knows it. When we were still children, he started calling me “little butterfly” because I kept twirling around him and my brother, spreading my colors everywhere and annoying them. I mean, yes, I did, but still. He could drop it already.

  The carriage stops, and I hop out. Before closing the door, I face him with a smile.

  “Well, I don’t think butterflies need to pay for a carriage ride, so see you tomorrow, Rin!”

  I sm the door shut and think about his words. He didn’t exactly answer my question. So there might still be a tiny chance that he likes what I usually wear.

  I know, I know. I’m stretching the truth here. But I’ve been stretching it for so many years, so why stop now?

  I take my key and open the door. The room in the Tower is decent, but it’s not enough for my hobby. So my family allowed me to rent a room here in the capital.

  My own little atelier.

  I put on an apron and pce a bnk canvas on an easel. I prepare all the paints and sit down.

  Okay, Elena. Let’s paint something beautiful. Something colorful. Something to drag my mind away from my one-sided love.