Arun

  The hour just before dawn finds me quietly stretching out in bed, reaching for that familiar warmth that… isn’t there.

  Wait, why is Alexios’s spot empty and cold?

  I sit up, immediately looking around the room to see if maybe he’s just lounging by the hearth or dressing in front of the wardrobe. He isn’t and the pillow where his head should be is almost untouched, as if he hasn’t been here for hours.

  “Alexios…?” I whisper hoarsely.

  There’s no answer. Where could he possibly have gone at this hour?

  My heart beats quickly as I move through the bedroom in hopes of finding a note left behind, but there’s nothing but absence. I don’t understand… but I know something is wrong. I just know it.

  With one hand braced against the wall in the hallway, I tell myself maybe he just needed air or silence. The gods know Je Suis and I haven’t really given him much peace lately with our incessant check-ins. It’s not unlike him to wander the manor late at night now. It’s possible he’s out taking a stroll through the gardens. My tail swishes restlessly as I pass through the main hall. As soon as the morning servants step into the kitchen to prepare breakfast, I politely alert one of them.

  “Have you seen Alexios?” I anxiously ask one of the servants.

  “No sir, I haven’t,” she replies, bowing her head politely towards me.

  I pace through the kitchen, hand running fearfully through my hair.

  “Wake the others,” I whisper to the servants, some still rubbing the sleep from their eyes. “Search the stables and gardens too. Something’s wrong.”

  The servants bow quickly and hurry off with a few directing themselves to the stables while the others begin their search of the gardens and even through a few of the fields. I’m far too worried to just idly wait, so I decide to follow the servants into the gardens.

  We comb through the dew-soaked gardens and even the winding paths that lead out into taller grass past the fields. Every step, I expect to see him brooding near Nykky’s grave or even sitting near the bog, but there’s nothing. The a few of the servants searching with me exchange uneasy glances with one another as my tail curls tightly around my leg.

  “Sir!” I hear voice yell.

  I turn in the direction of the voice and spot a servant running towards us, lantern swinging chaotically in his hand.

  “We scouted near the stables,” he says between gasps of breath. “A horse is missing and all of the servants are accounted for. It’s not one of us, sir.”

  What?

  Another servant runs over, pointing towards the courtyard where they saw hoofprints leading towards the road. We follow them until the trail eventually disappears just outside of the property’s gates. It’s too hard to tell which hoofprints belong to the exact horse with so many other prints crisscrossing through. I can’t look away from the empty road.

  “He’s… he’s really not here,” I whisper, as if I didn’t assume already. “Where are you, Alexios?”

  Behind me, the servants gather to wait for further instructions, but I… I don’t even know what to do.

  “Let’s get back inside,” I tell them as I notice a few of them trembling from the slight breeze. “If… when… he returns, we should be ready. If he doesn’t…”

  Gods, what a horrible thought. I can’t even stomach the idea.

  Our lanterns sway as we walk back in eerie silence, but my attention stays on the empty road, half expecting him to appear there on horseback. It remains empty.

  Even when the sun begins to rise, I sit by the door praying to the gods for Alexios to walk through the door at any second. Every now and then, my attention gets pulled to the sound of the gates creaking or hoofbeats to signal his arrival.

  I press my forehead to my knees to keep out the bustling sound of servants moving through the kitchen. Maybe Alexios will walk through that door any moment now and tease me for worrying.

  The hours pass… and there’s no change. No sign of Alexios or the horse. I can’t eat and I especially can’t sit still either. My legs tremble beneath me as I stand. I need to tell someone, but… Je Suis isn’t coming by today and I won’t see Kayel and Eoin for another day or two. I force myself to walk the halls and straighten things in the healing room that don’t require a single bit of straightening just to keep my mind on anything besides where Alexios could possibly be.

  But that patience doesn’t last long and suddenly, I’m ordering two of the servants to ride into the neighboring towns of Abletownship and Cervan to alert the guards. To my gratefulness, they ride off quickly and I’m left waiting on the front steps of the manor with my heart feeling as if it’s ripped in two.

  They return shortly, but the looks on their faces tell me everything I need to know. According to the guards, not enough time has passed for them to take Alexios’s disappearance seriously and stated we’d need to wait at least a day or two.

  Despite the tears that threaten to run down my face, I nod politely and dismiss them to return to their daily chores while I quickly collapse back in my chair near the door. A day or two? Surely, they can’t be serious. I don’t have that kind of time to just simply… wait.

  Just before evening, my cloak is pulled tight around me as I make my way down the lesser used roads surrounding the manor by horse, searching around the small farms and cottages.

  “Please come home,” I whisper into the breeze as if it will carry it to wherever he could be. “Please… please be alright.”

  It seems as if I’ve been circling the outer parameter of property for hours now when I see a tall figure with long white hair standing at the end of a dirt path just beyond the trees, black cloak swaying softly.

  “Alexios!” I cry out as I jolt the horse forward.

  He’s alive! Gods, he’s really alive and…

  Oh.

  Rather than finding Alexios, I find an older man carrying a basket of turnips in his arms. The horse stumbles to a rough halt just in front of him. The poor man’s eyes are as wide as moons now.

  “I’m… I’m so sorry,” I stammer awkwardly as I back the horse away. “By chance, have you seen a drow come through these paths?”

  He shakes his head, still frightened, before turning and quickly continuing down the dirt road. The disappointment feels like a blade in the gut, and I have no choice but to turn back around and stumble through the gates of the plantation.

  My throat feels almost raw from calling out for him. The servants’ faces fall when they see me riding through the gates without Alexios beside me. The sun sinks low and I try to busy myself again with mundane tasks in the healing room or even in Alexios’s study.

  My hands are shaking when I collapse on the couch in the study. I can’t get my mind to stop thinking about where he might be or whether he’s even alive in the first place. The thoughts are cruel. Too cruel.

  A servant gently comes in to check on me, asking if I plan to sleep here tonight and if I would like her to bring a warm blanket. I shake my head. I don’t need anything but Alexios right now. Nothing else will do…

  So, I wait.

  --

  Before the sun can even rise, I’m back on the horse riding into Cervan, hands clammy on the reins as I see the guardhouse come into view.

  “My…” I stumble, frantically stepping forward to the officer at the desk. “My partner, Alexios, hasn’t returned home and I need you to search. Please… he needs to be classified as missing.”

  The officer gives me a half-weary, half-dismissive look over his logbook.

  “I understand your concern,” he tells me casually with a sigh. “However, we simply cannot treat this as a disappearance until more time has passed. It is not rare for citizens to step away for a few days, whether that may be business, travel… personal matters…”

  “No!” I snap back at him, fists clenching at my side as the heat rises to my cheeks. “He wouldn’t do that to me! He wouldn’t leave like this.”

  The officer only sighs, although somewhat sympathetically, but it’s not enough for me.

  “Come back if he doesn’t turn up tomorrow, understand?”

  No, I don’t understand. Damn him. Damn this town and its stupid rules. Alexios would never leave me like this. He absolutely wouldn’t. I shake my head and back away from the desk before I say or do something that would likely get me thrown out of the town.

  The streets, with its merchants calling and children laughing, almost feel cruel now. I turn my horse back in the direction of the plantation, feeling raw and aching.

  My body almost collapses as soon as I ride back through the manor’s gate. I push myself forward anyway, only for a servant to meet me before I can even dismount in the courtyard.

  “A letter arrived,” she says. “Arrived not long after you left this morning. The courier mentioned he was paid handsomely to get this in your hands as soon as possible.”

  My hands snatch it far too quickly, breathing heavily as I break the seal open and unfold the paper. Gods… the handwriting. Alexios’s handwriting. It makes me want to burst into tears.

  --

  Arun,

  Please don’t worry. I promise you I’m safe. An old ailment flared and it was important that I seek out healers who might be able to understand it better. It was sudden and I was unable to explain. Forgive me.

  I’ll be back once I am stronger. Until then, take care of yourself, the servants and the land for me. I’m where I need to be for now.

  Yours always,

  Alexios

  --

  My knees practically give out and I clutch the letter to my chest as if it’s enough to keep me alive until he returns.

  Thank the gods, he’s alive. He’s just gone to get help, that’s all. But… why wouldn’t he just tell me before he left? Why wouldn’t he want me to be there with him by his side if he was sick?

  My heart aches and a part of me desperately wants to believe his words. But another part of me keeps trying to warn me that something is still all wrong.

  “Please come home soon, Alexios. I miss you more than anything.”

  --

  The letter rests on the bedside table and I can’t even recall how many times I’ve read it and reread it. The creases are practically as soft as cloth. Alexios is alive and recovering somewhere, hopefully with the best healers money could buy.

  I’m even smiling the next day, eating full meals again and walking through the gardens before keeping busy in the healing room, but by the next few days?

  I’m stretched thin again. There are no new letters and not a single sign of him returning. Maybe he’s still resting, I tell myself. The sixth day brings no news either. Every time a servant walks towards me, hope rises like hungry fire in a hearth, but there’s nothing.

  The relief I felt initially has completely curdled by the seventh day. His letter rests before me on the desk and I read the same lines until my eyes begin to sting.

  “Alexios…” I whisper into his empty study.

  I keep his letter tucked in the pocket of my robe for the rest of the day until it’s taken out to rest on the bedside table when I sleep. The words soothe me when things feel too heavy to carry. The servants give me worried glances this morning. I haven’t really left the manor since I initially talked to the guard in Cervan, but I don’t want to miss my art class this week.

  Alexios would want me to go, I think to myself. Maybe it will help me from falling apart.

  Anxiety follows me from the manor to the carriage as I journey into Richelor. I step out with my sketchbook pulled tightly against my chest, book bag swung over my shoulder like armor.

  Usually, the chatter of the students would calm me any other day, but when I sit down at my easel, I notice Kayel’s spot is empty. Maybe he’s just running late… or sick. Class goes on without him. His paints never get set out and there’s no cheerful wave in my direction.

  My hands tremble, pencil pressed so hard against the paper in front of me that the tip of it almost snaps. I groan in frustration.

  “Arun…?”

  I look up, rather frustrated, and see one of the older students standing near me. I realize I don’t even know his name, but I’ve overheard him talking with the tutor a few times about different shading techniques.

  “Yes?”

  “I heard about what happened,” he says, not meeting my eyes out of pity. “I know he was your friend and I just… gods, I can’t believe it.”

  I narrow my eyes at him.

  “You heard…?” I ask him quietly.

  He shifts back on one leg, obviously uncomfortable.

  “He was so kind,” he murmurs. “I’m so sorry, Arun… so sorry.”

  Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

  The pencil falls from my fingers, but I don’t move to pick it up.

  “I… thank you?”

  He walks away slowly, as if there’s more he’d like to tell me, but he doesn’t and I don’t even remember putting my sketchbook away. My hands are moving almost mechanically as I gather my things when class ends. I stumble out of the classroom, sketchbook pressed tightly against my chest again. As soon as I walk outside into the fresh air, I spot Eoin standing in the sunlight with his…

  With his shoulders trembling?

  People are walking up to him, embracing him and whispering words I can’t hear from here. I step closer, realizing that Eoin isn’t just standing there.

  He’s sobbing, body shaking almost violently as the people around him lay their hands on his arms. My chest heaves so hard that it feels as if I’ve run miles when I make it to Eoin. The moment he sees me, another sob tears out of him, eyes red and raw already.

  “Arun… gods… Arun,” he sobs, hands rising to pull me into his arms. I drop my sketchbook and wrap my arms around him even as I tremble with fear. “I’m so sorry… I wanted… I wanted to come to the plantation and tell you… but… but…”

  “Eoin, what happened?” I murmur in his ear. “What’s going on…?”

  He buries his face in my neck, tears soaking instantly through my robe.

  “Kayel…” he begins, fingers tightening on my back as if I’m the only thing keeping him afloat right now. “Kayel’s dead, Arun. He’s dead. They found him in the alleys near the square.”

  Dead?

  Kayel is… dead?

  No.

  No. No. No. No. No.

  The bustling of the town and even Eoin’s sobs feel muffled now. Maybe I’m drowning. Am I drowning? No…

  I can’t… I can’t feel anything.

  He can’t be gone.

  Eoin completely crumbles against me now and I hold him because what can I even do now besides this? It’s the only thing I have. I don’t even register the tears running down my cheeks.

  Numb. I’m numb.

  Numb. Numb. Numb.

  Kayel. Gone. Kayel’s gone.

  Eoin’s eyes are glassy when he pulls back to look at me. Or maybe my eyes are glassy. I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I can’t hear properly. Yes, I’m sure of it. I’m drowning. We both are. In a sea of grief.

  “I should have come straight to the plantation and told you, but I..” his voice crumbles with another sob. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t get out of bed for days, Arun.”

  I shake my head. At least I think I’m shaking my head.

  “Don’t…” I try, but I keep losing the words. I don’t have it in me to try again.

  He buries his face in my neck again, body trembling with cruel sobs as his chest convulses. I rub his back softly, feeling my tears fall freely onto his shoulder.

  “I don’t know how to be without him,” he whispers in between choked cries.

  Nothing I say will be enough right now. I know that. All I can do in this moment is hold him tighter in our bubble of grief in the middle of the street. I can’t stop thinking about the way Kayel would lean over my shoulder in class and how his eyes would light up when we sketched together. My friend… Eoin’s partner…

  Gone. Forever.

  Through the blur of my tears, I find a small stone bench kept cool by the shade of an old tree so I guide him there carefully. His trembling hands reach for my own as he collapses onto the bench and folds into me in a silent plea to be held. I wrap my arms around him without a single hesitation while my own tears run down my jaw. The sounds of the city are blocked out by the sound of our shared breaking sobs.

  “Have you… laid him to rest?” I breathe out through hiccups of tears.

  “No, not yet,” he answers, shaking his head as he wipes his nose with the back of his hand. “Our families are bringing in mages to see if they can get some answers before then. Anything at all to figure out what really happened.”

  I shake my head in disbelief and tighten my arms around him.

  “T-they…” Eoin’s sobs rush in. “They think he was murdered, Arun.”

  “Murdered…?” I repeat, my stomach twisting.

  “I don’t understand. He was so kind to everyone. Not a single cruel bone in his body. W-why… why would anyone…”

  He collapses into more sobs. I don’t even know what to say. What words even exist for the kind of pain Eoin is feeling right now?

  “Will you and Alexios come to his funeral?” he asks as I rock him gently in my arms, his voice almost small like a child’s now.

  “Of course,” I whisper. “Of course we’ll be there. Alexios and I wouldn’t miss it. We’re here for you, alright?”

  But Alexios isn’t here. I don’t even know where he is and even saying his name feels almost like I have glass in my throat.

  Eoin clutches my hand tighter, shoulders still shaking with unmeasurable amounts of grief.

  “He spoke so warmly about the two of you. Absolutely adored you.”

  I can’t stop my lips from trembling again.

  “We’ll honor him… all of us.”

  Eoin sobs come in waves as we sit in the gardens and every time, he tries to apologize for it. I hush him softly. How could someone not fall apart when the person they love is gone?

  Forget what mess I’ve been dealing with. Eoin looks as if he hasn’t slept a wink in days.

  “Kayel came home after class talking about how kind you were,” he says suddenly, gaze falling on a few trees in the distance. “Most people weren’t like that to him. He always found beauty in everything no matter what. I don’t know how I can continue going on without him.”

  I shake my head quickly.

  “You must,” I tell him. “We have to keep going for him. Even if we don’t know how right now, we just… breathe and take it one step at a time and I’ll help however I can.”

  I can feel how fragile he is when he nods against me. He feels almost like… shattered glass that’s barely being held together. When the hours pass and the sun starts to get a bit lower, my mind goes back to Alexios and even to the servants who are probably wondering where I am.

  “I need to head back,” I tell him finally once his breaths steady out again. “But I am here for you. You are not alone. Please don’t ever think that.”

  His bottom lip begins trembling again.

  “You’re welcome at Blackwood anytime, alright?” I add, my hand resting over his for a moment longer. “If you need a place to breathe and things feel too heavy, please come to the plantation. Alexios and I would love to have you there.”

  “Promise?” he whispers, trying to smile as best as he can.

  “Promise,” I answer, nodding before I stand.

  As I step away, I take one last look at him. Gods, he looks so… small sitting on that silly little bench. But I see more now. There’s a hint of strength in him and maybe… just maybe… it’s enough to keep him going for now.

  --

  When I step through the manor doors again, I expect to see Alexios waiting for me in his study, but each place I look is empty. The servants watch me with worry, knowing that I’m carrying far too much grief in my heart. With Alexios’s absence gnawing at me and Kayel’s laughter still floating through my mind, the two griefs are wound up together so tightly that I can hardly breathe.

  As soon as the sun goes down, I’m certain of one thing. I can’t hold myself together anymore. Burying my face in Alexios’s pillow to smother the sobs that ache to escape, I whisper his name like a prayer, hoping the gods will answer.

  The next few days are spent in an absolute haze of contracts and endless ledgers that I don’t even understand at this point. I’ve tried my best to make sense of the numbers, but it feels wrong now.

  As a few merchants growing impatient, letters appear on the desk in the form of “polite” reminders. I write back when I can stomach it, attempting to sound as if I know what I’m doing, but I know I’m failing the plantation.

  I skip lunch… and dinner. I’m too busy flipping through the most recent contracts Alexios signed before he left, losing myself in the sharp and elegant way his signature flows across the page.

  Wait…

  I glance at the letter he sent to me… and then back to the contract… and back again.

  “No,” I whisper. “It has to be his handwriting.”

  It’s not until I hold the two side by side that I see that the loops in his letters are slightly tighter. I shove the papers away, telling myself I’m only imagining things. Just a lack of sleep. I’ve been pushing myself too hard. It wouldn’t be crazy to believe it’s making me see things that aren’t there.

  But…

  No.

  Stop that, I tell myself.

  But the thought follows me all the way back to the bedroom where I crawl into our bed… alone again. I lie on my side and stare at the space where he should be, pressing my hand there as if I can still feel him.

  The way he would kiss me right before I fell asleep. The way he whispered my name in the dark. The way his strong hands were so gentle when he touched me.

  Not only does my body remember and crave it. My heart does too.

  “Please come home,” I whisper into the emptiness of our bedroom. “Come back to me, Alexios.”

  I reach for his pillow and pull it against me, burying my face in it as the phantom of his touch haunts me into sleep.

  --

  The morning finds me attempting to focus on paperwork again, but the numbers slip through like water in my hands. A knock at the front door pulls me from my weary thoughts, gentle at first until the knocks turn rather insistent. I step out of the study just as the servant hurries to answer the door. Eoin steps in instantly, with his eyes swollen and cheeks blotchy.

  “Arun,” he says through a shaky exhale of breath. “I-I’m so sorry for stopping by unannounced. I just needed to see you.”

  Before I even realize it, I’ve already pulled him into my arms in a tight embrace. As soon as his arms wrap around me, I feel the tears soaking through my shirt.

  “Please don’t apologize,” I whisper, rubbing his back softly as I hold him. “You’re always welcome here.”

  I guide him towards the dining hall and we both sink down into the chairs next to each other. My hand stays on his back, gently rubbing the same way Alexios did to calm me when I was scared.

  “Gods, he loved this place,” he mouths hoarsely. “He loved walking through the gardens with you. Always talked about that little fox that trots about in the flowerbeds when the days are long and the sun is warm.”

  I smile warmly, as much as I can as tears blur my vision. Eoin covers his mouth with his hand to stifle a sob.

  “Sometimes…” he begins as I reach for him to hold his trembling fingers. “We’d sit out on the rooftops in Richelor or even in the woods and he’d sketch the stars. He is… was… so beautiful and gentle.”

  “Thank you, Eoin. For coming here, I mean. For letting me share this with you.”

  Eoin nods, but his body tenses, grip on my hand tightening every so often before loosening again.

  “The m-mages… they confirmed he was murdered. Someone… someone took him from us, Arun. His b-body… the mages only let me see his face. When I bent down to hold him one last time and I-I… rested my hand over his chest, it felt…”

  The words fall apart in his throat. He shakes his head and tries again.

  It felt as if what was left of his chest had collapsed in on itself.”

  My free hand flies to my mouth in horror, shaking my head as my breath stutters. Gods, I didn’t want to believe it. How could someone do this?!

  “H-how… how do they know?” I ask, voice thin and broken as I tremble with both grief and fury at the same time. I can feel my magic wanting to pour out, to heal… but there’s nothing I can do for this. My magic isn’t enough to heal this kind of pain.

  Eoin pulls away, still keeping his hand in mine as tears streak down his swollen cheeks.

  “The mages brought his spirit forward. He couldn’t say much… but enough. Someone struck him down. Dammit… he didn’t even understand why.”

  My nails dig into his sleeves in rage.

  “Did his spirit see who did it?!”

  Eoin shakes his head slowly.

  “No,” he admits wearily. “He didn’t see it. Only said it was sudden and that there was pain… then nothing. If I had just been there with him instead of letting him walk home alone that night…”

  “No,” I say, voice full of fire as I pull him back into my arms. “Do not tell yourself that. This isn’t your fault, Eoin. Please don’t this guilt consume you… please.”

  Whatever bits of my heart that still exist crumble right alongside Eoin’s.

  “Kayel’s spirit said…” his voice cracks and stumbles through the words. “Whoever it was that did this, Kayel’s spirit said the magic felt as if trauma itself was wound through it. Like… grief, he said.”

  Grief.

  No, not only that. Magic that feels like the crushing weight of grief. It’s enough of a reminder to pull me back to that night when Alexios’s magic poured out of him. Gods, the way it hit those men… the feeling of it was just wrong. I had never felt magic wrap around me in that way before and haven’t since.

  The way he turned his face away when I told him it felt like the manifestation of grief itself. Could this…

  No.

  Absolutely not.

  Don’t even consider that, I say to myself. Alexios would never harm Kayel. I pull Eoin into me again and push the vile thought away. My heart breaks even further as I watch him twist his hands anxiously in his lap.

  “Eoin, would you like to stay the night?” I ask him gently. “I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

  His eyes widen.

  “I… no, I don’t want to be a burden.”

  “You’ve lost someone you love,” I tell him, squeezing his hand gently. “Please… let me help you. You shouldn’t have to carry this pain by yourself tonight… or ever.”

  “You’re… you’re right,” he says. “I shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

  Eoin is kept in my embrace, head fitting just right against my shoulder. I don’t let go, even as I ask the servants to prepare a warm dinner for us. With the weight of the world pressing down on him, I want… no.

  I need to make this night easier for him.

  We eat together, but the bites we take are almost mechanical with the clinking of our utensils filling the mourning silence between us. His eyes search the room, then glance briefly into the hallway.

  “I don’t mean to pry,” he says hesitantly. “But… where is Alexios? Is he away on business?”

  I set my fork down gently, staring at my plate as I scramble for something better than the truth.

  “He…” I start, taking in a breath. “Alexios is still sick. He’s with a few healers who might be able to help him recover. He sent me a letter saying he was safe, but I haven’t had word since.”

  Eoin tilts his head in my direction, eyes filled with sympathy.

  “I see,” he says. “Well, I hope he comes home soon. He’s lucky to have you looking after him just as I was lucky to have Kayel looking after me even if it wasn’t long enough.”

  Gods, I don’t even think my heart can break anymore for Eoin. Gently, I run my thumb across his shoulder.

  “Do you remember the last time Kayel came over and he had charcoal all over his cheek?”

  Eoin laughs, small and weak. Probably the first time he’s laughed in days so I offer another story… then another. How Kayel and I both hated the rain because it made our hair frizz and how he always tried to sneak extra treats when he visited, even though Alexios would have gladly spoiled him without hesitation, just as he has always spoiled me,

  Dinner is slow tonight with Eoin and I trading stories back and forth like cherished offerings to Kayel himself. He smiles often now and I realize maybe this is how I’m supposed to heal tonight. Not through spells, but through memories. Memories that keep Kayel alive in our hearts.

  But the mention of magic that felt like grief… what makes magic feel like that and why?

  Why does it sound so much like… Alexios’s magic?

  The thought is pushed away again before Eoin can see the fear in my eyes. Refilling his glass, I laugh where I can and keep my words gentle for him as he tells another story.

  The wine has warmed up our blood by the time I escort Eoin to one of the guest rooms. He trips over his own foot, making us laugh harder than we probably should right now, but it sounds… off, as if we’re trying too hard to fill the grief in our hearts.

  I gesture him inside the room and he’s instantly sinking down onto the edge of the bed as one hand comes up to run through his hair.

  “Thank you for dinner,” he mutters. “For listening. For being a friend to him. For… for everything, Arun. You’ve been carrying your own grief this whole time too. He absolutely adored you.”

  The ache I see on his poor face… gods. I can’t leave him like this.

  “You don’t need to thank me for any of that,” I tell him “This is the least I could do after what you’ve gone through.”

  His eyes fill with tears so quickly that it breaks my heart all over again, his hands coming up to cover his face.

  “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Arun. I close my eyes and sometimes, it feels almost as if he’s still here. I feel so lost now.”

  “Eoin…” I say quietly, holding onto his shoulder and letting him cry.

  He looks at me through swollen eyes just as his sobs begin to slow down.

  “W-would you stay? I don’t think I can stand to be alone tonight.”

  I nod without hesitation, heart aching at the thought of spending another night without Alexios by my side in bed.

  “Of course,” I tell Eoin as he lies back, eyes closing as if maybe me being here is enough to get him through the night.

  I settle on top of the blankets beside him and before long, his hand finds mine in the dark. I don’t have it in me to pull away, silently hoping to the gods that maybe the sorrow settling in his chest is eased a little when sharing it with someone who understands. Two souls, mourning a gentle light, fall into a bitter, restless sleep.

  --

  A panicked shrill tears me from my sleep and before Eoin can even sit up, eyes wide with fear, I’m already out of bed.

  “Stay here, alright?” I tell him frantically.

  He nods, still visibly shaken but I don’t have time to reassure him right now. Hurrying through the hallways and out into the plantation fields, I spot one of the younger servants standing near the edge of the bog, hand covering her mouth as she cries out in horror. Gods, the air… it reeks of rot.

  “Oh gods! Help!” the servant stammers when she spots me, pointing to the bog with a shaky finger.

  I’m stopped dead in my tracks before I can get too close to the bog. I gasp, eyes immediately falling on the water rippling with the massive, scaly bodies of alligators lying half submerged and motionless, hides marred. I… what in the hells?

  Drifting through the reeds are corpses, some still clinging to fits of flesh while others are almost perfectly preserved by the bog. They… they almost look as if they are simply resting.

  Remains of bodies, still clinging to bits of flesh while others are almost perfectly preserved. I can’t… I can’t bring myself to move. The servant sobs into her hands, distressingly praying to any god that will listen to her. Limp, ruined limbs drift through the water like torn up dolls.

  The servant besides me collapses to her knees and sobs into her hands, distressingly praying to any god who will even listen. Limp, ruined limbs drift through the water like dolls that have been torn apart.

  “The bodies…” another servant whispers, full of dread as they step forward and kneel by one of the bodies floating closer to the bank. “I think I know some of them, sir.”

  “You…” I try to speak.

  The first servant shudders and stumbles back towards the manor, no longer able to look at the sight of death. The other points to a corpse that’s almost drifted onto the muddy bank, retching violently.

  “No… it can’t be,” he murmurs, eyes wide in disbelief. “Alwyn?! Oh gods, we were told he left to be with his family five years ago. What could do this, sir? The beasts… the bodies…”

  Drawn in by the sounds of our despair and horror, more servants come to the bog, gasping in horror.

  “Gods, is that Neras?!” one of them cries out. “He vanished a few winters ago.”

  “C-Connor…? We thought… we thought Connor quit one day.”

  The voices overlap as more begin identifying the preserved bodies of servants who’d gone missing.

  I stagger back, clutching my hand to my chest in horror as I stare at the floating remains. This… this is no simple accident. I return to the manor with a few of the servants at my side, some of us barely able to contain our vile. Eoin waits in the hallway, still groggy from sleep as his hands twist in his shirt nervously.

  “Arun, what happened?” he asks.

  What in the hells can I even tell him? That the bog reeks of death? That the bodies of servants and gods know who else are tangled up in the reeds? That even the alligators are floating belly-up, bloated and pale.

  “I’m sorry, Eoin, but I need you to leave. Just for now, alright?”

  He shakes his head, reaching out for me.

  “What do you mean leave?” he says, stricken with fear. “Arun, what’s going on? If something’s wrong, I want to help. How can I…”

  “Please,” I cut him off gently, laying a trembling hand on his shoulder. “This is something I need to handle, okay? I can’t put you through this too.”

  He swallows hard, nodding as he turns away from me. I exhale and step forward to him again.

  “When Kayel is ready to be laid to rest, come to me,” I tell him. “I want to be there with you, but… I need you to leave for now. I’ll have the carriage waiting for you.”

  Eoin’s lips begin to tremble, but he nods again and steps forward to embrace me before stepping back. But his hands stay on me for a moment longer as if he doesn’t want to let me go.

  Finally, he gathers his things as the carriage comes to the courtyard. With a gentle farewell, he leaves through the front door and I’m left standing in the empty hall wonder what… or who… brought death into our home.