With a painful crack, my knees hit the tiled floor just before my head jerked forward. I managed to catch my hand against the back of the toilet even as the contents of my stomach came out in a violent rush. I threw up like that, in the bathroom attached to the medical lab where the doctors here on the Arbalest had been examining me. Probably so they could try to figure out if there was any way they could take Derecho and transfer him to someone who actually deserved him.

  My eyes closed rather than look at the results of my attempt to actually eat something, as Doctor Fritz had urged. With a shudder, I moved my hand to fumble with the handle to flush it all away. Finding it, I gave the thing a firm push. Too firm, apparently. The handle snapped right off in my fingers. It went so easily, I almost fell forward again before catching myself with my other hand. A hand that felt broken pieces of ceramic, rather than the smooth surface I was expecting.

  Blinking uncomprehendingly, I slumped backwards to sit like that in front of the toilet, staring first at the broken toilet handle between my fingers, then at the back of the toilet. The lid was heavily crumpled in on that side, with several pieces scattered across the floor nearby. Worse, it looked like it was halfway embedded in the wall behind the toilet. It took me a couple seconds to piece together the obvious answer and realize what had happened. Me, of course. I happened. Becoming a Freestyler made me strong enough to fight, but it also made me strong enough to snap the handle right off the toilet, and break off part of the lid when I’d grabbed it. I didn’t even mean to, obviously. It just broke like that, without any effort or thought. Then the force of that grab had shoved what was left of the lid into the wall.

  That was when I looked down. The floor. That cracking sound I’d heard wasn’t just my knees. When I had thrown myself that way to throw up, I actually did crack the tiles there pretty badly. I was really doing some serious damage to this bathroom. Which was just… just… god damn it.

  Cadence. The mental voice, from the small mouse perched in a corner of the room, made me jump despite myself. I’d forgotten I wasn’t actually alone in here. When I looked that way, blinking several times to clear my eyes, Derecho transformed into a small monkey. He moved closer to put one hand against my cheek. It’s okay, they can fix it. You don’t have to do that.

  It wasn’t until he moved his other hand to gently take the handle away from me that I realized I’d been absently trying to push it back in place, as if that would work. With the handle gone, I just put both hands against my face and made a low, groaning noise somewhere deep in my throat.

  “I’m sorry,” I found myself whispering after several long seconds of painful silence, voice strained so much it was barely comprehensible. It hurt, but I had to say it. “I’m sorry, Derecho. If I wasn’t there, if I wasn’t in the room, if Nikos didn’t have me to use as a fucking hostage--”

  No, Cadence, he interrupted, that small, black and pink monkey head shaking back and forth in a quick motion. No. Don’t you do that. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t Rachel’s fault, and it wasn’t my fault. It was Nikos. His choice. His fault. His evil. Him. Don’t try to take the blame from him. If you hadn’t been in the room, he would have simply gone to yours to grab you. It’s the only way he had any leverage over Rachel, the only way he could control her enough to follow his orders.

  There was security, observers, Cadence. Nikos might’ve known how to get around them or even temporarily disable them, but there was a time limit. People would have noticed something was wrong before too long. He couldn’t risk a real fight with her. And he would have lost that anyway. He had to take a hostage, no matter where you were sleeping. He was always going to do that.

  Unfortunately, that didn’t exactly ease my mind very much. All it meant was that if I wasn’t at the trailer at all, Rachel would’ve beaten that guy, and she’d still be here. What if I was having a sleepover at Madison’s? I had done that plenty of times. If I’d done it this time, then… then…

  Then Nikos wouldn’t have made his move tonight, Derecho gently put in. He wasn’t rushed. Nikos did not take you hostage because you were there when he made his move. He made his move because you were there. If you weren’t, he would have simply waited until you were. Cadence, please, this isn’t your fault. None of it is your fault, at all. I know it’s too hard to believe that right now, but just… hear the words, okay?

  Hear the words. Yeah, I could do that. I could sit there and hear the words, even as my stomach tried to twist itself into one of those dog balloon animal shapes. It felt like I was going to throw up again, and only the fear of breaking something else on the poor toilet stopped me. I felt so lost right then, so empty and sick. Rachel. Rachel was gone. If she was alive at all, if she was alive, she was a prisoner of those… those monsters, those fucking evil alien bastards. No one came back from that. When they were done running whatever awful, invasive experiments they wanted, the Eighty-Seven did one thing with their prisoners; they infected them with the crystals to create new Taken, and sent them into other words as seeds for the next invasion. That was it.

  Drawing my knees to my chest and folding my arms around them, I rocked back and forth a bit while trying not to hyperventilate too much. Derecho said something else, doing his best to at least try to comfort and reassure me, but I barely heard him. All I could do was sit there and think about all the horrible things that were probably happening to my sister right then, if she was alive at all. Who could survive going through those experiments, and then being seeded and sent into another reality? Who could ever come back from something like that and be okay?

  My sister, that’s who. The thought came as I opened my eyes. My sister could survive all that. She was Rachel. She was Rachel. The Eighty-Seven wouldn’t kill her, they didn’t do that with prisoners. And she wasn’t a Freestyler anymore, so they wouldn’t even need her for whatever they wanted one of them for. Maybe they’d use Nikos instead, wouldn’t that be poetic justice?

  Rachel would live. She would survive, because they would send her to another world. They’d do the same thing with her that they did with every other prisoner. Rachel… Rachel would be out there somewhere, in another reality. Which meant I could find her. One of the Jaunts had to take me to the world she was in, right? Yes, yes, there were millions of worlds out there that the Jaunts could connect to. Maybe more. But this had to be a Freestyler thing. After all the things Rachel had done, after how important she’d become to… to whatever unseen force out there determined when Jaunt doors showed up and where they sent us, surely one of them would open up into a world where Rachel was, at some point. One of the Jaunts would take me to her. I’d just have to keep trying.

  Maybe. That was Derecho, sitting there in a fluffy cat form. I’m not sure how it works, exactly.

  “But there has to be someone in charge, right? I mean, maybe not a someone. It could be a something, or a somethings, or--” My head shook. “I dunno, but there’s something out there that decides that we’ve done enough to ‘win’ a Jaunt, so they can reward us by letting us free nearby Taken and bring them home. Just like I want to do with Rachel. They can just send me to her!”

  There was a brief pause as the Kite considered that. I… I’m not sure about the rules there. But yeah, it’s possible that we could be drawn to where she is. He sounded cautiously optimistic, but I wasn’t sure if he was just trying to encourage me, or if he really thought I could be right. If it does, if they can send us to that world, they won’t do it until you’re ready. Until we’re both ready.

  “Wait, what do you mean?” I quickly protested, staring at the black and pink cat through eyes that were still slightly stinging from all the tears I’d shed. “I’m ready to save my sister right now!”

  Derecho grew up into a golden retriever, padding over to lick my face a couple times. I don’t understand it very well myself, Cadence. But I know that, as talented and strong as Rachel is, whatever situation she gets thrown into when they send her into another world is going to be dangerous enough to really challenge her. And if it’s dangerous enough to challenge Rachel…

  Slumping back, I dropped my gaze to stare into my lap, my feelings going down like the Hindenburg. “Then I’ll probably die in about three seconds. So I can’t rescue her like that.”

  Not yet, he put in firmly. We have to be stronger. We have to be better. We have to practice and work at it. We have to prove we can handle whatever happens on the world she gets sent to.

  This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

  “You mean… I need to be good enough to help Rachel with something she can’t handle on her own,” I murmured in a weak voice. The prospect was daunting enough that I slowly lowered my forehead against my knees and just sat like that, letting the idea wash over me. If we were right about this, and I really could get a chance to save my sister if I was strong enough, then… then I’d just have to get strong enough, damn it. Rachel had done everything for me, had been everything to me. She was my sister, she was the hero these people deserved. She was the one who should be here right now. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t here, she couldn’t help me. This time, she was the one who needed help. And I wasn’t going to fail her. I wasn’t going to fall apart now.

  After a few seconds of that, I opened my eyes and looked up again. Derecho was there, still in the shape of a dog as he watched me silently. I started to say something, but the lump in my throat made the words come out as an awkward wheeze. Not exactly the best start to what I was trying to get out. But eventually, after swallowing a couple times, I managed it. “Okay. Then I’ll just have to get strong enough to save her. If I was there, if they took me, she… she’d do anything it took to save me. So, if you think the best way for me to convince whatever controls the Jaunts that they, or it, or… whatever should send me to her is by getting stronger, I will.”

  I paused briefly then, letting the sheer weight of what I had to do start to sink in before adding, in a voice that was as firm as I could manage right then, “I’ll find her. I am going to find my sister.”

  Shifting back to that monkey form, Derecho reached out to gently but firmly touch my chin and push it up so our gazes met. We, he reminded me. We are going to find Rachel and bring her home. But I promised I’d keep you safe, and I’m going to do that too. There was a very brief hesitation then, as the Kite looked torn between both promises. I promised to keep you safe, and… I know finding Rachel is part of that. But you have to promise to listen to me, Cadence. We work together, we’re partners in this. If I say we have to back off because what we’re doing is too dangerous, you have to listen, okay? I want to save her, but I have to keep you safe too.

  That ache in my heart, the twisting pain in my stomach, the tightness in my chest, it was all still there. It would be there until we found my sister, in one way or another. But having a goal, and even just realizing that Rachel wouldn’t be killed, helped me focus. I had been lost, laying in that medical bed just staring at the ceiling without any hope, like a piece of me had been ripped right out, and would never be found again. And now… now I had something to hold onto. I had hope.

  That hope let me push myself to my feet. I was a little wobbly, but I managed it, staring at the damage I’d done to the toilet with a wince. “I don’t… I didn’t know-- I didn’t understand how easy it was to… oh.” Reaching down, I picked up a few of the broken pieces of ceramic from the floor and awkwardly set them back on the lid, along with the handle. A slight tug pulled the remnants out of the dented-in metal wall. That wouldn’t just glue back on.

  You’ll get the hang of it, Derecho assured me. He’d turned into a mouse once more and ran up my leg and over my back all the way to perch on my shoulder. Rachel had some issues getting used to being strong too. It just takes practice. Which is what we’re gonna do, lots of practice.

  “Lots of practice,” I agreed quietly, my stomach rolling again. I was scared, terrified, really. I was absolutely not ready for any of this. But the only thing I could focus on was the fact that my sister would have done anything to save me, no matter how afraid she was, no matter how outclassed she was, and no matter what the odds were. If I loved her the way I said I did, how could I not do the same for her? How could I just curl into a ball and cry about losing her? I wouldn’t. I would do whatever I had to. I would get stronger. I’d get better. I would find my sister and save her.

  Hey, uh, you know you can just think at me and I’ll hear it, right? Derecho gently pointed out. You and I are connected now. I can hear your thoughts when you project them to me. And uh, you’re doing a lot of projecting right now. His cold mouse nose touched my cheek, sniffing as he added, We should talk about how all that works, and what else we can do, when you’re ready.

  Oh, my thoughts, I focused a bit on thinking toward him. It felt awkward, but hopefully that did it.

  Yup, loud and clear, he confirmed. You’ll get better at it. And you’ll get better at everything else.

  For a moment, I didn’t respond, either in thoughts or out loud. I was just staring at the broken toilet in front of us. Then I let out a breath and agreed. Right, of course. And then when we find Rachel and you guys bond again, I’ll be even better at being her Squire. We’ll be a team again.

  It was Derecho’s turn to be silent, pausing long enough to make me turn my head slightly to see him perched there on my shoulder, before that tiny mouse head nodded once. Yes, a real team.

  Before either of us could say anything else, the sound of the door opening back in the main med room made me turn that way. I hadn’t bothered to close this door into the bathroom in my rush to find the toilet, so I could see Rinweld come into view. With a wince, I exhaled before moving back that way. My voice was soft. “Hello, sir. I umm… I’m sorry. I--” Why the hell was my chin quivering? I swallowed painfully before forcing the words out. “I broke the toilet. And the floor.”

  The tall, broad man blinked at that, then leaned a little to see past me. I saw him stare at the damage before coughing once. “Ah, well, understandable. We’ll have that cleaned up soon enough. I just--” He paused, shifting his weight while looking uncomfortable. “... how are you?”

  I had no idea how to respond to that. All I could do was stand there in silence, mouth opening and shutting. Then I realized I really did have something I could say. “Don’t worry, sir,” I quickly assured him, “We’re going to find Rachel and bring her back.” Before he could say anything, I pushed on. “The Eighty-Seven, they send their prisoners into other worlds. So, after everything she’s done, the-- the Jaunts have to take us to her eventually, when we’re ready to find her, when we’re good enough to save her. I’m g-gonna train hard, I’m gonna do everything I have to so I can get better, so I can be good enough to get her out of there. I’ll bring her back, sir. I don’t care what it takes. I’ll find her and bring her home, so you can have the real Freestyler back.”

  Honestly, his reaction confused me. I expected him to smile, or maybe just tell me not to get ahead of myself. Something like that. Instead, for just a second, the man looked like I had hit him or something. His expression twisted, as he rocked back on his heels. It was so quick I almost felt like I might’ve imagined it. Then it was gone, as he cleared his throat and replied, “Yes, well, you aren’t alone, Miss Baron. We will all work to find your sister and bring her back.”

  My head bobbed. “I know, I-- I just wanted to tell you that I won’t let you down. I’ll find a way to save her.” It was hard to get the words out, but I managed somehow. “We’re gonna find Rachel.”

  Once again, Rinweld was silent for what felt like entirely too long. I could see a series of what looked like complicated emotions playing out over his face, before he awkwardly reached out to put one hand on my shoulder. It felt strange. As did his next words. “However long that takes, Miss Baron, just know that you have a place here. We will all work to find your sister. But until then, we must move forward. And… as part of that, we need to address the problem of Nikos knowing where this station is located. He may attempt to use that knowledge for his own benefit, now that he’s been…” He grimaced before giving a hard exhale. “Now that he’s over there too.”

  “Oh, right, yeah, I heard one of the nurses say they were getting ready to move this place,” I remembered aloud. “I guess you’ve got a lot to do for that, huh? Don’t worry about me, sir, I can just… uhh, I won’t get in the way, I promise. I’ll just wait until you have time to send me home.”

  “Ah--” The man started before cutting himself off. He looked torn between confusion and regret, like he didn’t want to say what came next and had to take a moment to prepare himself. “Yes, well, this is more-- that is, the reason I came here… I was going to say, if you feel… ahh…” It was weird, I’d never seen him seem this out of sorts. But then again, of course he was out of sorts. He was probably doing his best not to tell me just how badly I’d fucked up by letting the best Freestyler he ever saw get taken away. We both knew it would’ve been better for the whole world if I was the one who was lost, but he wouldn’t say it out loud. No wonder the man looked awkward.

  Ahem, Cadence, Derecho put in, after the silence had dragged on far longer than it should have, you are a Freestyler now. They need all hands on deck to fly overwatch for the station, just in case something happens. Especially in a situation like this. He’s trying to ask if you feel up to it.

  That made me do a doubletake. “What-- me? You want me to-- wait, is that--” Realizing just a bit belatedly that Rinweld couldn’t hear Derecho, I said it out loud. “You want me to go fly out there again? I mean, you want me to fly with the squad, with--” My face paled. With all the people who would know just how bad it was that Rachel was gone and I was the one who was left behind.

  “You don’t have to,” the man quickly assured me. If anything, he looked even more awkward. “If you’re not ready to be out there, say the word. But you seemed to… you did well, getting here, and… ahh, disabling the bomb. If you’re up to it, you are more than welcome to be out there with the rest of the squad. I think it would do some good to see Derecho still flying alongside them. And the ahh, specific job I’d like you to do should give you some nice, simple flight experience.”

  Oh, right, of course. That made sense. This was about morale. If people on the station saw Derecho out there, they’d feel better. Everyone had to be pretty stressed out right now. I could do that. I could be out there. Besides, if I was really going to practice and prove that I could save my sister, I needed to actually get out there. I couldn’t just hide in this room and avoid everyone. I was just going to have to go out there and face them. No matter how terrified that idea made me.

  So, I pushed down all those doubts, trying to ignore the sudden queasiness that had just come back. What I really wanted to do was run back to the bathroom and throw up again. Instead, I squared my shoulders and forced myself to meet the man’s gaze.

  For Rachel. I have to get better for Rachel. Whatever it takes.

  “I’m okay, sir. I’m ready to fly again.”

  JOKE TAGS