Silent Howl:
I could... Or...
... I’m not encouraging this bullshit. If he wants to tell me something, he can.
Silent Howl:
:(
Fuck off with your bullshit...
Silent Howl:
Tch! Bad example for broken servants everywhere.
This bish...?
Silent Howl:
Go check your logs for when the girls accepted the contract.
I signed --. They didn’t have to accept? Oh, shit! I never Accepted did I? No, I probably did with all kinds of stipulations that were never acknowledged. Wow.
Shit! Read!
Logs! Um... No rape --. Oh, ew! No! Um... Pay for upkeep. Did that. Bodies. Did that. No rape --. Fack! Wait. No. No no. Not going down why No rape is for with or without bodies... Spirit Manipulation. Got it.
What else... No hurting them for no reason. I’m assuming they mean when they’re not at fault. Everyone can come up with a reason for anything. The sun rises so I eat? Boom!
I’m hungry. I bring up a little table with food, Fuck Face sighing loudly before asking the girls if they want anything. They’d like candied hawthorne.
-Fuck is that?- I ask while gnawing on a soup dumpling, just nibbling and drinking it to death.
“When you go to a city I can show you,” Fuck Face sighs before apologizing to the girls.
-I don’t really have much hunan food,- I point out, the girls pouting as they look at my spread. “Death bean, corpse meat, various toxic greens--,” that paralyse among other things. -Some of which you might remember, sorry... Robbed a poison guild for snacks...-
One of them sputters and then they’re laughing behind their hands, holding up their sleeves and just sitting there, heads together. No longer angry, question mark? I can hope.
Silent Howl:
Broken servants take for fucking ever to read.
Eat me.
Where was I...?
Stipulations? Contract. Deal breakers... No rapes. Plural. No torture, gonna have to find out what that is, because I don’t consider my singing torture, but I will take it up a few notches to be annoying so... And twerking isn’t torture.
Um-mum-mum... No shaving or cutting their hair. I didn’t, they did. No humiliation, no disrobing them, no taking away their clothes, no butchering, no skinning, no --. Holy fuck.
-I... I need to make sure I don’t break the contract, but this is rough...- I say before flinching. -Not that I’m saying reading this is --.- How to apologize without sounding like Widow’s Sigh... -I’ll just shut up...-
Silent Howl:
Good on you for showing due diligence, fuck you for making me read this.
I meant look at what you got.
Eh? I got condensed Qi? Which I have not been condensing, so that was nice.
So... No boiling...
[Vengeful Ghost Sect Breathing Technique II]
[3 -Resentment Gained]
[-5 Karma]
[Ghost Pot (+100/-0)]
[3 x218 -Resentment Gained]
[Karma +5 x0 Gained]
[20 x100 +Resentment Gained]
[Karma +50 x100 Gained]
[Resentment: +530810/-431361]
[Max Will: 9,579,451]
[HP: 9,578,475]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1831140/24281656]
[Current Qi: 1905495/957945100]
[Current Karma: 97126627/107275977]
... I stop and just take a deep breath... Then my eyes slowly widen in panic. I huff out a breath, collapsing in relief.
“You can’t exorcise them that easily. Even without a contract,” Fuck Face sighs, sitting down, one knee up, elbow propped on his knee, and chin propped on his hand.
-Okay, all of you fuck off, I’m trying to make sure I don’t fuck up this contract!- I snap at him and Silent Howl before the girls shift to hop off. -Not you two. I’m trying to find out what you said and Silent Howl and Fuck Face are annoyed it’s taking me so long!-
When they titter at his name I realize I haven’t named them.
-Do I have to name you?-
“They’re named,” Fuck Face says before I can say anything else.
“Sweet Pea Blossom!” one of the girls chirps, voice clear and sweet and scaring the shit outta me.
“Chrysanthemum Petal!” the other girl says when the first lowers her hand and prompts her with a patient look.
Holy shit, they can talk.
-Um... So what I’m understanding from the contract is don’t be a monster, but I am, just not the way you’re used to,- I say slowly. I’m self-aware, thank you. -*I consume, but I don’t swarm, and I’m very poisonous. And I think venomous. Usually if I’m biting someone I’m trying to eat them? So...
-And if the contract is to not be a dick, then it’s going to break because I call him fuck face regularly, and it’s not just because that’s what I accidentally named him,- I point out, Fuck Face giving a bored wave, sighing and tuning right back out.
“You need a new servant?” The girls hop off of my back. “We’ll destroy this one. You can use the body for a better one. It’s much too good for garbage like him.”
“His soul is very fractured.” The other girl whispers.
I’m so screwed. I don’t remember which one was which, and going to my Logs is gonna look super suspicious. And what if they trade places while I’m looking up who said what?
Wait, what?
-No! Don’t destroy!- I finally register what the girls said as they pull out their little paring knives. Fuck Face is smart enough to start scrabbling backwards, but not coordinated enough to not look horrifying as fuck as he incidentally crab walks backwards at mach speeds. -Um. He’s a broken servant? I’m a broken servant! How can I judge? He makes himself useful, although with this new body I’m hoping that the Resentment helps repair his soul a bit more. Maybe... Dude, I feel like an asshole,- I deflate as I turn to look at him. -*A year? Give him a year to be productive. He’s helped with the garden, but I could do that by just paying attention.
-One year to develop your own skillset.- I sigh. -That sound fair?-
Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.
“I can talk to outsiders!” Fuck Face scrabbles to his feet. “The girls are probably afraid --.”
“What reason do we have to fear?” one of them says, turning him from their sight.
-Dude, they’ve killed and eaten 12 cultivators. Disciples from the Ghost Flame Sect if I have that right. Them are stronk,- I remind him.
They learn from my behaviors? Any time someone called me weak I’d find a way to get back at ‘em. These girls are actual fighters, though.
“Well, you probably don’t want to talk to strangers?” he points out. I get that he’s working the PTSD route, but they went combat mode and then started chilling with the monks while I was waiting for my ears to stop ringing.
“We were locked away for 10 years! Stupid men trying to bribe us with Resentment stones? See if we don’t end them!”
Oh~! That’s why there were so many rocks in there...
-Don’t think you’re winning with the shy or trauma angle,- I point out, ‘cause I’m actually not a complete idiot. -Give it time. For now, think about it while I go back to read the contract? Hm? Convenient enough for you?-
Okay, so back to the flower girls --.
-Ow~! What?!- Each one of them let go of the antenna they were pulling on, pouting and glaring at me. -Wait, is that one of the reasons you were picked? Nevermind. Twin Knives, with your paring blades?-
“Bone shards from when we were created,” the more aggressive one whips out the blade and threatens me with it.
-Cool, keep threatening me. If you have access to my logs see how well that works out,- I snap, going back to said Logs. -Ask Aunty to show you around the Library!-
Whole room full of assholes, and I’m one of them. Fuck, that hurt! They weren’t just tugging, they were going to rip them off! Out! Oh, they’re socketed? Ew.
So... They were blossoming girls with flower names, and not sisters? Wait, what’s --. Oh! Um... Not sisters. Best friends. Close families. Playing in the fields, kidnapped on the way home, killed in an abandoned temple... Ah... So the censers weren’t my fault. Or are they those melon meteor things? What the fuck is a --. I remember meteor chains and melon weapons. Library is handy, so why not the candied...? Oh. Sweet hawthorn, candied hawthorn, sugar hawthorn. And chestnuts. I can probably make some poison versions of this stuff. Wonder if it’ll be any good?
Focus, me!
On what? What was I...? Logs...? Oh. Yeah, no. I don’t want to read how they were made, but now I have that information in my Library, hopefully under lock and key, ‘cause fuck that information ever getting out.
-Contract!-
[Vengeful Ghost Sect Breathing Technique II]
[3 -Resentment Gained]
[-5 Karma]
[Ghost Pot (+120/-0)]
[3 x218 -Resentment Gained]
[Karma +5 x0 Gained]
[20 x120 +Resentment Gained]
[Karma +50 x120 Gained]
[Resentment: +533210/-431994]
[Max Will: 9,579,451]
[HP: 9,578,475]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1831140/24283418]
[Current Qi: 1905495/957945100]
[Current Karma: 97133672/107275977]
Silent Howl:
Never you mind!
They figured it out!
Da fuq he on about? Something about the peanut gallery? Or the girls? Fuck Face? He said “they”, so I’m assuming he’s talking about ghosts.
Um. Contract. Going to assume it’s summed up as don’t be a creepy dick, and if I’m not and they don’t kill me, -- I hope that’s in my contract, but doubt it. I was gonna use them as a nuclear option. Figured they were the insane kinda ghosts, -- I get 10 more positive slots in my Ghost Pot per girl. Wait. What’s my Ghost Pot at?
[Ghost Pot: +120/-0]
That’s handy. Oh! That’s twenty. Oh! 10 per.
I look up, slowly climbing to my feet as I hear voices chanting in unison before the girls smile and start quietly chanting as well.
-Contracts?- Da fuq are they on about. -Oy! Peanut Gallery! What?-
“Spirit Contracts. Like you can make with powerful spirits. Such as gods. Or just anything strong enough to make Spirit Contracts,” Fuck Face sighs, sitting back down. “I’m a pretty good advisor? I help dumb stuff down so you understand it.”
-Noted! What else?- I ask, not impressed.
He’s expensive, I think. Unless cost scales up.
“Look at your ‘Spirit Contracts’,” he says, the girls taking on prayer poses and ohm-ing for some reason.
I try to make the sound, and it feels like I’m taking a deep breath, but I’m exhaling and I’m sitting in my void, the starry version, with a screen that says Spirit Contracts. Apparently I’ve got 1 of 5. The contract? As long as I’m good to the girls the girls will be good to me. See, I’m glad I read my Logs, ‘cause that’s not at all what the stipulations say. Well, they do, but it’s don’t fuck with us and we won’t fuck with you, but with some clarifications with awful implications.
-Dodged that bullet!- I cheer.
Okay, so Silent Howl wanted me to go to my Logs to find out what I get from the contract, which would be 10 positive spirit slots in my Pot per girl, and... The ability to make 5 contracts instead of 1?
Dude, what if all the other contract holders thought they wanted boyfriends and got taken out immediately. Is that why people keep “gifting” them stones? Wow. I might read slow, but I read.
That’s a lie.
So what do I have with Fuck Face?
“He’s a bound familiar! There’s no contract. It’s based on Regard and Resentment. As long as he has more Regard for you than Resentment you own him,” the aggressive girl perks up, sucking her teeth, rolling her eyes, and putting down her spoon before glaring at me.
-What the fuck are you eating?- I squeak, trying to rise to my feet and figure out if they’re dying.
“Milled fruit,” the quiet one says, drumming her heels against my side.
“‘Pureed’,” the aggressive one calms, smiling while waving her spoon to enunciate the elegant new word I guess the learned. “Ground very fine and mixed with milk, cooled, and you have a superior shaved ice!”
And I learn, or I’m reminded, that I do in fact have lots of hunan foods from the Tributes I’d gotten. Including candied hawthorns, but I guess they wanted to go on a culinary adventure.
Learn from me, indeed!
That’s gonna be a problem.
Wait, these bitches are eating ice cream.
Oh, gods, I have ice cream?!
My excitement is cut short by the angry one cuffing me over the back of the head.
Cool.
-Cultivators, right?- I try to remember what makes hunans cultivator. -And living now?-
I can disrupt essence, eat Qi... If I eat their bodies --. No eating is in the contract, but that things about to be voided.
“Why call us names?” Angry Tot whines.
-Why not?- I retort. I remember putting living things in storage was a bad, but that was before the upgrades...
“No...!” Angry Tot whines, Quiet Tot just silently crying into her ice cream.
Oh, right. If one goes they both go.
Bet I know which one got them caught.
“Seriously?” Fuck Face says, and I get the same message from Silent Howl while Aunty just calls me a bastard.
-A bastard that lived in a death coma for a few decades while people used my not corpse. I’ve been tried,- I grumble, still going through my options. If I’m gonna get punished for something I do on the regular, this contract is going to break real quick, why should I tolerate abuse?
“I’m sorry!” she shouts, flinging herself in place. Tantrum go grr. “Truce. You don’t be mean, and I won’t hit you.”
-Holy shit, after all you went through you think me saying bitch is mean?- I chortle. -Imagine me being mad that you started riding me! I’ve been ridden. I’ve been starved. I’ve been called names out of “meanness”. I get mad if I’m called an idiot too many times, because the people who did it killed me over and over again. I’m too dumb to care, right? Oy!- I turn to Fuck Face. -What was the first thing you said to me?-
“I called you fuck face, and you called me fuck face back. That counted as naming,” Fuck Face mumbles, perking up to see what I wanted then tuning back out while answering.
-Do I restrict you in any way? Besides not transferring you every time you want?- I ask, the girls sitting sullenly on my back.
“If you did you’d have to figure out this shit on your own,” he snorts. He tenses, eyes darting to the girls and I can see the panic. “Stuff.”
-Fuck your “stuff”,- I mumble. I’m supposed to be in charge and I’m not hurting anyone so why should we be afraid?
I really am pissed. I’m fear raging again. Well, this won’t end well. Someone’s ‘bout to die again. Ha!
“No, you’ve been a lot calmer with the added spirits. You don’t run or fight as much,” Fuck Face points out. “Remember? You learned how to be as subtle as a brick through a glass pane instead of just burning down the building.”
I totally could have just carved up and collected the Red Silk Spider Sects hideout and stored the stone.
-Petty,- I say. -*I’ve learned to be more petty and less destructive. Pretty sure this counts.
-How about you don’t try to censor me when I’m at home, just because you think I can’t hurt you, and I continue to not hurt you?- I offer, looking both girls dead in the face even if they can only see the back of my head.
“They’ve got Ultravision, too,” Fuck Face points out, and the girls glare at him, causing him to wilt.
-Stop fucking with Fuck Face,- I give one good shake, but they move without looking like they were gonna fall at all. -*Oh! Maybe they can train you! So you can be a real guard!
-Train doesn’t mean torture!- I snap, refocusing on the girls.
They flinch and nod. It’s a good idea, and I’m not being an asshole. She, -- they, fack! -- were being pushy, trying to throw their weight around.
I can’t fight for shit, but that doesn’t mean I’m not dangerous.
-Tch! Ice cream sounded good, too,- I grumble, climbing to my feet, the girls staying firmly planted like they’re strapped in. -What was on the schedule for today?-
“Helping rebuild the village,” Fuck Face says, standing up, sickle and harvesting bag appearing.
“Probably some more Resentment. If you girls feel ragey, dump some my way.”
