"We don't hese to go talk to John," I said, handing Faith the copper deputy's badge she'd give the start of our iigation. "We'll just go to his house, talk things over, a back to you with our findings."

  "Yoing to tie him to a chair and break his legs," Faith said dryly.

  "...What makes you say that?" I asked.

  "I have eyes," Faith said. "You and Talia hate this guy, and you've just found reason to believe he fucked you over."

  "Okay, maybe I do hate him," I said. "Why do you think I'm gonna break his legs? When have I ever given you a reason to believe I've ever so much as id a finger on my fellow man?"

  "You're a fighter," Faith said. "I tell just from the way you walk. Your dad walks that way too. Talia's dad, though, doesn't- he's just a normal guy, and carries himself that way too."

  "...You've got a keen eye," I muttered. "Wait, when did you meet Talia's dad?"

  "I wao buy some more of that elven tea, after I had some at your pce, and he brought me behind the ter to show me how to brew it right. I'm... still learning, though."

  "I give you some pointers. It's not the work of turies, I promise."

  "Anyhow, no, I'm going with you two, and we are not going to break John's legs while we question him."

  "...What about his arms?" I asked.

  "Also no," Faith said.

  "Fingers, and that's our final offer," Talia said.

  "You ot break any of John's bones, or I will arrest you," Faith said, throwing up her hands in exasperation. "Okay, if he attacks you first, then fine, you defend yourself, but we are not going to abuse our power by beating him senseless just because you don't like him!"

  "...Fine," I said, folding my arms. Spoilsport. "At any rate, sidering the st time I saw Johook a few swings at me, I'm ly willing to see him without being full up on magicka, and I just drained myself pretty dry casting that spell for you. Also, I do have to take my Dad over to Robert's pce, so he heal Amelie."

  "Fair enough," Faith said. "But, since you were so eager to go after him and break his bones, I am going to insist on beio watch you tonight."

  "Yeah, sure, whatever, I'm sure we aodate a guest for the night," I said, rolling my eyes. ", let's go tell my parents about it."

  I opehe door from the garage bato the rest of the house, and listened for the sounds of my parents' presence, and found that they were both i, probably w on tonight's dinner.

  "Hey, Faith has insisted on stayio make sure I don't go enact viginte justi the guy who bullied me in high school," I said, leading the group into the kit, where Mom was choppiables for a cssic pot of Whatever Soup, and Dad was watg whatever was currently i- probably a pigeon or two; Greenwood Vilge had a number of robust dovecotes for exactly this sort of thing. "That alright with you guys?"

  "Sure, why not?" Dad said. "Although... Joseph, I talk to you in private for a moment?"

  "Sure," I said, shrugging and following Dad as he led me out of the kit, through the dining room, and up the stairs. "What's up?"

  "I think it's time I ented your on of choice," Dad said quietly. "You're a man now, and... well. You've dedicated yourself to the path of the Mage-Knight. I tell. So... it's time to ent your on, so you really walk the path."

  "I... thank you," I said. "But... I'm not ready. I'm not even strong enough to beat a human in a fistfight, let alone wield a sword."

  "Horseshit," Dad said, firmly. "A Mage-Knight is not a swordsman, Joseph. Yes, we have swords, and are good at using them, but they are not our primary on. You hear the stories about how Artorias Wind-Caller got into such dire straits that he had to use his sword to survive. What you don't hear are the stories where Artorias Wind-Caller gets to have his ick off his foes from a distah his ented bow, or the stories where I destroyed the eh Legion on the march with my bow, instilling the Padins with such fear that they retired the number 13 for their legions and made them start accepting women into their ranks, for fear they'd otherwise run out of youo field."

  "Wait, that was you?" I asked, eyes going wide.

  "The Padins don't e near me for a reason," Dad said with a cruel smirk. "Now. I know you have a few ranged ons of your own- I've taken you out into the woods to practice with them more than enough times to figure that out. What I need is for you to pick a favorite one, ohat you think is versatile enough to be worth treating as your main on... and then, I need you to give that over to me so that I get to work on enting it with everything a Mage-Knight's on should have."

  "...Alright," I said, nodding slowly. I reached inside my duster, pulled out the on iion, and ha over to him. "The safety catch is on; you know where the toggle button is."

  "I do," Dad said, nodding as he accepted the on from me. "Alright. I'm gonarted on this now, so it'll be ready by the time you . Good luck."

  "I'll ."

  I walked back downstairs, returning to the kit, to find Talia and Faith being put to work in g up vegetables for the soup.

  "Oh, I o talk to you in private as well," Talia said, standing up and hustling over. ", back to the garage."

  "Alright," I said as she led me out to the garage.

  "I don't have to stay here tonight," Talia said as the door closed behind us. "I just go home, take a nap, and then go hunt John down tonight. I've got enough juice to do that, no problem."

  "We know John's in bed with the Thieves' Guild," I said, shaking my head. "Just because he's a doesn't mean everyone ihieves' Guild is, too- those fuckers are good at fighting dirty, and just because you're a good druid doesn't ge that fact. Don't go after them on your own, it's not worth it. We all need someog our backs."

  "So, what, yonhe padin ride herd on us and prioritize John's life over ours?" Talia asked, folding her arms. "What, you suddenly decide you've got a thing for redheads?"

  "Your tits are still bigger by a big margin," I said dryly. "Besides, I know Faith did just give us shit about it, but... well. She hasn't met Joh. I assure you, the fact she cares about his bodily iy is a very solvable problem, and we won't have to lift a finger." I tapped my , frowning. "Also, I'm pretty sure Faith is only into irls."

  "...I think she'll make an exception for you, in particur," Talia said, to which I could only roll my eyes. "Hey, listen, sexuality is plicated, alright? Just... something to keep in mind."

  "I don't really care," I said. "I already have a girlfriend, and while, yes, I am aware that it wouldly be sdalous for me to have a sed one, I don't want a sed ht now."

  "Well if you're not gonna fuck her, I?" Talia asked.

  "...Sure, have fun," I said, rolling my eyes. "Whatever. We done here?"

  "I think so, yeah."

  I opehe door, walking back to the kit.

  "I've also got something-" Faith began.

  "Do you really?" I asked, staring straight through her eyes and into her soul.

  "Holy, no, I was just feeli out," Faith admitted.

  "Yeah, that's what I thought."

  "There's something wrong with you," I said.

  "Look, I am taking no ces with the two of you sneaking out to catch John without me," Faith said, folding her arms over her chest. She wasn't wearing her uniform anymore, having stripped down to a sleeveless undershirt and a pair of shorts, revealing that, indeed, her arms and legs were thickly-muscled, and also, she had freckles on her shoulders.

  "So yoing to insist on sleeping in my bed," I tinued. "A bed I will also be sharing, I should note, with my girlfriend."

  "Hey, plenty of humans fantasize about joining an elven couple in their bed," Talia pointed out. "I mean, usually they fantasize about older elves, but still!"

  "Joseph, you still hold out hope of being a proper, uniounted Mage-Knight, don't you?" Faith asked.

  "...Yeah," I said, slowly. "How did you..."

  "Then I'm not worried about the two of you getting up to anything while I'm here," Faith said, before throwing one arm over my shoulders and the other over Talia's, and dragging us towards my bed. "Now, let's get ourselves tucked in, shall we?"

  The m, I woke up to the sensation of someone beside me, and blearily thought, "Oh, it's Talia. Good m, Talia," before rolling onto my side and kissing her. She did her usual thing, of tg onto me and refusing to let me go, and I just rolled with it, letting her keep the kiss going until she decided she was done.

  "Huh, and I though you didn't wanna kiss the padin," Talia said, waking me all the as I pulled myself out of Faith's iron grip.

  "...Okay, I know what I thought I was doing," I said, breathing heavily. "But what the hell did you think you were doing?"

  "I thought you were Talia," Faith admitted.

  "...Okay, fair enough," I admitted. "But did the ck of boobs not clue you in, there?"

  "I just woke up."

  "Right." I sat myself upright, yawning and stretg. "Well, it's m now, and we'd better get up. We're not going to recover my grandmother's funerary effigy by lying in bed all day."

  "Not until I get my good m kiss," Talia said.

  "I'm closer-" Faith began.

  "I assure you, it is no trouble," I said, spicuously leaning over Faith to kiss my actual girlfriend for far, far too long.

  Couldn't have the Padin thinking I liked her, now could I?