"Who... who are you?" I asked, catg my breath, before wing.

  "Volex," she said. "You've likely heard the name before, but I promise, it's pretty ong succubi. It's like being a human named Jane, or an elf named Ariel. Hang on, are you dying?"

  "Not... actively," I said. "I've... got a regeion charm." I grunted. "It's helping, but... fuck, it's slow. you... you give me a mio catch my breath?"

  "I've got something to say, so how's about you just rex and listen for a minute, m'kay?" Volex said, quirking an eyebrow. "So, I am a succubus. The occult demon. A being of story and song, more purely than any bard could ever manage. And I... am fug sick of this kind of story."

  "...Beg pardon?" I asked.

  "You and I both know this story," Volex said. "You want to be an Elven Mage-Knight, but here es Volex, the vile temptress from the depths of Hell sent to corrupt you away from your ideals and steal your virginity, yadda yadda bh bh bh. It's haeyed, it's b, it has been doo fug death. I have already withe oeresting variation on this story, and we're ly in a pce to recreate it, unless you've got a busty girlfriend nearby?"

  "Funnily enough, I actually do," I said. "But, that's through two locked doors and three armed men, and, uh... well. I don't think I softeenpenny up that much."

  "Huh, wouldya look at that?" Volex said, tilting her head to the side. "But, whatever, she's not here, so she 't participate. The only way that story go now is with y, and holy? I just don't feel like dealing with that today. So! How's about we try a different story, huh? . You're a smart boy, I'm sure. Tell me a story where I don't have to be the monster."

  "Do I... strictly o?" I asked. "I'm a bit of an occultist, I'll admit, but I'm mostly a wizard, so... Not really that equipped to tell you a story. Besides, you clearly don't want to rape me, so just... don't?"

  "I'm a creature of stories," Volex said, shrugging. "I've got some agency, sure, but... Less so than you do. So... Again, tell me a story, here. Tell me a story where a demon of lust decides to help you against..." She frowned as she looked around at the closet. "...What even is going on, here?"

  "The King of Thieves is using us for a ritual to steal my immortal lifespan," I said. "First, though, he has to metaphorically steal my future, so... that's where you e in."

  "Ahhh, so you're not currently a Mage-Knight," Volex said. "I'm a little out of the loop, I gotta admit, but... I know Mage-Knights are pretty rare, these days."

  "Practically extinct," I admitted, pushing myself up with my left arm- my right was still sore and stiff, and had probably been brokeirely. "The Orders are all gone, and unis are only occasionally spotted out on the frontier, and only sometimes with riders. We don't know if the wood elves have started being Mage-Knights too, or if they're doing something else with the unis, or... Hell, maybe the wood elves aren't doing anything with the unis. Maybe the unis are on their own. But... whatever a Mage-Knight is these days, my dad says I'm the closest thing we've got."

  "I see," Volex said, tapping her . "You dei?"

  "Still a little sore, but..." I finished levering myself upright, and grunted. "I'll live. Listen, if you don't want to participate, I'll just put you ba the reliquary, and... uh... find somewhere for you to go, I don't know, but... I've got busio finish."

  I reached into my pocket, pulling out the cloth taining my motorcycle, and deployed it ihe (thankfully spacious enough) closet with us. I checked it over, and...

  "Oh son of a bitch, he somehow stole the fug power crystal," I muttered. "Fuck. I don't have the juice left to power this myself..."

  "Ah, so you ride a steel horse," Volex said. "I've seen a few of these, here and there. Well... What's your name?"

  "Joseph," I said.

  "Well, Joseph, it seems to me that you are, in fact, a Mage-Knight," Volex said, tilting her head to the side. "In fact... Mmm, yes, I think I see how this is going to py out, now. Ooooh, I like this ory- all the better that it's spontaneous. I'll five you for not tellihe story yourself, this time."

  "What?" I asked, turning away from the empty space where the power crystal should be.

  "You, Joseph, are correct: you are every inch a Mage-Knight," Volex said simply. "You just don't ride a uni, is all, because there aren't any unis to ride. Instead, you've got a steel horse, the precision and power of a wizard... and now, you've got me."

  "Beg pardon?" I asked.

  "A Mage-Knight's mount doesn't have to be a uni," Volex said. "It just has to be something intelligent, that guide him with his chosen field of magid you're not just a wizard, you're an occultist, too."

  "I uand that a succubus be something a man mounts and rides, but that's usually a euphemism," I said dryly.

  "Very funny," Volex said, befesturing at her reliquary. "You need a power source? There's your power source. Stick that in your horse and ride it."

  "It's not gonhat simple," I said, even as I reached over and picked up the reliquary- I suppose she couldn't touch it herself? "For ohis is an occult artifact, and the motorcycle is powered by are magic. Two, this is a reliquary, not a power crystal; it's not meant to be tapped for power. Maybe if I roperly trained occultist, I could still make this work, but..." I trailed off, turning my gaze back to Volex, in all her purple-skinned beauty. "...I'm starting to see what yetting at, here. You want to be my parteag me the secrets of occult magid actually getting out into the world again, rather than being passed around like a toy for the rid powerful."

  "Actually, I kinda like being treated like a toy," Volex said, her tail starting to swish behind her, a bck arrowhead at its tip. "But... I think I've had enough of being passed around food, long while. So, yeah. I want to get back out there. And you're the one who's gonna take me. So. What do you say, partner?"

  "...What're your terms?"

  "You're the boss," she said, shrugging. "But I am going to need some pensation. I think an asm a week should be fair? Oh, plus ht now, to seal the deal."

  My breath hitched in my throat.

  "I know," Volex said. "You still want to ride a uni, someday. But Joseph... You're an occultist city elf who's never even ridden a horse. Some dreams are worth chasing, but... I think yetting a little too caught up iails."

  "I-"

  "I know, I know- your father, and his father, and his father all rode unis into battle," Volex tinued. "But none of them were wizards named Joseph, were they? The old stories are over, partner. But you aogether? We are going to write a ory. A story about a modern Mage-Knight who rides a steel horse, wielding the are and occult rather than the primal and divine. And what you get in exge for your dreams of riding a uni is a succubus ts payment in blowjobs." She smirked a little, revealing sharp, gleamih. "I think you'll get over it."

  "...If I may finish a sentence?" I said.

  "Go ahead," Volex said.

  "If it's just an assisted asm you want, I provide that," I said. "There's... Let's just say unis are specific about what 'virginity' really means. And there are a lot of loopholes in that definition that could still let me pleasure, and be pleasured by, a woman. A lot of things that you would probably t as sex, but which a uni would not."

  "...So, even with the offer of a pet succubus, you're still gonna try and weasel your way out of giving up the ce to ride a uni?"

  "What I say, I'm an optimist. Don't like it? Suck my dick."

  "Well, someone sure thinks he's clever. Fine, I work with this. But just so you know, now I have to keep tempting you with the one kind of sex you 't have."

  "Yeah, well, so will my girlfriend once she learns about this. Join the fug club."

  "So, what's that?" Volex asked as I called my gun bay hands.

  "...I'll tell you the full story after we get out of here," I said, climbing astride my motorcycle. "For now? Ba the bottle, doll; I need all the juice I get." I kicked the engine back to life, and revved it up something fierce, getting it nid warmed up. I grinned. "Hit it."

  I burst through the closet's door on my motorcycle, whiow had a lot more power behind it, and grinned an ugly grin as I watched Maxwell bolting for cover, arms over his head.

  "Knoock, asshole!" I yelled, before squeezing off another shot with my gun. One of the bes of binding yourself to a magical creature was that you could, with the right teiques, borrow some of their magicka, which was why I could summon my gun bae. Sure, the first shot I took missed, but I wasn't too worried, now; Volex said it was an occult w, that'd keep me from doing any serious harm until the natural climax of our frontation, and then I'd start hitting a lot harder and more accurately, bringing this in for a big finish.

  There was, of course, a reason why bards didn't always do this: sometimes, they'd misjudge the situation, and end up getting killed before the story could reach its climax, because everyone who wasn't an occultist was not bound by story logic.

  "You son of a bitch!" Maxwell yelled, hopping on an ented bike of his own. "This isn't over!"

  "He's getting away," Volex noted as Maxwell rode out of the room.

  "He's already dead," I said. "He just doesn't know it yet, and I'm taking the opportunity to make this sp."

  "Oh?"

  "I'm giving him a head start," I said dryly, befunning the throttle, and tearing after him, down the hall, out the loading dock, and into the cobblestoreets of Redwater. I had one hand on the handlebars, and iher, my gun.

  He might be the King of Thieves... but what was a Thief to a Knight?