"Well, you two look happy," Faith said, the m. "I take it someone's no longer a virgin?"

  "Teically, I still am, and 'teically' is all I care about," I said, pig up the sed half of my sandwich. The sandwich was the greatest of ary creations, having been indepely reied by dozens of different cultures around the world; there were many like it, but this one was mine. And it had a really good tomato sli it, thten up the sausage patty and fried egg. "The teicalities present some loopholes."

  "I'm not even mad about the month he spent knowing about the loophole and not stig his tohrough it," Talia said. "That's how pent-up I was before st night."

  "Also, he asked me to turn into Talia ba the warehouse," Volex added. "Which Talia here thought was romantic."

  "Holy, it wasn't even that," I said. "I've just got a type, and Talia happens to be a prime example of it."

  "Hey, I think it's sweet that my boyfriend looked at a succubus who could turn into the sexiest woman he could possibly imagine, and just asked her to turn into me," Talia said, leaning her head against my shoulder. "Also. Faith. When's it gonna be your turn?"

  Faith smirked, and chuckled once, just a quick lift of her . "Depends. When will you give me one?"

  "...I'll have to get back to you on that," Talia said, frowning. "He still doesn't like you all that m-"

  "I don't mean a turn with him, I mean a turn with you," Faith said, putting a hand on Talia's shoulder.

  "...Ohhhhh, I see."

  "Joseph might look like a butch lesbian to me-"

  "Hey!" I protested.

  "-but that delusion would probably be pretty hard to hold onto with his di my mouth."

  "Okay, we please talk about something else?" I said. "Yes, Faith, I'm fih you fug my girlfriend if she's fih it too. The issue is settled, we are moving on. What do you two think about joining the Adventurer's Guild?"

  "It's hitting the same hat made me want to join the Padin's Guild," Faith said. "Plus, just because I joihe Guild straight out of high school doesn't mean I don't want an education. I just figured it'd take loo get one."

  "Personally, I just wan out there, meet more druids, and learn from people who aren't my Mom and his dad," Talia said. "I also wanna follow you guys around, so whatever we decide..."

  "Personally," Volex said, emerging from her reliquary in the space of a sed, "I think you should go for it. A uy education is a valuable thing, even if you are the child of two grandmasters who you think teach you everything you want to know. Exposing yourself to more perspectives and expanding your horizons is always a good thing, and while, yes, you just go tur uy... Trust me on this: the Uy of Mount Fate is very much worth the effort. Besides, it's where Terpsichore went."

  "Alright, alright," I said, sighing. "I'll take that under advisement, but bear in mind I'm willing to accept a median uy education in exge for not getting shot at, so..."

  "Oh, that's going to happen to you no matter what," Volex said. "You're not just a Mage-Knight in a society that hates elves, you're the Mage-Knight who proved that humanity isn't safe just because the uni gdes are gone. People are going to try to kill you for that alone. But at Mount Fate, well. There, that sort of thing is an expected problem for students to have, and the faculty be expected to actually do something about it."

  I reached into my pocket, pulling out her reliquary, and twisted the cap, sug Volex baside. I didn't feel great about having a fully sapient person on a leash that I could, whenever I wanted, put in a cage, but I wasn't enough of an occultist to meaningfully do anything about this, and...

  ...well. I'm not going to learn occultism from my mom. She legitimately doesn't know anything about the practiot on her turies did she so much as dabble.

  "I will get to it when I get to it," I said, before putting the gss tube away. "Ugh. I know Mount Fate is a thousand miles away, but like... it is a direct rail e from here to there. All we have to do is get a train ticket a week before the equinox and ride the train for a few days. We have four months to mull this over."

  "Would you accept a ge of subject?" Faith asked.

  "Yeah, sure, what's up?" I asked.

  "Talia, do you have opinions about Volex?" Faith asked, and I groaned.

  "Hey, if I get to have a padin girlfriend, he gets to have a succubus girlfriend," Talia said, shrugging. "It's only fair. Unless I start fug Volex too, in which case either he has to start fug you, or he just gets another shot at finding anirlfriend who's only ied in him."

  Someone knocked on the front door, and I hastily finished off the rest of my sandwich as I stood up. "I'll get it." I would take any excuse to escape this versation quicker. And after a quick hustle, I opehe door to find an unfamiliar elf man standing there in a tuxedo. He'd either be an out-of-towner, or from the Ducal Pace.

  "Is this the residenister Joseph Iro?" the butler-looking man said diffidently. Probably the Pace, then.

  "It would be," I said calmly. "To what do I owe the visit, cousin?"

  "Duchess Melody Redwater humbly requests your prese Redwater Pace today, for a private audiehe butler said, produg from within his waistcoat a folded sheet of part sealed with red wax, into which was embossed the seal of House Redwater, which had ruled this Duchy ever sihe War Of The Roses. "Is there a message that Sir would like me to vey trace?"

  "...I'll be there, but I'm not making any promises," I said. "Have you eaten breakfast, cousin?"

  "I have, but thank you very much for the offer," he said. "I'm afraid I 't stay long, sir- this is but one of my many duties today. By your leave?"

  "Don't let me hold you up," I said, and he nodded and walked off. I closed the door, part in hand, and sighed. "It's just one damn thing after another, isn't it?"

  "You wao kill them for you?" Talia asked.

  "Tempting, but not yet."

  Duchess Melody Redwater was much as I remembered her: obnoxiously hot, and dressed in what stituted rexed casualwear for an aristocrat of her station. However, seated o her on the couch was a girl somewhere between the ages of 15 and 21, who could not possibly be anything but Melody's own daughter.

  The young bck girl had a bob ht pink hair, whose tight curls kept it close to her head and out of her way, and wore the traditional white robes and silly hat of the Healer's Guild, with a staff that marked her as a freshly-fledged Healer- not a novice or apprentice, but a proper Healer in her ht. sidering that this was a distin that typically took eight to twelve years to earn, for someone who joihe Healer's Guild fresh out of high school or uy, I was more than a little impressed by the fact she'd mahat while being so young and fresh-faced.

  She was also, much like her mother, unreasonably stacked, with her healer's robes having clearly been -fitted to atuate the fact. A little weird, sihose robes were sacramental tuild, but hardly the most bsphemous thing an aristocrat had doo keep up appearances.

  "So, Mister Iro," Duchess Melody said, once I'd seated myself on the couch opposite theirs. The letter had been quite clear: it rivate audience, for myself and myself alone, and so Faith and Talia had been made to wait outside, despite their bizarre insisten following me everywhere like person-shaped dugs. "I've been told by han Archmage Helen herself that you've been io join the Adventurer's Guild."

  "I have," I said, nodding. "I'm sidering it, but..."

  "Well, perhaps this sway your siderations," Melody said, reag intenerous cleavage to withdraw a roll of part.

  "Okay, before you tell me what is on the part, I simply have to ask," I interrupted. "Do you have a Bag of Holding in your cleavage? And if so, could you please tell me how it's arranged? My girlfriend asked me for something like that, and I've been trying to figure out how to make it work for nearly a month now."

  Duchess Melody flushed a little, but mustered her posure quickly. "I- yes, well, I do in fact have such a triva is... Perhaps after we're done here, you follow me to my chambers, and I will show you my spare."

  "That would be lovely," I said, nodding. "Apologies for the interruption- please, tinue."

  "Upon this part is a writ of knighthood with your name on it, Mr. Iro," Melody said, popping the wax seal and revealing precisely that. "All it needs is ynature, and you will be officially reized as a Knight by the w."

  "...And you have a task in mind for a Knight of your house," I said quietly.

  "Allow me to introduce to you my daughter, Lady Emily Redwater," Melody said, gesturing to the pink-haired girl beside her. "She joihe Healer's Guild when she was only twelve years old, and has already earned her staff as a fully-qualified Healer at the age of eighteen. And she has decided to join the Adventurer's Guild."

  "...Hi," Emily squeaked out, waving very gently, and failing to meet my gaze.

  "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to escort her to Mount Fate, and guarantee her safety during her education there," Melody tinued.

  "Are you... certain you want to join the Adventurer's Guild?" I asked. "I mean no offense, but there has to be something deeply wrong with you to fit in with the Adventurer's Guild. I earhat invitation by killing a man ireets in an unusually gruesome way. Lady Emily, however... Well, nobody who makes full Healer before they're 20 is uional, but I think whatever's wrong with her is inpatible with the sort of mental illness o be a good Adventurer."

  "I... I'm certain," Emily said, nodding vigorously, her hair boung a little as she did so. "It's... This is important, to me. More important than anything ever has been in my entire life."

  I nodded slowly, and then sighed.

  "...Well. I suppose, if I'm going to have this many people badgerio going to Mount Fate... then fine. I'm going to Mount Fate. I'll sign the Writ of Knighthood, and make sure Emily gets to Mount Fate safely. The price of a fourth train ticket is hardly going to be prohibitive."

  "The train?" Melody demanded. "Absolutely not, young man. Trai assailed by bandits all the time, and I will not make my daughter a sitting du one of those rattlebox deathtraps."

  "So, what, you wao walk there?"

  "You are a maist, Mister Iro, and if the stories of yesterday's escapades are any indication, you have a knack for strug vehicles. So... struct a new vehicle which vey my daughter to Mount Fate quickly, fortably, and safely."

  "...Fine, but you're paying for it."

  Duchess Melody reached into her cleavage, drawing forth a bundle of paper bills. "Will ten thousand dolrs suffice?"

  "...It'll do," I said, accepting the stack of bills from her. "Well, ma'am, a pleasure doing business with you. I'll get back to you with my vehicle o's plete."

  "Very good. Now, if you will follow me? I did promise a demonstration..."

  "Ah, of course. Goodbye, Emily."

  "Goodbye, Joseph."

  Annouhis brings us to the end of Book 1: What Little Remains Of Terpsichore Iro. For Patrons- subscribe to my Patreon by the way- the two weeks between Books 1 and 2 was filled with smutty Bonus Chapters, in which the loopholes in "Mage-Knights must be virgins" have the protagonist's penis stuck through them. For the public, however, there will just be a gap in posting for two weeks. This chapter osted on October 6th, so I'll see you all for Chapter 1 of Book 2: From Hell's Heart, on October 24th. See you then!