"God damn you've got some tits," Talia said.

  "Please stop being a freak to someone you've just met," I said wearily.

  "Nah, it's differeween girls," Talia insisted, approag an already-blushing Emily. "Because I've got big tits too, so this is more a decration of solidarity and sisterhood. See?"

  Talia punctuated that by pulling Emily into a one-armed hug wherein Talia attempted to press her ow against Emily's, and was stymied by the simple fact that Emily was a solid eight ialler than her.

  A day after I'd brought the van ssh portable house up to Redwater Pace for iion, I'd brought it back around, this time loaded up with the rest of my "adventuring party," which was a really weird way to pronounce 'friend group.' What, do adventurers not have friends? Whatever. Point was, we were in the living area of the van, and Faith was here too.

  "Yeah, let's maybe reel it ba," I said, pig Talia up with magid removing her from Emily's personal space. "Emily, this is Talia Jones, my girlfriend. She is an elf and a Druid, which is a sacred calling much like your own, and from her devotion to nature stems access to all sorts of wonderful primal magics. And this is Faith Joalia's girlfriend, who is a human Padin, and I trust you to know what a Padin is."

  Faith was, thankfully, no longer wearing the Padin's Guild uniform- either she sidered herself "off-duty," or when Napoleon Iro told her to sting that uniform through his door, she actually listened, and assumed that I agreed with my dad. So instead, she was wearing ordinary clothing much like my oin white undershirt, a pair of sturdy blue jeans, and a short jacket made of the same material, plus a hat that sisted of a drical cap with a single duckbill-like brim in the front, made of some sort of light-colored vas.

  "Good to meet you," Faith said, extending a hand for Emily to shake. Oh, how stra felt to think Faith was the well-behaved one. "So, you're headed for Mount Fate too, huh?"

  "Mhm," Emily said, nodding. "I want to join the Adventurer's Guild, and... And make a difference, in the world. Being a Healer is important, but... I o be in the right pce at the right time to really make a difference."

  "Fair enough," Faith said. "Me? I'm trying to ge some of the Padin's Guild's old-fashioned rules, ahem to accept gay Padins."

  "And I... don't really have a goal," Talia admitted. "I just wanh my friends. I kinda just go with the flow."

  "Is that on for Druids?" Emily asked.

  "No, most Druids have goals in mind," I said, shaking my head. "Talia's just eighteen. She'll figure herself out, in time."

  "Hey, sihis is a meet-and-greet, why n i member of the party?" Faith asked. "Y'know, uh... Rolex, or whatever her name was."

  "Volex," I corrected her. "And... Y'know what, sure, why not. Emily, have you ever met a succubus before?"

  "You have a succubus reliquary?" Emily asked.

  "My grandfather made it with the help of a human bard erpsichore Iro," I expined, pulling out Volex's reliquary from my pocket. "The succubus inside, Volex, was... apparently, a friend to my family, before the war."

  Volex emerged from her reliquary unbidden, smoke p out of the iron caps and coalesg into the form of a geous woman with dark blue skin in a sdalously-cut bd-red evening gown.

  "I was much more than a mere friend, darling," Volex purred, draping herself onto my side. "I was their rade, their panion. I was sent to corrupt and distract them, to keep them from stopping Demon King Paimory into this world, ahey showed me nothing but kindness and acceptance. And as I id there by the campfire with them, I thought to myself... 'Why the hell would I keep w for that asshole Paimon, whewo have been o me in two hours than he's been in two turies?'"

  "As you see, Volex is more than just long legs and a low-cut dress," I said.

  "I, um..." Emily looked at Volex, her eyes wide, then turo face me. "Aren't demons dangerous?"

  "Well, yes and no," I said. "Demon is a catch-all term for any life form that inates in hell, and teically, ord goblins are demons, just like helldrakes and blood moss. Given that ord goblins are people with civilizations and culture and nguage with whom you easily share a meal and a versation, while helldrakes and blood moss are mindless predators, there's a lot of variation. Volex, here, as a succubus, is a creature of the Occult, and so, to a greater extent than is true for people, her behavior is shaped by eople expect of her. Now, sidering that she introduced herself to me by saying she didn't want to hurt me, and to instead work together with me to free myself from captivity, my expectation is that she's my friend, and that I trust her to, at the very least, be civil with my other friends."

  "He's being polite," Volex said, smirking. "He also expects me to be flirtatious and scivious, but in his defense, so does everyone who's heard of a succubus. Now, I knoere talking about life goals, but why don't we take a step bad sider our uy goals, hm? Joseph, let's start with you, shall we?"

  "...Well, holy, I'm not sure," I admitted. "I have... I think four separate skillsets that could each sustain aire college education- are magic, occult magigineering, and martial arts, or whatever else you'd call a knight's skillset. And the thing is, I'm an elf. I will live forever. And being asked to prioritize just makes me tilt my head to the side and say 'Sure, I have to start somewhere, but I've got time to get to all of it.' Buuuuut, our little group is half human, and I get the feeling that they'd be less sanguihan me about spending a decade of their finite lives at a uy."

  "Just a bit," Faith said dryly.

  "It feels like the sort of thing elves warn their kids against," Emily said.

  "I mean, yes but no," I said. "Elves warn their kids against open-eime-ing tasks, but something like 'I'm going to get four secutive uy educations in these subjects that fasate me' isn't open-ended, it's just impractically time-ing for a human."

  "Oh. Sorry."

  "No, no, yood," I said. "Please keep doing that- while you might think you're a pure-blooded human, by our standards you're a half-elf, because you were raised by an elf. This sort of nitpig and arguing and suchlike? That's just how elves talk to each other, and seeing a human be able to do that is refreshing awarming."

  "How e you didn't react like that when I started sassing you?" Faith asked.

  "Because I actually like Emily," I said pleasantly.

  "Sucks to be you, then, because Talia does," Faith said.

  "Don't drag me into your stupid feud," Talia said wearily.

  "Anyhow. Emily, you're already a fully-fledged Healer," I said. "That's the sort of training and education that people usually receive after they've goo uy, so... I'm curious what yoing to be studying."

  "I want to learn how to use Are magic, actually," Emily said. "I know everyone says it's not very good at healing people, but I think that Are telekinesis and cirvoyance would be really useful supplements to a Healer's skillset. But, um... I'm not sure if I want to study that for a full four years. I might want to supplement my training with the Uy's medical program, to get a more thh grounding in healing- I have the impression that, while I am really smart, there was also a lot of simplification in my Healer training that left a lot of gaps I'm going to have to fill in."

  "Well, if you only want to do a few basic spells with Are magic, I teach you a few things, no problem," I said, nodding slowly. "The main issue with learning Are magic as a beginner is that you need a specific set of mental skills- the ability to clear your mind, and hold aire spellform in your head. Doing that at all requires either years of practice at meditation, or to willingly submit yourself to hypnosis from a teacher."

  "Hypnosis is real?"

  "Yes, but it also doesn't work the way it does in the dime novels," I said. "It's an altered state of mind that makes people more suggestible and bypasses some of their usual inhibitions and good sense, but it's not perfect- it doesn't bypass all of their inhibitions and good sense, and it doesn't turn someoo a mindless puppet that blindly does whatever they're told."

  "Oh," Emily said.

  "I mean, it bypasses enough that a malicious or merely incautious hypnotist do some real damage, but for the most part, it's something you have to approach with caution and respect, rather than something that's ily ludicrously dangerous."

  "Also, if you're a Bard, it does work the way it does in the dime novels," Volex added.

  "Wait, what?" I asked.

  "It's the magic of narrative and psychology, darling," Volex said, teasingly. "Of course it have mind-altering effects."

  "Um... are you a Bard?" Emily asked.

  "Not really, no," I said. "I know some Occult magic, but... well, I've got a lot more to learn from Volex here."

  "And from your professors," Volex said, nodding.

  "Anyhow," I said. "Once we head out, I do some sort of hypnosis ssh guided meditation sessions with you to help build that foundational skill for Are spellcasting. I also reend brushing up on your math, and not just arithmetid algebra, but also formal logid the like. Do some logic puzzles, that sorta thing. I know you've already got your main vocation lined up, but these are in fact bare minimum requirements to bee a Wizard."

  "Right, well," Volex said, g her hands once. "Faith? Talia? What will you be studying?"

  "Alchemy," Talia said immediately. "I'm already a Druid, so I've got a lot of magic that lets me do shit with pnts, and something like half of alchemy is just about getting the right pnts to brew into potions."

  "There's also the mineral side of alchemy," I pointed out.

  "Yeah, but that's just rocks," Talia said. "There's tons of those, and there's already the entire mining industry dedicated to digging them out of the ground. And if I need minerals that are too expensive for my liking, then I just get my pet wizard to make those minerals for me, because material transmutation is totally a thing you could do."

  "...I mean, yeah, but it's harder than you're making it sound," I said. "...Ugh, fine, I'll ask Mom about it, I'm sure she's got some notes I copy..."

  "I think I'm gonna study w," Faith said. "Maybe even bee a wyer. Not super sure yet, though. Might go for martial arts instead? Or theology? Hell, if they've got a Padin Studies program-"

  "They do," Volex said.

  "Then yeah, I'm just doing that," Faith said. "Holy, I hought that much about what I'd want to study at a uy. It always seemed so... out-of-reach, to me. Something rich people did, not me."

  "Well, gratutions, you get to make more out of yourself than just another rank-and-file Padin," I said. "It's a good opportunity. Don't blow it."