[The following chapter is filler, intended to be a jumping off point for a non-canon comedy/slice-of-life spin-off. Nothing in this chapter is part of the main setting/story unless otherwise stated.]
Poo-Brain slowly opened her eyes as the sun started to shine through, it was the dawn of a new day in the summer. She blinked several times before getting up and looking around the barn at her family member. Everyone else was waking up as well. Poo-Brain let out a soft moo before shaking herself off and moving her tongue in her mouth. “(Dry.)” She thought to herself before sticking her head into a water trough to drink. As soon as her head reached the water one of her brothers started aggressively pushing her head way.
Poo-Brain was the youngest of a herd of Catoblepae, and the runt of her litter. As such it was only natural the older cows and bulls of the pen would bully her a bit. “Cut it out Pete, there's enough water for the lot of us for three days.” Her older brother pushed again. “Get outta the way Poo-Brain, you're crowding me with that fat head of yours. I can't breathe with that air filled noggin in my space.” Poo-Brain huffed. “Your head is bigger than mine, and I started drinking first.” There was a loud snort followed by a deep voice. “Enough, both of you! It's too early in the morning for your nonsense.” It was Gorgonzola, the head bull of the herd and Poo-Brain's father. “Yes father.” The two kids said with mousy deflated tones of defeat.
The scene cuts away to Poo-Brain standing in what looks like a classroom. She lifts her left hoof that's somehow holding a pointer stick and slaps a whiteboard with it. “Okay, so I know it's been a while since I've popped up so I'll give you all a quick crash course. I am Poo-Brain the catoblepas and I live in Blue Cheese Farms located on the edge of New Arkham Wisconsin with others of my kind as well as a few other kinds of domestic Cryptids. This here on the whiteboard is my family tree.”
Poo-Brain tapped the whiteboard twice. “Here's me, the youngest and smallest. There are in total about two dozen Catoblepae on this farm, all part of my family and with a few exceptions all born on this farm. Right next to me is my brother Petemoss whom everyone just calls Pete who's in the pen right next to mine separated by some bars but our pens share a trough. He shares his pen with my other two brothers Colby and Parmesan. Meanwhile I share my pen with my eldest sister Brie and my cousin thrice removed Portabella who I just call Bella. Me and my siblings are all the kids of the head bull Gorgonzola who prefers to go by Gorgon and his mate Mozzarella.”
Poo-Brain tapped the family tree a few more times. “As you can see here all the older Catoblepas here are named after cheeses and the younger ones are named after different kinds of fungi, molds, or mosses. That is except for myself who has the affectionate name of Poo-Brain because of my goofy expressions.” Poo-Brain giggled. “That's it for now, back to the barn.” The scene cuts back to the barn that had several pens separated by gender and age. There were a total of six pens in the building.
Poo-Brain finished drinking her water and moved on to her food; a pile of feed mixed with mushrooms and/or molds. Different mixtures were often given to different groups. As the sun rose, so did the heat, and it was already clear it was going to be a hot one. After eating the doors were opened to allow the cows access to outdoor pens. Poo-Brain looked up from her food to see that it had been open for a while and she was the only one that had yet to go outside. She slowly saundered out, only to have Petemoss pop up at the fence just outside the door shouting just as soon as his sister was through in order to spook her. “Boo!”
Poo-Brain jumped back and yelled as a green cloud emitted from her body. The scene changed back to the classroom with Poo-Brain pointing a stick at a still picture of her shocked state. “Although Catoblepae look like long-haired highland cows with scales under their green-grey fur, that fur isn't actually hair. It's a special type of symbiotic mossbed that grows different mosses, fungi, or molds depending on the diet of the Catoblepas. When startled, we shoot out spores as part of a leftover self defense mechanism from when our ancestors ate toxic materials that were harmful to people and potential predators. Though we're fed other things, the most common thing domestic Catoblepae are fed is the special super mold used in penicillin. Fun fact: in the world of Within the Darkness, Catoblepae are responsible for twenty five to thirty five percent of the annual production of penicillin in the United States and Greece.”
The scene cuts back to mid-jump Poo-Brain. Her brother Petemoss laughed at her. “Haha, made you spore.” Poo-Brain growled. “Knock it off Pete, it's not funny. The humans that farm us depend on the spores we grow for medicine and stuff. Scaring me like that can reduce the quality.” Petemoss continued to laugh until he heard the sound of someone breathing hard through their nose. He turned around to see their father Gorgonzola giving him an angry look. He scrunched down a bit in defeat with Gorgonzola not even having to utter a word.
The Catoblepae walked around outside and occasionally nibbled on grass but the heat was starting to get to them. Steam was coming off Poo-Brain when the scene cut back to the classroom with Poo-Brain adjusting glasses. “Although it is moss and not hair, Catoblepas ‘fur’ still functions in a similar way when it comes to insulation. Great in winter, not so much during a heatwave.” The scene cuts back to the farm again as the head farmer, Nicolas Tsukolos, starts setting something up in Poo-Brain’s pen. After a moment he had an aboveground pool with a ramp leading into it and was filling it with water. As it filled he started setting up pools at other pens.
Once the pools had water in them, Nicolas splashed at the water and invited cows over. Poo-Brain practically ran over to see what was up only for Nicolas to grab her collar and guide her into the cold water. It was nice and cold, reaching her sternum. She moved over to make room for her sister and cousin who quickly joined. The other Catoblepae inspected the pools and even drank some of the water before walking up the ramps and getting in on their own. Poo-Brain had a big smile and looked extremely content as she swayed back and forth, splashing the water slightly. “Farmer Nick is so thoughtful~” She said in a sing-song voice.
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Portabella drank a little of the water as she sat in it. “Well he can't exactly let us die of heat stroke. We're one of his main sources of income. Us and the normal cows at the other barn. You know, the one where the outside part isn't covered by a greenhouse that obscures the view from outside while still letting in the sun and the wind.” Poo-Brain sighed. “Yeah, but we're hidden for a reason Bella. Regardless of how you feel about it, it's probably better than the alternative. Our kind would be extinct if not for the farmers. My father may pine for the glory days of old but even he never actually lived in the wild. His ideas of the so-called glory days are something that's simply been passed down for generations.”
Brie huffed her nose into the water, she then walked to the edge of the pool and moo’ed at the farmer. “Hey. Hey. Over here. Yes, you. Bring some pool toys.” Portabella chuckled. “You know he can't understand us right?” Despite this the farmer did come by and place some small plastic balls in the pool for the Catoblepae to play with. Brie started pushing a red one around with her nose. “He usually catches on fairly quickly somehow.” Poo-Brain playfully walked over to a blue ball and bopped it with her nose before giggling. “Farmer Nick always seems to know what we want and need. I guess it comes with experience.”
The farmer put plastic balls in other pools and smiled at the sight of the Catoblepae playing in the pools. Gorgonzola curiously poked at a ball with his nose lightly before blowing the water with his nose and sending it away. “Such a trivial and childish thing. I feel disrespected at the gesture.” He watched the ball floating from the side of his eye as it bobbed around in the water. Poo-Brain kept putting the bull under her chin and pushing it under the water only for it to make its way back up and jump out a little before landing again. She giggled afterwards.
After a while the cold water started to warm and wasn't as effective at cooling down the Catoblepae. Farmer Nicolas started escorting the cows back inside and turned on some fans before setting out more food and water. The females were then moved to the milking area after getting some food. Poo-Brain stood calmly as the divine was hooked up to her. “I understand he couldn't have us out there all day, but that was awfully short.” Portabella sighed as she smacked on a bit of feed placed in the milking area. “Yeah, but the water was starting to warm up. If we sat out there too long we'd start to boil. Besides, it was about time for milk to be collected.”
Poo-Brain huffed. “I wonder if Farmer Nick is doing something to cool down the water while the machines do their work. I'd like to play in the water more.” Brie hummed. “Hopefully it's not this hot tomorrow too. I don't imagine this heat is any good for the other animals and Cryptids either. The only one I can think of that wouldn't mind the heat are the Basan that Nick got by trading with a Japanese farmer.” Poo-Brain tilted her head. “Eh? Basan? Oh! You mean those chickens the size of ostriches that breathe fire that came in last week? I don't think breathing fire means they're heat resistant.” Brie took a moment before nodding. “I suppose you're right.”
After a while Nicolas came back in and disconnected the Catoblepae cows and led them back outside where it looks like he had dumped a large bag of ice in each pool shortly before leading them back out. The cows and bulls all gladly got back into the water of their respective pens, playing in the now cold water that contrasted the summer heat. “I figured he'd do something.” Poo-Brain commented as she splashed the water a bit with her head. “This makes me wonder what our ancestors did to cool down in the summer. Though I guess there were probably lakes or rivers or some body of water to swim in.”
Gorgonzola’s voice boomed from another pen. “I was told there was a massive sea, so maybe they used that. Not that it matters much anymore. We are resigned to this life. It's incarceration or death, as ordinary humans would likely not hesitate to kill us. Poo-Brain was right in her assumption that this arrangement is likely the only thing that prevented our extinction. Several of us overheard them talking when one of us was murdered. There are no Catoblepae in the wild.”
The scene cuts to Poo-Brain standing in the classroom again. “Some time ago a monster broke into the farm, killing and eating one of us. The one that died was one of the few from my grandparents generation still left, and the only Catoblepas who was bigger than my father at the time. He was the leader until then. Since then everyone from my grandparents generation was taken from the farm and never came back. Father says once we hit a set age the Farmer takes us away somewhere but he doesn't know where or what happens.”
The scene cuts back to the pools, Poo-Brain simply looked at the water. “Well I hear there are a solid number of farms meaning there are plenty of us left. Sure, we may not have cousins living in the wild but at least our kind lives. Domestic life is probably better than extinction. Besides, I actually like it here. We eat, play, and talk. We have everything we need. All we have to do in return is give up milk and fur on a regular basis. Speaking of it should be time for a trimming soon. I love getting my hair and hooves done. I always feel so light and pretty afterwards. Plus it'll be far less hot with less mossbed.”
Portabella chuckled as she looked at a ball with her hoof. “I too enjoy getting trimmed down, because that means we'll definitely get to see Farmer Sofie. She's so nice and gentle with our mossbeds. She pampers and washes us every time we do grooming. I know part of grooming is to collect the moss we grow to make medicine but still.” The scene pauses and glasses wearing Poo-Brain walks across the view. “Farmer Sophitia or Sofia is the daughter of Farmer Nick. She's the youngest of his three kids. Much like how we have cousins there are several branches of the same family who work on the farm as well.”
Glasses Poo-Brain walked off screen and the scene continued. Poo-Brain started fast walking around the pool, splashing water around as she did. “Sofie always gives me lots of head pats. She genuinely enjoys cleaning and petting us. Sometimes she'll pop into the barn just to hangout when she's free. Her hands always end up caked in spores when she visits.” The other younger cows nod in agreement. They all enjoy it when Sophitia comes to visit. Even the younger males nod since she gives them just as much love and attention. The Farmers do their best to keep the Catoblepae happy and healthy in a mutually beneficial relationship.
Eventually Nicolas brings the Catoblepae inside again as it starts to get late. All in all, it was another nice and lovely day on the farm for Poo-Brain and pals. The scene goes black and the credits start to roll when Poo-Brain pauses everything and steps out. “Wait wait wait, hold up. That's it? This is way shorter than what the main series gets. Eh? It's meant to be shorter to reflect what the spin-off will get? Well I guess that makes sense, but still. Anyway, I guess it'll be back to normal chapters for now. I'll see you again in the Adventures of Poo-Brain and Pals. Ta-ta for now.” The young calf happily waved as credits continued and eventually vanished as they finished up.
