I've played a few games, to you I regale

  A blunder long past, a truly epic fail

  But first you must know the star of this tale

  Twas session zero, we were starting anew

  The premise this time, we'd soon be a pirate crew

  To fit that mold, our characters we must hew

  It should have been a simple matter, easy enough to do

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

  And so a lizardman was made, savage and primal

  We all spawned at the docks making our first arrival

  We'd brave the high seas, through plunder, reaping survival

  The lizard's player made his first choice, one most final

  "I don't get on the boat. I shall hold the rudder and float."

  Our DM was new to the role, quiet uncertain still

  But he wanted to try the challenging role to fill

  He lost his nerve to the selfish player of stronger will

  And so the stupid lizard he did not offhandedly kill

  Our ship was attacked by pirates, to no one's surprise

  We took to the deck and fought with wild eyes

  Except for the lizard, the scrappy jerkass only hides

  And because of his cowardice, a PC swiftly dies

  The battle was won, the pirates repelled

  The survivors were drained, no skill was withheld

  Up the side of the boat the lizard rappelled

  With a rage and a blade, the party he felled

  And so our story ended before it truly begun

  Our characters lived not a single trip of the sun

  With a smug smile, the Lizard boldly states "I won."