"I need a disguise first though." I rubbed my hands together all evil like, plotting something nefarious.

  "Jimmy! Be my mirror please~." I called out dramatically, my living metal friend extending a tendril from my back to loop around to my front and enlarge into a full body mirror.

  Sounds flashy, but it was really just a flat sheet of super reflective metal. It would work though.

  "Thank you friend, now we can begin creating my civilian disguise. A... civi-sona if you will." My lips twitched into a smile, but alas. Jimmy remained silent.

  "My talents are wasted on you- Good Lord!" I cut myself off as I got a look at my face for the first time in... well... a year?

  I gawked at the sheer state I was in.

  Disheveled.

  Patchy neck beard.

  Long hair that somehow doesn't get stuck in my space suit collar, and the makings of a unibrow.

  It makes sense I'd look like a complete mess, I haven't taken off my helmet since that day at the amusement park. I also haven't eaten since then, so my teeth looked fine. Not pearly white but fine.

  "Goodness gracious, I look homeless." I grumbled to myself as I fluffed my hair up. The zero gravity making it look extra poofy.

  Some basic grooming is desperately needed.

  "Alright Jimmy, we'll be stopping by a barber shop first. Before that though, let us continue in our evil planning." I made some faces in the mirror, playing a bit.

  Eventually I got bored of fucking around, and got back to business. It only took 5 minutes to get something done so I would, marginally, fit in.

  Jimmy was morphed into an entire set of "Basic Human Male Attire" or BHMA.

  Or as I called it, "t-shirt and jeans".

  And sneakers, can't forget those.

  It was simply perfect.

  White t-shirt, simple blue jeans, and a pair of sneakers with no branding on them whatsoever.

  "With this, I believe we are ready my friend~." I chuckled dramatically, still making dumb faces in the mirror and playing with my face.

  Shaking my head, I finally had Jimmy put the mirror away and started scouting some cities for the right spot to drop in.

  "I need a place to get a shave and a sandwich... and also some money." I sighed to myself as I realized an issue.

  In this Systemless world, I was dead broke. Not a single cent to my name.

  My family likely had some money, but I can't just show up after being declared dead and then going "hey can I have some money?" while looking like a homeless guy trying to get his life together.

  I'll have to talk to my mom and my sisters later though, because I also can't just show up in the neighborhood and not say hi. The neighborhood being this universe, but it counts.

  Locating a shopping district that has a barber and sandwich joint within walking distance wasn't too hard, and for money I just stole some from the cartel. Not like they'll be needing it anymore.

  "Time to be sneaky." I whispered, and then schooled my face to quit doing that cringy dumb ass smirk.

  I Gated down to an empty alleyway then walked over to the barber like I was completely normal... 9 foot tall human.

  'Damn! An oversight on my part.' I clicked my tongue, noticing that I was getting stares. Not very sneaky like.

  Ignoring the stares, I acted natural. Just some unnaturally tall and lanky guy walking around town, no big deal here.

  Walked, basically crawled, into the barber shop, wrote down my name, and sat down in the waiting area. In a way too small leather couch. For me anyway.

  "Greg? Greg Hud- whoah." One of the workers called my name from the notebook, but stared at me once I stood up.

  "That's me, I need a shave and a haircut." I smiled down at her, trying to act natural.

  "...I don't know if you can fit in our chairs, but we'll give it a try." She stopped staring at me, but seemed genuinely unsure about the chair situation.

  ...

  Turns out that I can fit in the chair, as long as I extend my legs all the way out in front of me and slide down the back in the worst posture you've ever seen.

  But it worked, and now I am fresh as fuck.

  Not really, I just look moderately more normal now that I didn't have the homeless wizard look.

  I'd be completely normal if I wasn't a freak of nature. Pretty sure humans don't reach my height and live long enough to reach 40. I wasn't 40 though, but that doesn't matter.

  If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

  The point is, I am not normal and this experience was making that extremely clear.

  "Thanks, I really needed that." I said while passing the woman two 20's for her time.

  "You sure did." She laughed once as she looked at the pile of hair on the ground.

  It must've been a foot of hair, at least.

  My new style screamed Jon Arbuckle with how basic it was, but I liked it.

  I also liked not having that gross patchy neck hair.

  What I didn't like was trying to shimmy out of the door nearly 2/3rds my height.

  Now that I was outside, and didn't need to slouch just to not hit the ceiling, I stretched out my back and arms.

  "That's better, now I can finally have my treat." I took long strides towards my next objective.

  A little place called SandwichHaven. A rather apt name if I say so myself.

  I sighed as I, yet again, had to basically crouch walk through the door.

  Once inside, I was met with an even shorter ceiling. So I was stuck crouching the entire time I ordered my food.

  The staring was still going on, but I didn't care at this point. No one was yelling "It's the Dark Lord!" or anything so I was still sneaky.

  Submarine sandwich in the bag, I paid my dues and decided it would be best if I ate on a park bench or something. No way any of these chairs would be comfortable.

  Crouching my way back outside, I once again stretched out the new kink in my back from the awkward posture.

  "I should learn how to shrink myself down..." I muttered to myself, thinking of that fairy alien thing that made those massive dwarven looking robots.

  That mechanic was able to enlarge or shrink those machines using magic, so surely I could do something similar. At some point in the future maybe.

  I walked around for a while, desperately looking for a place to sit down that wouldn't give me back pain.

  No such luck though, because everything was designed for regular humans.

  In a bout of desperation, I sat on a dumpster lid. Since it was the only thing big enough to "comfortably" sit on. Then I had an idea, and just used Telekinesis to hold myself a few inches above the dumpster.

  Now I was actually comfortable, but the smell was not so pleasant.

  Not like I cared though, I wanted to eat my sandwich.

  "Finally... Finally! My grand prize for all that torment!" I smiled at the divine artifact known as the footlong.

  "Hmmm~. Tuna salad, lettuce, pepperoni, jalapenos, banana peppers, mayo, honey mustard, pickles, salami, and Italian tangy sauce. My signature custom sandwich, The Heartburn!" I held my prize above my head and a grand treasure.

  Taking a big bite, I moaned in pleasure like a weirdo.

  The sandwich itself is mediocre, but nostalgia is one hell of an ingredient. I used to eat this kind of sandwich all the time in college, and even after that. I only stopped when I was told I wouldn't be able to go to space if I kept eating it.

  Was that true? probably not, but I wasn't going to risk my dream over something that hurt to eat.

  Except... it didn't hurt to eat anymore.

  My body made heartburn just not a thing anymore, so now it was just a weird tasting sandwich with everything I like on it for no reason.

  "Well that's no fun." I sighed, then took another bite.

  I still liked it, with all the weird flavors.

  The Heartburn was a sandwich I had 'designed' by putting everything I like on a sandwich into one. It wasn't just spicy, it would throat punch you while squeezing on your arteries in real time.

  An abomination created through the hubris and greed of man, in the shape of a soggy sandwich.

  I would not recommend ever actually trying to eat something like The Heartburn, unless you're a freak like I am. It's not just an acquired taste, it's an abusive relationship.

  With a final bite, the obelisk of hubris was defeated in a perfect victory. Not even a hint of the usual burning sensation or something stuck in the throat.

  "Welp, now what do I do?" I asked myself, tossing my trash into the dumpster I hopped off of.

  As I wandered down the street aimlessly, I started to feel a slight burning sensation in my chest.

  "Oh? Does mine creation birthed from foolishness dare strike back against me?" I smirked to myself, surprised I could feel heartburn still.

  However... something was off.

  It didn't feel like heartburn, since it was too low for that. It felt more like...

  "What the...?" I staggered a bit, my vision blurring slightly as my head became light.

  This was definitely not heartburn.

  No, it was worse.

  One of my oaths was starting to react strongly, and it did not like what was happening.

  "I haven't done anything though?" I mumbled, feeling a wet spot above my lip and finding blood on my fingers.

  My nose was bleeding, and I still didn't know what was happening.

  I could sense it though.

  One of my oaths was killing me.

  I began to frantically search through all of my senses, trying to find out why this was happening, and it clicked.

  On Earth, people were starting to get scared. More so after my little 'display' I did just a short while ago.

  Comparing my actions to my oaths told me what happened.

  I had done something the faker would have done, even if it was by accident.

  "So this is what it feels like." I groaned as I tried to stabilize myself.

  I had believed that breaking an oath would have been an instant death, but maybe not? Then again, it's not like I had done it on purpose, so maybe it is instant if I deliberately break it.

  That doesn't matter though, what does is the fact that I am actively dying. For real this time.

  There's only one answer that I know of that could possibly solve this issue, and that's by implementing The System.

  Make a hero fight me off, make it clear I do not own their planet.

  "Who do I make a hero though? This universe doesn't need another villain... Well, not like I have a choice to make anymore." I sighed.

  If I knew I was just going to make mistake after mistake after coming home, I would have gone somewhere else for my break.

  "Nah... Heroes are boring now and don't fit the vibe with modern fantasy if they aren't superheroes. But maybe...?" I rubbed my nose, noting how the blood was no longer flowing.

  The burning wasn't so bad now, but it was a bit extreme of a warning.

  "Hunters? Those comics are popular right? Hunters and gates that are Dungeons. It's all basically the same isn't it?" I muttered to myself, and decided that would work.

  I wouldn't be making any heroes this time, since there are plenty of people who like to do good things. It'll be fine.

  Surely, I cannot make any more mistakes than I already have.

  With a snap, I brought up The System interface I've been using for all the universes I've been helping.

  I tapped yes, and immediately felt the oath settle down more as The System did its thing.

  Everyone, everywhere, all at once, got the same message.

  Some greeting, some kind of explanation, a bit about what or who The Dark Lord Azurath is and how to defeat said Dark Lord.

  I could tell some of the more nerdy and geeky people were absolutely going bonkers, just jumping around in excitement over The System's appearance.

  "...This definitely won't be a bad idea right?" I mumbled, now feeling much better and standing in the middle of a sidewalk.

  Where I then saw a homeless guy stumble out of an alley, say something incoherent and wave his arms about.

  "-FIREBALL!!!" He yelled and then threw a baseball sized ball of flame into a window, shattering it.

  He promptly stole whatever was on display and run off.

  The store in question... sells fancy lingerie.

  "I totally just gave a bunch of primates machine guns didn't I?" I sighed as total chaos began to break out over the city.