I felt my feet moving in spite of me as the shout crawled over my skin and bones like someone had just upended a bucket of sewage over my head. Yuck.

  The light which had already begun to flee at the first uttered syllable had been snuffed out completely, throwing the cavernous room into pitch blackness. And while my mind was my own, my cowardly body tried to run away as far as it could, right up against the rocky walls.

  It was all a very impressive shout, but honestly, I wasn't impressed. It was practically tame compared to what Vaermina had done to me.

  I might have taunted him with that if my tongue wasn't being difficult.

  A croaking, wheezing laughter soon echoed in the dark, the sound of someone having too much fun. Then another who could only be the Dremora shot back in a language that changed between being deeper than the deepest baritone and higher than the highest soprano seemingly at random.

  I only knew that much thanks to that one music class I took back in college. Which, you know, kind of a strange thing to remember at a time like this…

  Anyway, it sounded like an insult. And not a very nice one going by the renewed sounds of fighting. Maybe he insulted the Tongue's mother?

  As light slowly filtered back into the world, maybe I had been too quick to judge. The shout hadn't just sent everyone running for the proverbial hills, it for some reason also left hideously malformed eyes and mouths all over the walls and floor.

  That was what had been tugging on my unit of a cloak, a fucking stony, fleshy mouth. Yuck again.

  At least my cowardly body was starting to listen to me again, though I was still very careful where I stood as I moved away from the walls to try and get my housecarl out of her funk. Skadi was both too far away and in half a rage, smashing anything that even moved. The others were worse.

  Even Lydia with how fucked up she already was managed to crawl away and started clawing at her cheeks. Yeah, fuck that guy.

  It wasn't something I could actually heal either, I just had to hold her until she came to.

  I tried to follow the fight in the meantime, but it was ridiculous that there was still a fight at all after one of the parties was almost cut in half.

  "FO KRAH!" The shout blanketed the room in ice and snow, but the Dremora was barely even touching the ground anymore.

  It was almost anticlimactic how it all came to an end, one wrong move and the Tongue's head was sent flying. It even landed not far from me, the fucking undead monstrosity still laughing, creaky and dry and wheezy. It only stopped when the shine finally went out of his eyes and his black lips went still.

  The sound of applause from the rose broke the sudden quiet, and the Dremora performed a graceful bow my way, except he kept falling forward until he disappeared into a seam in the floor.

  I just decided to roll with it, as I was quickly becoming a master at. I was already a full-time murderhobo, basically.

  Leaning over, I plucked the black helmet from the head. And then I ate it.

  What? I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

  I felt whole for it again, destroying the enchantment for fuel instead of stealing it. I knew the difference now.

  As I went about fixing my housecarl up, a few of the eyes still watched me creepily, but they were already beginning to smooth out into stone again. When she took a seat on her own again, she physically seemed fine, but her mind was far and far away.

  I still didn't see a certain tiny Argonian anywhere. Hopefully she found a nice hidey-hole for herself.

  Leaving Lydia to rest, I made my way to Skadi, a scowl on her lips as she sat. The floor around her was devoid of eyes or mouths, all of them smashed to bits.

  The Companions were about the same as Lydia, glassy-eyed and twitchy. The three I knew were werewolves less so, but they weren't exactly over the moon either. Aela kept poking one of the eyes with an arrow angrily.

  "Why the long faces?" I knew it translated correctly when I got several looks for it. "We're still alive, right?"

  "Owing my life to Daedra's work leaves a sour taste," Skadi grumped.

  "He was toying with us," Vilkas muttered next. "Like an old grandfather with naughty children."

  His brother was gingerly touching his hair, or whatever was left of it. "Is it bad?"

  That did get some quiet chuckles from the other Companions. I decided to strike while the iron was hot and remind them of the treasure, and like I hoped it would, they quickly regained that murderhobo energy.

  As they went for the heavy chests around the cavernous room, Skadi held out her hand like a princess. At least she didn't make it too hard on me.

  "I should find our wayward friends." I glanced at the murderhobos again. "Maybe make sure we don't just get left with the scraps for our share."

  "Our share?" she asked. "Are they one in the same now?"

  "You hadn't protested when I said I'd make you my wife," I pointed out with a smirk, remembering that bit of moxy fondly. "I believe you even mentioned your father."

  That got me a certain look, meaning my nefarious scheme to distract her was working.

  "As soon as we get out of here," she whispered after leaning in. It was a promise. Then she sauntered to one of the chests, her long hair making me want to give it a pull.

  It seemed last night was the only respite my hips would get.

  Lydia moved to my side as I backtracked, an unhappy frown having replaced the faraway look. "I proved a burden to you. I—"

  "Hey. I saw how bravely you stood in front of me. Save that for when you actually run away and leave me behind."

  "That would never happen," she quickly rushed to say.

  "Pigs would sooner fly," I agreed. Though maybe that wasn't as outlandish here.

  It didn't take long to find one of them either. The thief, or to be more precise, his empty-eyed corpse. The back of his head was a ruin that showed as much bone as gore.

  Though thinking back, I didn't actually remember seeing him anywhere near Lydia and myself? Even if I was admittedly distracted by the walking corpse shouting a freight train at me.

  A bit more backtracking later, almost back at the sliding door again, and we had found them. They were even in what vaguely looked like a hidey-hole.

  The cat peeked her head out of Tolfi's orange curls. "Yanadz'jo would like to say that this is the second time she is happy to see the mad thane."

  My fingers yearned to scratch her behind the ears like an actual cat, but I held the intrusive thoughts at bay. Instead I caught Orryn making eyes at Tolfi again. Guy really had it bad for her.

  Maybe I could give him a helping hand, do some wingman shit? For a bandit, he wasn't that bad. And he was in my service now, even if my understanding of the feudal politics at play still wasn't the best.

  "They're dividing the treasure now," I commented. "You were true to your word, Orryn. For your bravery, I will allow you a treasure of your choice from my share."

  Lydia made a sound like she choked on something. The three bandits, cat included, stared at me like I had three heads and one of them was yodeling.

  "T-Thank you, Thane," Orryn finally got out.

  "Less sure about what to do with you two," I continued. "You are still bandits, after all. And unlike Orryn, you've not proven yourself to me."

  "Yanadz-jo—"

  Orryn interrupted the cat, "I can vouch for them, Thane. They'll not give you any trouble, I swear it. Tolfi and I were thinking of using the score from this job to…" He trailed off as she grabbed his arm, her cheeks red. "Which I mean to say is we were already looking to turn over a new leaf."

  Lydia seemed skeptical, but then she was a daughter of high nobility, so…

  "I am a believer in second chances." I turned to the cat on her throne of curls, who proceeded to give me something disturbingly close to a shit-eating grin. Yeah, I didn't trust her one bit. "Though Lydia will still be keeping an eye on you. The cat especially."

  "Yanadz-jo is used to—" This time Tolfi shut her up, using her ginger curls as a gag.

  My housecarl was giving me something of a doubtful look now, but that also meant she wasn't thinking about her moment of weakness. Which was exactly what I wanted.

  I was awesome like that.

  As my head grew three sizes, we made our way back to rejoin the others. Bright-Like-Dawn had already gone ahead while we were blabbing, and was curiously poking the Tongue's decapitated head with a stick, maybe trying to see if it would come back to life.

  Skadi was soon dragging one of the heavy chests over to us. "Our spoils," she proudly announced. She kicked open the top after, revealing at least a dozen bars of what looked like pitch black glass. Or maybe metal?

  "Ebony," Lydia whispered. "A fortune of it."

  There were what looked like two old books in there as well. "I know how much you like these," Skadi teased.

  This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

  Truly she was a girl after my own heart.

  Though what would I find in them? I was tempted to eat one of them right now, but common sense prevailed. A glance at the rest of the Tongue's corpse instead showed it looking like it had been picked apart by locusts, and seeing as almost all of the Companions were wearing pieces of his armor on them now, it wasn't hard to tell who those locusts were.

  "We're not selling it," Skadi said, bringing my eyes back around. "I'm going to use it to make armor."

  I couldn't stop my eyes from trailing to her armor again doubtfully. "Don't you think you should…" The look she was giving me now was a very dangerous one. "I mean, I can't wait to see it! The color would look good on you, I think."

  She snorted, tangling a lock of her strawberry blonde hair around her finger. "I think so too."

  "Was it here as Farengar hoped?" Lydia quietly asked as Bright-Like-Dawn snatched one of the ingots, rubbing her cheek against the maybe metal maybe glass.

  The bits of black that poked out between some of her cobalt scales did kind of look the same.

  "Aye." Skadi pulled out a stone tablet from her top that stunk of enchantment.

  It's a good thing I didn't go poking around myself. I could just imagine their reaction if I ate it.

  Nobody gave Arvel the Swift much thought as we went looking for the exit. Which, yeah, understandable, seeing as even his fellow criminals weren't his fans.

  The path out was treacherous, but seeing as it was lacking a mountain's worth of draugr, nobody complained. And when we finally put the tomb city behind us and stood under the afternoon sun again, the collective sigh of relief was palpable.

  Tolvi took it even further, opening her arms. "Oh, sweet sun! May I never leave your light again!"

  Bright-Like-Dawn mimicked her, drawing some laughter from everyone. Everyone was already beginning to forget all about the cranky grandpa, and more importantly, the Dremora.

  "Oh, Abomination!" I heard Sanguine whisper into my ear. "Vavidor wanted me to thank you." I wasn't sure what to say to that. "Oh, you don't have to answer. That dragon of yours is a suspicious one, though there is something delightfully familiar about her as well."

  Right. Something of Lorkhan was what I assumed the Daedric Prince was hinting at. Otherwise known as Shor, Shezarr, and a hundred other names…

  "Mmm, you are still new to these mortal games, but Old Sanguine has been at it since the dragon first wound itself around its own corpse. Certainly longer than that tease, Dibella, as the mortals call her now."

  "Have you no sense of artistry?" a spider grumped, but Sanguine ignored her.

  "Imagine how she would look lost in a sea of pleasure. You need only ask, Abomination, and Sanguine will show you how to string her body like the finest lute."

  There was something to be said about learning about lovemaking from the Daedric Prince of Debauchery.

  My playing host to Daedric Princes aside, we made it to Riverwood before the sun went down, and we all quickly piled into the inn. I was soon watching the two brothers swallow mug after mug of ale like it was water while Aela nursed her own mug more sensibly.

  As for Skadi, she had firmly planted her dumptruck of an ass in my lap again, but at this point my hips might as well be made of steel, so I just weathered her crushing weight with poise and dignity. Even if I was beginning to suspect that she was playing out some kind of fantasy.

  I caught Delphine watching us closely, though only because I knew to look. She was being real subtle about it.

  Orryn and Tolvi seemed like they had reconciled as they sat in a quiet part of the inn, her head resting on his shoulder. Way to go, buddy.

  "Would you like to know how many he's cheated, Abomination? Or how many throats she's slit for a hunk of bread?"

  Mephala just had to go and ruin the moment.

  "The Ebony Blade you carry now is but a shell of what it could be. If you think Sanguine's tricks impressive, then you should see Mephala's," she whispered to me huskily. "The girl would not be hard to bed, and when he finds you in her, his heart would break. Then you need only drive the blade into what's left of it."

  "You really need to find a new hobby, Mephala." The Companions were so loud that my whisper went unnoticed.

  "If you are careful, she will never know. What is one more dead bandit to a woman like her?"

  Did she think it all an act? There were too many things she could be angling at here. For all I had been winning our game of chicken, I wasn't such a moron as to think that I could outsmart a Daedric Prince.

  The only winning move was not to play.

  "Perhaps I should paint more of a picture for you," she whispered again. "He had a friend once, you see. Orryn sold him on a scheme, intending to take the coin and leave Riften. How do you think he felt? Betrayed? And he had a family, oh yes. Two sons. How do you think they felt when they heard their father tied a rope around his legs and walked into the canal? I can tell you in exquisite detail."

  "I'll pass." Seriously, she just did not quit.

  "Does a betrayer not deserve to taste its sweetness as well?"

  Even if it were true, I sure as shit knew what wouldn't help. More of the same.

  Either way, I had already decided not to play her games, so arguing with her was out. I gave Skadi's hair a pull instead. "Shall we find a bed?"

  Her eyes showed some surprise. Usually it had been her initiating our encounters.

  Still, she did not seem to mind, her very blue eyes smoldering as a spider gave a dull sigh.

  It didn't take us long to break another bed with how much frustration she needed to vent. Then she kept going even on its ruins, her nails digging into my skin. And the way she just stared into my eyes the whole time, peak.

  It was well into the night when she had finally tired herself out.

  Back in Oblivion, I started messing around with the waters of Oblivion as Sanguine had called it. The end result was something like a sauna, or well, maybe if you looked at it at a certain angle…

  I obviously wasn't happy with it, so I tried again and again and again. It was good practice, even if it kind of felt like trying to build something with, ironically, water.

  I at least had plenty of practice materializing a body for myself, even if immediately suffocating because of a lack of air wasn't a good look. It's a good thing nobody was watching.

  Skadi was eager to fool around in the morning as well, so we only left the ruin of a bed behind sometime in the afternoon. Most of the Companions seemed to be nursing a hangover anyway.

  I took advantage to stop by the Riverwood Trader to give an ecstatic Lucan his very shiny golden claw back, and taking advantage of the septims and good will that earned me to completely empty his shop of blue crack. I had learned my lesson.

  I was still a little bummed that I had accidentally eaten my new bag of holding back in Whiterun, but… hm. Something had definitely changed after, even if it kinda slipped my mind with everything going on. Was I a bag of holding now?

  Actually, where was the stuff I was even eating going? Maybe I was already a bag of holding pretending to be a man.

  Anyway, trying to stash things inside myself wasn't working, so whether I was always a bag of holding or only became one after, there wasn't any point thinking about it since I had no idea how it actually worked. Which wasn't new. I was playing everything by the skin of my teeth already, magic, relationships…

  Which reminded me. With Lucan distracted collecting all of my potions, I cracked open one of the two dusty old books Skadi had found for me, and oh boy did I immediately regret it.

  Forget a migraine, I went straight to two giants using me to play golf. I might have even passed out again, seeing as my tower had quickly replaced the Riverwood Trader. Yet somehow my head still felt like it was going to crack apart as I slowly began to understand some small part of the Thu'um.

  Which, you know, made no sense seeing as I didn't even have a head here. What kind of nonsense…

  Wait. I looked up, the top of my tower piercing into Aetherius again, and past it, my thoughts like static on an old radio.

  I saw that sleeping figure again as well, blind, deaf and dumb to the world, and the same question came to me. How long had I actually been here?

  I soon had my answer whether I wanted it or not—whether I wanted it or not—whether I wanted it or—

  I—

  I—

  I was lonely. So very lonely.

  I couldn't stand it. So I hatched a plan. A scheme. The sleeping figure slept, so perhaps it also dreamed.

  It took me another eternity to figure out how, but figure it out I did.

  I placed a part of myself inside their dream, and so I too dreamed. I had escaped one prison for another, but at least this one wasn't as empty.

  Wasn't as pointless.

  Wasn't as lonely.

  Dare I say, it was even familiar…