The chemical smell of disinfectant hung in the air. To my left, the midday sun shone through the morgue’s windows. Shadows danced lightly across the ground thanks to a light cover of clouds floating by overhead. This clinical place, not dissimilar to a hospital, didn’t save lives. There was no question of if they would or wouldn’t die. This was an intermediary place that stood between the dead and their graves. Whether big pearly gates or the raging embers of hell, we would never know, but it didn’t hurt to dream.

  I passed through this place many times for my work, but it hit differently after passing through it for my own parents. Although it wasn’t this exact place where I saw their bodies last, it didn’t stop the grief from seeping into my bones. Anxiously, I paced the empty halls. Gabe was late this time. Hell of a time for him to get stuck in traffic. It wasn’t his fault, but I found myself cursing him under my breath anyway. Everything hurt twice as much lately, like I had just activated my nervous system and all that backed-up stuff was hitting me all at once. However, along with the pain came joy. Everything was twice as beautiful too. You couldn't have one without the other.

  The doors to the viewing area clicked open, snapping me from my reverie. With Gabe still nowhere in sight, I’d have to take this one alone for now. She looked more or less as I expected. Flushed cheeks, red swollen eyes, and a tangle of hair about her face made her look frail and worn. She looked just the part for a distraught, grieving widow. Considering she had just confirmed the death of her husband, the man who was supposed to walk hand in hand with her till death made them part, who could blame her? We pledge our lives to each other, expecting to grow old by their side, but for some, that came earlier than others.

  For Sara Renner, that time came sooner rather than later. They were both still in their forties and waiting for their golden years to come. Now, they’d never have them together. She wiped tears and a damp wisp of hair away on the back of her hand. There would be no good time to breach the subject with her, so I dived in headfirst.

  "Mrs. Renner?" I asked, approaching her respectfully.

  She jerked when she looked up at me. I towered over her. Her head barely came up to my shoulders. My height was an asset when I needed to stare someone down but worked against me in times like this. Unfortunately, I couldn’t shrink down at will. As much as I didn't intend to intimidate her, it was unavoidable.

  She nodded reluctantly.

  "Are you here for my husband?" She asked.

  I flashed her my badge.

  "My name is Detective Walker. My partner and I have been assigned to your husband’s case. He'll be here shortly. We have a few questions for you. Do you have a minute?" I asked.

  “I’ll tell you everything I know,” she said, tearfully. “If there’s anything I know that can help bring his killer to justice, he’ll rest easier in heaven.”

  I felt the faith in her words. There was a power in them, and she held it tightly to her chest like a balm for her weary soul. We are all healed and conversely burned by what we choose to believe in. For her sake, I hoped she was right. Good widows could be liars just as well as dead men could be sinners, and the blind would follow the wicked for as long as they let them dream of a better tomorrow.

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” I whispered. “I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now, but I can promise to do all I can.”

  “I couldn’t ask for anything else,” she said.

  There was a silver lining in Gabe’s absence. Right now we were just two broken women having a quiet moment together free from prying eyes. As much as I wished it wasn’t so, there was still a level of separation between men and women. We all had our own struggles, and not all of us could feel as comfortable as I did around the opposite sex. Without him here, I could possibly get her to open up more than I could otherwise.

  “The first thing we always look for are sudden changes. Were there any big shifts in your lives recently?” I asked.

  “Any changes? Yes, it’s...” she trailed off.

  That sudden pause caught me off guard. This was it. The floodgates were about to snap wide open. Those were the eyes of a woman who desperately needed to get something off her chest. We were kindred spirits in that way. We were both trapped by our inability to confide in another, either real or imagined, for one reason or another. That loneliness either shut you down or made you spill your guts the first time someone asked you how your day was going.

  “Why did it have to be now?” she sobbed. “Just when things were starting to look up...”

  I saw myself in her eyes. That glimmer of dying hope based on nothing and the pain of having all the signs of joy ripped away as soon as they landed in your hands. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. There was an inevitability to it. It felt like a cosmic balancing act meant to substitute any joy with pain in equal or greater measure. Maybe it was something like karma that fueled my paranoia. I didn’t always know why I felt the way I did. Somewhere deep inside me, it predated the part of my mind with conscious thought. It felt like something I had always known from before I had the words to articulate my thoughts. After all, a mother’s love is infinite, and there is no greater pain than what love can provide.

  “We had hard times, some harder than others, but in between? It was beautiful,” she said. “I knew he loved me.”

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

  Preemptive denial. This was a woman who knew how her love looked from the outside. Without her rose-tinted glasses, it didn’t shine the same way. She was on guard before I even said a word against her. I wondered if he ever defended her the way she did. Even a committed relationship could run one-sided.

  “After he got a new job, he was working so hard I barely even saw him, but it was the best thing that ever happened to us. Suddenly, our bills weren’t in the red anymore. He stopped drinking so much. He brought me flowers. I could actually breathe again.”

  “It must have been difficult for you,” I said. “My father worked long hours as well. I think I imagined him more than I saw his face.”

  “Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” she said swiftly. “Besides, he promised me it would only last until his company got on its feet, so I didn’t worry too much.”

  A pang ran out in my chest. I’d opened myself up, and she’d taken a step back instead. I knew better than to take it personally, but old pains ran deep like blood through a river. How many times had I opened up before to have it thrown back in my face? I was afraid to even count.

  "He worked in cyber security. Is that correct?" I asked.

  We had him listed as a cybersecurity expert, but a stat sheet lacked the human element. It couldn’t tell us who he knew, what he knew, or what he was protecting. We needed more information. We needed insight from someone who really knew him.

  "He was working nights at a small startup. When he came home, he barely slept. I felt so bad for him," she said. "I told him he didn't have to work that hard."

  “Do you know what he was working on?” I asked.

  “No,” she shook her head warily. “He said he couldn’t talk about it. I didn’t want to risk his job prying.”

  No dice. She didn’t know anything. I was starting to think this conversation was a dead end, but she kept talking, and the more she said, the more I felt like I understood the man.

  "You don’t know Chase like I did. It wasn’t easy for him to find work," she whispered. "He used to drink a lot. It was hard sometimes, but he never hit me! He was a good man."

  Normally, I needed to keep prodding for more. This time, I didn’t even need to talk. The words just kept pouring right out of her mouth. Who knew how long she’d been holding all of it in? Who knew the pain of having to hide so much of how you lived? I wished I could have said that I didn’t understand, but I did. After all, I was often only half of who I was. The rest of me hid away from prying eyes, waiting for the right time to come out.

  Just then, the door cracked open and Gabe strode through the lobby. There was something to be said for his timing. He always showed up right when I needed him. This conversation was getting too personal for my own liking. Another body was another layer of distance. I welcomed it readily. Another greeting, another flash of the badge, and another introduction for one “Detective Grant” brought us up to speed.

  “Where does that leave us?” Gabe asked.

  “I was just about to get to friends and family,” I said.

  “There’s not much to say,” she said, shaking her head sadly. “Mostly it was just the two of us.”

  “How long has it been that way?” I asked.

  She fidgeted in place. I could tell there was a story there, but that didn’t mean it was one I needed to know. Anything dated enough could be irrelevant to our current case, but even if it was old news, it could still help fill out our character profile nicely.

  “A long time,” she whispered. “It was always just the two of us. We don’t have much family, and we’ve never socialized very much. It’s just how we are, I guess. You know how it is.”

  “Did his drinking come before or after?” I asked.

  “It’s just… unfortunate circumstances,” she said. “That’s all. He’s not a bad guy, just misunderstood.”

  She pushed back to hide the truth. In the face of what was unbearable, we opted for a beautiful lie instead, dutifully swearing to ourselves until we believed it too. At this point, I had no reason to doubt she was anything other than a grieving woman widowed far too young. It was that small morsel of faith that dangled tantalizingly in the air above us that kept us reaching and wanting more. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if it were true? Thoughts like that fueled our delusions all the time.

  What was more likely than a good, misunderstood alcoholic ending up murdered horrifically was an ugly truth. We were all familiar with the tales of men staying late at the office. The most obvious assumption was infidelity, but it didn’t end there. Anything from sleeping around to gambling, or even avoiding their spouse was possible.

  “I think I’ve got the picture here,” I said. “Sorry to trouble you. You can go now, Mrs. Renner.”

  Relief flashed across her face, and she rushed out of the lobby. As expected, she clammed up once a man was standing in front of her again. I couldn’t blame Gabe for that though; sometimes that was just how things went. Once she disappeared out those front doors, I caught Gabe up on the part he missed.

  “Imagine this,” I said. “A man down on his luck finally finds a good job. Things are looking up. He begins feeling really good about himself. Here comes a burst of newfound confidence. Suddenly, he has more disposable income. Maybe he decides to have a little fun. It could easily spell trouble in paradise.”

  “Think he was getting with someone on the side?” Gabe asked.

  “I don’t know, but his wife said he was barely ever home. Could go either way, honestly,” I said, stuffing my hands in my pockets. “Let’s hope for the best. I hate it when the good ones left behind are wrong.”

  “Good place to start would be his finances,” Gabe said. “Guys like that love to buy their side pieces presents.”

  “Message histories could turn something up too,” I said.

  We got what we came for. There was no point in standing around any longer. Financial records and message histories would be our next step. Mountains of irrelevant things would be mixed in with the good stuff, and going through it manually would be a nightmare. Fortunately, we had a secret weapon for that kind of thing. Whenever parsing through mountains of data needed to be done, that’s when Ethan’s data crawlers came out to play. I called him on the way out.

  “We’re heading back,” I said.

  “Don’t,” Ethan said. “There’s another body.”

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