Words couldn’t begin to describe how exhausted I felt. Every muscle, tendon, and even my bones all begged for me to just stop moving. My mind could barely comprehend the words coming out of Sam’s mouth, and the only things keeping me awake at this point were my own two legs. I worried that if I stopped moving, I’d fall unconscious.

  Did I put my parents through this?

  “Matt? Matt! Matt, did you hear what I said?” I shook my head. I’m not sure how many times she’d tried to grab my attention.

  “Uh, yeah. I mean, no. I didn’t. What’s up?” I closed my eyes for two solid seconds, rubbed the bridge of my nose, then blinked rapidly in hopes that it would alleviate the dry, stinging sensation.

  “I said, do you know anything about butchering?”

  I glanced over my shoulder at the hill we’d just descended. We had to have been walking for at least a couple of hours by now. The sun was cresting on the horizon, and we’d walked up and down so many hills that I couldn’t see Ronona anymore. We don’t need horses for this, she’d said. It builds character, she’d said.

  “Does knowing a butcher count?”

  Sam chuckled. “Only if you participated.”

  “That’s a no, then.”

  “Noted. Well, you’re going to learn.”

  “Today?” Trying to skin and dice an Encroacher on what was, at best, an hour of sleep sounded like a not great idea.

  “Not tonight.” She glanced at my hands. “I get the feelin’ that if I taught you tonight, you’d be more likely to skin yourself than anything we captured.”

  “I don’t think tomorrow’s gonna be any better if you’re keeping me awake.”

  She chuckled. “It’ll be after you get some sleep. But I’m not making any promises just yet.”

  “Mm.” I rubbed my eyes and groaned. “How much farther until we make camp?” The pack I’d been carrying was starting to feel extra heavy, and it was a fight to keep my concerns regarding Ruyah clasped in Nehelennia’s hands at bay.

  “Not much longer. Promise.” Sam turned around and pointed at the forest ahead. “We’re going to spend the evening in there.”

  That sounded like a terrible idea. “Wouldn’t it be safer to stay out here?” I pointed at the ground with one weak finger despite the fact that Sam wasn’t even looking at me. “Since it’s open and wide? What if we get ambushed by Encroachers or a Defiled?”

  “We’ll hear their approach better,” Sam reasoned as she turned sideways to look at me. “All we got out here is the soft, plush grass under our feet.” She rocked her foot back and forth across the ground. “Do you hear that?”

  “Barely.”

  She nodded. “Exactly. I know it sounds scary, but the leaves and rocks and twigs will alert us of any incoming predators. We’ll set up some traps while we’re at it. You’ve taken watches before, yeah?”

  I nodded.

  “Then it won’t be much different from that.”

  I stood there, wishing I had even an ounce of Sam’s optimism. Every single task and word felt like a chore, and ironically enough, my own exhaustion was all that prevented me from protesting. Protesting would take work. Work would take energy. So I let her keep talking.

  Sam grinned. “Come on, Matt! Let’s get in there! And hey, look at it this way; the sooner we get in there, the sooner you can take a break.”

  I like the sound of that. “Let’s keep going, then.”

  Five minutes. Five minutes was all it took before the newfound enthusiasm I’d invoked was dashed away. I became convinced that nothing would sound good until I had a full night’s rest, and who the hell knew when that would happen.

  Thankfully, it didn’t take much longer before we found ourselves at the forest’s perimeter. Sam laid a hand on the first tree she approached, looking upon it fondly like she was reuniting with an old friend. Her tail wagged behind her while she giggled to herself just loudly enough that I could hear.

  “Does this forest have a name?” I half-cursed my curiosity as I stopped on her left, but I needed something, anything to keep me distracted.

  “The gnarlwood forest,” Sam said. She glanced at me expectantly, perhaps hoping that I’d ask why it was named that. My exhaustion won me over a second time, so I didn’t ask. But Sam just kept on going. “Gets its name because of how many tree roots breach the surface.” She returned her attention to the tree, then removed her hand. “The roots create tangles, spirals, and the like. A lot of crafters like to come here for the wood. Much of the gnarls have magical properties that [Wizard]s and [Sorcerer]s like.”

  I nodded sagely, pretending I was in any condition to care. I’m sure under any other circumstances, I would’ve wanted to know more about this place. “I see.”

  “Anywho, let’s not waste any time.” She stepped over the perimeter and over a bush, pausing to look at me. “Don’t worry. After we set up camp, all we’re doin’ tonight is just talkin’ and eatin’. I won’t be lettin’ you go to sleep, but I’ll keep ya busy.”

  I forced a smile. “Thanks, Sam.”

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  To Sam’s credit, she was exceptionally understanding of my situation. Not one time did she berate me or tell me how to think or what I could do better. Whenever I expressed a concern, Sam would address it patiently and with a smile. I don’t know if it was because she was happy to be at home in the forest, away from the castle, or whatever, but I didn’t care. Walking beside her felt like I was actually going out on a trip with a friend. It was refreshing.

  “Okay, let’s stop here.” Sam pushed her way through a pair of bushes and out into a small clearing. She took off her backpack and set it against a tree, then jogged up to me just as I breached the boundary. “Do ya need help with that?”

  I shook my head. “No, I got it,” I said that, but I nearly ripped off part of my belt when one of the hooks on my pack caught. Fortunately, Sam had turned her back when that had happened. I set my pack against the tree next to Sam’s, then joined her at the center of the clearing.

  “Know how to set up a tent?” Sam asked. She was down on one knee and pressing her palm against the ground.

  “That I know how to do.”

  “Great. I think this spot will do fine for what we need.” She looked up. Barely a flicker of light remained in the sky. “This could take a bit, so let’s get a fire started first.” She rose to her feet and batted her hands free of the dirt. “I’ll get us some wood and kindling. Find us some good stones to place in a circle.”

  More walking. I pushed down the sigh that threatened to breach my lips and managed a nod. “You got it.” Sam and I parted ways in opposite directions.

  Thanks to our nights crossing Ichi and Shi, I’d built my share of fires, so locating the stones wasn’t too hard. This time, however, there was an insane amount of insects waiting in every branch I brushed or bush I kicked. All manner of creepy crawlies, sporting dozens more legs than they had any right having, several pairs of wings, and those eyes. Those eyes were the stuff of nightmares.

  After batting away what had to be the hundredth insect, two of which happened to bite me, I had a neat pile of stones waiting a few feet from the clearing’s threshold. I carried them, four at a time, to the center of the clearing, then made a circle while I hoped that none of the insects that bit me were harmful. I took good care to make sure each rock was firmly wedged into the ground, pushing as much dirt and mud as I could in between the gaps.

  “Nice!” Sam complimented. She’d returned with a bundle of twigs and branches. I half-expected her to drop them like a careless construction worker at the end of his rope, but instead she descended to one knee and carefully placed them to the side of the circle I made. Then she opened one hand to reveal some kindling. “Do you know how to start a fire?”

  It’d been a minute since I’d started one myself, but using flint and steel was a lot like riding a bike. Once you’d done it, it was hard to unlearn it. I nodded and held out my hand. Sam set the kindling in the center of the stones, then handed me the tools. The flint was shaped like an arrowhead, but the steel didn’t look anything like the stuff I’d used before. It bore a flat edge, with two hoops on the back for the fingers. I settled my first and middle fingers into one hole, then my ring and pinky fingers into the other. It felt snug, correct.

  “Hey, did something nick ya?” Sam asked, pointing to the two tiny welts on the top of my hand.

  “Oh. Yeah, I got bit by a couple of bugs.”

  “What did they look like?”

  “One was purple with a big, uh, abdomen.” Nailed it. “ The other was an ant.”

  Sam nodded. “Good. Nothing harmful, then.”

  I returned to my task with a forced smile. “These tools are a little different from the ones I used before,” I said, turning the steel in my hand. Agni had used tools like the ones I’d had in Boy Scouts. Now, I felt like I was wearing a poor man’s version of brass knuckles. This was going to take some getting used to. “I don’t think they had anything like this in my old world.”

  “How so?” Sam asked, cocking her head to one side.

  “The one I used was more like a, uh”—the sleep deprivation was killing me as I struggled to recall the word—“stick?” Heat rose to my cheeks. I felt like an idiot. “It was a dark, black piece of steel. Like a rod.” I shook my head. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

  Sam chuckled. Just as I settled into a comfortable position, she asked, “I know you said you would never go back, but you get this fun look on your face when you talk about where you came from. Do you ever miss it?”

  I paused, my hand moments away from striking the flint. “Sometimes.” I flicked the flint against the flat of the steel. A couple of sparks, but nothing impressive.

  “Other way,” Sam corrected. “You got the steel too high.” She adjusted my grip so that the steel came up below the middle joints of my fingers. “You’ll strike the steel against the flint.”

  This was definitely going to take some getting used to. “Thanks.”

  Sam smiled and nodded. “You were saying?”

  “Ah, yeah. Uhh, it comes in spurts. One day I’m missing my old life, the next, I couldn’t care less.” I adjusted my angle and tried again. The flash was much brighter. “These last couple of days have helped me move on, I think.”

  “Oh yeah?” Maybe it was my imagination, but Sam’s tone sounded more sad than curious.

  I thought about my original [Civilian Mode] outfit. I’d have to abandon it soon, if Sam was going to arrange for a tailor, and leaving it behind felt like I was tossing away who I was before. Like an identity I could no longer call my own. It was a bizarre feeling. I’d never been attached to clothes before, but I couldn’t be the guy from Earth forever. For better or worse, Nyarlea was my home now.

  “My [Civilian Mode] outfit has been with me since I first arrived.” More sparks showered from the steel. Smoke rose from the tinder. “They’re all that remains of the guy I once was. I think part of me thought that living here would be temporary. Like a fantasy or a dream, something like that.” I shook my head, and the first flame emerged. I got on my hands and knees and blew gently into the brush. The fire crackled to life, overtaking the kindling.

  Sam retrieved half of the sticks and twigs and passed them to me. Together, we placed the wood in crosses, creating a tiny cone. There was still plenty of wood leftover when we were done. Then I leaned back on my hands, letting the light of the fire capture me.

  I thought about Ruyah, and the woman who conceived her came back as fresh as the day I’d met her. I still couldn’t believe Yomi was dead. Some part of me had hoped that maybe one day I’d be able to reconcile what had happened between us. That even after what she’d done, I could find some way to see things from her point of view. I wanted to cry, but some piece of me wouldn’t allow it.

  “After seeing Ruyah, it hit me that this is where I belong. This is where I’m meant to be.” I smiled, and a flood of memories came rushing back. My time as a kid, the arguments between my parents, the girls I tried to woo, the soul-sapping part-time jobs I had, even the few friends I had made. I wonder how they’re doing? Did anyone mourn me? Or are they laughing? “The men have a certain role here that I’m not used to. But after meeting Tristan, Cailu, and Magni, I realized that I couldn’t keep pretending that this is a fantasy. It’s real, and I need to be here to protect those who can’t protect themselves.”

  Well, that was rather long-winded of you, Kelmer.

  To my surprise, Sam had her knees together, chin perched between them, her arms wrapped around her legs. Her eyes were wide, and a gentle hue of pink touched her cheeks.

  “S-sorry,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “I…don’t usually get so mushy.” I sighed. “To answer your question, yes. I think about my old world once in a while. I think about all the places that I hadn’t gone to and the people I left behind. I miss it sometimes, but there’s nothing I can do about it, so why worry? Right?”

  Sam smiled, her gaze fixed on the flames. “Yeah. You’re right.”

  I let the notion silently hang between us for a long time as I watched the fire burn.

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