Seraphina folded her arms and said ftly, “I’m not in charge of collecting taxes. That’s Adolf’s department.”

  I blinked. “Adolf?”

  “Yes,” she said, tilting her head slightly. “Adolf of House Grenthir. He oversees financial logistics in this region.”

  “Adolf Hitler?” I muttered before I could stop myself.

  Seraphina blinked. “I’m sorry—what?”

  “Nothing,” I said quickly, waving it off. “Bad joke. Really bad joke. Continue.”

  She raised a suspicious eyebrow, but moved on. “As I was saying, I’m here to purify this vilge.”

  “Well, great news!” I said, throwing my arms wide. “That job’s already done. Sooo… what else do you do? Because I’ve got a whole to-do list and you look like someone who knows how to get things done.”

  Seraphina’s brow furrowed. “The bodies.”

  I tilted my head. “What bodies?”

  “The ones infected with the curse. They must be purified before they turn.”

  “Ahhh. Right. The potential zombie problem.” I looked around. “Yeah… those corpses are definitely around here somewhere.”

  Seraphina’s eyes narrowed.

  I turned to Garron. “You took care of that, right?”

  Garron hesitated.

  Seraphina immediately asked him something in that formal tone again, and Garron responded with a short expnation.

  Her eyes widened.

  “What?” I asked.

  She turned back to me. “Why is half the vilge gone?”

  I smirked and pointed at Elise. “It’s a long story, but she’s basically at fault.”

  Elise crossed her arms. “I most definitely am not. And it’s not a long story—it’s two sentences.”

  Seraphina looked between us, confused.

  “There were spiders,” Elise said. “Then Dan happened.”

  “That’s not even two full sentences!” I protested.

  “It gets the point across.”

  “She burned the vilge down!”

  “It was your idea!”

  I opened my mouth… then closed it again. “Fine. Mutual bme.”

  "But anyway, Dan here is from another world and has this weird skill. He's always creating problems, which is why we are in this mess." Elise said.

  Seraphina stared at us both like we were mentally deranged. “That’s… horrifying.”

  “Welcome to my life,” Elise muttered.

  Then Seraphina turned to me with a sudden intensity. “You must come with me to the capital.”

  I paused. “Wait… really?”

  She nodded. “Your presence is required. You may hold answers vital to the kingdom’s future.”

  I turned dramatically to Elise. “Hear that? I’m important!”

  “Gods help us all,” she muttered.

  “I always knew I’d be special someday.” I spun to Seraphina, grinning. “But just so we’re clear—before I go, I expect at least three dates before you take me back to your pce.”

  She blinked. “What are dates?”

  “You know, romantic dinners, maybe a walk under the moonlight, light flirting—”

  “You will never, ever come in breathing distance of my home.”

  “That’s what they all say at first,” I said, smugly. “But no one resists the Dan charm forever.”

  Elise snorted. “Is that even a real thing?”

  I shrugged. “Let me have my moment.”

  “You’ve had enough of those.”

  I pointed at her. “You’re just jealous you’re not going to the capital.”

  Elise ughed. “I’m gd I’m not going.”

  “Why? Is the capital dangerous?”

  Seraphina shook her head. “No. But you are the first known otherworlder in the kingdom. The researchers will want to inspect you and study your skill.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Inspect? Like… how?”

  “They’ll want to examine your magical composition,” she said cheerfully. “Dissect your arcane signature, identify anomalies in your internal structure—perhaps even replicate your summoning through enchantment theory and divine invocation rituals!”

  She was practically glowing with excitement.

  I, on the other hand, was frozen.

  “You mean poking and prodding.”

  “Oh, of course not!” she ughed. “Nothing invasive. Just a small dissection. Perhaps opening you up a little to see what makes you tick.”

  “Okay, what?”

  “This is so exciting!” she said with a big smile. “The gods must have had a pn bringing you here. And now I get to be a part of it!”

  I stared at her.

  Then at Garron.

  Then at Elise.

  “…It’s true what they say,” I muttered. “The better they look, the crazier they are.”

  Seraphina smiled brighter.

  I smiled nervously.

  Elise leaned over and whispered, “Still want those three dates?”

  “…I think I’ll pass.”

  Seraphina cleared her throat and looked at me again. “So… about that cure.”

  I folded my arms. “So… about that price tag.”

  She arched a brow. “You’re still set on charging for it?”

  I gave her my best fake grin. “Look, I’m not saying I won’t share it… but I am saying it would be a lot easier if there was, say, a royal reward for services rendered. Maybe a medal. Or a fancy title. I’d look great in a noble coat.”

  Elise sighed loudly. “Dan, that’s not how this works. You sold the book. It’s ours.”

  “ELISE!” I shouted, turning to her like she’d just stabbed me in the back. “Traitor! Absolute betrayal! I hope you trip over a rock!”

  Seraphina’s eyes lit up. “You have a book with the cure?”

  Elise nodded. “Yup, he bought it, then sold it to the vilge.”

  “I trusted you,” I hissed at her.

  Seraphina stepped forward, curiosity piqued. “May I see it?”

  “Sure,” Elise said sweetly, already heading for the door.

  “You have no loyalty,” I muttered.

  “I have priorities. One of them is watching you lose.”

  “You’re a traitor to all merchant kind.”

  “You’re not a merchant.”

  “I could be.”

  We walked toward Marta’s hut, me dragging my feet like a toddler denied candy. When we arrived, I stared at the door with crossed arms. “So this is what we’re doing now? Just barging into people’s homes uninvited?”

  Elise looked over her shoulder. “You did that to our entire world, remember?”

  “Touché,” I muttered. “But it’s not like I asked to be here.”

  Seraphina gnced around the small interior. “Modest setup… the healer could use better tools. Some basic enchanted implements would improve her efficacy tenfold.”

  I snorted. “Yeah, about that—she’s not really a healer.”

  Seraphina turned toward me, confused. “Excuse me?”

  “She’s more like… an old bat who wants me dead on most days and occasionally feels generous enough not to follow through. Definitely not a ‘let me save the world’ type.”

  The door smmed open.

  “Say that again,” came a dangerously calm voice.

  I slowly turned to see Marta standing in the doorway, finger raised, glowing red, eyes narrowed in a way that could peel paint off walls.

  I pointed dramatically. “SEE?! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!”

  Seraphina looked intrigued.

  Marta’s voice was icy. “Why are you all in my house?”

  “Elise let us in,” I said, not missing a beat.

  “Dan wanted to show Seraphina the book,” Elise added cheerfully.

  Marta turned her gre toward Elise.

  Me, being me, smiled and sauntered up to her, trying to look charming. “Marta, lovely as always—”

  She shoved me backward with one bony arm before I could finish my sentence.

  Undeterred, I leaned in again, lowering my voice. “We could work something out, hmm? Little trade between friends.”

  She narrowed her eyes and leaned in so close I could smell dried herbs and regret. “Your breath smells like a donkey’s ass.”

  I recoiled, offended. “That’s rude.”

  “You asked.”

  “Well you don’t smell like roses either!” I snapped, then hesitated, sniffing my own breath and shrugging. “…Okay, maybe she’s got a point.”

  I stepped back in again and whispered, “Come on, make it worth my while.”

  Marta gave me a long, exasperated look… then smirked slightly. “Fine. I’ll let her see the book.”

  Seraphina perked up.

  “But,” Marta added, eyes gleaming, “it’ll cost you.”

  Seraphina raised an eyebrow. “Me?”

  Marta chuckled and waved a dismissive hand. “No. Him.” She jabbed her thumb at me.

  I blinked. “Wait, what? Me?! Why me?!”

  “You’re the one who brought her into my house, stinking up the pce with your breath and your attitude. You want the book? You pay.”

  I groaned.

  Elise, meanwhile, looked absolutely thrilled.

  “I hate you all,” I muttered.

  “You say that a lot,” Elise chirped.

  “Because it’s always true.”

  Marta turned and pulled the massive, skull-covered book off a shelf with an unnecessary amount of theatrical fir. The eyes on the skull glowed green again, ughing ominously.

  Seraphina blinked. “That’s… aesthetic.”

  “Right?!” I said brightly. “Tried telling them it’s a healing book, no one ever believes me.”

  “Because it looks like it eats souls,” Elise said.

  “Marketing,” I argued.

  Marta handed the book to Seraphina and crossed her arms. “Read fast. The boy’s paying by the minute.”

  “Wait, WHAT?!”

  Marta smirked.

  Seraphina opened the tome, flipping through it with a schor’s grace. “Fascinating,” she murmured. “This is advanced alchemical theory mixed with ancient healing rites… and some necromantic undertones. Strange combination.”

  “Sounds about right,” Elise said.

  “I must study this in detail,” Seraphina continued.

  “Oh-ho, no you don’t,” I said, stepping forward. “Book stays here. You get a look, not a library card.”

  Seraphina gnced at me. “For someone who cims not to be a merchant, you sure act like one.”

  “Compliment accepted.”

  “Wasn’t meant as one.”

  “Still taking it.”

  As Seraphina continued flipping pages, Marta shot me a look. “You are paying, by the way.”

  “I’m charging her!”

  “You’re charging me, remember?”

  “…Details.”

  Seraphina closed the book with a snap, her golden eyes narrowing.

  “This…” she said slowly, “has nothing on the disease."

  “This can’t be the book you used to cure the people,” she continued, lifting it up and waving it around. “Unless you pulled the cure out of your ass.”

  “Are priests supposed to cuss like that?” I asked, mildly offended.

  “I’m a woman of the gods, not a saint.”

  Marta sighed and pointed toward the shelf. “Oh, that’s the wrong book. The one with the cure is the leather one. Third shelf down. Left side. No, not that one. That one.”

  Seraphina reached for it, flipping it open, and within seconds her eyes lit up.

  “Well now,” she muttered, thumbing through the pages, “this is some pretty advanced stuff. These are diseases that are still being studied at the royal university. Most of these don’t even have proper documentation yet. And the ones that do? The cure always requires some high-level purification rituals… but here it is, id out step-by-step in potion form.”

  “Told you,” I said smugly, folding my arms. “We’re ahead of the curve out here.”

  “Yeah, because you totally wrote that book,” Elise said dryly.

  “Let me have my moment.”

  Seraphina turned a page and then stopped. “Ah. Here it is. Malefic Decay.”

  She read through it, nodding slowly, then raised a brow. “A Queen Web Lurker heart?”

  I nodded. “Yup. That’s what was needed.”

  “They’re rare,” she muttered. “Difficult to find, but not impossible.”

  Marta chimed in, “There’s probably one in that abandoned mine nearby—”

  “MARTA!” I snapped. “You’re giving out valuable intel for free! You’re killing me here.”

  Seraphina turned toward me, brow arched. “Abandoned?”

  I gnced at Elise. “Why is she looking at me like that?”

  Seraphina sighed and rubbed her temple. “The noble dies and high schors at court are going to love you. I can’t wait to drag you back to the capital.”

  I chuckled. “Yeah, see, about that… I’m not going.”

  Seraphina blinked. “Excuse me?”

  “I said I’m not going. You can’t just kidnap people.”

  She smirked. “I’m not kidnapping you. I can have you arrested.”

  I waved her off. “You can’t arrest me. I’m not even a citizen here.”

  Her smirk widened. “Exactly. You’re not a citizen, which means you’re trespassing on royal nd without proper clearance or authorization. Which means I can have you thrown into a cell for unwful presence on His Majesty’s soil.”

  Marta let out a low whistle. “Oof. You done gone and said it now, boy.”

  Elise shook her head. “You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut.”

  “Oh, come on!” I groaned, pointing at Elise. “She already knew! You told her I was from another world!”

  “I didn’t think you were gonna taunt the royal cleric,” she said, arms crossed.

  “Well forgive me for having charisma!”

  Seraphina rolled her eyes. “Charisma is not a defense.”

  “It should be.”

  “Do you know what nobles will do to you when they find out there’s an otherworlder walking around?”

  “I don’t know… try to bribe me into joining their faction? Offer me a mansion? Maybe a harem?”

  Seraphina’s face turned to stone. “No. They’ll dissect you.”

  I gulped. “Okay, not as appealing.”

  “Which is why you’re coming with me. For your own protection.”

  “That’s what kidnappers say!”

  “I’m a royal cleric.”

  “And I’m a free spirit!”

  Marta smacked the back of my head with her cane. “You’re an idiot.”

  “ABUSE!” I shouted.

  Seraphina pinched the bridge of her nose. “By the gods, you are the most infuriating man I’ve ever met.”

  “Hey,” I said, finger raised. “That still makes me memorable.”

  Elise muttered, “I’m starting to root for the nobles.”

  “TRAITOR!”

  Seraphina sighed. “Get ready. We’re heading to the capital soon.”

  I grumbled under my breath, already plotting a hundred ways to escape.

  Because there was no way I was going to the capital.

  Probably.

  Maybe.

  …Okay, 80% chance.

  Depending on if they had steak.

  “I’m not going,” I decred boldly.

  Seraphina arched a perfect golden brow. “Yes, you are.”

  “Nope. Sorry. Can’t. So much work to do around the vilge.” I gestured vaguely at nothing in particur. “Rebuilding. Resource management. You know, leadership stuff.”

  Elise blinked. “Leadership?”

  Marta scoffed. “Boy, you couldn’t manage a bucket.”

  “Rude,” I said, pcing a hand over my heart. “I’ll have you know I’m very important here.”

  “Since when?” Elise asked.

  “Since always.”

  Seraphina tilted her head. “That’s unfortunate, because we still need to clear out the mines before this vilge can return to productivity.”

  “Right, right,” I muttered, rubbing my temples. “Thanks for reminding her, Dan,” I added sarcastically to myself.

  THWACK.

  Marta smacked me with her cane. Again. I was starting to suspect this was her love nguage.

  Seraphina, unfazed, csped her hands behind her back. “Yes. The ogre and the remaining spider infestation must be dealt with. Then we can reassess the site and get these people back to work.”

  “Wow,” I said dryly. “You really make it sound like a vacation.”

  “And don’t forget,” I added quickly, “you’ve got to track down that hooded psychopath who’s been spreading magical pgues across the kingdom.”

  Seraphina’s serene expression didn’t falter. “That is not my job.”

  “It will be,” Elise said, smirking, “if you take him with you.”

  I pointed at her. “Exactly! I’m cursed. Bad luck magnet. You’ll be up to your eyebrows in undead and curses by next week.”

  “If it is the gods’ will,” Seraphina said calmly, “then so be it. We will chase the darkness into the light.”

  I gred at Elise. “I thought you were helping me.”

  She grinned. “I am. I’m helping you get out of here.”

  Traitor.

  Seraphina turned back toward me. “You'll be joining me on the next expedition to the mine.”

  “Wait, what? Why?”

  “Because I find you strangely entertaining,” she said simply. “And I’ve been bored tely. You’ll amuse me.”

  I blinked. “Well… at least that’s something.”

  “Curiosity,” I added, fshing my best grin, “is the first step into someone’s heart, you know.”

  “That’s the first I’ve heard of that,” she replied ftly. “And I am a woman of the gods. I have given myself to a higher power.”

  “Yeah, well… you’re way too good-looking to give yourself to god,” I muttered. “A little crazy, sure, but the looks definitely bance it out.”

  “Bsphemy aside,” she said coolly, “stop being a coward. You’ll be safe under the gods’ protection.”

  “That’s what everyone says right before they die!” I said. “You’re jinxing me!”

  All three women stared at me bnkly.

  “What’s a jinx?” Elise asked.

  “Is that a type of curse?” Seraphina tilted her head.

  “Do I need to cleanse you?” Marta squinted.

  I sighed. “Never mind. Look, I’m not going. Final answer.”

  Elise leaned over. “Dan.”

  “What?”

  "Corpses." She whispered.

  “Oh,” I said. Then I straightened, spped my chest with one hand, and cleared my throat. “I most definitely will accompany you and your noble army of holy knights on this divine crusade to sy demons and purge evil!”

  Seraphina’s expression didn’t change.

  Marta rolled her eyes.

  I was already calcuting how many spider corpses I could sell on this next trip. Maybe even the ogre, if I could get it to die somewhere convenient. If I pyed this right, I could turn this into a profit.

  And maybe—just maybe—figure out how to escape this terrifyingly radiant woman of the cloth before she dragged me all the way to the capital and had my kidneys inspected by a panel of royal schors.

  But hey… for now?

  It was another day, another problem, another potential corpse to turn into coin.

  Just the way I like it.