Think, Dan, think!

  I anig, my brain running a thousand miles per hour, trying to e up with something—anything—that wouldn’t get me lit on fire.

  …And apparently, I was saying that out loud.

  Matra arched an eyebrow. “You have some expining to do, boy.”

  I poi her still-glowing fireball finger. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to do! But maybe—just maybe—you could put down the death ser, and we have a civilized versation.”

  Matra tilted her head, unimpressed.

  I forced a grin. “No need for fire bolts to go flying. No need for another dead body. No one wants that, right?”

  Matra tapped her . “Hmm. I don’t know. It’s been some time since I’ve killed someone.”

  I stared. “What kind of shit is that?! You enjoy killing people?”

  She shrugged. “Meh. Not much else to do out here. I o liven up my life somehow.”

  I threw my hands up. “Oh, this is just great! For the love of god, be reasonable!”

  Knock. Knock.

  We both froze.

  Matra’s eyes narrowed.

  She slowly turoward the door, her expression darkening. “You expeg someone?”

  I squinted. “Why the fuck would I be expeg someohis is your house!”

  Matra blinked. “ht. We’re at my pce.”

  I stared harder. Does this old woman have dementia or something? How do you just fet we’re sitting in your own house?!

  Matra shook her head and sighed. “Stay put. Or else.”

  I nodded rapidly. “o tell me twice. I have no i iing roasted alive tonight.”

  Matra turoward the door. “e in.”

  The door creaked open, and in walked Elise.

  The moment her eyes nded on me, she frowned. “What are you doing here?”

  Then she saw the book.

  Her frown deepened.

  She poi it. “What the hell is that? A cursed tome?”

  Matra turned back toward me, arms crossed. “See?”

  I groaned. “Oh, for the love of— It’s a healing book!”

  Elise squinted. “That doesn’t look like one.”

  I exhaled sharply. “Have you seen a healing book before?”

  She paused. “Well… no, but—”

  I cut her off. “Then how would you know what one looks like?”

  Elise pursed her lips. “Fair point.”

  Matra snorted.

  Elise shook her head and turned baatra. “Anyway, do you have any more medie for aches? Ms. Carter’s in pain, so I was hoping to do something for her.”

  Matra gestured to the ter. “Leftmost buhat should help. Have her take it with warm water.”

  Elise grabbed the herbs, nodded, and turoward the door. “Thanks.”

  I blinked. “Wait. That’s it?”

  Elise paused. “What?”

  I motiooward everything. “This! You just walked in, saw Matra about to shoot me, saw this book, and you’re just leaving?!”

  Elise shrugged. “Looks like everything’s under trol.”

  I gawked. “Unbelievable.”

  Elise smirked. “If that’s all—”

  She paused, then turned back toward me, her expression curious. “Wait. Why are you here anyway? Weren’t you supposed to be at Matthew’s?”

  I scowled. “Oh, you mean the pce with the giant spider you left me to fight alone?”

  Elise nodded. “Yes. That one.”

  I threw up my hands. “Yeah, well, I killed the spider. Killed it real good. Then I wao return this e to Matra, and somehow, I ended up in this mess.”

  Elise nodded slowly. “So… no one’s in that house right now?”

  My eyes narrowed. “Don’t you dare.”

  Elise smiled ily. “What?”

  I poi her. “I did not up that pce just for someone else to move in! That’s my hard work! Not yours!”

  Elise smirked. “Well, it doesn’t seem like you’ll be needing it anymore.”

  I ched my fists. “I swear to god—”

  Snap.

  Matra snapped her fingers. “Enough with the versation.”

  We both turo her.

  Matra’s red-glowing haured toward the book.

  “Book. Expin. Now.”

  I sighed loudly, dragging a hand down my face.

  “For the st time,” I groaned, “it’s a healing book! I told you that. Why won’t you believe me?”

  Matra’s eyes gleamed with amusement. “Open it.”

  I blinked. “What?”

  She poi the ominous be with the glowing green skull. “I said open it.”

  I gnced between her and the book. “Why do I feel like that’s a bad idea?”

  Matra raised an eyebrow. “What, afraid?”

  I scoffed. “Pfft. No.”

  I reached forward, flipped open the cover—

  And the skull on top of the book started ughing.

  Out loud.

  A deep, eg cackle filled the air, boung off the wooden walls of Matra’s house.

  The voice was loy, and absolutely loving my suffering.

  I froze.

  Matra?

  Yeah. She heard it too.

  Elise?

  Her hand was already reag for her bow.

  Me?

  I was mentally preparing my st words.

  This is not making my situation aer.

  I let out a strained ugh, gng up at Matra. “Soo… good news. You haven’t killed me yet. That’s progress, right?”

  Matra slowly tilted her head. “Hmm.”

  Yeah. That didn’t sound reassuring.

  But to my immense relief, instead of iing me, she turned her attention to the first page.

  We all leaned in.

  The book’s first entry covered a disease—plete with detailed illustrations of symptoms, progression, and spread patterns. It even had a chart showing whether it was natural ical.

  Underh that?

  A step-by-step guide on how to treat it, including what herbs, potions, and materials were needed.

  Matra’s eyes narrowed. “I know this disease.”

  I perked up. “Wait, really? Did it kill people?”

  Matra shook her head. “Nope. But the healer that treated it charged a lot.”

  My shoulders slumped. “Oh.”

  Then Matra frowned. “But that healer didn’t use any of these ingredients.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Is that bad?”

  She squi the list. “I’ve never even heard of Togmoth before.”

  Before I could reply, Elise, who had apparently been listening the whole time, tilted her head in curiosity.

  “That Togmoth herb,” she murmured, tapping the page. “It looks… familiar.”

  I blinked. “You’ve seen it before?”

  Elise ignored me, pushing away from the table and wandering around Matra’s house.

  Matra and I watched as she started rummaging through the various bundles, bottles, and shelves.

  After about a minute, she pulled out a small mushroom and held it up.

  It urple with e spots.

  “Yup,” Elise said, turning it over in her fingers. “Looks just like the picture.”

  Matra’s eyebrows rose. “That’s because it is the same.”

  I grinned. “Well, would you look at—”

  Matra cut me off. “But. That’s not Togmoth.”

  We both froze.

  Elise frowned. “It’s… not?”

  Matra shook her head. “That’s called Glemcap.”

  I blinked. “And what does Glemcap do?”

  Matra gave me a deadpan look. “It gives people the shits.”

  Elise and I stared at the mushroom.

  Then at each other.

  Then back at the book.

  “…Are we sure this is a real book?” Elise asked, crossing her arms.

  I huffed. “Yes! It was written by a certified alchemist and royal healer!”

  Elise and Matra both said “Bullshit.” at the same time.

  I gawked. “Excuse me?!”

  Matra snorted. “Boy, there’s no way a royal healer and an alchemist worked together on a book.”

  Elise nodded. “Yeah, and even if they did, why the hell would you have it?”

  I threw up my hands. “I don’t know! But does it matter?!”

  I jabbed a fioward Matra. “I’m strange, remember? Even you said it.”

  Matra squi me.

  Elise sighed. “Alright, well… what if we just brew it and see if it works?”

  Matra rubbed her . “Hmm. We could do that. I think I have all the ingredients.”

  I exhaled in relief. “Great, so—”

  “But who are we testing it on?” Matra asked.

  Elise slowly turoward me.

  I poi her. “Oh hell no.”

  Matra smirked. “Looks like we have a volunteer.”

  I shot up from my seat. “I am not drinking something that might give me the shits!”

  I turo run—

  And Elise shoved me back down.

  I blinked.

  What the hell?!

  I looked up at her, stunned by her sheer strength.

  “Holy shit,” I muttered. “I like my women strong, but damn, not She-Hulk strong.”

  Matra started gathering ingredients, muttering to herself as she shuffled around her house, pulling out herbs, bottles, and various other things that looked way too questioo be going into something I was supposed to drink.

  Meanwhile, Elise was sitting across from me, arms crossed, watg me like a hawk.

  I sighed. “So, do I really need a guard?”

  Elise tilted her head. “Do you really o run?”

  I smirked weakly. “Fair point.”

  We sat in silence for a moment before I decided to make small talk. “Sooo… how’s life?”

  Elise raised an eyebrow. “Is this your g thing again?”

  I grinned. “She remembers.”

  Elise shrugged. “Hard tet.” She leaned forward. “So, how’s that w out for you?”

  I exhaled. “So-so. I haven’t died yet, so… that’s a plus.”

  Elise smirked. “Yet.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “That’s what I said.”

  She nodded. “Right. You haven’t died… yet.”

  I scowled. “And not anytime soht?”

  Elise tilted her head. “That’s to be determined.”

  I stared at her. “Why do you want me dead?”

  Elise smirked. “I don’t.”

  I threw my hands up. “Then why use me to get rid of that spider? You lied to me!”

  Elise frowned. “What lie?”

  I gred. “I clearly remember asking if I was going to be killed in the middle of the night.”

  Elise nodded. “And you weren’t.”

  I blinked. “That’s not the—”

  She held up a finger. “If I recall, your exact words were, an abandoned in the middle of the woods where anyone just sneak in and kill me in the middle of the night.”

  I frowned. “…Yeah?”

  Elise leaned back. “And if I recall, Matthew’s pce was NOT in the middle of the woods.”

  I blinked again.

  She smirked. “And… you’re not dead.”

  I stared. “That is not the point!”

  Elise shrugged. “Sounds like a you problem.”

  I groaned. “That spider was not normal. You khat.”

  Elise shrugged again. “It was a baby.”

  I gawked. “It was the size of my hand! That was no baby.”

  Elise grinned. “Say that again when you see an adult.”

  I froze.

  “…Adult?”

  Elise nodded. “Yep. They’re about the size of a pig.”

  I blinked. “You’re joking.”

  Elise’s smile widened. “Only one way to find out.”

  I shot up. “I o get out of here.”

  Elise ughed.

  I ran a hand through my hair. “I am not dying in some vilge in the middle of butt-fuowhere.”

  Before Elise could respond, Matra walked over, holding a wooden bowl filled with a murky e liquid.

  The smell hit me instantly.

  I gagged. “What the hell is that?”

  Matra plopped the bowl down in front of me. “Your cure. Drink.”

  I stared at it.

  Then at her.

  Then at Elise.

  Then back at the bowl of what I could only describe as liquid suffering.

  I looked up. “You ’t be serious.”

  Matra gave me a bnk stare. “We do this the easy way or the hard way. Your choice.”

  I groaned, mumbling something about being in the wrong isekai, grabbed the bowl, and dow in one go.

  And immediately regretted my life choices.

  I coughed, gagging. “Oh god—”

  Matra watched curiously. “How was it?”

  I wheezed. “It tastes like I just sucked someone’s gym socks !”

  Matra blinked. “What?”

  I coughed again. “It’s bad. Really bad.”

  Matra shrugged. “Well, you ain’t dead yet. So that’s something.”

  I gred at her. “Gee, thanks.”

  Matra folded her arms. “Now we just have to wait and see what happe.”

  I froze mid-cough. “…Wait?”

  Matra nodded. “If you drop dead soon, then we’ll know this is a curse book.”

  I paled. “And if I start getting sick?”

  “Also a curse book.”

  I swallowed hard. “And if… nothing happens?”

  Matra smirked. “Then we move on to the curse, make the cure, a it.”

  I stared.

  I slowly leaned ba my chair, rubbing my face. “This is going to be a long night, isn’t it?”

  Matra’s grin widened.

  “Long for one of us.”

  Ten minutes passed.

  I was still alive.

  Which was great—but also a little w because Matra had already started making another cure.

  Not that she had all the ingredients. She kept muttering about how she was missing this, g that, and how things were so much easier ba her day.

  Meanwhile, I sat there talking to Elise, because what the hell else was I supposed to do?

  “So, how old are you?” I asked, leaning ba my chair.

  Elise raised an eyebrow. “Y to flirt with me?”

  I blinked. “I—what? No. I was just—”

  She smirked. “Rex, I’m joking. I’m een.”

  I nodded. “Huh. So what do you do besides hunt? Anything fun?”

  She shrugged. “Survive. Hunt. Train.”

  I rolled my eyes. “How exg.”

  Elise smirked. “Says the guy who was screaming over a baby spider.”

  I scowled. “It spit acid. That’s not normal.”

  She shrugged. “Could’ve been worse.”

  I ignored her and leaned forward. “So what about your dad? What’s he like?”

  Elise tilted her head, as if the question surprised her. “He’s… strict. But he keeps things anized around here. Keeps people safe.”

  I nodded. “So why don’t you leave? Go somewhere else?”

  Elise snorted. “And go where?”

  I grinned. “I dunno, bee an adventurer?”

  Elise stared at me. “And what? Get killed? No thanks.”

  I groaned. “You’re s. Where’s your sense of adventure? You should be out there sying demons, kig ass, taking names—you might even find your prince charming in the process!”

  Elise snorted. “Unlikely. And besides, I’m not that strong.”

  I gave her a deadpan look. “I find that hard to believe.”

  She shrugged. “I’m only level twenty.”

  I blinked. “And that means…?”

  Elise sighed. “Alright, let me expin.”

  She unched into a quick rundown of how the world worked:

  Everyone has a status window that tracks their level, stats, and skills.Levels increase by gaining experience, whies from fighting, training, or certain jobs.Stats determine how strong, fast, or resilient someone is.Most oners are around level five.Hunters like her? Level twenty.Adventurers? Usually above level fifty.I let all that sink in.

  Then I g Matra.

  She was still muttering to herself, crushing up some herbs.

  I turned back to Elise.

  “So that old dy is just as strong as you… if not stronger?”

  Elise grinned. “Yep.”

  Horrifying.

  Eventually, Matra fihe cure and pced another bowl in front of me.

  The liquid was e again and smelled like someone had boiled a s.

  Matra folded her arms. “Drink.”

  I stared. “We’re doing this again?”

  Matra smirked.

  I groaned. “I hate this world.”

  Then I scarfed it down in one go, gagging immediately afterward.

  Matra raised an eyebrow. “How was it?”

  I coughed. “Tastes like I just ate my own vomit.”

  Matra shrugged. “Well, you ain’t dead yet. So that’s something.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

  Matra leaned back. “Alright. So your book seems to be real.”

  I grinned. “Told you so.”

  Matra nodded. “Now we just have to find the cure for whatever’s rampaging through our vilge.”

  I held up a hand. “Not so fast.”

  Matra raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

  I smirked. “This isn’t free.”

  Matra’s eyes narrowed. “I could just kill you and take the book.”

  I paused.

  Then, without a word, I sold the book.

  It vanished instantly.

  Matra’s eyes widened. “What did you just do?”

  I smirked. “So now you ’t kill me.”

  Elise facepalmed.

  Matra stared. Then, slowly, she ughed.

  “You’re a little bastard, aren’t you?”

  I grinned. “A profitable little bastard.”

  Matra crossed her arms. “Alright, then. Name your price.”

  I leaned forward. “One gold .”

  Matra raised an eyebrow. “You think I’m made of gold?”

  I smirked. “You have money. I smell it.”

  Total lie.

  But she was a retired adventurer. She had to have something.

  Matra tapped her fingers against the table. “Let’s say I give you that money. What would you even do with it, way out here?”

  I shrugged. “That’s for me to decide.”

  Matra narrowed her eyes. “And what’s stopping me from paying you, getting the book, and then killing you?”

  I stared. “Do you have no honor?”

  Matra smirked. “That’s for knights.”

  Elise sighed. “She’s not going to kill you.”

  I squinted. “I don’t believe you.”

  Elise rolled her eyes. “Fine. Ask the elder if you want.”

  Matra gasped. “Traitor.”

  Elise shrugged. “We hat book.”

  I tapped my . “You know what? That’s not a bad idea. I think I should go talk to the elder.”

  Elise raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

  I smirked. “Because he tried to kill me.”

  Elise snorted. “Oh please. It was a baby spider. Anyone could’ve taken care of it.”

  I gawked. “I struggled! It nearly killed me!”

  Elise leaned back. “That’s your fault for being so weak. No one’s going to reward you for killing a spider.”

  I crossed my arms. “I’m getting something out of this.”

  Elise shrugged. “You got a pce to stay. That’s more than enough.”

  I paused.

  Teically… she was right.

  I really did get a free house.

  Even if it came with a free nightmare spider.

  I sighed. “Fine. But my dad always told me—never let an opportunity go to waste.”