# Ch.19: Leg day
Another day.
The ship had gone 4/6ths of the way to the main continent.
This time, they had some haggis analogue alongside seaweed. Disgusting!
Also clover tea.
F2: That's a weird sausage...
J: Don't you DARE talk shit about Scottish cookery!
G: I made some rock. Does anyone want some?
F5: Why would anyone want some rocks?
G: They're hard candy sticks.
F2: Oh, gimme, gimme!
F6: Pretty please?
G: Does anyone else want some?
Everyone had some sweets.
G: Now, remember to keep your teeth clean, or the candy will give you caries.
F5: Who do you think you are, our mom?
J: Your owners.
F5: Fair enough.
J: Speaking about health, it is about time for some physical conditioning.
F5: Good!
F4: Can't you just rebuild our muscles or something?
J: No. I want you to suffer.
F4: ...
G: It's better if your body maintains itself. Trust me.
Z: Simply put, we are not quite confident about messing with your anatomy.
F5: Wait, did you really just fiddle with my body without knowing?
J: Boo fucking hoo. Frank is exempted since his painkillers could come off.
Then they were at the gym. (subtle huh?)
J: Ok, as I said before, you're already in shape, so you just gotta keep it up,
And from now on, I want you to do thirty minutes of cardio every day.
F3: Isn't that a bit much?
J: This isn't the US! That's the bare minimum!
You ran around all day as foxes, so consider it an improvement.
F1: I haven't heard about an 'US' place, sir.
J: Oh, you know, it was some land of fat,
smelly bastards with brains inversely proportional to their giant egos.
G: Stereotyping much?
J: Yeah, yeah, of course they had worse people.
Now, you wouldn't want to be like that, right?
F1: No sir.
G: To be fair, they later got quite thin.
F5: Like Finn?
G: No, WAY worse.
J: That just shows they were so fat,
they only lost weight when there was no "food" altogether.
F6: What do you mean by ""food""?
J: Well, unless you were super rich, you sure didn't get fat from being picky.
Z: Ugh, that atrocious Cheddar, and the MREs... Essentially American.
F2: And we're gonna be eating that!?
J: No, even *I* am not that evil.
Your MREs are way better than the originals.
G: Aren't you exaggerating a bit?
The food wasn't as bad as the post-embargo GNA stuff.
Jack vomited into a trashcan.
J: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME OF THAT!?
EVEN THEY DIDN'T DARE CALL IT FOOD!
Z: You have my condolences for actually trying it.
F3: What's the GNA?
J: EVIL! PURE EVIL!
J: ...Could you Just... Get to the treadmills?
The foxes did some warmups, but since that's boring,
here's a flashback of what happened after Jack ate the sludge.
G: Thank god that you got back!
Z: I hope that you recover. That thing was a bioweapon.
J: If I die...
G: I'm listening.
J: ...Tell those fuckers and their pet project to blow me.
Z: Wouldn't that be rather weird on a corpse?
J: *Destabilizes* Get the fucking IVs...
He lived. End of flashback.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
J: Alright, now I want you to do some planks.
F4: Uh, I don't see any saw-
F5 Closed F4's snout shut.
F5: We all know what you mean. Observe.
F5 did a plank, and somehow didn't fuck it up. The others followed suit.
J: Finn! Fifi! Keep your asses low!
F2&F4: Sorry sir!
G: You're doing good, keep it up!
J: Alright! Now do me ten pull-ups!
The ups were pulled.
J: Ten squats!
A bit hard considering their center of mass.
J: Now, grab the dumbbells!
Cal`is*then"ics (?), n. The science, art, or practice of healthful
exercise of the body and limbs, to promote strength and gracefulness;
light gymnastics.
J: Now drop the dumbbells, and do some leg raises!
F6: Okay.
J: Not literally!
After some more exercise, they finally finished the daily workout.
J: Now you can go rinse off. You should be smelling worse than usual.
F2: Is that true?
F6: *Sniffs F4*
F4: (???)
J: First, people don't go smelling each other around. And second,
I don't need a nose to know that people
would run away upon getting a whiff of you.
F2: Why's that?
J: You're foxes and we didn't get rid of your glands.
You emit an AURA of smell, which most people don't like.
And don't go pissing on each other!
F1: Why do you say that, sir?
J: With you, I can never be sure.
F2: Can you wash me?
J: No! Do it yourself!
F2: Awww...
Then they went to the bath next doors.
It was a Turkish bath, but at a more humane humidity of fifty percent.
F3: This is quite luxurious for a bathroom.
J: Because it's a BATH with more than one ROOM.
Also, we weren't rich, and even we had one like this.
F2: So, I just go to the pool and-
J: Wrong.
Z: You should take a shower first, then go to the hot room, and then the pool.
The foxes took a shower for the first time in their lives, and unsurprisingly,
the water came out brown.
G: Ah, I may have forgotten to clean them while designing them.
J: You say it like it's a minor thing.
We won't ever be able to invite anyone onto the ship!
Z: And why would you do that?
J: Ugh, fair enough.
F4: Hold on... Y-you're seeing me naked!
Later, they went to the gradually heating place.
F3: It's quite hot in here.
F5: You don't say.
F6: I find it relaxing.
J: Yes, that's the point!
F4: Are you sure we won't die from heat exhaustion?
J: With you, anything is possible.
F4: Can I leave?
J: No.
G: Guys, just relax for a while! That's the point!
Z: We tried to fiddle with your sweat glands so you would not die.
Does anyone want some rose water?
F2: Oh, me, me!
After that, they had a massage. If anything,
their absurd brain mass gave the three despoilers good tentacle coordination.
F4: Oh, yeah, right there... *crack* Ah! I mean the one on my upper back!
J: Yeah, I knew.
F6: *moan* That's good.
J: Do you want a "happy ending"?
G: No, don't!
F4: You mean not having my everything pulverized? sign me up!
F3: Finn, I...
J: If you say so!
It probably felt nice. For Jack.
F4 was very confused, and noisy.
F6: Can I take a nap now?
J: No. Z: Dunno. G: Yes.
F6: So... Can I?
G: Come on man, they're tired right now!
J: Ugh, fine, you can take a nap.
F2: Can I have the "happy ending" too?
J: The massage is over. You lost your chance.
F2: Aw.
J: Anyways, all of you can come over to the deck in one hour;
we will be teaching you magic there.
F5: Really?
Z: Yes.
After one hour, they hit the deck. Not literally of course,
although that would have been funny.
F5: Alright, so how do I do magic?
J: Excellent question! All you must do...
F5: Uh-huh.
J: Is...
F5: Is what?
J: To...
F5: Come on! The suspense is killing me!
J: Do nothing.
F5: What!?
F1: Is that correct, sir?
J: Nah, I was kidding.
F5: ...
J: Ok, that face is priceless. Let me take a photograph.
A polaroid was taken.
G: You're a jerk, 'A'. Have I told you you're are a jerk already?
Z: Yes, but emphasis may be required. You're a jerk, 'A'.
J: Oh, jail me! I was having some fun!
Then a cage fell on top of him.
J: Not funny!
G: Well, I've heard that depends on perspective.
True.
