How much time could I afford to lose?

  All of it, if I was being really honest. It wasn’t like I was actually doing any good. Sure I busted up drug houses and took down villains, but where had that got me? On the PRT’s shit list with more blood on my hands than ever before. I was just a source of misery for everyone that got involved with me, but I could fix that, maybe.

  I stared at my gun. It would just take one bullet. Probably wouldn’t even hurt, if I aimed it right. It was easy. All I had to do was put my finger on the trigger, line things up, and—

  “Hey,” Joy said gently, placing her hand on my pistol and pushing it down. “What are you thinking? Talk to me.”

  “Going back, stopping...stopping…” I chewed my lip, shaking my head.

  “It’s okay.” She wrapped her other arm around my shoulders, pulling until I let her take my pistol. “I don’t think… I don’t know Lia.” She trailed off, just holding me.

  “I get it,” Zeke broke the silence, the first words he’d spoken to me since we’d walked in the door. “You wanna get your people back and you got a way to do that. But like...shit girl, you know?”

  “I could fix it,” I mumbled. “Just never show up to the thing, go kill Nazis instead. No one would even know.”

  “We’re right here,” he countered. “And no lie, I’ll be a little fucked up seeing your brain splattered on the carpet.”

  “But you won’t even know,” I said, shaking my head. Would they? No, no people only came back with me sometimes, and even then it didn’t stick.

  “Either way, my vote’s on revenge,” Zeke said with a shrug. “We know who did it right?”

  “I’m with Zeke,” Joy said gently. “I know...I know you’ll come back Lia, or I believe you anyway, but…” She sighed and stared at the floor.

  “Sorry,” I said, hunching my shoulders. I shut my eyes and took a few slow, deep breaths. Maybe I could go back and fix things but...that was the question. Could I? And how much did I want to lose trying? “I hate this,” I said, whined really.

  I cried for a long time, but Joy was kind enough to hold me until I slipped into my ugly dreams.

  Revenge.

  It was the first thought on my mind when I woke up screaming in Joy’s embrace, at least once my panic subsided enough for me to think. I still felt gutted by Miss Stanford’s death, but I wanted to make those Werwolf fucks feel the same way. And now I had everything I needed.

  I pushed Joy off me and ignored her asking me to come back to the couch. Couldn’t waste time, even if my vision still blurred with tears left over from whatever nightmare had taken me over this time. I retrieved the intel Tattletale had given me, then a map, before finally coming back to the couch and spreading it all over the coffee table.

  “Lia, are you okay?” Joy asked shakily as I started making marks on the map.

  “Fine,” I growled, flipping quickly through pages, scanning for what I needed, then marking it down. “Planning.”

  “Planning...what?” She sighed when I didn’t answer. “I guess that’s a dumb question.”

  “We can’t let them get away with this shit,” I spat, drawing lines between the points I was making, shortest distance I could find. “Call up Zeke and the others and tell them to get here ten minutes ago.”

  “Lia hold o—”

  “Go,” I barked, making Joy flinch.

  She did, at least, leaving me to my planning. There were a lot of factors to consider, doing something like this, but I didn’t give a shit anymore. Werwolf was killing people in broad daylight, obviously gunning for me. I had two options. I could give up, leave the city, and hope that was enough to pacify them. The thought made me want to gag, so I was going with option two.

  I wasn’t leaving my fucking home, but they were.

  “Ten targets, one night,” I said, putting my carbine back together. “Start at eleven, go til we’re done. We go in loud and heavy, take any cash, destroy any drugs, and cripple the rats inside. Dump them on the front lawn then pile in the car and get moving. We’re going to break their fucking back.” I looked around at my team, meeting each of their eyes. “Questions?” Nobody said anything for a moment, just sharing uncomfortable looks.

  “This seems a bit...extreme,” Joy said at last, wrapping her arms around herself. “Can we even do this?”

  “Physically or legally?” I asked, getting a wince.

  “Um, both?”

  “Shit I’d be pushing it,” Zeke said, eyes flicking from point to point on the map. “Even if we cut our usual times in half like...with driving and all? I don’t know.”

  “Maybe we just light them up instead?” Jeep suggested as Papa walked through the front door. “Like they been doing, roll up and dump rounds into the place then move on, dig?”

  “Don’t get cold feet because it’s tough,” I snapped. “I got shot up not even twenty-four hours ago, I’ve barely slept six hours the last three days, but I’ll fucking do it myself if I have to.”

  “What’s going on in here?” Papa asked, walking in with an armful of groceries. “What you getting heated about?”

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  “Just talking about work,” I said, shooting a glare his way. “Hitting back.”

  “Let’s just go a little slower,” Joy said. “Maybe three raids a night? I think we can do that, we did with the Varangians.”

  “No, they’d reinforce the rest after the first night and we’d walk into a death trap,” I countered, shooting her down. “It’s all or nothing. You guys voted to put me in charge right? So follow my fucking orders.” A tense silence followed my demand.

  “Y’all take a hike,” Papa said, fixing his gaze on me. “Me and the brat gotta have a heart to heart.”

  “Hey, fuck you,” I snapped, then started as my team began to leave the room. “Where are you guys going?” I rose to follow them, but Papa bumped his hand against my chest and knocked me back onto the couch. “What the fuck?”

  “Fuck’s going on?” Papa asked, putting the groceries on top of the map. He smacked my hand when I went to move them. “Talk, then you can play.”

  “Play? Play?!” I fought the urge to punch him. “Motherfuckers shot at me in broad daylight and killed the only person who ever tried to help. I’m not going to play, I’m going to fucking kill them.” he pursed his lips, nodding.

  “You should.”

  “I—” I blinked. “What?”

  “Why wouldn’t you wanna slide on them?” he said. “That shit’s natural, that’s who we are. But you gotta go in cold, like the saying says. This shit right here,” he tapped the map. “This a crashout, and it’s gonna get you killed, or worse it’s gonna get your boys killed. That what you going for?”

  “No,” I snapped.

  “Then chill,” Papa said firmly. “Smoke on the motherfuckers you already dropped tonight, then in couple days go out and waste ‘em. Right now you’re lacking, and if you go out they’ll eat you alive.” I stared at the floor, cheeks burning. A joint entered my vision and I shot him a look. “You know your ops names?”

  “My...my what?”

  “Your ops, the motherfuckers trying kill you, the ones you killed and gonna kill.” He took the joint and put it in his mouth, then lit it a blew out a cloud of smoke. “Smoking on Three-D, smoking Baby Mac, bitches in a bag ‘cause I hit em with the gat. You get it?”

  “I…” I took the blunt and puffed on it, then exhaled. “Smoking on uh, on Shatterbird, smoking on Stormtiger?” He gave me a nod.

  “This a cold game, kid,” Papa said gravely as I took another puff. “The best shooters, they don’t feel nothing but the recoil, you know? Back when I was a young gangster, my OG King Ray said he didn’t even feel that. Man stacked bodies like bills, made Six-hundred Block the scariest ‘hood in the city; til you capes came along anyway. The hell you do when a cracker that controls metal walks down the street and shish-kebabs you?”

  “Die, I guess,” I said, shrugging.

  “Amen,” he sighed. “Gang was never the same after that, the boys don’t know. Can’t know, ‘cause they’ll do stupid shit. Anyway, you gotta be smarter. Give it time to cool off, then pop these bitches with their pants down. Don’t waste that power you got running in all goofy.”

  “Fine,” I muttered, taking one more puff before passing the joint back. “I’ll…I’ll slow down I guess.”

  “Good,” he said, nodding. He rose and went to the door, then returned with my team in tow.

  “Um, sorry guys,” I said as they sat down. “Forget about all that crap, okay? Take the night off, go home, chill, whatever.”

  “You sure Lia?” Joy asked, sitting next to me. “I think we’re all ready for a little trouble tonight, right guys?”

  “Hell yeah,” Zeke said, offering a wide grin. “Just don’t want a suicide pact.”

  “Hey, you heard your boss,” Papa said firmly. He passed the blunt to me. “Tonight we’re smoking on the ops, you can go out and smoke ‘em later.”

  “What he said,” I mumbled, taking a couple puffs and coughing.

  “If you’re sure,” Joy said, rubbing my shoulder. “We’ll get them Lia.”

  “Damn right.” I scratched my growing hair, frowning. “Hey, Joy, would you cut my hair?” She gave me a smile and rubbed my head.

  “Sure,” she replied. “Go sit down in the bathroom. I’ll have a couple puffs and be there in a sec.”

  “Clippers are in the cupboard,” Papa said as I headed off.

  I nodded and got a chair from the kitchen, then brought it into the bathroom with me. Once I got the clippers, I sat down and fiddled with them, scratching my head. It had been a while, last time this had been an impulse that just happened to turn out okay. Now...well I liked my hair short, frankly. It was easier to manage and looked more fitting on me than anything longer.

  “Oookay, you ready?” Joy asked, walking in and grabbing the clippers when I offered them.

  “As I’ll ever be."

  I settled my projection down as she got to work. Hair began to fall and I shut my eyes, holding as still as I could. It wouldn’t take five minutes, I was sure. I felt a tickle on my ear and fought the urge to itch. The side of my face felt warm and I sighed as Joy continued shaving my head. Warm...wet?

  My heart fluttered and I licked my lips, tasting copper. Sweat pricked at my back as Joy shut off the clippers and said something I didn’t process. I opened my eyes and pressed my fingers to my temple, wincing at the sticky sensation. I pulled it away and stared at my trembling, red hand.

  “Hey, Lia, you okay?” Joy asked. “You look pale.”

  “Uhm, uh.” I swallowed and rubbed more blood from my head. How the fuck had that happened? I hadn’t even felt it! Why wasn’t she saying anything. “I um, I think I got hurt.”

  “Oh shit I’m sorry.” A worried look grew on her face and she knelt in front of me. “Where?”

  “I...can’t you see?” I held up my sticky, red digits.

  “You look fine to me,” she said, her worried frown deepening. “What are you feeling? Hurt? Light-headed?”

  “I...no,” I said, shaking my head. I tried not to wince as blood drops splattered on her face. “But you’re sure you don’t see...anything?” Joy shook her head, black braid bouncing on her shoulders.

  “Do you?” I bit my lip, staring at the ground. She lowered her voice. “Hey, Lia, it’s okay. You’re safe, and I’m going to keep you that way, alright?”

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  She took my hand and led me back into the living room. Despite dripping on the carpet the whole way, nobody said a word when I sat on the couch beyond making a couple comments on how I was really ‘one of the boys’. Even when I put bloody fingerprints on the joint, no one seemed to mind. Was it all in my head? It must have been…

  I was terrified about what that meant.

  “What’s up Amaranth?” Tattletale asked after we’d exchanged code phrases. “Not used to you calling me.”

  "Wanted to see if you knew where the shooter was," I said. "Or any safehouses they might be holed up in. If you got the security tapes from the courthouse you could probably figure out their car, right?”

  “If I did, I could, but that’s not on the cards,” Tattletale said flatly.

  “I can—”

  “Yes, you can pay, I know,” she cut me off. “But I don’t have the time to go looking for some random gunman in a city with multiple shootings a day.” I frowned.

  “Well tell me if you hear anything okay?” I asked. “Even if you’re not looking specifically.”

  “Sure, that all?”

  “Um.” I pursed my lips. “I...I think so.” I couldn’t bring up yesterday, she’d cut me out for sure.

  “So no, you just don’t want to talk about it,” Tattletale said. “Going crazier than normal?” I bit my lip hard enough it bled. “Of course.”

  “Fuck off,” I snapped.

  “Sorry, long goddamn night,” she sighed. “Okay, you might want to take some time off, cut back on the drugs. Not helping anybody if you’re too nuts to do your job.”

  “I’m not—” I stopped myself before I said something dumb and untrue like ‘I’m not crazy’. “I’ll be fine but...I’ll try your advice.”

  “You do that.” I heard her mutter something else I couldn’t hear.

  “What?”

  “Talking to someone,” Tattletale said flatly. Lying.

  “Sure,” I said, feeling my lip curl. “Whatever, bye.” I shut the phone, bouncing my foot against the floor.

  Shouldn’t have given her anything, shouldn’t have called her in the first place, should never have fucking worked with her. Since then it had all be downhill, fucking ruining my life. Did Tattletale just get off on fucking over people named ‘Amelia’ or was I just fucking lucky? Whatever. I didn’t trust her, but her advice at least wasn’t crazy, so I could try it.

  But there was no way I was going to leave the Nazis alone.