"Well, you're certainly nid inspicuous," the Thieves' Guild enforcer said acidly as we walked into the red warehouse at 5th and Tira, right before the clock struoon. "At least you had the good seo leave the Padins out of this."

  "The Padins would be for your prote, not mine," I said, folding up my motorcycle ste cloth before stowing it in its designated pocket- there were ways to pocket dimensions inside each other, and I even knew some of them, but they were all difficult, and I hadn't really bothered with it for this. "Now, where's the King of Thieves? He and I have busio get to."

  We were ihe warehouse's receiving area, which had been walled off from the rest of the warehouse floor, with no visible doors, and only one hallway leading bato gloomy shadows. Here to greet us were a pair of Thieves' Guild Enforcers- as well-dressed as men could be without looking out-of-p a warehouse, with spicuously cheap suits befitting the sorts of men who did clerical work in these buildings.

  I stifled a chuckle at the fact the lights weren't on in here. Thieves had a reputation for keeping their territory poorly-lit, to spook everyone else, but if that was what they were going to try on an elf, then they were too stupid to be worth taking seriously; everyone knows elves see in the dark. Not to the same extent as dwarves and goblins, sure, but definitely better than humans - in fact, humans had the most uniquely pathetiight vision out of the on bipedal peoples of the world.

  "Right this way, sir," the other Thieves' Guild enforcer said, in an inappropriately refined voice. "I'm afraid your friends will have to wait outside."

  "Yeah, yeah, whatever," I said, idly noting that the interior wall didn't look like it was made of brick, and could probably be puhrough if I was willing to really put my bato it.

  "Your coat, too," the first enforcer said, holding out an expet hand.

  "...I've got stuff in my pockets, so I'm handing it off to someone who won't rifle through it at earliest venience," I said dryly, slipping my coat off my shoulders and passing it to Talia- who did not need her hands free in order to fight, sidering she ellcaster. "There. Unarmed. Happy? Where's the boss-man?"

  "Right through here, sir," the sed enforcer said, as I followed him down the hall. The gloom deepened further, until I retty fident a human wouldn't be able to see in the dark. However... I didn't get to grow up among humans without learning something about their stupid gods, and one of the things I knew was that the most on gift Fingers gave to his thieves was the ability to see in the dark like dwarves . "Through the curtain."

  I grunted as I passed him, ign how the door closed right behind me a me with only one way forward: through the curtain oher side of this impromptu pseudo-closet.

  It was bright in here, and while that likely would have dazzled a human for a moment, an elf like me was more-or-less unfazed. What did faze me, however, was the sheer glittering, opuleh on dispy ihis warehouse. All sorts of ostentatious objets d'art, from every er of the world, and if I had to guess, ead every one of them had been stolen. The terpiece, I knew for a fact, certainly was. There was no other earthly expnation for how the King of Thieves had e into the possession of that statue, that funerary effigy, the carefully-carved stohat represented in its totality what little remains of Terpsichore Iro.

  And beside the statue stood a man who could only be the King of Thieves.

  "She truly was a beauty," he remarked, examining Terpsichore's effigy, his in his hands. He was a wisp of a man, barely an inch taller than Talia, and so otherwise nondescript and indistinct that he could blend into any crowd. "Small wonder you'd want it back. Hello, Joseph."

  "Thief," I said, folding my arms.

  "If you must have a name for me besides 'The King of Thieves,' you call me Butterfly," he said, turning away from Terpsichore's effigy tard me. "Or... for you? I'll eve you call me Maxwell. Maxwell Tenpenny."

  "I'm sure telling me your real name is a big deal among thieves, but I'm a normal person," I said dryly. "Now, I romised ten million dolrs in cash up-front?"

  "That you were, that you were," Maxwell said, turning and reag behind the statue, before pig up and pulling out... a briefcase. A fancy briefcase, made of polished aluminum, but still, a briefcase. "Now, pardon the question, but with elves, I find it pays to crify- you are familiar with the cept of paper money, correct?"

  "It's been around for lohan I have," I said dryly. "I've never known a world without paper money. Now, I'll admit I don't hahat much paper money, but I uand that you simply 't hand me a briefcase taining ten million dolrs in age."

  "Just so," Maxwell said, before opening up the briefcase in my dire so I could see it. "This, right here, is one huandard bundles of one huandard bills, printed by the Mert's Guild themselves, with each bill being worth a full ohousand dolrs. I trust you do the math to tell you that adds up to ten million dolrs?"

  "I'm a wizard," I said, yanking the briefcase out of his hands with a quick spell, and catg it in my own. I thumbed through the bills for a brief sed just to caty obvious chiery, but... well, if it turns out he did cheat me, oh well. I only he statue. "Now, the statue as well?" I she briefcase closed, and cast a variant of the teleportation spell Mom had taught me- rather than telep a marked objey location, I teleported an obje my hands to a marked location, in my house. Unfortunately, it wouldn't work on anything alive, and especially not on me, but... well. I was still learning. I'd figure it out eventually.

  "I must say, you are being awfully brusque with me," Maxwell said, even as he threw an ented dropcloth over the statue, before bundling that up and tossing it to me. I teleported it bae too, to nd on top of the briefcase. "What have I ever doo earn such hostility from you, Mr. Iro?"

  "Well, there's the part where you used catspaws to steal the funerary effigy of my grandma just so you could twist my arm until I agreed to whatever it is you wanted from me," I said dryly. "But there's also the part where you, Maxwell Tenpenny, King of Thieves, are the High Priest of a god that gleefully partook in the sughter of my people and the plundering of my nds. That's kind of the downside of being the King of Thieves, y'know? Nobody with morals likes or respects you. Everyohinks you're the Asshole In Chief of a notably vicious criminal cartel, because that's what you are. Why exactly are you surprised that I look at you with the sort of disgusted pt normally reserved for things I scrape off my boots?"

  "...Well, for o's usually dwarves who go on a tirade about the evils of thieves," Maxwell said. "At least, that's how it goes iories. But we're not in a story, are we? Not unless you're a Bard and didn't tell me?"

  "Yeah, I don't care," I said. "Just spit it out, Max. What do you want from me?"

  "A versation, first and foremost," Maxwell said. "e now, my boy. You're an elf, aren't you? Lag the patience of even a human is simply embarrassing."

  "Maxwell, I have things to do," I said, stepping forward. "Get to the point, now."

  Maxwell sighed wearily. "You want to be the first Elven Mage-Knight in three turies, don't you?"

  I flinched, just a bit. How did he-

  "It's not that hard to figure out," Maxwell tinued. "Talia talks, and talks a lot. I hear it's quite frustrating for her, actually."

  "You're in your forties, aren't you?" I asked. "Isn't it just a little beh you to be paying attention to the sex gossip of teenage girls?"

  "Ah, but as the King of Thieves, nothing is beh me," Maxwell said, grinning. "There's no such thing as... how do you say it, again? Hhhhonorrr, among thieves." He grinned wider, waiting expetly, than frowned. "That was funnier in my head. Do you at least get it? That I was trying to imply that honor was su alien cept to me that I didn't even know how to pronouhe word?"

  "Truly, I weep for you," I said dryly. "Now if you've got something aable to say?"

  "I want to live forever-"

  "Even after that joke flopped? Usually that makes people say they wish they were dead."

  "Do you or do you not want to get out of here faster?" Maxwell demanded, his grin finally gone. Looks like it was his turn to lose his patience. Yeah, now you know how I feel, motherfucker. "Then stop interrupting me, you little shit. I want to live forever, and you are the material po of a ritual that'll make that happen."

  I reached for my knife, realizing halfway that the guards had taken my coat before I went in. It was stupid instinct, anyhow; I knew how to call my ons to my hands, now, and when I was actually ready to turn this into a fight, then I'd call my ons.

  "Oh, it's not blood magic," Maxwell tinued, well aware I'd just reached for a on. "It's a diviual, handed down to me by the God of Thieves himself."

  "Something tells me I'm still not gonna like this," I said, starting to pace around him in a circle, looking for a way out.

  "I assure you, you'll enjoy what es ," Maxwell said. "After all, I didn't steal this reliquary for no reason." In his hand, he held a gss tube with iron caps at ead, one end having a for a to fit through. Ihe tube was a small, crudely-shaped cy figurine; a not-very-true-to-life sculpture of a woman.

  "Oh no," I whispered.

  "Once I've metaphorically stolen your hopes and dreams for the future, I use the magical principle of Unequal Exge to literally steal your lifespan," Maxwell added. "So, little Joseph, how much are you willing to give to get back your family's legacy?"

  I called my on to my hand, along with my duster, which hung from my shoulders as though I'd aken it off.

  "I'll pay in blood, you son of a bitch."