[The night before the Assembly]
Ric was sitting on his bed with the crimson book in his hands, he was reading it, surrounded by a couple of water bottles, completely immersed, until… he read something which shocked him, “What the heck?!” he threw the book aside in frustration and contemplated his thoughts, silence swept through the room as he gathered himself up and took a plain book out of the desk and let out a sigh.
“So this is what it is… let’s- let’s just revise on what I know so far, Maybe I am understanding it wrong.”
He didn’t speak, just thought everything to himself, his inner monologue, and wrote it down in the book “I read 34 pages till now, most of it were stories about people who overcame blood lust and their different methods. Let’s first summarize it: only someone who has killed will have bloodlust, then emotions like hate, anger, jealous, rage etc, all the negative emotions become a catalyst to enhance it, and the most effective method to controlling your blood lust is to know why you did it, and to accept it with heart, this was common among all the stories written…”
A thought occurred to Ric “what about someone like me? I don’t even know why I did it? Did I hated someone? Or was It jealousy?” But Ric shook his head “Forget it” he shrugged off the thoughts and continued.
“There are levels for this, level 0: Normal citizen with almost no blood lust, level 1: A murderer who has killed atleast 2 of his species, level 2: Someone who has killed atleast 10 of his species and is capable of detecting killing intent from others, level 3: A war survivor, with kill count of atleast 30 of his species, capable of detecting and exerting killing intent, as per the stories, most people at this level go berserk due to being unable to control their blood lust…. But this…”
Ric clenched his fist, his frustration rising“Who the heck was I?!”, he uttered and continued
“Level 4: A conscious murderer, with the kill count of at least 50 of his species, capable of manifesting blood lust in different forms to reality, can detect and exert killing intent… it said that People like these don’t have hesitation when killing-Augh!”
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Ric grabbed his head, a stinging pain arose, he saw glimpses of what happened at the test where he went berserk, visions so blurry that he couldn’t make out anything but chaos, but he saw one thing, which he had seen before, the blurry image of crimson red hands.
“Those hands… I think I saw them… when I was with Arfen? Ugh!”
The pain intensified, it felt like Hundreds of needles piercing his skull, tearing his flesh, drilling a hole in his cranium, but Ric held on, he knew something like this may happen, so he had prepared for it beforehand. He took the bottle of water near him and poured it on himself, the needles started to disintegrate, as if melted by the water, the visions faded in darkness, his mind started to clear, and the pain eased as he gasped for air, he laid down on the bed, eyes closed as he slowly calmed down.
After a while, he opened his eyes, gathered himself up and sat on the bed for a second before mumbling, “So those hands are the manifestation of bloodlust, which means…”
His teeth clenched, his veins popped up, Ric was frustrated and angry, even though he just calmed down, he couldn’t help but get angry, “Conscious murderer, huh?”, he was frustrated, as he knew the burden of killing someone is not light, the evidence pointed towards him killing people, but getting accused of something, you don’t even have memory of, was very frustrating. He just sat there, thoughts racing in his head “Does that mean I killed people consciously?”
His hands resting on his head, thoughts racing through his mind, like a storm brewing in a calm ocean
“I killed people, but who? Who did I kill? And why? Were they innocent? Were they just demonic humans? Strangers? Were they someone I knew? my friends? My relatives? My family?
My… parents?”
As if the world seemed to stop, he just sat there, battling the part of himself which he doesn’t remember, as if been strangled by his unknown past, he didn’t move. It was heavy, knowing that he killed many, but not knowing who, knowing that many suffered, but not knowing why…
Ric was in deep thought, he wanted to deny the book, he wanted to just tear up everything and let bygones be bygones, but deep inside he knew it was true, he knew himself too well to deny the truth, he knew he had no hesitation when hurting others, the ruthlessness when he tortured Jimmy, the cold demeanor when he dislocated the grunt’s shoulder, the emptiness he felt when he watched the arm of the madman getting sliced off at the exam.
He just sat there, and time flew by, after a few hours, he spoke “Well, let’s just accept it,” letting out a deep breathe as he stood up, “Destroying myself over something, which I don’t know about won’t get me anywhere”
Ric went to the washroom, washed his face and freshened up, he came back to his bed which was now wet, seeing that, he took out a mattress and bed sheet from the wardrobe, and replaced it. He laid the wet mattress near the window, and without thinking any further he went to bed.
