Well this was pathetic.

  I had nowhere else to go after being kicked out of my own damn house by no one but my own pettiness. Could I have kicked everyone out? Easily. Did I consider it? Not in the slightest. After all, I'd still have Tori in the house, so I wouldn't be alone anyway.

  So here I was, an hour from my home, driving through a suburb I'd never been to in the dead of night. This was as much as I had as to where a certain someone lived, so I slowly crept through each neighbourhood in hopes of my gut deciding on the right house. I knew what her car looked like at least, but then again, it was dark out.

  Realising I likely looked incredibly suspicious, I reluctantly parked at the side of a road and switched to walking.

  I knew I could call or text her and ask for her address, but that felt too... vulnerable? All of this made me fell small. I didn't want to wake her up this late or push my burdens onto her. But what else was I going to do, sleep in her yard? Hide out on her porch until sunrise?

  I groaned into my sleeve.

  I was a damn vampire, the night was supposed to be my domain. But instead I was shining my phone's flashlight to avoid blacking out and checking behind me every few steps like someone was going to jump out at me. Where was I even going?

  Finally, I spotted a red car just like her's at a house. My feet took me there faster than I'd liked to admit. Taking a deep breath, I raised my fist to knock on the door.

  "They have a dog." A familiar voice came from behind me. "Don't knock."

  I whipped around and stared dumbly at her.

  "Oh." I mumbled. "Hi."

  "Hi." Autumn smirked, her head tilting slightly. "Weird seeing you around here."

  "Were you following me?" I frowned.

  "Only for half an hour." She shrugged. "Started feeling bad."

  "You didn't think to say anything?" I rubbed the back of my neck, reflecting on how I'd felt watched earlier. "Dude."

  "It was fun watching you get lost."

  Autumn walked back through the front garden of the house and out to the road, gesturing for me to follow. I hung my head in shame and did as instructed. No one really said anything for a while. I kept glancing over to her but she kept her face blank. It really wasn't helping with how insecure I felt.

  "You're not gonna ask why I'm here?" I spoke up.

  "I know why." She said. "You keep forgetting I'm in two places at once."

  "Right. Of course you heard the fight. It's just that–"

  I froze.

  "You heard everything?"

  "The Dahlia shit?" Autumn quirked a brow. "Every word."

  "I'm not allowed to tell you anything." I paled. "Diego's gonna kill me."

  "As if I wouldn't find out." Autumn snorted. "Don't worry about it. With all you've got on your plate right now, just focus on getting through the night. Okay?"

  I let my shoulders relax a little. At least she wasn't mad.

  "I'm sorry I hid that all from you." I sighed. "How are you... dealing with that?"

  "I feel good." She smiled. "I feel a lot better."

  My eyes widened and I nearly tripped on a rock.

  How the hell was she alright with everything? Happy, even? She was going to be murdered from a misunderstanding!

  "It really helps to know now that Autumn was okay with what I did to her." She spoke softly. "I've had so many moments where I've felt so disgusted for even breathing with her lungs, seeing through her eyes. I felt like I was a monster. But if we had a conversation somehow, and she willingly agreed to me taking over, I don't need to feel so guilty about it. Y'know?"

  I nodded slowly, a little disturbed by her optimism but nevertheless relieved she'd found peace with herself.

  "She must've been an incredible person." Autumn sighed. "It would be such a hard decision to make. And for a complete stranger? She must've been so selfless. I wish I could remember meeting her... however that all took place."

  "What about the whole... 'school faculty are coming to erase you and Tori from existence and none of our friends want to help' thing?" I asked nervously. "Not to bring you down or anything, I'm glad you're feeling confident in yourself. It's just... everyone suddenly switched up mid-argument and decided to let you die. That's a lot."

  "Just means they're pieces of shit." Autumn said with far too innocent of an expression. "They're more like siblings than friends if you think about it. They only really tolerate us, they don't actively want to be friends with us."

  I stared at her.

  "Huh?"

  "Well I think it shows how little they know or care about us if they think I wanna roll over and die and they won't even consider helping!" Autumn shrugged. "They don't look at you the same as before I died. They clearly resent you for everything that happened, and they wont even look at me. Like I said, they're family, but not real friends. Maybe they used to be, but I think nowadays they're shoving themselves into our problems because they feel responsible for us, not because we need their help."

  I shook my head, bewildered.

  I agreed. I completely agreed. But I never thought I'd hear her of all people say anything like that. She and London used to be closer than London and Carly ever were. Malachi had always felt like my younger brother, and so had Hunter. Everyone became a family over the years, bonded by so much trauma that we had no one else we could be honest with. Did we even like each other now?

  Clearly not as much as we used to if everyone signed off for Autumn to get slaughtered.

  "If I don't have them, I have no one." I couldn't help from admitting, lost in my thoughts.

  "You were fine when it was just you and Tori."

  "I went insane." I frowned. "I hallucinated Tori having conversations with me constantly. I lived clouded in delusion and psychosis. I starved myself with only raw meat and never left the house."

  "But you didn't miss our friends, did you?"

  "I... Damn it, Vic." I grunted. "That's not the point."

  "Look, all I'm saying is that we don't need to think about them right now." Autumn offered as she led me up a driveway. "I for one will help you kill those asshole principals."

  "Wait, really?" My eyes lit up. "You're up for that?"

  "It's only fair. Vampire versus vampire, no humans involved, two against two? I'm gonna defend myself." She chuckled. "I'll help with whatever plan you wanna go with. We can talk it over in the morning. But for now, you need some damn sleep, and I need to paint my nails."

  I glanced down to her hands, confused.

  "They look fine. Your claws look like acrylic nails. What, do people realise they're real?"

  "No, people think they're fake. But if we're planning murder, I'm gonna need to paint them scarlet. Blood stains do not come off these things."

  When she opened the door to the house, my ears were hit with the sound of chatter and bustling activity.

  Oh. Right. She has roommates.

  I kept my hands stuffed in the pockets of my jacket while Autumn walked me into the main area. A whole handful of what I assumed were college students were hanging around, involved in several conversations at once. Alcohol drifted from people's breaths into the open air. A phone was playing rap music. Two women stood at the kitchen bench, a guy pouring shots for them around the other side. A few other people sat on the couches, beers being passed around.

  This was so bizarre for me. Was this what normal people did on their nights free?

  "Woah, who's this?" A girl with strawberry hair spoke up when she spotted us. She sat straighter. "Did you pick up a stray?"

  "He's not a stranger." Autumn rolled her eyes, smirking lightly. "He's chill."

  "Can he drink?" A guy sized me up in suspicion. "How old is he? Looks a little young."

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

  "He's only a year younger than me." Autumn crossed her arms.

  That was a mind-fuck. I used to be a year older.

  "If you say so." The guy surrendered.

  "Is he your boyfriend or just a hookup?" A girl from the kitchen teased.

  "Shut up, Evie." Autumn growled.

  It felt weird that she hadn't actually responded to that when I'd gotten used to Victoria shouting it from the rooftops. Then again these people were intoxicated and probably didn't really care.

  Actually, now that I thought about it, was I still her boyfriend? Had we broken up or not?

  "Ignore them. They're drunk." She grabbed my wrist and took me up the staircase. "Sorry. You picked the one day a year we have guests."

  "How many of them do you live with?" I asked, choosing a lighter topic than my thoughts had sent me down.

  "Just the redhead and the one smoking in the bathroom."

  Oh. So that's what that weird smell was.

  A few hours had flown by before I knew it.

  I spent the time on Autumn's bed, mindlessly scrolling on my phone. She on the other hand stayed decently productive. She showered, changed nail colours, straightened her hair, cleaned her room, briefly joined the party every now and then, and even started reorganising her closet. It was kind of obvious that keeping busy was her way of avoiding her thoughts, so I let her come and go as she pleased.

  Downstairs finally quietened down after the guests started heading home, which was a relief. If I'd had to have been down there with them, I probably would've exposed myself in minutes. Major downside of having everyone in your inner circle know you're a vampire from the day you found out: you forget how to act around people who don't know. A few conversations with strangers would be fine, but a party? Hell no. I didn't know how to act human.

  Especially not as flawlessly as Autumn did. She didn't have anyone this side of the city who knew what she was, aside from the coworkers she'd mind controlled. Living with humans for months without exposing yourself was admirable at the very least.

  Actually, that reminded me of something.

  "So." I finally broke the silence. "Infinite compulsion, huh?"

  Autumn froze halfway through putting a shirt in her drawers. Slowly she regained mobility and nodded.

  "Mmhm. Kinda crazy."

  "You haven't used it by accident?" I sat up. "It's been months since you thought it faded."

  "You know what it's like to use, it takes conscious effort." She murmured. "I never realised I could still do it, no."

  "I mean, there would still be the usual drawbacks. Fatigue, namely. Guilt too. But it's helpful to have."

  "Mm."

  She continued folding the clothes she'd left all over the room, placing them back in her closet one by one. As the conversation died again, tension filling the air, I thought up a new topic to try.

  "You don't tic anymore."

  "Oh... yeah." She nodded, brow creasing. "It's a neurological condition, and physical things didn't really transfer over. My old brain was affected by it, this one's not."

  "Is that weird? Being free of it?"

  "I don't notice much. Sometimes if I get overwhelmed or I'm in a situation where my old body would've started freaking out, I'll feel grateful to not experience that anymore. But I never had it severely anyway, day to day. I have new problems now."

  "Still, isn't it... I don't know, nice? You hated it so much."

  "Not really. I kind of feel guilty that I was relieved of it when there's so many people out there who struggle with it so severely, and I didn't have it that bad in comparison. I don't feel deserving."

  This was not the fun distraction conversation I'd hoped for. My bad. Grabbing my phone again, I searched through Autumn's socials for a topic she'd relate to.

  Quick, think of something else to talk about. How she's scared all the time for no reason? No. How she's super clingy and possessive? No! What can I bring up that won't make her feel self conscious?

  "Autumn's eyes were brown." I blurted.

  "What?"

  That's not a good topic!

  "I wasn't going to say anything in case you were only wearing contacts but," I showed her a selfie the original Autumn had posted a few years ago, "In every single photo of her before you took over, her eyes were dark brown."

  She jumped off of the floor and snatched my phone from my hands, staring closely at the screen in disbelief. After a long few seconds of silence, a slight scoff left her.

  "Not wearing contacts." She muttered. "And I doubt she wore some for her entire life too."

  "That's not the only thing that's different." I continued. "There's also your freckles and your voice."

  "My voice?" She frowned. "It changed?"

  "When I first met you at that 7/11 you had a slight accent." I explained. "But at the mall a while later, you sounded more stereotypically Australian. Now you sound pretty close to your old voice in pitch and all that too."

  "I-I don't understand." She shook her head, looking at the photos again. "You're saying I'm physically changing? How? Why?"

  "No clue." I replied. "Maybe you've been Autumn for so long that your host is accomodating to fit you better."

  She stared me down as the words left my throat. Like I'd declared war, or called her a troll.

  "I am not a parasite."

  "Didn't say you are!" I raised my hands. "But I've noticed you becoming a little more like the old you over time."

  "Oh, I hate that." Her face scrunched and she began to pace the room. "That's so weird! I'm literally changing this girl's DNA just by being her. Ugh!"

  "Sorry for dumping another existential crisis on you." I mumbled quietly.

  "At this point, there's little else to talk about." Autumn sighed. "I can't... think of many other topics."

  "Could talk about what we did when we were left alone the other day?"

  "NO!" She spun around with a pointed finger and a scowl. "You agreed not to bring it up again!"

  "I feel like we have to talk about it eventually!" I fought the urge to laugh. "It was a thing. It happened."

  "I'd like to take it to the grave."

  "Lucky for you that might only take a few days."

  "Hey!"

  When Autumn eventually joined me under the covers and pretended she was going to sleep, I felt a little annoyed by her decision to face the wall and not me. More than that, she was pressed up against it, leaving me with 90% of the space on the bed.

  My eye twitched.

  "I know you're awake." I grumbled. "What are you doing?"

  "I'm asleep." She huffed. "I'm sleeping."

  "Is it because the last time we shared a bed we–"

  "Shh!" She rolled over just to scowl at me. "Second time tonight you've brought that up."

  "I'm asking if it's made you put some walls up." I replied defensively. "I'm trying to be respectful."

  She grumbled under her breath and turned back to the wall. Stubborn and avoidant as always. With her back facing me and my night-vision on overdrive, I noticed that the bites I'd left on her shoulder and the side of her neck were still faintly present. I'd had my concerns when they almost instantly turned purple thanks to my venom, but it was a relief to know they'd finally healed over. Even if subtle scars remained.

  "I need a light, by the way." I whispered, poking her shoulder. "Otherwise you're gonna deal with a very different person in a few minutes."

  "Do you even know what you're like when you have a blackout?"

  No, actually. No clue. No one ever told me no matter how many times I asked.

  "I know I eat people." I said. "I know I apparently get eyebrow piercings and go to clubs to find strangers to seduce and kill."

  Autumn peaked over her shoulder, her gaze softening.

  "You get mean, Zach."

  "Mean?"

  "It depends on why you fall into it." She shifted to face me again, her tone gentle. "When it's because of the darkness, you shut down and go quiet. You'll be paranoid, shaky, anxious. If you can't stay calm, you start to lash out and attack."

  I thought back to the time a few months ago when the power had gone out and I'd lost time, only coming to when I was choking Tori against a wall. It checked out.

  But anxious and paranoid? Like when I was scared of the dark mere moments before being turned? Of course. This curse bullshit really did exaggerate my final moments.

  "If you have a blackout because you're hungry, though..." Autumn gulped, trailing off.

  I caught her hesitation reached out, taking her hand in mine.

  "Please tell me. Someone has to."

  She sighed.

  "You can turn very aggressive very quickly. It's like you're a different person, but it's worse because you think nothing's changed. It's not a split personality or anything, it's just... all the worst parts of you in one." She said. "Vampire you. Your human parts disappear and all that's left is this cruel and sadistic monster."

  "Jesus." I shuddered. "Am I... evil?"

  "You're sly. Cocky. Very manipulative." She shrugged. "Sometimes it takes a few minutes to realise it's blackout-you, not the real you. You like to pretend you're fine, and that makes it harder to deal with. That's why no one ever wanted to talk about it, it hurts."

  "What kind of things have I said to you?" I sharply sat up, disgusted with myself. "How bad does it get?"

  "Hey, lay down." Autumn tugged my sleeve. "You're getting jittery."

  Oh. Right.

  I reached over to flick on the lamp beside the bed. Everything settled down once the dim light met my eyes.

  "I trained myself to tune that version of you out. I don't remember much of what you ever said." Autumn shuffled slightly. "The first year or so was rough, I didn't understand why you'd switch up only to not remember afterwards. Eventually, the more I met the vampire side of you, the more I appreciated the human side of you."

  "Do I really have a human or vampire side? I'm fully vampiric." I rested my head on the pillow again. "I'm always what I am."

  "I meant your humanity. Your empathy." She said, her eyes meeting mine. "Who you are in the dark isn't you, it's just hunger and instincts. It's your brain doing whatever it thinks it has to in order to get blood. Like an animal. So you manipulate, and you mock, and you threaten. If you think the best option for feeding is killing several strangers, you'll do it without a care, and leave the emotional version of you to pick up the pieces."

  "I'm sorry but I feel a little betrayed that everyone kept this to themselves." I spoke up, eyes narrowed. "I knew I could get like that every now and then, but to be in that state for hours at a time? Hurting you and others? I'm a little hurt you all refused to tell me it gets that bad."

  "That's totally fair. I agree, you had a right to know." Autumn nodded. "Now that I've been in your shoes and I've had a few hunger induced blackouts myself, I get the feeling."

  "I blacked out before you died." I thought aloud. "Was that from darkness or hunger?"

  "We had lights on." She replied. "I remember turning on the lanterns."

  "But I'd fed in the parking lot before we even left the carnival." I glanced up at the ceiling as if it would help me. "I wasn't hungry."

  Autumn stayed quiet as she thought it all over. Her memories cut out a few minutes before mine, so neither of us had much certainty about any of what we'd figured out so far. Part of me wondered if she even wanted to figure the timeline out, or if it was too confronting.

  "Valentine's Day, after the movie, you started acting weird. You got all touchy and flirty, but then you tried to bite me without even thinking about it. You had no reason to be hungry." She recounted slowly, trying to piece it together. "Intimacy triggers your hunger, doesn't it?"

  "Yeah, that's happened a few times. Every time we've kissed, namely." I nodded. "You're right."

  "So when we were in the tent, you got triggered and attacked me. Right? That's the running theory?"

  "Mm."

  "So that means when you had a blackout in the tent, I was left alone with the... violent version of you, not the anxious version."

  My eyes slowly widened as dread pooled in my stomach.

  Of course. Of fucking course I ended up killing her if that version of me was as cruel as she'd described. She was vulnerable, I was warped with instinct.

  God, what did I do to her?

  "I'm so grateful you don't remember anything." I blurted. "Same for myself."

  "Maybe if I ingested enough silverleaf, I could dream up some repressed memories." Autumn muttered under her breath.

  "That happened to me the other day." I looked over to her. "I inhaled some silverleaf spores and had totally different dreams than it usually gives me. I was there, in the tent with you."

  "What?!" Autumn propped herself up on her elbows. "What happened? Did you remember anything?"

  "Nothing new. It was before we did anything. It wasn't exactly a memory, I was imagining it like a movie set. I had to snap the dream-you's neck to wake up."

  "God." She shuddered. "Does that mean we could use silverleaf to remember, though? If we pushed the limit a little further?"

  "You'd really want to remember what happened?" I frowned.

  "No, I don't. I was just thinking about it." She slumped with a sigh. "But maybe it's better not to know. Maybe if we figured everything out we'd regret it."

  I couldn't help but agree that that was a risk.

  I wrapped my arms around her and tugged her close, letting my eyes flutter shut from fatigue. She protested a little, embarrassed, but her clinginess took over quickly and she shut up.

  "We've got so much shit to figure out tomorrow morning." I murmured against her hair.

  "Then we have to plan a double murder, too."

  "You can do that part. I can't be assed."

  "Wow. Thanks."